Okay...so...maybe I do still have a boyfriend... Yesterday and Sunday were good days with the boy...well, nearly all of Sunday. There was a brief period of time that wasn't. But that's to be expected when two people who didn't seem to be communicating very well try to start an honest conversation to see if things can be fixed. I'm trying to be optimistic because I really do want to fix what's wrong...and it seems like he wants to try, too. I hope that I'm not just being blinded by what I want by seeing and hearing that from him.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
what's the deal with my brain why am I so obviously insane in a perfect situation I let love down the drain
I'm sooo confused right now. I don't know if I actually still have a boyfriend right now. It seems that he's no longer making decisions because every decision that he makes is a bad one. So does that mean that asking me out in the first place was a bad decision? Or does that mean that proposing to me in the first place was a bad decision? Or does that mean that breaking up with me was a bad decision? Or does that mean that every time he talks to me is a bad decision?
He said that I wasn't listening to him when I asked him what he meant by that...but the only thing I remember him saying the first time that I asked him what he meant was something about face value. So...I don't know what he meant...so I'm just going to end up overanalyzing what he said to me. ::sigh::
He said that I wasn't listening to him when I asked him what he meant by that...but the only thing I remember him saying the first time that I asked him what he meant was something about face value. So...I don't know what he meant...so I'm just going to end up overanalyzing what he said to me. ::sigh::
I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream you got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem
Ugh...for the second night in row I'm having trouble sleeping because my brain is swirling with thoughts. This sucks. I'm so very tired...but I can't sleep because I have so many thoughts running through my head keeping me awake. I really, really hope this doesn't happen tomorrow night, too, because I have to get up at 8:30 on Monday morning to go get the girls...and less than five hours of sleep does not make me a happy caregiver.
Okay...well...I seem to be sleepy now...so I'm going to try sleep again...wish me luck!!
Okay...well...I seem to be sleepy now...so I'm going to try sleep again...wish me luck!!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
oh I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do and I've hurt myself by hurting you
::sigh:: The previous post today was a bit, well...a lot more negative than I had intended it to be. The boy really isn't as horrible of a person as I made him seem to be.
It's just that I have so many questions right now...but I have no idea how to get them answered. It just sucks that I'm being left to speculate and come up with my own answers to my questions. And since I'm being pessimistic about it...I'm not coming up with the best answers. Hopefully...if I can get my questions answered...then the real answers won't be as bad as the ones that I've imagined. But if they are...then I can deal with that...
It's just that I have so many questions right now...but I have no idea how to get them answered. It just sucks that I'm being left to speculate and come up with my own answers to my questions. And since I'm being pessimistic about it...I'm not coming up with the best answers. Hopefully...if I can get my questions answered...then the real answers won't be as bad as the ones that I've imagined. But if they are...then I can deal with that...
I’m not fine, I’m in pain it’s harder everyday maybe we’re better off this way? it’s better that we break...
Ugh...I don't know what to do... My "boyfriend" is way too busy for me. But I can't say anything to him because then I'm being a "drama queen" or "wanting all of [his] free time." I don't get it. I feel like he wants this to fail. He tells me that whether or not we succeed is dependent on me...meaning, whether or not I'm a "drama queen." How can the success of a relationship be solely dependent upon one person? The success of a relationship is dependent upon whether or not those involved are vested in the success of it...right? ::sigh::
Lately...I just feel like all he sees me as is a female friend that he [maybe] has a crush on, but doesn't want to tell...or worse, he only sees me as some whore that he can call when he thinks that he can get some. Because even though he says we're dating as long as that's what I want...I don't think that's what he wants at all. He keeps saying that he wants a "stable, drama free" relationship, but that it's all up to me to create that. I don't know if he realizes just how much he helps to create that drama he despises so much. He doesn't like the way I react to what he does...yet he consistently does the same things over and over again. And then calls me a drama queen for it. But if I try not to react the way that I really want to, or try to ignore it, he gets mad at me, too. This time for hiding things. It's not fair...I can't win.
Against my better judgement, I stupidly called him the other night because I hadn't really talked to him in a couple of days and I missed him...but he just sounded annoyed that I had called him (he says he was "just really tired"...except that when he answered the phone he sounded wide awake and like he was with other people, and he's the one that asked if he could call me back at a later time). It wasn't like I really had anything to say to him, it was just that I missed him and I wanted to say 'hi.' I don't know...maybe all communication should just be left up to him...? Then he can decide if/when to contact me (he can be in control of the relationship, hopefully this way I can't f*** it up). This way, I won't bother him. I'm sure that will backfire and cause a problem...but I don't know what else to do...I'm at a loss... Everything I say to him seems to piss him off. No matter how I word it...I don't know what I do wrong most of the time.
Yesterday, I tried to ask him what was going on...but it didn't really clarify anything for me. He just gave me some answer that said...well, I don't really know what it said. I really just think he's avoiding me. I don't even know what I did wrong. Even though he says that I didn't do anything wrong...yet it still feels like I did. I feel like a pariah.
Just to have a male perspective, I asked one of his friends what he thought. But I consider the guy a friend, too...that was my real reason for asking his opinion, not because he is also the boy's friend. I wouldn't have been offended had the guy told me that he didn't want to be put in the middle. I would have understood completely. I just didn't think it was something that a girl could answer for me and be of any help. Honestly though...I don't know how much I can put into what he said to me...I so badly want to believe the answer he gave me because it goes with what I know of the boy, but...
According to one of my good friends, her honest opinion is that it's time to move on. I asked her what she would think in my shoes when I gave her what I know...well, I didn't have time to give her all that I know. So maybe her honest opinion wasn't the best. But I've talked to her on multiple occasions, so she does know more than just what I told her yesterday. We talked for a bit (having two conversations at once) and I felt a little better after talking to her...but still just as confused.
::sigh:: And in just over a week, his fall classes start...which meet four nights a week (Tuesday through Friday). So if I'm lucky, I might see him once a week...if that. Because he's still got to study, spend time with family and/or friends, and have time to himself. And when our relationship was more serious, he made it seem as though I was last on that list...so I can't see how I would be any higher now that he wants a "less serious" relationship.
How can we make our relationship work on less serious level if he avoids me? If we almost never see each other? Is his goal to hurt me to the point that I hate him? Because if so...to go a few weeks without seeing my boyfriend because he thinks I'm not important enough, then he just might meet that goal... I don't know...maybe his goal is to hurt me to the point that I don't want to try anymore and he can be rid of me... I wish I knew what he was thinking...instead he's just a stranger to me. I used to know him...now I have no idea who he is.
Lately...I just feel like all he sees me as is a female friend that he [maybe] has a crush on, but doesn't want to tell...or worse, he only sees me as some whore that he can call when he thinks that he can get some. Because even though he says we're dating as long as that's what I want...I don't think that's what he wants at all. He keeps saying that he wants a "stable, drama free" relationship, but that it's all up to me to create that. I don't know if he realizes just how much he helps to create that drama he despises so much. He doesn't like the way I react to what he does...yet he consistently does the same things over and over again. And then calls me a drama queen for it. But if I try not to react the way that I really want to, or try to ignore it, he gets mad at me, too. This time for hiding things. It's not fair...I can't win.
Against my better judgement, I stupidly called him the other night because I hadn't really talked to him in a couple of days and I missed him...but he just sounded annoyed that I had called him (he says he was "just really tired"...except that when he answered the phone he sounded wide awake and like he was with other people, and he's the one that asked if he could call me back at a later time). It wasn't like I really had anything to say to him, it was just that I missed him and I wanted to say 'hi.' I don't know...maybe all communication should just be left up to him...? Then he can decide if/when to contact me (he can be in control of the relationship, hopefully this way I can't f*** it up). This way, I won't bother him. I'm sure that will backfire and cause a problem...but I don't know what else to do...I'm at a loss... Everything I say to him seems to piss him off. No matter how I word it...I don't know what I do wrong most of the time.
Yesterday, I tried to ask him what was going on...but it didn't really clarify anything for me. He just gave me some answer that said...well, I don't really know what it said. I really just think he's avoiding me. I don't even know what I did wrong. Even though he says that I didn't do anything wrong...yet it still feels like I did. I feel like a pariah.
Just to have a male perspective, I asked one of his friends what he thought. But I consider the guy a friend, too...that was my real reason for asking his opinion, not because he is also the boy's friend. I wouldn't have been offended had the guy told me that he didn't want to be put in the middle. I would have understood completely. I just didn't think it was something that a girl could answer for me and be of any help. Honestly though...I don't know how much I can put into what he said to me...I so badly want to believe the answer he gave me because it goes with what I know of the boy, but...
According to one of my good friends, her honest opinion is that it's time to move on. I asked her what she would think in my shoes when I gave her what I know...well, I didn't have time to give her all that I know. So maybe her honest opinion wasn't the best. But I've talked to her on multiple occasions, so she does know more than just what I told her yesterday. We talked for a bit (having two conversations at once) and I felt a little better after talking to her...but still just as confused.
::sigh:: And in just over a week, his fall classes start...which meet four nights a week (Tuesday through Friday). So if I'm lucky, I might see him once a week...if that. Because he's still got to study, spend time with family and/or friends, and have time to himself. And when our relationship was more serious, he made it seem as though I was last on that list...so I can't see how I would be any higher now that he wants a "less serious" relationship.
How can we make our relationship work on less serious level if he avoids me? If we almost never see each other? Is his goal to hurt me to the point that I hate him? Because if so...to go a few weeks without seeing my boyfriend because he thinks I'm not important enough, then he just might meet that goal... I don't know...maybe his goal is to hurt me to the point that I don't want to try anymore and he can be rid of me... I wish I knew what he was thinking...instead he's just a stranger to me. I used to know him...now I have no idea who he is.
Friday, August 15, 2008
there's an angel with a hand on my head she says I’ve got nothing to fear she says 'La ilaha il Allah' we all shine like stars
Ugh...I'm a little bit crabby today...I didn't sleep well last night. Make that I barely stayed asleep last night...I don't know why. But then I woke up around 7:15a and decided to turn my computer on...thinking maybe if I moved around a little bit, then falling back to sleep would be easier. Well, it was a little bit...until my stepdad decided it was a good idea to keep yelling. So...yeah...just as I was finally getting back to sleep around 8:30a, he made it impossible. If I did that to him while he was trying to sleep, he'd throw a major s***-fit...but I'm just supposed to ignore it and be fine. Whatever, jerk.
Anyway...here's the non-crabby stuff...
Today's Cosmo horoscope says...
Anyway...here's the non-crabby stuff...
Today's Cosmo horoscope says...
Libra - Think twice about how you chat with a guy pal under retro Jupiter tonight or he might think that you're coming on to him.
Ha! I don't see that one coming to fruition. Seriously now...what guy pal am I going to hang out with?
This is the weekly round-up of the things that amused me over the week:
This is the weekly round-up of the things that amused me over the week:
.:. Aww...who doesn't love a story about babies? Two babies born on 08/08/08 at 8:08, weighing 8lbs., 8oz. How cute is that?!?
.:. A shopkeeper in Spain found a Euro that has a cartoon character on it as opposed to the country's king...
.:. Hooray for medical treatments causing problems at the border! Seriously though, radiation treatments may require a doctor's note for border crossing...
.:. Umm...are you kidding me? $26 per grape?!? As much as $910 per bunch?!?
.:. Haha...children's toy picked up more than intended to one mom's dismay.
.:. Peanut/peanut butter bans in schools are just ridiculous...there are much better ways to protect children with allergies.
.:. Cosmo's list of 21 Things Women Can Do That Men Can't...a rebuttal to the list of Top 10: Things Only Men Can Do from Askmen.com.
.:. Earlier this week, I saw this on Forbes.com: Top Drugs' Strange Side Effects...
.:. A shopkeeper in Spain found a Euro that has a cartoon character on it as opposed to the country's king...
.:. Hooray for medical treatments causing problems at the border! Seriously though, radiation treatments may require a doctor's note for border crossing...
.:. Umm...are you kidding me? $26 per grape?!? As much as $910 per bunch?!?
.:. Haha...children's toy picked up more than intended to one mom's dismay.
.:. Peanut/peanut butter bans in schools are just ridiculous...there are much better ways to protect children with allergies.
.:. Cosmo's list of 21 Things Women Can Do That Men Can't...a rebuttal to the list of Top 10: Things Only Men Can Do from Askmen.com.
.:. Earlier this week, I saw this on Forbes.com: Top Drugs' Strange Side Effects...
Allegra-D 24-Hour
Side Effect: Along with headaches and colds, this allergy medication has been known to give users backaches.
Side Effect: Along with headaches and colds, this allergy medication has been known to give users backaches.
Umm...maybe...I need to look into a new allergy medicine...since I just assumed it was my little brother that screwed up my back...and my birth control giving me the headaches. Maybe it's a combination of my allergy medication and my birth control making my migraines worse than before I started either medication...
.:. Grr...now I have to wait until July 17 2009 to see the next Harry Potter movie...it was supposed to come out on November 21 2008...stupid WGA strike...
.:. Haha...too much noise gets the boyfriend banned from the girlfriend's apartment...
.:. Grr...now I have to wait until July 17 2009 to see the next Harry Potter movie...it was supposed to come out on November 21 2008...stupid WGA strike...
.:. Haha...too much noise gets the boyfriend banned from the girlfriend's apartment...
I want to go to the Weezer concert...Angels & Airwaves are playing, too (some other band is playing, too, but I don't think I know who they are) on September 29th ticket info.
And here's some amusement from Overheard in New York...
Like That It's Possible to Get Thin by Eating Chocolate?
Guy giving out Kellogg's Special K chocolate bars: Free cereal bars! Free cereal bars!
Hobo (to Kellogg's guy): Hey, why isn't anyone giving me any money? They all be paying attention to you!
Kellogg's guy: Because I'm giving out free candy. You're giving out lies.
-- Outside Penn Station
***Spoiler Alert***
Lory in New York: What is gonna happen when our Gossip Girl favorites graduate school? Please, tell me anything. You know we love you.
Looks like the Gossip Girl series is sticking close to the books when it comes to college admissions: In an upcoming ep, several of the kids head to New Haven to check out the Yale campus. If they eventually graduate, they'll join a prestigious list of fictional Yale alumni that includes Rory Gilmore (Gilmore Girls), Joshua Lyman (The West Wing) and Montgomery Burns (The Simpsons).
spoiler from E! online's Watch with Kristin
Thursday, August 14, 2008
I try to run but I keep on falling and every time I turn around I hear your voice, and it keeps on calling I'm bound there's no way out
People confuse me. I don't understand how so many people can say one thing when standing face-to-face with someone, say another thing over the phone and then say yet another thing in their online profiles. But people do it all the time. Part of that inability to be consistent is how some people get caught cheating. And then there are people who just blatantly flaunt the lover to partner, like the guy in an article that I read a week or two ago about jealousy (of course, now that I want to put a link to it, I can't find the article anywhere!).
This train of thought mostly came about because I keep reading things about people cheating or about how to spot a cheater.
It's not that I want it to be Monday so that I can go back to getting up early...it's just that I'm really boring this weekend and only have stupid things to do. Like cleaning and the such. So it's not like I'm really looking forward to the weekend either. So...blah... Plus, I think I'm just going to be home alone for most of it. Oh, joy... Don't get me wrong...I like my alone time, it's just that I get plenty of it during the week due to the vampirism of my younger brothers (they like to stay up all night and sleep all day...I didn't mean that they like to drink blood and are the undead), the sleeping all day of my stepdad due to his work schedule and the working all day of my mom. So...I have like at least 2+ hours of alone time every day due to my work schedule...so, see? A boring weekend home alone doesn't sound all that great and relaxing anymore, does it?
Grr...well, my tummy keeps growling at me...so I'm going to go find something to eat I guess. Y'know...before I pass out from hunger...at least that seems to be what my stomach would like me to think!
This train of thought mostly came about because I keep reading things about people cheating or about how to spot a cheater.
It's not that I want it to be Monday so that I can go back to getting up early...it's just that I'm really boring this weekend and only have stupid things to do. Like cleaning and the such. So it's not like I'm really looking forward to the weekend either. So...blah... Plus, I think I'm just going to be home alone for most of it. Oh, joy... Don't get me wrong...I like my alone time, it's just that I get plenty of it during the week due to the vampirism of my younger brothers (they like to stay up all night and sleep all day...I didn't mean that they like to drink blood and are the undead), the sleeping all day of my stepdad due to his work schedule and the working all day of my mom. So...I have like at least 2+ hours of alone time every day due to my work schedule...so, see? A boring weekend home alone doesn't sound all that great and relaxing anymore, does it?
Grr...well, my tummy keeps growling at me...so I'm going to go find something to eat I guess. Y'know...before I pass out from hunger...at least that seems to be what my stomach would like me to think!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I’m here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
Saturday, August 16th at 7:00p on the Food Network, Paula's Party is going to have RuPaul as a guest. I want to see that. But knowing me, I'll forget to watch it. I really don't like to watch tv. I mean, don't get me wrong...I have my favorite tv shows and whatnot, but I really don't like to sit and veg out in front of the tv for hours at a time. I'd rather be doing something else.
Tuesday, November 04th, the new Hinder album Take It to the Limit is released...and I want it.
I was reading the two most recent issues of Entertainment Weekly today...can you tell?
I was supposed to have a super long day today...but I got a phone call from the girls' mom today as I was getting ready to say that it was going to be a normal day because the girls were going to stay at their dad's house today. So...as opposed to a 10+/- hour day, it was just a seven hour day. Still kinda long, just not as long...
Now...I'm just waiting for it to be after 9:00p so I can take a shower and go to bed...because to do so before then would be too early. And just what I want, to wake up wide-eyed and bushy-tailed around 7:00a tomorrow morning. ::rolls eyes:: Yeah, right. No...I'm not that tired that I want to go to bed around 9:30p...it's just that I've had a headache since about 2:00ish this afternoon. So I just want to curl up in bed and lie down in the dark, in the peace and quiet. Ha! What peace and quiet? There is none of that around here...not with the noise my brothers make and the volume my mom keeps the tv at. But at least the darkness of my room would be better than moving around still...and possibly falling asleep would help make my headache go away.
Okay...well, I'm off to find some dinner now. I don't really think that I'm going to eat what my mom made...it's chicken...but maybe...?
Tuesday, November 04th, the new Hinder album Take It to the Limit is released...and I want it.
I was reading the two most recent issues of Entertainment Weekly today...can you tell?
I was supposed to have a super long day today...but I got a phone call from the girls' mom today as I was getting ready to say that it was going to be a normal day because the girls were going to stay at their dad's house today. So...as opposed to a 10+/- hour day, it was just a seven hour day. Still kinda long, just not as long...
Now...I'm just waiting for it to be after 9:00p so I can take a shower and go to bed...because to do so before then would be too early. And just what I want, to wake up wide-eyed and bushy-tailed around 7:00a tomorrow morning. ::rolls eyes:: Yeah, right. No...I'm not that tired that I want to go to bed around 9:30p...it's just that I've had a headache since about 2:00ish this afternoon. So I just want to curl up in bed and lie down in the dark, in the peace and quiet. Ha! What peace and quiet? There is none of that around here...not with the noise my brothers make and the volume my mom keeps the tv at. But at least the darkness of my room would be better than moving around still...and possibly falling asleep would help make my headache go away.
Okay...well, I'm off to find some dinner now. I don't really think that I'm going to eat what my mom made...it's chicken...but maybe...?
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I'll need a little more luck than a little bit cuz everytime I get stuck the words won't fit and every time that I try I get tongue tied
Just a quick couple of updates before I get to the regular (read boring to most, probably) post stuff:
.:. Yesterday, I edited the last sentence of the 08/08/08 post...well, the first one from that day. The math was off...I was being special. Now it's correct.
.:. Today, I added a countdown thingy to the sidebar...it was at the top of the page, but I didn't like it there. So now it's in the sidebar above the "About Me" section.
.:. Today, I added a countdown thingy to the sidebar...it was at the top of the page, but I didn't like it there. So now it's in the sidebar above the "About Me" section.
Tomorrow is the last day this week that I watch the girls...then I have the rest of the week off because they're heading down to Atlanta for a long weekend. So...like those two days that I would normally be watching the girls, I should use to do something productive...y'know, like get down to WSU and get my OneCard finally. Among the other things that I need to get done before the semester starts.
What the... Someone has flown all the way from Belgium just for the Woodward Dream Cruise... ::shakes head in disbelief:: Are you freakin' kidding me? I can understand taking off the afternoon on Friday, maybe even the whole day since it's the day before the official event...but I don't understand all the people that are out parked along the street on a Monday afternoon. Seriously, don't you people work? It wasn't just people that might have been retired...it was obviously people who had taken the day (or possibly the week) off work for the what seems like sole purpose of sitting alongside a very busy street to watch cars. Friday, yes, by mid-afternoon the traffic will not be traveling along at posted speed (or well above, which is normal)...but on a Monday, even with the above average number of classic cars, many cars are going at posted speed or above. I'm only mentioning Monday because I was using Woodward to take the girls to their dad's house from their mom's house yesterday around 3:00p and there were way too many people just sittin' around watching the cars go by for a Monday afternoon.
Hooray for L'Oreal Sublime Bronze because I'm not deathly pale anymore...
Oh, man...the girls' mom just called me (it's currently 8:55p)...tomorrow is going to be a long day. Pick up the girls at about a quarter to 10:00a and stay until about 8:30p when their mom gets home. ::sigh::
But, anyway...back to what I was saying about not being deathly pale anymore. The no longer deathly pale coupled with the ridiculously blonde is so not me...I'm so much more the fair skinned, dark haired girl. Nevermind that my natural hair color really is a medium blonde. Who knows...maybe I'll go back to red soon? Or maybe even brunette? I don't know...
Sunday, August 10, 2008
soon baby I will cry my last tears soon yeah I will be over you soon darling all these tears won't be here soon yeah you know that I will be over you
Apparently...when the boy (when I saw him for dinner, it was said that as long we both still want it then we're still boyfriend/girlfriend...so he's still "the boy" on here) saw the previous post, he said it made me sound jealous. But just "rationally jealous"...not excessively jealous. ::sigh:: I honestly wasn't jealous because the way he'd talked to me about this girl before, I knew he just saw her as a sister and I didn't know for sure, but I thought that she had a boyfriend. He told me after reading that post that she's engaged.
The thing was, I was just frustrated that it's the first couple weeks of August...and like every year, I barely get to see him. And this year it just seems worse because since April nothing has been going positively. And it hasn't necessarily been the fault of either of us.
Okay...well...I'm going to get dressed and whatever...and then maybe call the boy. Well, I'll probably call him anyway, but not necessarily do anything with him right away...because I plan on going to the mall today. And I don't think that he's going to want to go along...not since I plan on buying jeans. Which I hate having to do. I have stupid legs. They're too short for the Regular length jeans...and too long for the Short length jeans. So I just usually buy the Regular length jeans because I pretty much always wear heels...but I think that I need to get a pair of Short length because I'm going to need to wear my Vans or Etnies to class during the fall/winter. No way am I wearing heels to walk all over the WSU campus...that's effen ridiculous. As well as stupid and hell on my feet, legs and back. Athletic shoes with good arch support and cushioning sound great to me.
The thing was, I was just frustrated that it's the first couple weeks of August...and like every year, I barely get to see him. And this year it just seems worse because since April nothing has been going positively. And it hasn't necessarily been the fault of either of us.
Okay...well...I'm going to get dressed and whatever...and then maybe call the boy. Well, I'll probably call him anyway, but not necessarily do anything with him right away...because I plan on going to the mall today. And I don't think that he's going to want to go along...not since I plan on buying jeans. Which I hate having to do. I have stupid legs. They're too short for the Regular length jeans...and too long for the Short length jeans. So I just usually buy the Regular length jeans because I pretty much always wear heels...but I think that I need to get a pair of Short length because I'm going to need to wear my Vans or Etnies to class during the fall/winter. No way am I wearing heels to walk all over the WSU campus...that's effen ridiculous. As well as stupid and hell on my feet, legs and back. Athletic shoes with good arch support and cushioning sound great to me.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry" you said you would love me until you died and as far as I know you're still alive baby
Apparently the boy (who from now on will referred to as "that guy I'm kinda sorta dating") only has time to spare on Sunday and Monday of this coming week, which also happen to be the two days that I will probably be the b****iest, too. Oh, the joys of being a female in the reproductive years.
The best part of his lack of time to spare is that supposedly on Friday night, he was out with another girl. True, he's known this girl since middle school or something like that...but if the scenario had been flipped around and I'd been the one out with some guy that he'd never met before, he'd have been so amazingly jealous...
So...on the two "date" nights, he has plans to avoid me...how cool is that? And then when I call him because things didn't go so well the last time we saw each other, and I say that I want to make it up to him, what does he say? Something positive? Something encouraging? No and no...he says that I don't have to, and then abruptly ends the conversation and pretty much hangs up on me. Seriously...and he wonders why from my perspective it's as though he hates me and wants nothing to do with me?
::sigh:: And I already have a pretty good idea that I won't see him again after Monday until sometime the week after because of the stupid Dream Cruise. I don't even hate the Dream Cruise...honestly, I'm just indifferent to it because cars are not that fascinating to me. But spending hours that turn into days that turn into weeks is just plain obsession. That's just as bad as going into debt over a shopping addiction.
Plus...I don't get why he keeps saying "I love you" to me. The way he acts around me and the way he sounds on the phone...I don't think that he does anymore. I'm so confused by him...and don't know what to do. Just keep getting strung along by him? Or...something else that I'm afraid to say...
I don't like when relationships don't end amicably...and this one seems to be going down in flames with both involved hating the other... Apparently, that's what I get for trusting someone...betrayal and hurt?
The best part of his lack of time to spare is that supposedly on Friday night, he was out with another girl. True, he's known this girl since middle school or something like that...but if the scenario had been flipped around and I'd been the one out with some guy that he'd never met before, he'd have been so amazingly jealous...
So...on the two "date" nights, he has plans to avoid me...how cool is that? And then when I call him because things didn't go so well the last time we saw each other, and I say that I want to make it up to him, what does he say? Something positive? Something encouraging? No and no...he says that I don't have to, and then abruptly ends the conversation and pretty much hangs up on me. Seriously...and he wonders why from my perspective it's as though he hates me and wants nothing to do with me?
::sigh:: And I already have a pretty good idea that I won't see him again after Monday until sometime the week after because of the stupid Dream Cruise. I don't even hate the Dream Cruise...honestly, I'm just indifferent to it because cars are not that fascinating to me. But spending hours that turn into days that turn into weeks is just plain obsession. That's just as bad as going into debt over a shopping addiction.
Plus...I don't get why he keeps saying "I love you" to me. The way he acts around me and the way he sounds on the phone...I don't think that he does anymore. I'm so confused by him...and don't know what to do. Just keep getting strung along by him? Or...something else that I'm afraid to say...
I don't like when relationships don't end amicably...and this one seems to be going down in flames with both involved hating the other... Apparently, that's what I get for trusting someone...betrayal and hurt?
Friday, August 8, 2008
you keep on aiming for the top and quit before you sweat a drop feed your empty brain with your hydroponic pot start out playing with yourself
Today, my Cosmo horoscope says...
Libra - Loving Neptune says that the most important thing today is for you to do whatever makes you happy.
Too bad I can't do whatever makes me happy today...meh...
This is the weekly round-up of the things that amused me over the week:
This is the weekly round-up of the things that amused me over the week:
.:. Umm...seriously now, how much embarrassment must people put their pets through?
.:. Aww, how cute!! Puppies "catch" yawns, too.
.:. Uh, yay...? "Cosmic ghost" found by an amateur...it just looks like a green blob to me.
.:. Aww, how cute!! Puppies "catch" yawns, too.
.:. Uh, yay...? "Cosmic ghost" found by an amateur...it just looks like a green blob to me.
I want to go to these concerts:
.:. Seether at the Fillmore Detroit ticket info
.:. Sara Bareilles at the Fillmore Detroit ticket info
.:. Rock Band Live with Dashboard Confessional.... at Eastern Michigan University ticket info
.:. Sara Bareilles at the Fillmore Detroit ticket info
.:. Rock Band Live with Dashboard Confessional.... at Eastern Michigan University ticket info
Somebody should take me (or y'know, go with me), that would be awesome.
And here's some amusement from Overheard in New York...
...According to Martha Stewart Living
(movie set in SoHo)
Actor (showing where the fake blood stained his hands red): Man, if real blood did this it would be a lot easier to catch people.
Black guy: Man, ain't that the truth. A little hand sanitizer and that shit come right off.
-- Houston & Sullivan
This week there wasn't too much that I found to be all that interesting...sorry if that disappoints anyone. But, y'know...you can look for stuff to amuse yourself, too...
And here's some amusement from Overheard in New York...
...According to Martha Stewart Living
(movie set in SoHo)
Actor (showing where the fake blood stained his hands red): Man, if real blood did this it would be a lot easier to catch people.
Black guy: Man, ain't that the truth. A little hand sanitizer and that shit come right off.
-- Houston & Sullivan
This week there wasn't too much that I found to be all that interesting...sorry if that disappoints anyone. But, y'know...you can look for stuff to amuse yourself, too...
in too deep and lost in time why'd you have to go and let it die beautiful veins and bloodshot eyes why'd you have to go and let it die
Ugh...y'know what annoys me? The fact that the boy seems to think that I'm bipolar and takes every chance that he can to tell me of that thought.
Okay, I realize that the posts of this blog tend to go from end of the continuum to the other and back again like all the time. But just like in my hard copy journal (which God forbid should anybody read), I tend to put my thoughts down more when I'm upset about something than when I'm happy about something. I use it as a way to calm down, so yeah...if someone reads either and doesn't actually spend any time with me, then of course s/he is going to have a skewed view of me.
Anyway...I started thinking about this after I'd already finished the previous post today. So, yeah, I realize this is the second post today...deal with it.
There was something else that I was thinking about, too...but I don't think that I'm going to mention on here.
::sigh:: And it bugs me that he's always saying how he's such a pleasant person to be around and that I'm so horrible to be around. Okay, maybe to everyone else in his life he's that pleasant person to be around...but anymore he's not his pleasant self around me. I try to be my normal self around him (which most of the time, I am in a good mood), but sometimes when he comes over he starts right away with what's wrong with me. And because I never know how long it's going to take for him to start with the chastising of me for whatever the perceived flaw is. That's probably why he thinks that I go from one extreme to the other so often...all it is, is that I'm withdrawn and trying to anticipate what he's going to say is wrong with me next.
But...whatever...I can't change that...that's why I'm ready for a change...
Okay, I realize that the posts of this blog tend to go from end of the continuum to the other and back again like all the time. But just like in my hard copy journal (which God forbid should anybody read), I tend to put my thoughts down more when I'm upset about something than when I'm happy about something. I use it as a way to calm down, so yeah...if someone reads either and doesn't actually spend any time with me, then of course s/he is going to have a skewed view of me.
Anyway...I started thinking about this after I'd already finished the previous post today. So, yeah, I realize this is the second post today...deal with it.
There was something else that I was thinking about, too...but I don't think that I'm going to mention on here.
::sigh:: And it bugs me that he's always saying how he's such a pleasant person to be around and that I'm so horrible to be around. Okay, maybe to everyone else in his life he's that pleasant person to be around...but anymore he's not his pleasant self around me. I try to be my normal self around him (which most of the time, I am in a good mood), but sometimes when he comes over he starts right away with what's wrong with me. And because I never know how long it's going to take for him to start with the chastising of me for whatever the perceived flaw is. That's probably why he thinks that I go from one extreme to the other so often...all it is, is that I'm withdrawn and trying to anticipate what he's going to say is wrong with me next.
But...whatever...I can't change that...that's why I'm ready for a change...
did you forget the magic? did you forget the passion, oh and did you ever miss me? ever long to kiss me?
I cannot stand it when people say things that they feel obligated to say but don't really mean. Specifically "I love you." Don't say that to someone if you don't mean it...just because someone says it to you, does not mean that you are obligated to repeat it back to them. I repeat, you are not under any obligation to repeat said statement back to the person if you don't mean the sentiment.
It's just annoying when people say things that they don't mean. The "I love you" example was just my specific example though, don't read too much into it. If I really wanted to, I could add another specific example, too. But I don't feel like it at the moment.
Last night, I asked the boy if he thought that I'd made a mistake by asking him to talk to me on Saturday...and he answered me with the answer that I had been afraid that he'd give me ("yes" in case you're too stupid to figure that out on your own...sorry, that was a bit harsh). He tried to get me to answer my own question first, but I just told him that I already knew what I thought and wanted his answer. After he answered, I told him what I thought (which was that I don't know if I made a mistake or not).
I know this is going to sound like I'm complaining or that I'm an attention-whore, but whatever that's not what it is...not really anyway. It just appears like the only days that the boy had any time for me this week were also the days that he had the least amount of free time to spare. ::sigh:: It just kinda feels like that's how it's been for the last few weeks, too. And like he can't stand to be around me, too. And then when I say anything to him, he twists my words into me wanting all his free time and all his attention. And that's not what I'm trying to say to him at all...what I'm really trying to say is that, if we only have a limited amount of time that we can spend together, then can we please try to make the most of it by making the quality of the time better? But instead, he just gets defensive and territorial of his free time. And then eventually, I end up thinking he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. Crap!, this ended up turning into more of a complaint than I had intended.
I don't think that things are ever going to change...and I don't think that he wants them to. I think that he's happy to let them fail. I'm starting to think he just says things that he doesn't mean to make up for an eight month lie. Specifically something said only two months after that.
[sidenote:] edited on August 11th to say two in the last sentence as opposed to the four...my math was special that day.
It's just annoying when people say things that they don't mean. The "I love you" example was just my specific example though, don't read too much into it. If I really wanted to, I could add another specific example, too. But I don't feel like it at the moment.
Last night, I asked the boy if he thought that I'd made a mistake by asking him to talk to me on Saturday...and he answered me with the answer that I had been afraid that he'd give me ("yes" in case you're too stupid to figure that out on your own...sorry, that was a bit harsh). He tried to get me to answer my own question first, but I just told him that I already knew what I thought and wanted his answer. After he answered, I told him what I thought (which was that I don't know if I made a mistake or not).
I know this is going to sound like I'm complaining or that I'm an attention-whore, but whatever that's not what it is...not really anyway. It just appears like the only days that the boy had any time for me this week were also the days that he had the least amount of free time to spare. ::sigh:: It just kinda feels like that's how it's been for the last few weeks, too. And like he can't stand to be around me, too. And then when I say anything to him, he twists my words into me wanting all his free time and all his attention. And that's not what I'm trying to say to him at all...what I'm really trying to say is that, if we only have a limited amount of time that we can spend together, then can we please try to make the most of it by making the quality of the time better? But instead, he just gets defensive and territorial of his free time. And then eventually, I end up thinking he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. Crap!, this ended up turning into more of a complaint than I had intended.
I don't think that things are ever going to change...and I don't think that he wants them to. I think that he's happy to let them fail. I'm starting to think he just says things that he doesn't mean to make up for an eight month lie. Specifically something said only two months after that.
[sidenote:] edited on August 11th to say two in the last sentence as opposed to the four...my math was special that day.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
let me let go baby let me let go if this is for the best why are you still in my heart are you still in my soul let me let go
I think that I made a mistake on Saturday...like a really, really huge one. I should have just accepted it and moved on, right? Instead...I put myself into this Limbo-Hell...and now I'm miserable...
I guess that I can just ask him to say exactly what he wants the next time he actually deems me important enough to talk to. Since I seem to be one of the only people he doesn't respond to...I wish I just thought it was because he's busy working and not because of who is talking to him. But the thing is I don't just get my messages, I get my brother's, too...so when I'm ignored and my brother is responded to in the same time period, it tends to make my paranoia a little less irrational.
[sidenote:] Yesterday morning, I posted the draft that I had saved from Sunday...scroll down the page and read it if you so desire.
[sidenote:] Yesterday morning, I posted the draft that I had saved from Sunday...scroll down the page and read it if you so desire.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
oh why be perfect no it's not worth it don't be so obsessed c'mon give it a rest this is not some contest just do your best cuz nobody's perfect
This is the weekly round-up of the things that amused me over the week (okay, so technically I should have posted this sometime Friday, August 1st):
.:. 61 year old Washington state governor denied entrance to bar for forgetting her id...uhh, maybe the bouncer needs to rethink that whole card every person idea...
.:. Aww, how adorable...a golden retriever has adopted some tiger cubs...now in a few months, that may need to be re-thought...
.:. In NYC, a 12 year old girl fell 14 stories down a chimney...but the soot and ash at the bottom is probably what saved her life...crazy kid...
.:. Pharmacies refusing to hand out birth control... (I was bored one day and looking at the Human Nature blog on Slate, that's why this entry from June 17th is included in this list)
.:. Aww, how adorable...a golden retriever has adopted some tiger cubs...now in a few months, that may need to be re-thought...
.:. In NYC, a 12 year old girl fell 14 stories down a chimney...but the soot and ash at the bottom is probably what saved her life...crazy kid...
.:. Pharmacies refusing to hand out birth control... (I was bored one day and looking at the Human Nature blog on Slate, that's why this entry from June 17th is included in this list)
I don't know why I didn't do this on Friday...oh, well...enjoy it today...
This list amused me: 19 Things You Should Never Do.
This list amused me: 19 Things You Should Never Do.
(it's a list of things that men should never do)
Numbers 1, 2...and possibly one other number are the most important. I just can't say what the other number is specifically because the boy does it (and it does kinda annoy me, but it's not something worth mentioning so I never have). Number 6 isn't on what I consider the most important, but there are times when it is a possibility.
Numbers 1, 2...and possibly one other number are the most important. I just can't say what the other number is specifically because the boy does it (and it does kinda annoy me, but it's not something worth mentioning so I never have). Number 6 isn't on what I consider the most important, but there are times when it is a possibility.
And now, for some amusement from Overheard in New York...
Today It's a Lolly. Tomorrow It's a BMW
(waiting in line)
Four-year-old kid: Mommy, I really want a lollipop!
Mom: Uhuh, move up here honey.
Kid: Mom! Just give in, I want a lollipop, okay?
(mother ignores him)
Kid: Just give in, it's okay, I want one. It's okay to give in, mom.
(pause)
Kid: Mom, this isn't going to work for me! I want a lollipop!
Random guy in line: Resist!
-- Associated Supermarkets, Bleecker & LaGuardia
Just Watch Where You're Sticking That Scepter, Missy
Distressed four-year-old: But why are you walking in front of me?
Father: Honey, I know you're the princess, but that doesn't mean I can't walk in front of you.
-- 101st & Amsterdam
Then You Probably Have No Interest in Playing Football
Little boy: Grandma, can I play football?
Grandma: I don't know about that, you have to talk to the coach.
Little boy: Grandma, can I play football if I get an F in school?
Grandma: No, you can't play if you get an F.
Little boy: But what if it's an F for "fabulous"?
-- Nostrand Ave
All I Require in Exchange Is Your First-Born
Tourist woman: I am waiting until the sign says "walk"!
10-year old: Lady, then you're going to be here for a while.
Tourist woman: I don't want to cross by myself.
10-year old: Uh. I'll cross with you.
-- Greene St
See How Easy It Is Finding Someone to Tell You What to Do?
Ditzy blonde: I know you'll think this is stupid, but I was thinking of going to a life coach. A life coach or a really good psychic.
Brunette friend: You know what? I do think it's stupid. Here, I'll be your life coach: F*** psychics, and go get a job. Oh, and don't get fired this time. You're fixed now.
-- Metro North-Harlem
Is Our Tourists Learning?
Blonde tourist (after swiping futilely a few times): How do I swipe this?
New Yorker (looks at card in tourist's hand): That's not a Metrocard, that's your room key.
-- E Train
Meet the Author of How to Make a Straight Guy Shut Up
Guy at bar: I'm sorry if I'm being an a**hole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don't worry - I deal with a**holes all the time.
-- Montien, 12th & 3rd
Good Point -- F*** Those Furry Little Bastards
Little guy to big guy wearing fur hat: You know, wearing fur is murder.
Big guy wearing fur hat: So is me pushing you off the train.
-- A Train
Except All You've Written for Your Book Report Is "Cheese Is God"
Tutor: So did you understand the story you read for homework?
Girl student: The first time I read it, I didn't understand it. But the second time, I was mad f***ing high, and I got it.
-- Oriental Boulevard, Brooklyn
"Nice Tool" Does Sound Gay by Comparison
(construction worker pulls out a new tool from the truck)
Worker #1: Where the f*** did you get that?
Worker #2: F***in' Home Depot!
Worker #3: That's f***in' fancy!
-- 33rd St & 8th Ave
For a Moment I Thought You Were One Of Our Webcam Subscribers
Frenchman: What's up, dude?
Girl: So I see your roommate is rubbing off on you!
Frenchman (horrified): What? No. No. No.
Girl (laughing): It's a figure of speech.
-- 5th Ave
Sunday, August 3, 2008
with friends like you who needs enemies you ain't right you ain't never gonna be you're out of the call I'm afraid you've been declined
I'm not sure what to do...I don't really want any reminder of a cold-hearted person...but that would mean getting rid of a few things (or having to buy new ones to replace them)...what would you do if you were me? Any help you can give would greatly appreciated...thanks!!
And then I got the following response (copied exactly as it was in my MySpace Inbox) from one of the boy's best friends:
I'd say #1 don't post things like this on the internet...it's childish.
#2: If you would have followed my advice about respecting the people around you(including your boyfriend), not being so obviously self centered, and fixing/changing your bad attitude, you would not be in your situation. You have a foul presence Ashley. You need to grow up and learn to get along with people.
Good luck...
~[Name Withheld]
#2: If you would have followed my advice about respecting the people around you(including your boyfriend), not being so obviously self centered, and fixing/changing your bad attitude, you would not be in your situation. You have a foul presence Ashley. You need to grow up and learn to get along with people.
Good luck...
~[Name Withheld]
I don't understand why people can't follow the whole 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' thing... ::sigh:: The worst part about him thinking that he can say something like that me, is that if the boy and I still get married, most likely he'll stand up in the wedding. I don't think as the best man, but as a groomsman at least. I don't even like the guy; he makes me uncomfortable because ever since I met him he's been inappropriate around me...but whatever. Hopefully now he'll leave me alone and never talk to me again. I thought that I'd already deleted him from my friend list a while ago, but I very quickly deleted him after that message.
I know that I shouldn't have let that upset me...but when I read that last night, it really upset me. Not so much because of who said it, but because at the time the boy and I were trying to talk to one another and work things out...and I was afraid that if his friend was
take me away to better days take me away a hiding place I got a pocket got a pocket full of sunshine I got a love and I know that it's all mine
Today, my Cosmo horoscope says...
Libra - Mars cautions you to look out for your well-being -- drink plenty of fluids, use sunscreen, and seek shade to avoid getting overheated today.
That might be a fitting horoscope...but I don't know yet...
And I think that today might be a good day... I just don't want to jinx it by saying anything...and I don't care if that's being superstitious.
And I think that today might be a good day... I just don't want to jinx it by saying anything...and I don't care if that's being superstitious.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
my feelings for you are forever one last kiss before I go dry your tears it is time to let you go it is time to let you go one last kiss before I go
I really don't know what I was going to say... I mean, there isn't really anything that I felt like I had to put out there for all to read...so I'm not even sure why I started this post now. I'm just sad...that's all... I mean...I get it...problems exist...but why is it so easy for him to just walk away like I mean meant nothing to him? I just don't understand... ::sigh::
But at least I have one of the sweetest little brothers in the world. He tried to make me feel better last night... That kid can be such a brat at times, but he really can be super caring and compassionate at others.
It's probably best, right? Considering...I've never thought/felt like his parents thought I was good enough for him or that they even really liked me...at least now he's not going to have to worry about that, right? Not that he even knew that I thought that because I didn't want to say anything that he might think was bad against his parents. I still don't even want to say it here now because he might see it...already I've typed it (or started to) a few times and then deleted it. But I'm just going to leave it this time...it's not like I have anything to lose anymore, right?
He'll make some girl very happy some day...I just wish that the girl he's going to make happy was going to be me. But when neither of the people involved in the relationship seem to be able to solve the problems [working together]...then obviously, that's not going to happen. ::sigh::
I'm going to go curl up in bed and read a book now...
But at least I have one of the sweetest little brothers in the world. He tried to make me feel better last night... That kid can be such a brat at times, but he really can be super caring and compassionate at others.
It's probably best, right? Considering...I've never thought/felt like his parents thought I was good enough for him or that they even really liked me...at least now he's not going to have to worry about that, right? Not that he even knew that I thought that because I didn't want to say anything that he might think was bad against his parents. I still don't even want to say it here now because he might see it...already I've typed it (or started to) a few times and then deleted it. But I'm just going to leave it this time...it's not like I have anything to lose anymore, right?
He'll make some girl very happy some day...I just wish that the girl he's going to make happy was going to be me. But when neither of the people involved in the relationship seem to be able to solve the problems [working together]...then obviously, that's not going to happen. ::sigh::
I'm going to go curl up in bed and read a book now...
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
so what did you think I would say? you can't run away you can't run away so what did you think I would say? you can't run away you can't run away
Is it November yet? Okay...that kinda makes me a bit of a dork, but oh,well... Check out the Rate-a-trailer bit on E! online for the new Harry Potter movie.
And...I don't understand why Psychology Today had this article from the Nov/Dec 2003 issue of their magazine on their site just yesterday or today, but either way it amuses me.
Blah...I'm bored...and don't know what else to do... Oh, yeah...my car was stupid today. First the dumb key wouldn't turn, so I couldn't turn the dumb thing on...and then when I shut the door (and, no, I did not slam the door), the stupid window broke. And by broke, I mean shattered. I seriously, need a new car.
And...I don't understand why Psychology Today had this article from the Nov/Dec 2003 issue of their magazine on their site just yesterday or today, but either way it amuses me.
Blah...I'm bored...and don't know what else to do... Oh, yeah...my car was stupid today. First the dumb key wouldn't turn, so I couldn't turn the dumb thing on...and then when I shut the door (and, no, I did not slam the door), the stupid window broke. And by broke, I mean shattered. I seriously, need a new car.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
you say you'll call but I know you you say you're coming home but I know you you say you'll call but I know you won't
I don't know what to do...I'm almost certain that after today I'm single. And that's not what I want. I want him and I to be able to work things out and stay together. I don't want to eventually be with someone else...or even with nobody else. Not that being happy on my own is a bad alternative, it's just not what I want. I want to be happy with him. It's not fair that we're unable to get along... I don't want to have to go over and see him in a few days for the sole reason of getting my things and giving him the things of his that I have.
Last night, when he said something along the lines of the baseball game and homework/studying today...I knew that he meant that he probably wouldn't have time to see me. Nevermind that when he told me that he was going to baseball game on Sunday, that he'd still have time for me afterwards. But I knew that he wouldn't…
I really was hoping that this weekend would go well for us...I needed it to. But I'm so worn out by not being good enough for him, by not being what he wants, by always feeling like I'm the very last thing on his list of priorities...I just can't do it anymore.
I told him last night, that for a while now I've been aware that I'm not going to marry him...even though I want to. Even though I've been going through the motions of planning a wedding...I wasn't going to let anyone put any deposits down or anything like that because I didn't want to hurt him yet by telling him that I'm not willing to go through with this relationship.
::sigh:: I knew that I was going to post this blog entry, so I changed the password to my MySpace account just in case he was tempted to sign in as me and read this. ::sigh:: I think I've only signed in as him once, and I told him about it the same day.
I miss him already...and we haven't even actually ended things yet...how much does that suck?
[originally posted on my MySpace blog - as a "private" post]
Last night, when he said something along the lines of the baseball game and homework/studying today...I knew that he meant that he probably wouldn't have time to see me. Nevermind that when he told me that he was going to baseball game on Sunday, that he'd still have time for me afterwards. But I knew that he wouldn't…
I really was hoping that this weekend would go well for us...I needed it to. But I'm so worn out by not being good enough for him, by not being what he wants, by always feeling like I'm the very last thing on his list of priorities...I just can't do it anymore.
I told him last night, that for a while now I've been aware that I'm not going to marry him...even though I want to. Even though I've been going through the motions of planning a wedding...I wasn't going to let anyone put any deposits down or anything like that because I didn't want to hurt him yet by telling him that I'm not willing to go through with this relationship.
::sigh:: I knew that I was going to post this blog entry, so I changed the password to my MySpace account just in case he was tempted to sign in as me and read this. ::sigh:: I think I've only signed in as him once, and I told him about it the same day.
I miss him already...and we haven't even actually ended things yet...how much does that suck?
[originally posted on my MySpace blog - as a "private" post]
I created the Sound of Madness wrote the book on pain somehow I'm still here to explain that the darkest hour never comes in the night
I like this slideshow of America's Most Incredible National Parks. And...I've actually visited the parks in pictures 2 and 6. I liked the park in picture 2 better than the park in picture 6. Here are some pictures that I took while visiting there (and other places).
This made me giggle when I read it: unwitting 73 y/o Dutch man tends marijuana plants on doorstep.
What a fruit loop! This guy shot his lawn mower because it wouldn't start.
And...I'm not quite sure how good of an idea gummy bears to help fight tooth decay in elementary age kids is... Y'know? Because there are quite a few kids that would just want to pig out on the sweets and then they'd have healthy teeth, but then have other health problems (such as obesity).
And now...here's some amusement from Overheard in New York...
The Girls Learn How Important It Is to Be Cute
Man: That's a very cute dog!
Girl #1: Yes, she is. My dad got her at a pet store. He was going to get a dog at the shelter, but he didn't want to.
Girl #2: Yeah, so the dog he would have gotten at the shelter died, because it was a kill shelter.
Dad: Um, I'm not really taking full responsibility for that.
Girl #1: The dog was killed. Just because you didn't want it.
Girl #2: Yeah, dad.
Dad: Really. I think this is less than 5% my fault. Look, this where we get off.
Man: Have a good night! Sleep well.
-- Elevator, 82nd & 3rd
Ten Bucks Says He's Making Water Balloons
Hipster passing large, bald man blocking doorway: Excuse me.
Large, bald man: What are you in a hurry for?
(hipster points to condoms and goes to the counter to pay for them)
Large, bald man: You're totally on a condom run!
(hipster smiles and glances back to the man)
Large, bald man: Did you pull out of that s***?
Hipster: Nope, just having marathon sex.
Large, bald man: I'd high-five you, but I know where those hands have been.
(hipster leaves, laughing)
-- Deli, 7th Ave & Christopher St
This made me giggle when I read it: unwitting 73 y/o Dutch man tends marijuana plants on doorstep.
What a fruit loop! This guy shot his lawn mower because it wouldn't start.
And...I'm not quite sure how good of an idea gummy bears to help fight tooth decay in elementary age kids is... Y'know? Because there are quite a few kids that would just want to pig out on the sweets and then they'd have healthy teeth, but then have other health problems (such as obesity).
And now...here's some amusement from Overheard in New York...
The Girls Learn How Important It Is to Be Cute
Man: That's a very cute dog!
Girl #1: Yes, she is. My dad got her at a pet store. He was going to get a dog at the shelter, but he didn't want to.
Girl #2: Yeah, so the dog he would have gotten at the shelter died, because it was a kill shelter.
Dad: Um, I'm not really taking full responsibility for that.
Girl #1: The dog was killed. Just because you didn't want it.
Girl #2: Yeah, dad.
Dad: Really. I think this is less than 5% my fault. Look, this where we get off.
Man: Have a good night! Sleep well.
-- Elevator, 82nd & 3rd
Ten Bucks Says He's Making Water Balloons
Hipster passing large, bald man blocking doorway: Excuse me.
Large, bald man: What are you in a hurry for?
(hipster points to condoms and goes to the counter to pay for them)
Large, bald man: You're totally on a condom run!
(hipster smiles and glances back to the man)
Large, bald man: Did you pull out of that s***?
Hipster: Nope, just having marathon sex.
Large, bald man: I'd high-five you, but I know where those hands have been.
(hipster leaves, laughing)
-- Deli, 7th Ave & Christopher St
how about a better version of the way that I am how about a better version that makes me understand how about a better version of the way that I am
::sigh:: I'm not looking forward to the end of the weekend... The last two weekends have gone terribly for the boy and I...so I told him that I was using this weekend as a test. Meaning that if it went well, I wasn't going to give up and quit...but if it went badly like the previous two, then I wasn't going to keep trying to make this work and I quit. Because I'm worn out. ::sigh:: And I really don't think he heard me when I said that because the next thing he said was as though I hadn't just told him that. I kinda think that maybe he was in denial, but I don't know. And then it was just depressing because I said it to him again and that we weren't going to have any time together before the weekend ended. And what was left unsaid was that it was going to end really badly, instead of amicably...
But...in a bittersweet 'yay' for me, for once I managed to say to him what I meant without totally losing my self-control. Since I tend to do that around him. I mean, not be able to keep up my willpower and do what I want... I can't say 'no' to him...and I don't know why. Well...at least, I was able to keep it up until we went back to his house and cuddled for about an hour. After that...I was confused...and didn't know what to do...
It doesn't help that I really do love him...so not being able to work things out, but wanting to... I just get so confused when I'm around him and things aren't tense between us...
And...just in case it might matter...I liked this: How I want to be kissed. I don't agree with everything...but a lot of it sounds like what I think.
But...in a bittersweet 'yay' for me, for once I managed to say to him what I meant without totally losing my self-control. Since I tend to do that around him. I mean, not be able to keep up my willpower and do what I want... I can't say 'no' to him...and I don't know why. Well...at least, I was able to keep it up until we went back to his house and cuddled for about an hour. After that...I was confused...and didn't know what to do...
It doesn't help that I really do love him...so not being able to work things out, but wanting to... I just get so confused when I'm around him and things aren't tense between us...
And...just in case it might matter...I liked this: How I want to be kissed. I don't agree with everything...but a lot of it sounds like what I think.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
I wanna kiss that smile that's on your face I need you wrapped up in these arms I want you just the way you are come on over
Today, my Cosmo horoscope says...
Libra - Brazen Jupiter says it's fine to be a party girl this weekend; just don't do anything too embarrassing.
Surprisingly, it's semi-fitting...but nobody has to worry about me doing anything embarrassing at the party today that my parents are hosting at our house.
I still have to do some stuff to get myself ready for the day...but...I'm being lazy and don't really feel like doing anything. Yeah...I'm cool like that...
Anyway, there really wasn't anything that I wanted to say...so...ciao!!
I still have to do some stuff to get myself ready for the day...but...I'm being lazy and don't really feel like doing anything. Yeah...I'm cool like that...
Anyway, there really wasn't anything that I wanted to say...so...ciao!!
Friday, July 25, 2008
waiter! bring me water! I gotta make him keep his cool bring me water! he's acting like a fool bring me water!
And today the Cosmo horoscope says...
Libra - If you're on a man-pleasing mission tonight, Saturn says that your first priority should be to prolong his staying power so that you get satisfaction too.
Hahahahaha!!! I don't know what to say to that...
But anyway...it's been a few days since I posted anything. So it's time for the weekly round up of what amused me this week...
But anyway...it's been a few days since I posted anything. So it's time for the weekly round up of what amused me this week...
.:. An interesting article from Psychology Today about liars: Spotting the Liar. Ways to know when someone is lying...well, y'know, as long as the person lying to you isn't an expert liar (e.g. sociopath).
.:. An interesting article from Psychology Today about voice messages: Voice Messages. The tone of voice used to speak conveys meaning...and it's not gonna lie.
.:. An older man was coming out of a bank when he stumbled and the wind then blew his money into the surrounding area...but did the people in the area do the "right" thing and help him collect his scattered money or not?
.:. Oh em gee...6-year-old girl found $9000 diamond ring in parking lot...
.:. ................................................................ Just read it yourself? Because there aren't really any words to describe the horror.
.:. Haha, apparently...med students (and residents, too) are oversharing on Facebook. I agree with the girl towards the end of the article though; her use of the 'Dad Test' is a good idea.
.:. An interesting article about superhero movies, but specifically The Dark Knight: The Smart Knight.
.:. The CW's new ad campaign for Gossip Girl: Cinemax, Er, CW Bares New Gossip Girl Ads. Maybe it's just because I'm only 22 y/o...or maybe it's just because I've already read every book in the series (which are actually pretty worse than the show is)...but I don't find the posters to be that bad.
.:. An interesting article from Psychology Today about voice messages: Voice Messages. The tone of voice used to speak conveys meaning...and it's not gonna lie.
.:. An older man was coming out of a bank when he stumbled and the wind then blew his money into the surrounding area...but did the people in the area do the "right" thing and help him collect his scattered money or not?
.:. Oh em gee...6-year-old girl found $9000 diamond ring in parking lot...
.:. ................................................................ Just read it yourself? Because there aren't really any words to describe the horror.
.:. Haha, apparently...med students (and residents, too) are oversharing on Facebook. I agree with the girl towards the end of the article though; her use of the 'Dad Test' is a good idea.
.:. An interesting article about superhero movies, but specifically The Dark Knight: The Smart Knight.
.:. The CW's new ad campaign for Gossip Girl: Cinemax, Er, CW Bares New Gossip Girl Ads. Maybe it's just because I'm only 22 y/o...or maybe it's just because I've already read every book in the series (which are actually pretty worse than the show is)...but I don't find the posters to be that bad.
And now for the stuff this week that caused me to think of the boy in some way:
.:. some slideshow thingy about The 15 Hottest Games of Summer
.:. another slideshow thingy about the E3 2008 Picks and Pans
.:. and this made me confused: Nintendo Wii: Banned in the USA?
.:. and this is some video of some George Carlin rant that somehow I saw (I don't remember why):
.:. another slideshow thingy about the E3 2008 Picks and Pans
.:. and this made me confused: Nintendo Wii: Banned in the USA?
.:. and this is some video of some George Carlin rant that somehow I saw (I don't remember why):
And now for some amusement from Overheard in New York...
I Managed to Struggle to the Surface Often Enough to Get Air
Fat woman #1, at intermission: Man, these seats are tight!
Fat woman #2: Oh my god, tell me about it! My butt is killing me!
Fat woman #1, to skinny guy sitting in between them: Was I spilling over into your seat?
Skinny guy: You both were.
-- New Amsterdam Theatre
They're So Cute Before They Learn to Cuss
(random guy trips over three-year-old girl's stroller)
Guy: Oops, I'm sorry, honey.
Three-year-old girl in stroller: Don't call me honey!
-- Atlantic Ave Station
...For Taking Pictures Of My Bed and Posting Them on the Internet.
Dad: So what's that thing you want for your birthday again?
Little boy: A Wii.
Dad: Wii? As in wee-wee? Gross!
Little boy: You're immature.
Dad: You wet the bed.
Little boy: You're immature.
-- 1 Train
A Couple More Blocks and You'll Start Seeing the Hipsters
Girl to her friend: Where are we?
Old man passing by: It only gets worse...
-- 4 Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn
Mmm...Marriage...
Art teacher: This piece is from the enlightenment period in England and is called "Marriage a la Mode".
Kid to friend: Wait...marriage with ice cream?
-- Bronx Science Art History Class
Still Think Only Women Play That Game?
Five-year-old son: I'm mad at you.
Mom: Why honey?
Five-year-old son: Because you wouldn't buy me an umbrella!
Mom: You never asked for one!
-- Times Square Shuttle
Wednesday One-Liners Haven't Met Most Of Their Friends
Assistant on phone, about her 17-year-old daughter's MySpace page: I find it interesting that she and her friend Shannon have the same friend listed. Some 32-year-old guy in California named Tom!
-- Office on 42nd & Madison
...there are four more one-liners.
Drink Deep, or Taste Not the Wednesday One-Liners!
Drunk girl, accidentally taking swig of vodka instead of water: This wetness is spicy!
-- Bergen St, Brooklyn
...there are five more one-liners.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
it's all ending I gotta stop pretending who we are...you and me I can see us dying...are we?
Sooo...I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I think that I'm single now. Because the boy told me that he "quit[s]." ::sigh:: I don't want to be done...but I can't make him want to try and work on fixing what's wrong between us. So, if that's what he wants, then...I'll just have to accept it and move on. At least this way, he doesn't have to worry about me annoying him and asking him to try and compromise anymore...since he always seems to make it abundantly clear that can't. ::sigh::
But in happier news, yesterday I got to go see The Dark Knight...and it was pretty awesome. I suggest anyone who was thinking about seeing it, go do it.
But in happier news, yesterday I got to go see The Dark Knight...and it was pretty awesome. I suggest anyone who was thinking about seeing it, go do it.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
but you put on quite a show really had me goin' but now it's time to go curtain's finally closin' that was quite a show very entertainin'
And the Cosmo horoscope for today says...
Libra - Star warning! Sneaky Mercury says that a family member could catch you in a compromising position (having sex in your parents' shower) so make sure you really are home alone before trysting with your man or new fling.
Yeah...totally not something that I'd want to be caught doing...
Today I get to go see The Dark Knight. Yay!! I'm jealous of the people who already saw it. Here's a review of it (one is from Variety and the other from the AP). But I have to wait until 5:00p to see it...since that's when the boy got the tickets for. Since we wanted to see it in IMAX...otherwise we could've seen it last night.
Umm, when going fishing...aren't you supposed to catch fish? Fisherman caught drowning man.
Today I get to go see The Dark Knight. Yay!! I'm jealous of the people who already saw it. Here's a review of it (one is from Variety and the other from the AP). But I have to wait until 5:00p to see it...since that's when the boy got the tickets for. Since we wanted to see it in IMAX...otherwise we could've seen it last night.
Umm, when going fishing...aren't you supposed to catch fish? Fisherman caught drowning man.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
looking in your eyes seeing all I need everything you are is everything to me these are the moments I know Heaven must exist
Even though it's still two years away (the countdown thingy says exactly how long), some planning has already begun for the boy's and my wedding...
He hasn't really said anything to me, so to me that just means unless he says he objects to something that I want...he's okay with it. Such as how my mom and I have kind of decided on place for the reception to take place (the American Polish Cultural Center). Mostly because I was pleased to find a place that has decent food (read: I have eaten there before and the food wasn't that bad) and serves something other than just your standard fish, chicken or beef entré (read: they'll serve me something that I will eat!! they'll serve ham and pineapple). Plus, my mom has been there in the past few years for a wedding or two and it's nice, she said. So...even though this place can accommodate up to 450 guests, my mom doesn't want more than 125 she told me. I'm okay with that. Because to try and spend at least a minute with with every guest would take more than two hours!! I really don't like small talk either. Oh, yeah...and I don't like it when all eyes are on me. So even though this whole wedding thing is something that I'm totally looking forward to...I am [minorly] dreading it at the same time.
Anyway...here's a few ideas that I have for the daddy-daughter dance (listed in order of my preference):
He hasn't really said anything to me, so to me that just means unless he says he objects to something that I want...he's okay with it. Such as how my mom and I have kind of decided on place for the reception to take place (the American Polish Cultural Center). Mostly because I was pleased to find a place that has decent food (read: I have eaten there before and the food wasn't that bad) and serves something other than just your standard fish, chicken or beef entré (read: they'll serve me something that I will eat!! they'll serve ham and pineapple). Plus, my mom has been there in the past few years for a wedding or two and it's nice, she said. So...even though this place can accommodate up to 450 guests, my mom doesn't want more than 125 she told me. I'm okay with that. Because to try and spend at least a minute with with every guest would take more than two hours!! I really don't like small talk either. Oh, yeah...and I don't like it when all eyes are on me. So even though this whole wedding thing is something that I'm totally looking forward to...I am [minorly] dreading it at the same time.
Anyway...here's a few ideas that I have for the daddy-daughter dance (listed in order of my preference):
.:. Tim McGraw "My Little Girl"
.:. Heartland "I Loved Her First"
.:. Faith Hill "There You'll Be"
.:. Carrie Underwood (or The Pretenders) "I'll Stand By You"
.:. Christina Aguilera "I Turn to You"
.:. Chuck Wicks "Stealing Cinderella"
.:. Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley Cyrus "Ready, Set, Don't Go"
.:. Staind "Zoe Jane"
.:. The Temptations "My Girl"
.:. Louis Armstrong (or Joey Ramone) "What a Wonderful World"
.:. Kenny Chesney "There Goes My Life"
.:.
.:. Heartland "I Loved Her First"
.:. Faith Hill "There You'll Be"
.:. Carrie Underwood (or The Pretenders) "I'll Stand By You"
.:. Christina Aguilera "I Turn to You"
.:. Chuck Wicks "Stealing Cinderella"
.:. Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley Cyrus "Ready, Set, Don't Go"
.:. Staind "Zoe Jane"
.:. The Temptations "My Girl"
.:. Louis Armstrong (or Joey Ramone) "What a Wonderful World"
.:. Kenny Chesney "There Goes My Life"
.:.
Here's a player with some of the songs (not all of the songs were available):
(push play it will not autostart)
And then here's the massive list of ideas that I have for a possible song for the 'first dance' (again, listed in order of my preference):
.:. Alison Krauss (or Keith Whitley) "When You Say Nothing At All"
.:. Sara Evans (or Edwin McCain) "I Could Not Ask for More"
.:. No Doubt "Running"
.:. Dashboard Confessional "Stolen"
.:. Shakira "Underneath Your Clothes"
.:. Shania Twain "You've Got a Way"
.:. Aerosmith "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing"
.:. Gwen Stefani "The Real Thing"
.:. Shania Twain "When You Kiss Me"
.:. No Doubt "Underneath it All"
.:. Lifehouse "You and Me"
.:. Keith Urban "Raining on Sunday"
.:. Shania Twain "You're Still the One"
.:. Dashboard Confessional "Dusk and Summer"
.:. Keith Urban "Making Memories of Us"
.:. Shania Twain "Forever and For Always"
.:. Edwin McCain "I'll Be"
.:.
.:. Sara Evans (or Edwin McCain) "I Could Not Ask for More"
.:. No Doubt "Running"
.:. Dashboard Confessional "Stolen"
.:. Shakira "Underneath Your Clothes"
.:. Shania Twain "You've Got a Way"
.:. Aerosmith "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing"
.:. Gwen Stefani "The Real Thing"
.:. Shania Twain "When You Kiss Me"
.:. No Doubt "Underneath it All"
.:. Lifehouse "You and Me"
.:. Keith Urban "Raining on Sunday"
.:. Shania Twain "You're Still the One"
.:. Dashboard Confessional "Dusk and Summer"
.:. Keith Urban "Making Memories of Us"
.:. Shania Twain "Forever and For Always"
.:. Edwin McCain "I'll Be"
.:.
Here's another player with some of the songs (again, not all of the songs were available):
(push play it will not autostart)
As you can tell, the boy and I don't have "a song." That's kind of ridiculous and I find couples that have one, to be dorky. So instead I've come up with a list of some songs that might be suitable...but I have no idea what he might want. I figure we still have at least 18 months before we actually need to sit down and pick a song.
Plus, for both lists of songs, I was just going by what I heard (for most of the songs because I don't have the cds with the lyrics in them), so until the lyrics are seen...these songs are only tentative choices. And they end openly because I don't know if the boy is going to want to add songs, as well as wanting to remove songs (to the first dance list only), or suggest songs (to the daddy-daughter dance list). Also, I don't know what songs may be released in the future that could potentially be a good choice. Oh, yeah...any of the songs where there are two artists listed with one in parenthesis, the artist in parenthesis is an alternative version/choice. But Joey Ramone "What a Wonderful World" isn't an alternative choice...because my dad really likes The Ramones, so I kinda thought that was a possibility. Just not sure about the tempo of the song...just like a few other songs on both lists. But honestly, if it's in parenthesis...it's not an alternative choice. At least, not to me...because I don't really like that version.
Oh!, and I don't care what my mom says...but there is so totally going to be a 'Do Not Play' list for the DJ. Because who really needs to see to the drunks trying to dance along to a group song? Same with who really needs to torture the elderly with the Macarena? Among those banned will be:
.:. the Chicken Dance
.:. the Hokey Pokey
.:. the YMCA
.:. the Locomotion
.:. the Macarena
.:. anything by Coldplay (because I despise their music)
.:.
.:. the Hokey Pokey
.:. the YMCA
.:. the Locomotion
.:. the Macarena
.:. anything by Coldplay (because I despise their music)
.:.
It's very simple for the DJ to avoid playing any of those, all s/he has to do should one of those be requested by a guest, is simply say that s/he has to to play all of our requests first that s/he will get to it... S/he doesn't have to say when it will be gotten to...right?
So...see? Some planning has begun...a reception site and music. Oh, yeah! and a maximum count of guests. So that's a start...pretty good, right?
So...see? Some planning has begun...a reception site and music. Oh, yeah! and a maximum count of guests. So that's a start...pretty good, right?
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I need serenity in a place where I can hide I need serenity nothing changes days go by
Okay...so the last time that I posted was this past weekend when the boy and I weren't exactly getting along...but now we are. So that's all better. Well...not exactly all better...but better than they were. We talked to one another and are trying to work together...so that's a step (or two, or more) in the right direction, right?
When I saw this:
When I saw this:
Superhero Style: Gadgets for Your Guy
These toys for your boy won't help him save the world, but they'll help him feel he can.
These toys for your boy won't help him save the world, but they'll help him feel he can.
it made me think of the boy. I don't know why...probably just because it's a bunch of techie stuff and he's a big nerd and into that kind of stuff.
Eeep...what crazies!! Two elderly women conspire against two elderly homeless men...and get life sentences for it.
Clint Eastwood is shooting a movie is Michigan!! Yeah...I don't know what MI has to do with the movie though...not from what is said about it anyway...
What a lucky little koala...survives 60 m.p.h. impact and seven mile drag.
And now for your enjoyment, some amusement Overheard in New York...
Wasn't She the Deaf and Blind Girl with the Miracle Worker?
Little boy to mother: Mom, have you ever heard of Anne Frank?
(silence)
Little boy: You know, she was this holocaust victim who lived in an attic and wrote this diary?
(pause)
Mother: I mean, I've read about the holocaust, but I don't know any specific authors.
-- Smith & Sackett, Carroll Gardens
Talking About Money Like a Commoner
Mother: Okay, give it back to me.
Four-year-old boy holding MetroCard: I want to hold it.
Mother, taking the MetroCard: You can't hold it. It is very expensive, and mommy will have to pay a lot of money to replace it if you lose it.
Four-year-old boy, looking around at crowd on bus: Stop embarrassing me. Why are you always embarrassing me?
-- N38 Bus
Eeep...what crazies!! Two elderly women conspire against two elderly homeless men...and get life sentences for it.
Clint Eastwood is shooting a movie is Michigan!! Yeah...I don't know what MI has to do with the movie though...not from what is said about it anyway...
What a lucky little koala...survives 60 m.p.h. impact and seven mile drag.
And now for your enjoyment, some amusement Overheard in New York...
Wasn't She the Deaf and Blind Girl with the Miracle Worker?
Little boy to mother: Mom, have you ever heard of Anne Frank?
(silence)
Little boy: You know, she was this holocaust victim who lived in an attic and wrote this diary?
(pause)
Mother: I mean, I've read about the holocaust, but I don't know any specific authors.
-- Smith & Sackett, Carroll Gardens
Talking About Money Like a Commoner
Mother: Okay, give it back to me.
Four-year-old boy holding MetroCard: I want to hold it.
Mother, taking the MetroCard: You can't hold it. It is very expensive, and mommy will have to pay a lot of money to replace it if you lose it.
Four-year-old boy, looking around at crowd on bus: Stop embarrassing me. Why are you always embarrassing me?
-- N38 Bus
Saturday, July 12, 2008
but wait...you tell me that you’re sorry didn’t think I’d turn around and say...that it’s too late to apologize it’s too late
So...I think that I know what I want now... And if when if I get what I want, then someone will get hurt...possibly more than just one person. But y'know what? I don't care. I need it...otherwise, I'm not ever going to be happy.
::sigh:: Last night was a mess. From the time the boy came over to the moment that I hung up the phone when he called to let me know that he'd made it home safely. Yesterday, he didn't eat his lunch (because he didn't like it, so that was nobody's fault but his own), so he was really hungry by the time it was dinner time and that was causing him to be a little cranky. But I don't think that he was aware of it (the crankiness) because the little bit of an argument/disagreement (or whatever it was) that we did have, before he blew it out of proportion, was nothing. But the night just kept getting worse...
::sigh:: I just get the impression that he finds me to be too much of a hassle and would rather avoid me than figure out how to work together. And when I say anything, he just tells me that I'm being paranoid. I hate that he always seems to either be blowing me off or trivializing what I have to say to him. I hate when he says that we're just going to fight and that he should just go ahead and leave...because then that's all he thinks is going to happen and it doesn't matter what I try to do, how I say something, or what I say, he's only going hear/see what he wants to and that's the negative connotation of the behavior.
I'm at a loss. ::sigh:: I really am. I just don't know what to do. To be honest...I'm ready to...
Today, he said that he wanted to go see the movie that we were supposed to go see last night, but didn't because I had to get something for school done that ended up taking longer than I'd thought it was going to. Then he never called (kind of what I'd expected to happen), so I called him (mostly because I was trying to figure out if he was avoiding me or not). When I called him, it only rang once and then I was sent to voicemail...so I kinda figured he was ignoring me. But then he called me back (not what I was expecting)...but on the phone he sounded distant and like he would have preferred doing anything else to talking to his girlfriend. I hate calling him because he almost always sounds like that, and rarely sounds like he actually cares about me.
I hate telling him what I think/feel, too...because he gets so defensive about my thoughts and feelings. Or if I say something about what I think based on the way he's behaving (body language, tone of voice, etc.), then he'll say things along the lines of how stupid it is to do that. And that unless he says something, making assumptions about a person based on behavior is stupid. He never says outright that I'm being stupid by trying to be empathetic, but the words he uses and the way that he says it to me, it's what he implies.
Supposedly, he's going to call around 10:00p...but if past events are any indication, then it could be as late as 1:00a before he actually calls. So, I'm not going to hold out any hope waiting for him to call. I mean, if I miss his call, then I will call him back as soon as I notice the missed call...but I'm not going to wait around with my phone on me [around the time he's supposed to call] because I never have my phone on me. But I'm not going to purposely ignore his call either...what good would that do? But when I called him back to let him know that he didn't have to call me later if he didn't want to (because like I said already, it really didn't sound like talking to me was what he wanted to do), he sounded offended. As though I'd just told him what he wanted to hear, but he didn't want me to know it...but whatever. Then the conversation just dragged on awkwardly because he just wouldn't end it.
::sigh:: Last night was a mess. From the time the boy came over to the moment that I hung up the phone when he called to let me know that he'd made it home safely. Yesterday, he didn't eat his lunch (because he didn't like it, so that was nobody's fault but his own), so he was really hungry by the time it was dinner time and that was causing him to be a little cranky. But I don't think that he was aware of it (the crankiness) because the little bit of an argument/disagreement (or whatever it was) that we did have, before he blew it out of proportion, was nothing. But the night just kept getting worse...
::sigh:: I just get the impression that he finds me to be too much of a hassle and would rather avoid me than figure out how to work together. And when I say anything, he just tells me that I'm being paranoid. I hate that he always seems to either be blowing me off or trivializing what I have to say to him. I hate when he says that we're just going to fight and that he should just go ahead and leave...because then that's all he thinks is going to happen and it doesn't matter what I try to do, how I say something, or what I say, he's only going hear/see what he wants to and that's the negative connotation of the behavior.
I'm at a loss. ::sigh:: I really am. I just don't know what to do. To be honest...I'm ready to...
Today, he said that he wanted to go see the movie that we were supposed to go see last night, but didn't because I had to get something for school done that ended up taking longer than I'd thought it was going to. Then he never called (kind of what I'd expected to happen), so I called him (mostly because I was trying to figure out if he was avoiding me or not). When I called him, it only rang once and then I was sent to voicemail...so I kinda figured he was ignoring me. But then he called me back (not what I was expecting)...but on the phone he sounded distant and like he would have preferred doing anything else to talking to his girlfriend. I hate calling him because he almost always sounds like that, and rarely sounds like he actually cares about me.
I hate telling him what I think/feel, too...because he gets so defensive about my thoughts and feelings. Or if I say something about what I think based on the way he's behaving (body language, tone of voice, etc.), then he'll say things along the lines of how stupid it is to do that. And that unless he says something, making assumptions about a person based on behavior is stupid. He never says outright that I'm being stupid by trying to be empathetic, but the words he uses and the way that he says it to me, it's what he implies.
Supposedly, he's going to call around 10:00p...but if past events are any indication, then it could be as late as 1:00a before he actually calls. So, I'm not going to hold out any hope waiting for him to call. I mean, if I miss his call, then I will call him back as soon as I notice the missed call...but I'm not going to wait around with my phone on me [around the time he's supposed to call] because I never have my phone on me. But I'm not going to purposely ignore his call either...what good would that do? But when I called him back to let him know that he didn't have to call me later if he didn't want to (because like I said already, it really didn't sound like talking to me was what he wanted to do), he sounded offended. As though I'd just told him what he wanted to hear, but he didn't want me to know it...but whatever. Then the conversation just dragged on awkwardly because he just wouldn't end it.
Friday, July 11, 2008
when you look me in the eyes and tell me that you love me everything's alright when you're right here by my side
Yay, it's Friday!! That means that I get to see my fiancé!! Of course, that probably also means that we'll fight, too...because when don't we fight? ::sigh::
And now for the round-up of the stuff that's amused me this week...
Top 10 Animal Hissy Fits as counted down by Animal Planet...I wasn't going to include it until I got to the #4 animal and it made me giggle.
Umm...okay...some brothel in Nevada is offering free gas to those who visit...
This week was a strange week for police and drugs in the news...because first, two people were arrested for growing cannabis in a cemetery...and then later in the week, cops found $400,000 in cocaine in the car that they'd been driving around two months.
This made me think of the boy when I saw it the other day: 14 Classic Tech Rivalries.
How unaware of the "new guy" were the firefighters in some German town, that they didn't notice the drunk guy that wanted to play fireman and went out on an actual call with them?
That would be one way to get out of your marriage...just flip your spouse up into the wall with the fold-out bed and kill him/her in the process. Not exactly legal, but it worked for her.
And now for some amusement from Overheard in New York...
We Should Move to the Country. Where I Can Beat You
Seven-year-old boy (spelling everything he says): D-a-d-c-a-n-I-h-a-v-e-a-d-o-g?
Dad: N-o-t-n-o-w.
Seven-year-old boy: Shut yo' mouth!
-- Uptown 6 Train
What's That on Your Shirt? A Maple Leaf?
Mother: Honey, what is wrong with your eyes?
Teen daughter: I am stoned.
Mother: You look like you have allergies.
Teen daughter: I am stoned.
Mother: Maybe it's pink eye.
-- Central Park
Mom Finally Comes to Terms with It
Mom: You're not cooking anymore. You're awful.
Daughter: I don't like cooking. I'd rather bake.
Mom: Of course you would, you f***ing stoner.
-- A Train
And now for the round-up of the stuff that's amused me this week...
Top 10 Animal Hissy Fits as counted down by Animal Planet...I wasn't going to include it until I got to the #4 animal and it made me giggle.
Umm...okay...some brothel in Nevada is offering free gas to those who visit...
This week was a strange week for police and drugs in the news...because first, two people were arrested for growing cannabis in a cemetery...and then later in the week, cops found $400,000 in cocaine in the car that they'd been driving around two months.
This made me think of the boy when I saw it the other day: 14 Classic Tech Rivalries.
How unaware of the "new guy" were the firefighters in some German town, that they didn't notice the drunk guy that wanted to play fireman and went out on an actual call with them?
That would be one way to get out of your marriage...just flip your spouse up into the wall with the fold-out bed and kill him/her in the process. Not exactly legal, but it worked for her.
And now for some amusement from Overheard in New York...
We Should Move to the Country. Where I Can Beat You
Seven-year-old boy (spelling everything he says): D-a-d-c-a-n-I-h-a-v-e-a-d-o-g?
Dad: N-o-t-n-o-w.
Seven-year-old boy: Shut yo' mouth!
-- Uptown 6 Train
What's That on Your Shirt? A Maple Leaf?
Mother: Honey, what is wrong with your eyes?
Teen daughter: I am stoned.
Mother: You look like you have allergies.
Teen daughter: I am stoned.
Mother: Maybe it's pink eye.
-- Central Park
Mom Finally Comes to Terms with It
Mom: You're not cooking anymore. You're awful.
Daughter: I don't like cooking. I'd rather bake.
Mom: Of course you would, you f***ing stoner.
-- A Train
Thursday, July 10, 2008
here's to the nights we felt alive here's to the tears you knew you'd cry here's to "goodbye" tomorrow's gonna come too soon
So...the following totally makes me think of the boy:
2 Your inkling that something is wrong in the relationship is probably right.
Example: He's incommunicado. Before the days of e-mailing, texting, IMing, and Facebooking, if you didn't hear from your boyfriend for a day or two, it wasn't the end of the world (or your relationship). But now that communication is so easy and instant, it's usually a sign he's not fully invested.
Example: He's incommunicado. Before the days of e-mailing, texting, IMing, and Facebooking, if you didn't hear from your boyfriend for a day or two, it wasn't the end of the world (or your relationship). But now that communication is so easy and instant, it's usually a sign he's not fully invested.
-- excerpted from 8 New Love Truths You Must Know, pages 126-9 in the August 2008 issue of Cosmo
::sigh:: But anyway...last night, when I was reading through the new issue of Cosmo and read that article, I was like, 'huh, that's totally how he acts.' And that's so not a good thing (that I thought that...or that it appears that way that he is acting like that because there were three full paragraphs under "2" and I only put half of one). Because it's gotten to the point, where it feels like unless there's a greater than 80% chance of him seeing me that day, he doesn't talk to me. And the days where he isn't going to see me for sure, but does talk to me, it's because I called him and then he tries to get me off the phone as quickly as possible.
This constant game of "ignore multiple days, talk to a few days, start over again" is really starting to mess with me...because I'm beginning to feel like that crazy, insecure girlfriend who doesn't trust anything her boyfriend says. ::sigh:: Whatever...
I don't know what I'm supposed to do... Do I just keep pretending like nothing's wrong? Because when I try to calmly tell him what's wrong, he tends to get mad at me (or worse, ignore me and everything that I said to him)...but if I pretend like nothing's wrong, then it's not going help anything. ::sigh:: I feel like I'm just some background noise that he wants to...needs to tune out when I try and talk to him. No matter what it's about. That's why I don't talk to him...and that's why he gets mad at me for keeping things from him...
::sigh:: But anyway...last night, when I was reading through the new issue of Cosmo and read that article, I was like, 'huh, that's totally how he acts.' And that's so not a good thing (that I thought that...or that it appears that way that he is acting like that because there were three full paragraphs under "2" and I only put half of one). Because it's gotten to the point, where it feels like unless there's a greater than 80% chance of him seeing me that day, he doesn't talk to me. And the days where he isn't going to see me for sure, but does talk to me, it's because I called him and then he tries to get me off the phone as quickly as possible.
This constant game of "ignore multiple days, talk to a few days, start over again" is really starting to mess with me...because I'm beginning to feel like that crazy, insecure girlfriend who doesn't trust anything her boyfriend says. ::sigh:: Whatever...
I don't know what I'm supposed to do... Do I just keep pretending like nothing's wrong? Because when I try to calmly tell him what's wrong, he tends to get mad at me (or worse, ignore me and everything that I said to him)...but if I pretend like nothing's wrong, then it's not going help anything. ::sigh:: I feel like I'm just some background noise that he wants to...needs to tune out when I try and talk to him. No matter what it's about. That's why I don't talk to him...and that's why he gets mad at me for keeping things from him...
I'm just a girl my apologies what I've become is so burdensome I'm just a girl lucky me twiddle-dum there's no comparison
My youngest brother annoys the hell out of me. The kid seems to think that the world revolves around him. He likes to drink all the juice, but he'll never make any when he's the one to finish it. And then he'll complain that there's nothing to drink in the house. And then when you tell him that if he leaves the empty container on the counter instead of in the fridge, it's going to need to be washed before anyone can make juice again, he just ignores you because he's too engrossed in playing his stupid game on the computer. Between him and the 12 y/o, all they do is play on the computer.
Oh, nice...he just left with our grandma and still there isn't any juice. That's cool. What the hell? Why am I expected to do it? Just because I'm a girl? I don't think so.
Oh, nice...he just left with our grandma and still there isn't any juice. That's cool. What the hell? Why am I expected to do it? Just because I'm a girl? I don't think so.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
the 7 things I hate about you you're vain your games you're insecure you love me you like her you make me laugh you make me cry
Soo...this isn't exactly how I'd planned on starting this post, but anyway... I decided on using Miley Cyrus' 7 Things lyrics as the title to the post tonight, just 'cause, and she lists seven things in the beginning of the chorus and then says:
"And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you"
You make me love you"
at the end of the chorus. Soo...that's a total of eight things, Miss Miley Cyrus...learn to count, darlin'.
Okay...so, two weeks ago when WALL-E came out and I went to see it, y'know how excited I was? Well...times have changed now that I've seen it three times. Yes, you read that correctly. Three times...in the movie theatre. I took the girls to see it today because their dad asked me to take them to see a movie and then on Sunday I had taken my 12 y/o brother to see it because I'd told him that I'd take him to the movies.
And...of course, it's Tuesday, so I haven't talked to the boy at all today. ::sigh:: And this is probably why he thinks that I can't/couldn't deal with him having a job that required him to pull the same types of hours as a doctor. If only I could get him to understand that I could deal with it...it's just that communication would be needed. Too bad he likes to go for days without even saying anything to me.
***Spoiler Alert***
Anais in San Francisco: Anything good about Gossip Girl? You know you love it.
As if that were open for debate! I'm hearing Dan and Serena's on-again, off-again roller-coaster romance takes center stage forKristen Bell's Gossip Girl's blog in the new season—so much so that a group of passionate tween readers accost Dan and Serena to give them a stern talking-to about what they're doing wrong. Tee-hee.
Spoilers from E! online's Watch with Kristin
Some sorta spoiler-like news about Rescue Me and Scrubs, also from E! online's Watch with Kristin.
Okay...so, two weeks ago when WALL-E came out and I went to see it, y'know how excited I was? Well...times have changed now that I've seen it three times. Yes, you read that correctly. Three times...in the movie theatre. I took the girls to see it today because their dad asked me to take them to see a movie and then on Sunday I had taken my 12 y/o brother to see it because I'd told him that I'd take him to the movies.
And...of course, it's Tuesday, so I haven't talked to the boy at all today. ::sigh:: And this is probably why he thinks that I can't/couldn't deal with him having a job that required him to pull the same types of hours as a doctor. If only I could get him to understand that I could deal with it...it's just that communication would be needed. Too bad he likes to go for days without even saying anything to me.
***Spoiler Alert***
Anais in San Francisco: Anything good about Gossip Girl? You know you love it.
As if that were open for debate! I'm hearing Dan and Serena's on-again, off-again roller-coaster romance takes center stage for
Spoilers from E! online's Watch with Kristin
Some sorta spoiler-like news about Rescue Me and Scrubs, also from E! online's Watch with Kristin.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
I feel irrational so confrontational to tell the truth I am getting away with murder it is impossible to never tell the truth
Ugh...my 20 y/o brother annoys the hell out of me. My 12 y/o brother was on the computer and asked me to help him figure out why his playlist wasn't working...so I went out there to help him figure it out. And we did (it's the parental controls stopping him from being able to access the site properly...and for some reason the 11 y/o has a higher level of access than he does, weird), so then the 20 y/o decided he was going to take the computer from the 12 y/o and try to figure out how to make the playlist work. So what if he'd been on the computer pretty much from the time that he woke up this afternoon. Ugh...::sigh:: deep breaths, it's not worth getting stressed over. Right?
And then, today, the 11 y/o thinks that 4:00p is a good time to wake up to start the day! Are you freakin' kidding me? He needs to start going to bed before the sun comes up, not after. He seems to think that because it's summer that he can stay up all night playing on the computer. Haha!! I don't think that's going to keep happening when our mom finds out that he didn't get up until 4:00p and that was only because his three older siblings kept harassing him until he got out bed. I really don't think his dad's going to be happy when he finds out that the kid stayed up until 6:00 or 6:30a, whatever he said it was, and then didn't get up until 4:00p. Especially since I think his dad has the next few days off until Monday.
I normally watch the girls until a quarter to 3:00p on Thursdays, but today their mom was taking them to see either WALL-E or the new American Girl movie, so I was done with them at about twenty to 1:00p. So I was home by 1:00p...it was awesome. Not that I really used my extra free time to do anything productive. I mean, other than wake up my two youngest brothers. Lazy bums. Actually, all three of them are...well, four if you count the one that lives with my dad, too.
Anyway...here's something that I saw yesterday, that totally sucks: house accidentally demolished as a result of a moved sign. On top of it, she's lost all of her belongings...at least she wasn't in the house at the time.
And then this kid has stolen a police car, twice!, because he wants to be a cop when he grows up. The worst part is that noone even noticed the missing police cruiser.
And now for some amusement from Overheard in New York...
Be Sure to Bury Me with My DS
Little girl with Nintendo DS: Mommy, since I can't sleep in my room tonight, do I still have to help you right now?
Mom: Yes, you can still help.
Little girl: Ugh, fine. Just let me go die.
-- Union Square
Mommy and Our Piano Tuner, to Use a Hypothetical Example
Father to little daughter: You are the most beautiful girl in this photo... and I'm not biased.
(daughter smiles)
Father: Do you know what "biased" means?
Daughter (rolling her eyes): Yes, it means that you like both boys and girls.
-- F Train
And then, today, the 11 y/o thinks that 4:00p is a good time to wake up to start the day! Are you freakin' kidding me? He needs to start going to bed before the sun comes up, not after. He seems to think that because it's summer that he can stay up all night playing on the computer. Haha!! I don't think that's going to keep happening when our mom finds out that he didn't get up until 4:00p and that was only because his three older siblings kept harassing him until he got out bed. I really don't think his dad's going to be happy when he finds out that the kid stayed up until 6:00 or 6:30a, whatever he said it was, and then didn't get up until 4:00p. Especially since I think his dad has the next few days off until Monday.
I normally watch the girls until a quarter to 3:00p on Thursdays, but today their mom was taking them to see either WALL-E or the new American Girl movie, so I was done with them at about twenty to 1:00p. So I was home by 1:00p...it was awesome. Not that I really used my extra free time to do anything productive. I mean, other than wake up my two youngest brothers. Lazy bums. Actually, all three of them are...well, four if you count the one that lives with my dad, too.
Anyway...here's something that I saw yesterday, that totally sucks: house accidentally demolished as a result of a moved sign. On top of it, she's lost all of her belongings...at least she wasn't in the house at the time.
And then this kid has stolen a police car, twice!, because he wants to be a cop when he grows up. The worst part is that noone even noticed the missing police cruiser.
And now for some amusement from Overheard in New York...
Be Sure to Bury Me with My DS
Little girl with Nintendo DS: Mommy, since I can't sleep in my room tonight, do I still have to help you right now?
Mom: Yes, you can still help.
Little girl: Ugh, fine. Just let me go die.
-- Union Square
Mommy and Our Piano Tuner, to Use a Hypothetical Example
Father to little daughter: You are the most beautiful girl in this photo... and I'm not biased.
(daughter smiles)
Father: Do you know what "biased" means?
Daughter (rolling her eyes): Yes, it means that you like both boys and girls.
-- F Train
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
I've been down here before all my bones and joints are sore dig my way out of the wreck again I've been down here before lost myself and so much more
Okay...so, I'm not denying that I'm a perfectionist...but I am blaming my parents. This says that I can!!
And...my mommy says that after dinner today, she can do my hair for me. Yays...because I really want to get in the shower since I didn't do that when I got home from taking the girls back to their dad's house this afternoon.
But anyway...I'm sleepy...both last night and Sunday night, I didn't sleep very well. I had a hard time falling asleep and it didn't feel like I got enough sleep when it came time for me to get up in the morning.
***Spoiler Alert***
Teresa in Miami: Kristin, who cares about Dan and Serena kissing? Give us some news on whether Chuck or Nate or anyone will be gay on Gossip Girl!
I've heard of no plans to have any of the characters we know come out or even dabble in the second season—well, aside from little Eric van der Woodsen, por supuesto, who I'm told will have a love interest or two. Still, if the book series is any indication, Gossip will be getting gayer by the season, according to Penn Badgley. "By the end of the series, I think they got so bored writing the same things for 12 years, they were like, 'Let's just make 'em all gay,' " Penn says. "Chuck ends up gay and has a monkey on his shoulder that dresses in similar outfits." Oooh, please tell me that's true on the show, too.
spoilers from E! online's Watch with Kristin
And...my mommy says that after dinner today, she can do my hair for me. Yays...because I really want to get in the shower since I didn't do that when I got home from taking the girls back to their dad's house this afternoon.
But anyway...I'm sleepy...both last night and Sunday night, I didn't sleep very well. I had a hard time falling asleep and it didn't feel like I got enough sleep when it came time for me to get up in the morning.
***Spoiler Alert***
Teresa in Miami: Kristin, who cares about Dan and Serena kissing? Give us some news on whether Chuck or Nate or anyone will be gay on Gossip Girl!
I've heard of no plans to have any of the characters we know come out or even dabble in the second season—well, aside from little Eric van der Woodsen, por supuesto, who I'm told will have a love interest or two. Still, if the book series is any indication, Gossip will be getting gayer by the season, according to Penn Badgley. "By the end of the series, I think they got so bored writing the same things for 12 years, they were like, 'Let's just make 'em all gay,' " Penn says. "Chuck ends up gay and has a monkey on his shoulder that dresses in similar outfits." Oooh, please tell me that's true on the show, too.
spoilers from E! online's Watch with Kristin
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