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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Monday, May 18, 2009

because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me

I just don't get it. I honestly don't. Why does he wait until my mom is out doing something to tell me something stressful? Every time, too. Is it because my mom doesn't know that he's planning on telling me whatever it is? Or is it because she's too much of a coward to be present when he tells me?

I'm starting to think that I might just honestly and truly hate my mom. She just stands by and says nothing while her husband is an a**hole towards me [and her other three kids, too]. It's one thing if she doesn't know in advance that he's planning on saying something, but to just stare at me like I'm a f***ing idiot and making s*** up when I tell her about it...? I just can't stand her anymore. It's as though she doesn't care about her children, anything so long as she doesn't upset her husband. I hate it.

As long as I'm going to school, I don't have to pay rent...or at least, that had always been the deal my mom and stepdad had for me. Yesterday afternoon, my a**hole stepfather asked me if I had a job and then asked if I was going to school. Umm...summer classes already started everywhere and I only get financial aid for two semesters per school year: fall and winter semesters. So he told me to get a job...and pretty much made it sound like it doesn't matter if I'm going to school or not, I'm going to have to pay rent. I am trying to find a job...but it's really not going well. And he waited until after my mom had left to go grocery shopping to bring this up.

I just don't understand what is so godd*** unlikable about me. I mean, I was only four years old when I met either of my stepparents...yet, the entire time either one was/has been a part of my life, all s/he's wanted to do is get me out of his/her life. I'm a good person...right? I mean, yeah, I know I have my flaws just like any other person does...but that doesn't make me a bad person. Does it?