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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Monday, January 18, 2010

this is my temporary home it's not where I belong windows and rooms that I'm passin' through

::sigh:: I honestly don't know how much longer I can do this. My family used to be so close...and now, I have no clue what the hell any of them are doing. I wish that I could just say that it's because the kids are older and on their own...but that's not true. Not even close. Aside from one of my younger siblings, all are still minors (under 18 years old). It's just so f***ing amazing how my mom and stepdad are so readily able to cut off contact with a family member. I mean, I've known that since I was about 14y/o...but honestly, I never thought that I'd be the next family member that they cut off all contact with. And I'm sorry, but stupid little apps on facebook do not count as contact (sorry, Mom). Only my dad seems to have voluntary contact with me. My grandparents have never been the ones to call me, so I don't count them in my family hatred. The sad thing is...I don't even hate any of my family. I'm just super hurt, upset and confused. And I wish that with every new revelation in my family relationships, it didn't hurt me and stress me out so much. That's the part that I can't keep doing.'s partly my fault since I'm mega-hesitant to completely cut my ties to them. I'm just afraid that if I do what they've been doing for almost six months now, that it'll be completely over and never repaired.

I just want to quit everything and disappear. It's not like anyone is going to miss me. Okay, that's a lie...but I know that the few who would miss me, would get over it and in a relatively short period of time, too. ::shrug:: I'm's okay.