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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Sunday, December 31, 2006

the little weirdo down the street says he's making a rocket ship with household items so we can't find him

Wanna hear something completely insane?

Last night when I came home from going out...the tv and living room light were soon as the boy pulled into the driveway, the light and tv were turned off and then...whoever was staying up watching the tv started looking out the window of the front door... As if that isn't weird enough...the person was there for a long about 10 minutes...just peering out the window...but crouching down...kinda as though s/he thought that if s/he crouched down, neither of us would notice the weirdo in the window... It was so freaking retarded!! And I'm about 99% sure that the wacko peering out the window was my stepdad...

I doesn't matter if I come home on time for his ridiculous curfew...because if I come home "on time," he treats me like a child...if I come home later, he treats me like a child... What's the point? ::sigh:: Whatever...eventually...I won't have to deal with him anymore...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, December 29, 2006

Thursday, December 28, 2006

it's gonna take a long time to love it's gonna take a lot to hold on it's gonna be a long way to happy yeah left in the pieces that you broke me into

Blah...I don't know what to do... I want one thing...but I want something else just as much... I don't really know if I want anyone else's opinion though... I think that I might have jumped into something way too quickly...I'm not sure that I made the best decision... Actually...I've been thinking that I made a mistake...and that bugs me... Lately...I've been feeling more and more like... Yeah...I don't feel like finishing that thought... Seriously though...stay with the guy that makes me happy...or give up on the relationship that has way too many problems...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

the record won't stop skipping and the lies just won't stop slipping and besides my reputations on the line we can fake it for the airwaves

Well...Christmas is over...yays!!! But on the bright side, no major confrontations between family members again this holiday. I just have to write some 'Thank You' notes to some people...I know, I know, that seems a little, like, old-fashioned or something, but I guess it's just habit. I barely got any clothing this Christmas...that's pretty darn cool. But of the clothing that I did get, it was picked out well and I like it. So...thank you!! I got an adorable [Build-a-Bear] teddy bear, too. All dressed up cute in a tux.

Ugh...y'know what bugs the crap out of me? When my grandmother calls my cell phone in the morning as though it's the freakin' house phone. And then she wonders why I'm slightly crabby on the phone... And then when she does finally come over, she just sits in the driveway and repeatedly honks the horn instead of coming to the door like a normal person. And when she does finally get out of the car and come to the door, she just keeps her stupid finger on the doorbell. No wonder I try and avoid the crazy woman. I think that she needs some better SSRI's...seriously...

And...last Thursday...out of the blue my stepfather told me that I have a new, earlier than last time curfew. I'm supposed to be home by 12:30a Sun-Thur and by 3:00a Fri/Sat. Does he not realize that I'm 21 years old? I don't have a problem with having to follow some basic rules/guidelines...the thing that I have a problem with is that he thinks it's okay to ignore for days/weeks at a time and then spring some arbitrary rules on me and then go about talking to me, behaving as though he hasn't been ignoring me for some specifc reason that is unknown to me. I hate it more than anything.

Oh...and then on Friday was my daddy's Christmas party [for work] I got some free food for lunch. Yays!! And then...after the boy got of work, he and I went to get him some dinner and then wish his dad "Happy Birthday"...and then we met up with my dad, D**** (one of my dad's friends and co-workers) and K**** (my dad and D's supervisor at work) at The Berkely Front. After going there, we then left for the last stop of the evening... I had to have the boy make a detour and stop at my dad's house cuz I needed to pee. But anyway...we ended at Jon Jon's... The first time that I go to a strip's with my fiance, my father, his friend and my father's supervisor. That's pretty interesting. I was only weirded out once...and that was when the stripper started talking to me...I didn't really know what to do.

But now...I have to come up with some plans for New Year's Eve... Any ideas?

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Waltz of the Flowers

Guess what...

I saw "The Nutcracker" ballet this past Sunday was fun. Except for the little girl, her mother (or grandmother) and her sister (or orphan child brought along) behind us...they didn't shut up for nearly the enitre ballet. It was annoying. And guess what...the boy even kind of liked it. It wasn't as bad as he was expecting. So that was good. Means that maybe someday he'll take me to see some other "Swan Lake" or something. But I'm not counting on anything...not yet anyway. brother's soccer game was at 8:00a!! I don't even get up that early for school!! Let alone on a Saturday morning...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy

Guess what... I only have one final left... A&P I on Monday...then nothing until January 8, 2007.

Also...on Sunday...I'm going to see "The Nutcracker Ballet"...and you know that you're jealous...

Blah...Saturday morning I have to take my 9 y/o brother to his soccer game...hopefully it isn't too early...I like my sleep...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, December 8, 2006

I'm tired of pretending that I don't care for you I'm tired of pretending that I found someone new

I feel like I'm always pretending anymore... Like even more than I have ever felt like I was... And I feel like nobody even knows me anymore...and that I'm just a big lie... I wish that I didn't feel as crappy and terrible as I feel lately. I do not feel as though I am ever good enough...for anything that I want. I feel like I make problems worse for others. Especially those that are the most important to me...

Way too often lately, it feels like I barely register on the feels like multiple times a week I'm being ignored... I try and bring it to his attention...that doesn't do a d*** thing... He doesn't change...well, he does...but only for about a week and then the old behavior returns... I still just feel like I'm being taken for granted... As though he thinks that since he has me already...he doesn't need to do anything anymore...

And...lately...the worse thing that I keep feeling like and thinking about giving back the sparkly things... I feel like I'm trapped...I'm not happy anymore...but I couldn't stand to make him not happy either... I want to be happy...I'm trying...he's trying...but it's barely working...

And make matters worse...I keep getting unwanted attention from someone... At first, the attention feels nice...but then it just feels creepy. I don't purposely do anything to make this guy feel as though the attention is wanted. I wish that I was just reading things really does not feel like that... And on top of the unwanted attention...he gets jealous of this other guy...and it makes me feel as though he doesn't trust me...

I don't want to not be with him anymore...because honestly, when he does make me happy (which is a little more than not anymore)...I don't want anyone else. Ever. And even when I'm not happy...I just want him and I to be able to fix our communication problem... I just wish that I knew what to do...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]