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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Friday, August 29, 2008

I'll say anything you want to hear I'll see everything through I'll do anything I have to do just to win the love of a girl like you, a girl like you

This is the Fall TV edition of the weekly round-up...
.:. Gossip Girl premiere party fun...oh, c'mon, you know this is sooo much more important than all the other shows on tv this fall!!
.:. the premiere dates of returning shows...and the premiere dates of new series...
.:. a preview of the new Monday night shows (it includes what they're up against)...
.:. a preview of the new Tuesday night shows (it includes what they're up against)...
.:. a preview of the new Wednesday night shows (it includes what they're up against)...
.:. a preview of the new Thursday night shows (it includes what they're up against)...
.:. a preview of the new Friday night shows (it includes what they're up against)...
.:. a preview of the new Sunday night show (it includes what it's up against)...
all links are from E! online

***Spoiler Alert***

Tatiana in Baltimore: Loving the scoop on season two of Gossip Girl, but what is going on with Vanessa and Jenny? Clearly they are not chilling in the Hamptons!?
Jenny has been an intern for Blair's mama, Eleanor, and she's clearly moving on up because she'll even make a surprise appearance at the infamous White Party. As for Vanessa, I smell a new, scandalous romance brewing, and I don't like it one bit. (Hint: older man.)

Danielle in Glendale, Calif.: What's going on with those hot boys on Gossip Girl?
Nate is still in financial trouble (thanks, Daddy!), but he gets a loan from a new friend to help cover the difference. And Chuck...well, Chuck will make you squeal like a 13-year-old girl (especially if you are a 13-year-old girl) when he gets close enough to a certain Upper East Side lady to swap spit with her. Yes, Chuck is kissing someone, and I think you'll very much like who!

Francesca in Rhode Island: How about some support for the Winchester Boys of Supernatural?
Gladly. The new season is looking good, and I'm told that the black and white, monster-movie episode could well be one of the funniest Supernatural episodes ever. So set your TiVos—you may want to watch it twice.

spoilers from E! online's Watch with Kristin

so this is where the story ends a conversation on IM well I'm done with texting sorry for the miscommunication

I don't know if the boy was just busy yesterday or if I did something to annoy him, but he was barely talking to me yesterday. And he said that he'd call me after his class, but he didn't. I know that I could have called him, but the other day when I called him because he hadn't called like he said that he would, I woke him up. And I wasn't sure if I was going to do the same thing I just went to bed. I don't know...let's see if he forgets to call tonight after class, too...

Today's Cosmo horoscope says...
Libra - Single? A steamy night might be in the stars under sultry Mars. Attached? Treat him to eye candy tonight by lounging around the house in your lingerie and one of his shirts.
Interesting...but I don't know if I'm going to even see the boy tonight...he's not too great at communicating with me.

And now for the weekly round-up of the things that intrigued me this week:
.:. This article from Psychology Today: Field Guide to the Nerd: It's All Geek to Me, amused me because it made me think of my 12 y/o brother and it made me think of the boy...neither are quite are nerdy as the extremes of the article, but, y'know...
.:. How horrible...who could/would do such a thing? Run a person over and then just leave him there...?
.:. Lol, seriously what is it with animals chasing off bears? Especially animals that really should be afraid of the this eight month old puppy...
.:. Aww, poor kitty cat...walled up in a tub for seven weeks...
.:. Weird...the cat has four ears!! Yes, that was not a typo, the cat has four ears.
.:. Aww, how cute...monkeys are empathetic, too. They like to give and receive, also.
.:. Poor baby elephant...his confused mommy was too aggressive to be around him...but everything is okay now.
.:. Umm, okay...what's wrong with having animals in the town? A one-horse town is soon to become a no-horse town...
.:. An abandoned newborn was found safe with a mother dog and her sweet is that?
.:. Oh my gosh...what a lucky toddler!! His diaper pretty much saved his life...
.:. Oh, man...that's pretty crazy, she was able to diagnose the baby's cancer from a picture...
.:. Seriously now, how unfair is that? Just because a kid is better than the majority of the kids in the league, he's banned from playing?
.:. Last Friday, I mentioned something about the girl who was arrested for not paying her library's an update on her.
.:. Talk about your loyal customer...53 new Cadillacs in 53 years!
.:. What idiots...two self-called grammar police defaced a sign at the Grand Canyon National Park...
.:. Oh em gee...I want to be as lucky as this couple is, they won a $350,000 jackpot four times in one week. Four times in one week!
.:. Look! A new Rate-a-Trailer from E!...this time it's for a new Fast and the Furious...and it's with the original cast members, so y'know maybe it'll be good...
Okay...well, that's all for this week...

And lastly, some amusement from Overheard in New York...

Only Thirty-Nine More Quarters to Go!
Hobo: Can you spare a quarter?
Young female Brit on phone: Just a sec, Mitch* (turns to hobo) what is it?
Hobo: A quarter, can you spare a quarter?
Brit: A qua-what?
Hobo: Twenty five f***ing cents!
Brit: Here, have your quarter. fact, take a dollar, go get pissed, or do crack. Or weed. Whatever you...
Hobo (interrupting): Actually, I was thinking sushi tonight.
-- 29th & 6th

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

sing me something soft sad and delicate or loud and out of key sing me anything we're glad for what we've got done with what we've lost

Grrr!! The computer...whatever it is, is pissing me off!! I keep trying to listen to music or watch a video of something, but the stupid things won't work. I have to stop whatever I am doing and completely close the internet browser and reopen it for the dumb things to work. Now does that make any sense at all?

Anyway, I have about half of my textbooks purchased...oh, boy. I seriously hate school. And I'm going to hate, absolutely hate my biology class this semester. I printed out the syllabus this afternoon and looked at the schedule of what's going to be covered and about died. I've already learned this crap...waaaaay back in the 9th grade (I almost put 10th grade b/c that's when the rest of my h.s. class took it). I don't think that I'm going to be able to handle this class...but at least I have it at 2:00 in the afternoon, not first thing in the morning. Otherwise, I probably would be in jeopardy of making enemies as opposed to friends.

Apparently, my 12 y/o brother is in charge of checking the oil level in my car for me since I don't know how to (or refuse to learn how to). And if it gets too low or something like that, he's supposed to add some oil for me. The kid can't drive yet and still has two years until he's old enough to take driver's training/education (whatever it's called), but he gets to be in charge of maintenance for a vehicle.

I guess that I should probably update on the situation with the boy... ::sigh:: But I don't like to say anything when things are going well though. It worries me to say anything then...that seems to be the only thing that I'm superstitious about. I don't know, I guess that I can say that we've both come to the agreement/realization that giving up is [probably] the smart thing to do...we're just not in agreement on what we want. I always want the same thing...he doesn't know what he wants more: the logical, rational thing or the emotional thing (y'know, brain vs. heart).

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I heard you say you needed me now what’s the problem I can’t see you destroyed me I won’t fall apart again I’m not falling apart

I'm super scared that he went home with someone else last night (he was at a bachelor party last night). But I'm even more afraid that he's not going to talk to me today... I don't know what to do.

I know that I'm being stupid and self-destructive because I won't give up even though it seems to be obvious that our relationship isn't healthy for either of us...but I all I want is to know what to do to fix it so that we're both happy again.

I don't know why I can't be smart and give up... I don't know why...I really don't...if I knew, maybe it would all be easier...?

Saturday, August 23, 2008

yeah 'cause we are broken what must we do to restore our innocence and oh the promise we adored give us life again 'cause we just wanna be whole

So...unlike the post earlier today, that I took down as soon as the boy started yelling at me for it...this one is just about getting opinions.

If a girl and a guy are in a relationship, but said "boyfriend" has had his MySpace relationship status set to "Single" for more than two weeks...would it still considered cheating if said girl were to go out, have fun and possibly end up with another guy?

It's not that I plan on doing something, it's just that knowing what other people think, too, would be a help. I, honestly, don't plan on messing around with any other guys because it just doesn't sound appealing to me. Actually...the whole gender sounds like a turn-off at the moment, but that's a whole 'nother topic...

Okay...well...I guess...this whole post is kinda moot now, since the "boyfriend" in question changed his status to some scrolling text...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

I know I could say we’re through and tell myself I’m over you but even if I made a vow a promise not to miss you now and try to hide the truth inside

Oh, yay. Last night was a blast. I couldn't contain my joy when the boy and I ran into one of his coworkers after dinner and he acted as though I wasn't even there. It was quite awkward when the girl asked him, "is this your fiancée Ashley?"

I so wanted to be a b**** and have a confused look on my face while saying, "no, I'm not his fiancée...I don't even think we're dating."

Instead, I just smiled at her and said, "hi."

Only a month ago, maybe a little bit longer now, the boy never cared if I touched his phone...but over the last few weeks, he's been so secretive with his phone. If he's using it, whether to text someone, to check email or to call someone (unless he's talking to his parents), he does it really quickly and angles the screen away from me so that I can't accidentally see what he's doing. I was just ignoring this change in behavior, trying not to jump to any conclusions...but when he pretty much bit my head off last night at dinner for keeping secrets from him, I got mad and tried to calmly ask him about all of that strange new phone behavior of his. I even asked him a hypothetical question ("what would you say if I asked you: could I have your phone and look through it?"), to which he responded, "that's crazy."

::sigh:: My reason for asking that wasn't because I actually wanted to look through his phone at his text messages or his calls list, but because I wanted to see if had something to hide. I don't want to see what is on his phone...I don't trust him right now, so seeing what's on there isn't going to ease any fears I have or be a help in confirming any fears I have. I simply wanted to see if he still trusted me like he did a month or so ago...which apparently he doesn't. Since letting me touch his phone in the past had never been a problem...and now he doesn't leave it alone in the same room as me.

[updated at 2:24p] I forgot about the explanation the boy gave about why he was acting this way with his phone lately. He says that he's been doing that because I don't like that he's always on his phone...

Friday, August 22, 2008

peel me from the skin tear me from the rind does it make you happy now? tear meat from the bone tear me from myself are you feeling happy now?

This is the weekly round-up of the things that amused me for the week of August 18th:
.:. Lol...this made me giggle a lot...police called on a too loud party...
.:. What a silly cow, chasing after a bear...
.:. Haha!! Poor kid did not bargain for that when he attempted burglary of that 85 y/o woman's house...
.:. Aww, poor baby...stillborn, but was found alive a few hours later in the other explanation than a miracle...
.:. Haha, what a wasted trip to get a "fugitive"...
.:. This is pretty cool: the human immune system is ridiculously other words, 1918 flu antibodies are still present in survivors.
.:. How cool is that? He forgot his bifocals and won the lottery!
.:. Hooray for intolerance! Or not...ACLU successfully sued school district on behalf of a girl outed to her parents (among other things) by her high school principal.
.:. Updated pop culture references for the Class of 2012 (high school class of 2008)...and for the previous years' lists go here.
.:. Good for the justice system..."World's Greatest Dad" is sentenced to 3-20 years...
.:. Hahahaha!!! This picture (and the accompanying comments) is awful/hilarious! I feel bad though...because I really did think it was Tom Cruise in the picture when I first glanced at it.
.:. Yay yay yay yay!!! Gossip Girl returns on Monday, September 1st!! Here's a first look (from E!) at the second season!! - yes, I am excited...can you tell?
.:. Yay for increased tolerance! Hallmark is now offering gay marriage cards.
.:. Tsk tsk...things aren't looking good Olympics host country China...the IOC is launching an investigation into the age of gold medal winning gymnast He...
.:. How cool is that? The new sheriff in a county near Chicago is going to jail to learn what it's like to be in there...he didn't do anything illegal.
.:. What a stupid girl...$172 to get her released from jail to avoid $30 in library fines...tsk tsk...
That's all for this week...

And here's some amusement from Overheard in New York (::shrugs:: where else?)...

But You Know What They Say -- "Beer Before Liquor; Fly There Quicker"
Pilot (after landing plane in New York): American Airlines welcomes you all to foggy Ottawa, and we hope you had a pleasant flight.
Everybody on plane: Huh? What!
Pilot: Whoopsies, I mean New York City, JFK. [under his breath but still audible] I should drink less.
-- JFK Tarmac

You Earn Extra Street Cred for Creeping Out a Hobo
Suit lugging huge rolling suitcase to hobo taking up two seats on train: Pardon me.
Hobo (sliding over, looking at huge suitcase): What do you have there, a dog or something?
Suit (with deadpan look on his face, stroking suitcase fondly): I used to. [sighs]
(hobo slowly inches away)
-- L Train

Phyllis Puts on Her War Face Before Taking The Subway Home
Blue-collar guy holding elevator door: Have a good night.
Older professional lady getting off elevator: Peace out.
-- Office Building, Park Avenue

It Also Says You Owe Me Five Dollars
Young child: Can I have some candy?
Older brother: No, I'm not supposed to share. See (points to writing on label) it says do not share.
-- Pathmark, Queens

New York's Finest Wednesday One-Liners
Little kid to bus driver, after a police car siren is heard: Whenever I hear a police car siren, I always think that they are getting donuts, 'cause, ya know, cops love donuts, right?
-- B41 Bus
there are four more one-liners...

Thursday, August 21, 2008

so don’t bother I won’t die of deception I promise you won’t ever see me cry don’t feel sorry and don't bother I’ll be fine I kinda sorta have two simultaneous plans set in motion. The second one came about by coincidence. I was only planning on putting the first in motion. Since the boy hasn't said anything to me today at all...I'm going to venture a guess that he doesn't know anything about my plan and didn't read this at all. So...I going to safely assume that I can mention the second plan, I'm not going to go out of my way to contact him. Although, Sunday, he did say that he wasn't going to make an effort or whatever it was...I don't remember what his exact words were. But somehow it related to seeming like he was ignoring maybe, the second plan is a bad one. Oops. ::shrugs:: Oh, well...I'll figure out what to do sometime tomorrow afternoon.

As for the first plan, I think I'm going to give a deadline of Sunday and then I will begin to implement it. Since that gives him the weekend to solve the problem and since I'm really not that into being strung along either. But...who knows what will happen? Probably what I'm expecting since there in all likelihood won't be any communication to give him any indication what the problem is. ::sigh::

Well...I'm going to go get ready for bed now...sleepy time!!

I close my eyes and I kiss that frog each time finding the more boys I meet the more I love my dog

So...on my way home from my friend's Lia Sophia party tonight, I came up with a plan to implement within the next few days. I'd go into details...but I don't know for sure that the boy doesn't read this anymore.

After the two entries that I posted on 08/16/08 (first one, second one), he said that he didn't want to be tempted to read my blog anymore. I didn't really understand what I had said that was so horrible...or more specifically, "embarrassing." He claimed that I said embarrassing things about him, but couldn't tell me what I had I didn't even know what I should apologize to him for. Other than to vaguely apologize to him.

But...anyway...originally, I had been planning on just asking him about something. But now, I'm just going to do something instead...see if he even notices. ::sigh:: It's quite possible that he will...hopefully, he will.

Ugh...something bothered me, a lot, last night, when I saw the boy. When I was letting him know what I was going to be doing tonight (out of courtesy more than anything) and playfully said something about flirting with other guys, he didn't seem to care at all. In fact, he told me to go ahead and then said that he would then have to sleep with another girl. I had only said it to him trying to get his thoughts on something (the same something that I'd been planning on asking about)...and then he just seemed to think that he was unable to stop me from seeing other people, not realizing that to stop me is as simple as asking me directly. But...he just kept saying that I could do whatever I wanted, and if that meant date other people, too, then he couldn't stop me. That whole conversation just bothered me a whole lot...not because he was saying that it was okay for me, but because it implied that it was okay for him. And, more than anything, that's what I'm worried about right now...

But...I need to get my tired and sleepy butt to's 1:00a and I've been up since, well, technically I got out of bed at 8:30a...but I was half-awake for about half an hour to an hour before that (as usual ::rolls eyes::). So...yeah...sleepy, sleepy, sleepy... G'night, everyone!!

[sidenote:] Oh...remember when I had my little rant about cheating and inconsistency? Well...I was just looking at other stuff and stumbled across the jealousy/cheating article that I was looking for that day (here is a link to it).

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I never wanted to say this you never wanted to stay I put my faith in you so much faith and then you just threw it away you threw it away I do still have a boyfriend... Yesterday and Sunday were good days with the boy...well, nearly all of Sunday. There was a brief period of time that wasn't. But that's to be expected when two people who didn't seem to be communicating very well try to start an honest conversation to see if things can be fixed. I'm trying to be optimistic because I really do want to fix what's wrong...and it seems like he wants to try, too. I hope that I'm not just being blinded by what I want by seeing and hearing that from him.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

what's the deal with my brain why am I so obviously insane in a perfect situation I let love down the drain

I'm sooo confused right now. I don't know if I actually still have a boyfriend right now. It seems that he's no longer making decisions because every decision that he makes is a bad one. So does that mean that asking me out in the first place was a bad decision? Or does that mean that proposing to me in the first place was a bad decision? Or does that mean that breaking up with me was a bad decision? Or does that mean that every time he talks to me is a bad decision?

He said that I wasn't listening to him when I asked him what he meant by that...but the only thing I remember him saying the first time that I asked him what he meant was something about face value. So...I don't know what he I'm just going to end up overanalyzing what he said to me. ::sigh::

I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream you got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem

Ugh...for the second night in row I'm having trouble sleeping because my brain is swirling with thoughts. This sucks. I'm so very tired...but I can't sleep because I have so many thoughts running through my head keeping me awake. I really, really hope this doesn't happen tomorrow night, too, because I have to get up at 8:30 on Monday morning to go get the girls...and less than five hours of sleep does not make me a happy caregiver.

Okay...well...I seem to be sleepy I'm going to try sleep again...wish me luck!!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

oh I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do and I've hurt myself by hurting you

::sigh:: The previous post today was a bit, well...a lot more negative than I had intended it to be. The boy really isn't as horrible of a person as I made him seem to be.

It's just that I have so many questions right now...but I have no idea how to get them answered. It just sucks that I'm being left to speculate and come up with my own answers to my questions. And since I'm being pessimistic about it...I'm not coming up with the best answers. Hopefully...if I can get my questions answered...then the real answers won't be as bad as the ones that I've imagined. But if they are...then I can deal with that...

I’m not fine, I’m in pain it’s harder everyday maybe we’re better off this way? it’s better that we break...

Ugh...I don't know what to do... My "boyfriend" is way too busy for me. But I can't say anything to him because then I'm being a "drama queen" or "wanting all of [his] free time." I don't get it. I feel like he wants this to fail. He tells me that whether or not we succeed is dependent on me...meaning, whether or not I'm a "drama queen." How can the success of a relationship be solely dependent upon one person? The success of a relationship is dependent upon whether or not those involved are vested in the success of it...right? ::sigh::

Lately...I just feel like all he sees me as is a female friend that he [maybe] has a crush on, but doesn't want to tell...or worse, he only sees me as some whore that he can call when he thinks that he can get some. Because even though he says we're dating as long as that's what I want...I don't think that's what he wants at all. He keeps saying that he wants a "stable, drama free" relationship, but that it's all up to me to create that. I don't know if he realizes just how much he helps to create that drama he despises so much. He doesn't like the way I react to what he does...yet he consistently does the same things over and over again. And then calls me a drama queen for it. But if I try not to react the way that I really want to, or try to ignore it, he gets mad at me, too. This time for hiding things. It's not fair...I can't win.

Against my better judgement, I stupidly called him the other night because I hadn't really talked to him in a couple of days and I missed him...but he just sounded annoyed that I had called him (he says he was "just really tired"...except that when he answered the phone he sounded wide awake and like he was with other people, and he's the one that asked if he could call me back at a later time). It wasn't like I really had anything to say to him, it was just that I missed him and I wanted to say 'hi.' I don't know...maybe all communication should just be left up to him...? Then he can decide if/when to contact me (he can be in control of the relationship, hopefully this way I can't f*** it up). This way, I won't bother him. I'm sure that will backfire and cause a problem...but I don't know what else to do...I'm at a loss... Everything I say to him seems to piss him off. No matter how I word it...I don't know what I do wrong most of the time.

Yesterday, I tried to ask him what was going on...but it didn't really clarify anything for me. He just gave me some answer that said...well, I don't really know what it said. I really just think he's avoiding me. I don't even know what I did wrong. Even though he says that I didn't do anything wrong...yet it still feels like I did. I feel like a pariah.

Just to have a male perspective, I asked one of his friends what he thought. But I consider the guy a friend, too...that was my real reason for asking his opinion, not because he is also the boy's friend. I wouldn't have been offended had the guy told me that he didn't want to be put in the middle. I would have understood completely. I just didn't think it was something that a girl could answer for me and be of any help. Honestly though...I don't know how much I can put into what he said to me...I so badly want to believe the answer he gave me because it goes with what I know of the boy, but...

According to one of my good friends, her honest opinion is that it's time to move on. I asked her what she would think in my shoes when I gave her what I know...well, I didn't have time to give her all that I know. So maybe her honest opinion wasn't the best. But I've talked to her on multiple occasions, so she does know more than just what I told her yesterday. We talked for a bit (having two conversations at once) and I felt a little better after talking to her...but still just as confused.

::sigh:: And in just over a week, his fall classes start...which meet four nights a week (Tuesday through Friday). So if I'm lucky, I might see him once a week...if that. Because he's still got to study, spend time with family and/or friends, and have time to himself. And when our relationship was more serious, he made it seem as though I was last on that I can't see how I would be any higher now that he wants a "less serious" relationship.

How can we make our relationship work on less serious level if he avoids me? If we almost never see each other? Is his goal to hurt me to the point that I hate him? Because if go a few weeks without seeing my boyfriend because he thinks I'm not important enough, then he just might meet that goal... I don't know...maybe his goal is to hurt me to the point that I don't want to try anymore and he can be rid of me... I wish I knew what he was thinking...instead he's just a stranger to me. I used to know I have no idea who he is.

Friday, August 15, 2008

there's an angel with a hand on my head she says I’ve got nothing to fear she says 'La ilaha il Allah' we all shine like stars

Ugh...I'm a little bit crabby today...I didn't sleep well last night. Make that I barely stayed asleep last night...I don't know why. But then I woke up around 7:15a and decided to turn my computer on...thinking maybe if I moved around a little bit, then falling back to sleep would be easier. Well, it was a little bit...until my stepdad decided it was a good idea to keep yelling. So...yeah...just as I was finally getting back to sleep around 8:30a, he made it impossible. If I did that to him while he was trying to sleep, he'd throw a major s***-fit...but I'm just supposed to ignore it and be fine. Whatever, jerk.'s the non-crabby stuff...

Today's Cosmo horoscope says...
Libra - Think twice about how you chat with a guy pal under retro Jupiter tonight or he might think that you're coming on to him.
Ha! I don't see that one coming to fruition. Seriously now...what guy pal am I going to hang out with?

This is the weekly round-up of the things that amused me over the week:
.:. Aww...who doesn't love a story about babies? Two babies born on 08/08/08 at 8:08, weighing 8lbs., 8oz. How cute is that?!?
.:. A shopkeeper in Spain found a Euro that has a cartoon character on it as opposed to the country's king...
.:. Hooray for medical treatments causing problems at the border! Seriously though, radiation treatments may require a doctor's note for border crossing...
.:. Umm...are you kidding me? $26 per grape?!? As much as $910 per bunch?!?
.:. Haha...children's toy picked up more than intended to one mom's dismay.
.:. Peanut/peanut butter bans in schools are just ridiculous...there are much better ways to protect children with allergies.
.:. Cosmo's list of 21 Things Women Can Do That Men Can't...a rebuttal to the list of Top 10: Things Only Men Can Do from
.:. Earlier this week, I saw this on Top Drugs' Strange Side Effects...
Allegra-D 24-Hour
Side Effect: Along with headaches and colds, this allergy medication has been known to give users backaches.
Umm...maybe...I need to look into a new allergy medicine...since I just assumed it was my little brother that screwed up my back...and my birth control giving me the headaches. Maybe it's a combination of my allergy medication and my birth control making my migraines worse than before I started either medication...
.:. I have to wait until July 17 2009 to see the next Harry Potter was supposed to come out on November 21 2008...stupid WGA strike...
.:. Haha...too much noise gets the boyfriend banned from the girlfriend's apartment...

I want to go to the Weezer concert...Angels & Airwaves are playing, too (some other band is playing, too, but I don't think I know who they are) on September 29th ticket info.

And here's some amusement from Overheard in New York...

Like That It's Possible to Get Thin by Eating Chocolate?
Guy giving out Kellogg's Special K chocolate bars: Free cereal bars! Free cereal bars!
Hobo (to Kellogg's guy): Hey, why isn't anyone giving me any money? They all be paying attention to you!
Kellogg's guy: Because I'm giving out free candy. You're giving out lies.
-- Outside Penn Station

***Spoiler Alert***

Lory in New York: What is gonna happen when our Gossip Girl favorites graduate school? Please, tell me anything. You know we love you.
Looks like the Gossip Girl series is sticking close to the books when it comes to college admissions: In an upcoming ep, several of the kids head to New Haven to check out the Yale campus. If they eventually graduate, they'll join a prestigious list of fictional Yale alumni that includes Rory Gilmore (Gilmore Girls), Joshua Lyman (The West Wing) and Montgomery Burns (The Simpsons).

spoiler from E! online's Watch with Kristin

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I try to run but I keep on falling and every time I turn around I hear your voice, and it keeps on calling I'm bound there's no way out

People confuse me. I don't understand how so many people can say one thing when standing face-to-face with someone, say another thing over the phone and then say yet another thing in their online profiles. But people do it all the time. Part of that inability to be consistent is how some people get caught cheating. And then there are people who just blatantly flaunt the lover to partner, like the guy in an article that I read a week or two ago about jealousy (of course, now that I want to put a link to it, I can't find the article anywhere!).

This train of thought mostly came about because I keep reading things about people cheating or about how to spot a cheater.

It's not that I want it to be Monday so that I can go back to getting up's just that I'm really boring this weekend and only have stupid things to do. Like cleaning and the such. So it's not like I'm really looking forward to the weekend either. So...blah... Plus, I think I'm just going to be home alone for most of it. Oh, joy... Don't get me wrong...I like my alone time, it's just that I get plenty of it during the week due to the vampirism of my younger brothers (they like to stay up all night and sleep all day...I didn't mean that they like to drink blood and are the undead), the sleeping all day of my stepdad due to his work schedule and the working all day of my mom. So...I have like at least 2+ hours of alone time every day due to my work, see? A boring weekend home alone doesn't sound all that great and relaxing anymore, does it?

Grr...well, my tummy keeps growling at I'm going to go find something to eat I guess. Y'know...before I pass out from least that seems to be what my stomach would like me to think!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I’m here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

Saturday, August 16th at 7:00p on the Food Network, Paula's Party is going to have RuPaul as a guest. I want to see that. But knowing me, I'll forget to watch it. I really don't like to watch tv. I mean, don't get me wrong...I have my favorite tv shows and whatnot, but I really don't like to sit and veg out in front of the tv for hours at a time. I'd rather be doing something else.

Tuesday, November 04th, the new Hinder album Take It to the Limit is released...and I want it.

I was reading the two most recent issues of Entertainment Weekly today...can you tell?

I was supposed to have a super long day today...but I got a phone call from the girls' mom today as I was getting ready to say that it was going to be a normal day because the girls were going to stay at their dad's house today. opposed to a 10+/- hour day, it was just a seven hour day. Still kinda long, just not as long...

Now...I'm just waiting for it to be after 9:00p so I can take a shower and go to bed...because to do so before then would be too early. And just what I want, to wake up wide-eyed and bushy-tailed around 7:00a tomorrow morning. ::rolls eyes:: Yeah, right. No...I'm not that tired that I want to go to bed around's just that I've had a headache since about 2:00ish this afternoon. So I just want to curl up in bed and lie down in the dark, in the peace and quiet. Ha! What peace and quiet? There is none of that around here...not with the noise my brothers make and the volume my mom keeps the tv at. But at least the darkness of my room would be better than moving around still...and possibly falling asleep would help make my headache go away.

Okay...well, I'm off to find some dinner now. I don't really think that I'm going to eat what my mom's chicken...but maybe...?

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I'll need a little more luck than a little bit cuz everytime I get stuck the words won't fit and every time that I try I get tongue tied

Just a quick couple of updates before I get to the regular (read boring to most, probably) post stuff:
.:. Yesterday, I edited the last sentence of the 08/08/08 post...well, the first one from that day. The math was off...I was being special. Now it's correct.
.:. Today, I added a countdown thingy to the was at the top of the page, but I didn't like it there. So now it's in the sidebar above the "About Me" section.

Tomorrow is the last day this week that I watch the girls...then I have the rest of the week off because they're heading down to Atlanta for a long weekend. those two days that I would normally be watching the girls, I should use to do something productive...y'know, like get down to WSU and get my OneCard finally. Among the other things that I need to get done before the semester starts.

What the... Someone has flown all the way from Belgium just for the Woodward Dream Cruise... ::shakes head in disbelief:: Are you freakin' kidding me? I can understand taking off the afternoon on Friday, maybe even the whole day since it's the day before the official event...but I don't understand all the people that are out parked along the street on a Monday afternoon. Seriously, don't you people work? It wasn't just people that might have been was obviously people who had taken the day (or possibly the week) off work for the what seems like sole purpose of sitting alongside a very busy street to watch cars. Friday, yes, by mid-afternoon the traffic will not be traveling along at posted speed (or well above, which is normal)...but on a Monday, even with the above average number of classic cars, many cars are going at posted speed or above. I'm only mentioning Monday because I was using Woodward to take the girls to their dad's house from their mom's house yesterday around 3:00p and there were way too many people just sittin' around watching the cars go by for a Monday afternoon.

Hooray for L'Oreal Sublime Bronze because I'm not deathly pale anymore...

Oh, man...the girls' mom just called me (it's currently 8:55p)...tomorrow is going to be a long day. Pick up the girls at about a quarter to 10:00a and stay until about 8:30p when their mom gets home. ::sigh::

But, anyway...back to what I was saying about not being deathly pale anymore. The no longer deathly pale coupled with the ridiculously blonde is so not me...I'm so much more the fair skinned, dark haired girl. Nevermind that my natural hair color really is a medium blonde. Who knows...maybe I'll go back to red soon? Or maybe even brunette? I don't know...

Sunday, August 10, 2008

soon baby I will cry my last tears soon yeah I will be over you soon darling all these tears won't be here soon yeah you know that I will be over you

Apparently...when the boy (when I saw him for dinner, it was said that as long we both still want it then we're still boyfriend/ he's still "the boy" on here) saw the previous post, he said it made me sound jealous. But just "rationally jealous"...not excessively jealous. ::sigh:: I honestly wasn't jealous because the way he'd talked to me about this girl before, I knew he just saw her as a sister and I didn't know for sure, but I thought that she had a boyfriend. He told me after reading that post that she's engaged.

The thing was, I was just frustrated that it's the first couple weeks of August...and like every year, I barely get to see him. And this year it just seems worse because since April nothing has been going positively. And it hasn't necessarily been the fault of either of us.

Okay...well...I'm going to get dressed and whatever...and then maybe call the boy. Well, I'll probably call him anyway, but not necessarily do anything with him right away...because I plan on going to the mall today. And I don't think that he's going to want to go along...not since I plan on buying jeans. Which I hate having to do. I have stupid legs. They're too short for the Regular length jeans...and too long for the Short length jeans. So I just usually buy the Regular length jeans because I pretty much always wear heels...but I think that I need to get a pair of Short length because I'm going to need to wear my Vans or Etnies to class during the fall/winter. No way am I wearing heels to walk all over the WSU campus...that's effen ridiculous. As well as stupid and hell on my feet, legs and back. Athletic shoes with good arch support and cushioning sound great to me.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry" you said you would love me until you died and as far as I know you're still alive baby

Apparently the boy (who from now on will referred to as "that guy I'm kinda sorta dating") only has time to spare on Sunday and Monday of this coming week, which also happen to be the two days that I will probably be the b****iest, too. Oh, the joys of being a female in the reproductive years.

The best part of his lack of time to spare is that supposedly on Friday night, he was out with another girl. True, he's known this girl since middle school or something like that...but if the scenario had been flipped around and I'd been the one out with some guy that he'd never met before, he'd have been so amazingly jealous...

So...on the two "date" nights, he has plans to avoid cool is that? And then when I call him because things didn't go so well the last time we saw each other, and I say that I want to make it up to him, what does he say? Something positive? Something encouraging? No and no...he says that I don't have to, and then abruptly ends the conversation and pretty much hangs up on me. Seriously...and he wonders why from my perspective it's as though he hates me and wants nothing to do with me?

::sigh:: And I already have a pretty good idea that I won't see him again after Monday until sometime the week after because of the stupid Dream Cruise. I don't even hate the Dream Cruise...honestly, I'm just indifferent to it because cars are not that fascinating to me. But spending hours that turn into days that turn into weeks is just plain obsession. That's just as bad as going into debt over a shopping addiction.

Plus...I don't get why he keeps saying "I love you" to me. The way he acts around me and the way he sounds on the phone...I don't think that he does anymore. I'm so confused by him...and don't know what to do. Just keep getting strung along by him? Or...something else that I'm afraid to say...

I don't like when relationships don't end amicably...and this one seems to be going down in flames with both involved hating the other... Apparently, that's what I get for trusting someone...betrayal and hurt?

Friday, August 8, 2008

you keep on aiming for the top and quit before you sweat a drop feed your empty brain with your hydroponic pot start out playing with yourself

Today, my Cosmo horoscope says...
Libra - Loving Neptune says that the most important thing today is for you to do whatever makes you happy.
Too bad I can't do whatever makes me happy today...meh...

This is the weekly round-up of the things that amused me over the week:
.:. Umm...seriously now, how much embarrassment must people put their pets through?
.:. Aww, how cute!! Puppies "catch" yawns, too.
.:. Uh, yay...? "Cosmic ghost" found by an just looks like a green blob to me.

I want to go to these concerts:
.:. Seether at the Fillmore Detroit ticket info
.:. Sara Bareilles at the Fillmore Detroit ticket info
.:. Rock Band Live with Dashboard Confessional.... at Eastern Michigan University ticket info
Somebody should take me (or y'know, go with me), that would be awesome.

And here's some amusement from Overheard in New York...

...According to Martha Stewart Living
(movie set in SoHo)
Actor (showing where the fake blood stained his hands red): Man, if real blood did this it would be a lot easier to catch people.
Black guy: Man, ain't that the truth. A little hand sanitizer and that shit come right off.
-- Houston & Sullivan

This week there wasn't too much that I found to be all that interesting...sorry if that disappoints anyone. But, y' can look for stuff to amuse yourself, too...

in too deep and lost in time why'd you have to go and let it die beautiful veins and bloodshot eyes why'd you have to go and let it die

Ugh...y'know what annoys me? The fact that the boy seems to think that I'm bipolar and takes every chance that he can to tell me of that thought.

Okay, I realize that the posts of this blog tend to go from end of the continuum to the other and back again like all the time. But just like in my hard copy journal (which God forbid should anybody read), I tend to put my thoughts down more when I'm upset about something than when I'm happy about something. I use it as a way to calm down, so yeah...if someone reads either and doesn't actually spend any time with me, then of course s/he is going to have a skewed view of me.

Anyway...I started thinking about this after I'd already finished the previous post today. So, yeah, I realize this is the second post with it.

There was something else that I was thinking about, too...but I don't think that I'm going to mention on here.

::sigh:: And it bugs me that he's always saying how he's such a pleasant person to be around and that I'm so horrible to be around. Okay, maybe to everyone else in his life he's that pleasant person to be around...but anymore he's not his pleasant self around me. I try to be my normal self around him (which most of the time, I am in a good mood), but sometimes when he comes over he starts right away with what's wrong with me. And because I never know how long it's going to take for him to start with the chastising of me for whatever the perceived flaw is. That's probably why he thinks that I go from one extreme to the other so often...all it is, is that I'm withdrawn and trying to anticipate what he's going to say is wrong with me next.

But...whatever...I can't change that...that's why I'm ready for a change...

did you forget the magic? did you forget the passion, oh and did you ever miss me? ever long to kiss me?

I cannot stand it when people say things that they feel obligated to say but don't really mean. Specifically "I love you." Don't say that to someone if you don't mean it...just because someone says it to you, does not mean that you are obligated to repeat it back to them. I repeat, you are not under any obligation to repeat said statement back to the person if you don't mean the sentiment.

It's just annoying when people say things that they don't mean. The "I love you" example was just my specific example though, don't read too much into it. If I really wanted to, I could add another specific example, too. But I don't feel like it at the moment.

Last night, I asked the boy if he thought that I'd made a mistake by asking him to talk to me on Saturday...and he answered me with the answer that I had been afraid that he'd give me ("yes" in case you're too stupid to figure that out on your own...sorry, that was a bit harsh). He tried to get me to answer my own question first, but I just told him that I already knew what I thought and wanted his answer. After he answered, I told him what I thought (which was that I don't know if I made a mistake or not).

I know this is going to sound like I'm complaining or that I'm an attention-whore, but whatever that's not what it is...not really anyway. It just appears like the only days that the boy had any time for me this week were also the days that he had the least amount of free time to spare. ::sigh:: It just kinda feels like that's how it's been for the last few weeks, too. And like he can't stand to be around me, too. And then when I say anything to him, he twists my words into me wanting all his free time and all his attention. And that's not what I'm trying to say to him at all...what I'm really trying to say is that, if we only have a limited amount of time that we can spend together, then can we please try to make the most of it by making the quality of the time better? But instead, he just gets defensive and territorial of his free time. And then eventually, I end up thinking he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. Crap!, this ended up turning into more of a complaint than I had intended.

I don't think that things are ever going to change...and I don't think that he wants them to. I think that he's happy to let them fail. I'm starting to think he just says things that he doesn't mean to make up for an eight month lie. Specifically something said only two months after that.

[sidenote:] edited on August 11th to say two in the last sentence as opposed to the math was special that day.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

let me let go baby let me let go if this is for the best why are you still in my heart are you still in my soul let me let go

I think that I made a mistake on a really, really huge one. I should have just accepted it and moved on, right? Instead...I put myself into this Limbo-Hell...and now I'm miserable...

I guess that I can just ask him to say exactly what he wants the next time he actually deems me important enough to talk to. Since I seem to be one of the only people he doesn't respond to...I wish I just thought it was because he's busy working and not because of who is talking to him. But the thing is I don't just get my messages, I get my brother's, when I'm ignored and my brother is responded to in the same time period, it tends to make my paranoia a little less irrational.

[sidenote:] Yesterday morning, I posted the draft that I had saved from Sunday...scroll down the page and read it if you so desire.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

oh why be perfect no it's not worth it don't be so obsessed c'mon give it a rest this is not some contest just do your best cuz nobody's perfect

This is the weekly round-up of the things that amused me over the week (okay, so technically I should have posted this sometime Friday, August 1st):
.:. 61 year old Washington state governor denied entrance to bar for forgetting her id...uhh, maybe the bouncer needs to rethink that whole card every person idea...
.:. Aww, how adorable...a golden retriever has adopted some tiger in a few months, that may need to be re-thought...
.:. In NYC, a 12 year old girl fell 14 stories down a chimney...but the soot and ash at the bottom is probably what saved her life...crazy kid...
.:. Pharmacies refusing to hand out birth control... (I was bored one day and looking at the Human Nature blog on Slate, that's why this entry from June 17th is included in this list)
I don't know why I didn't do this on Friday...oh, well...enjoy it today...

This list amused me: 19 Things You Should Never Do.
(it's a list of things that men should never do)
Numbers 1, 2...and possibly one other number are the most important. I just can't say what the other number is specifically because the boy does it (and it does kinda annoy me, but it's not something worth mentioning so I never have). Number 6 isn't on what I consider the most important, but there are times when it is a possibility.

And now, for some amusement from Overheard in New York...

Today It's a Lolly. Tomorrow It's a BMW
(waiting in line)
Four-year-old kid: Mommy, I really want a lollipop!
Mom: Uhuh, move up here honey.
Kid: Mom! Just give in, I want a lollipop, okay?
(mother ignores him)
Kid: Just give in, it's okay, I want one. It's okay to give in, mom.
Kid: Mom, this isn't going to work for me! I want a lollipop!
Random guy in line: Resist!
-- Associated Supermarkets, Bleecker & LaGuardia

Just Watch Where You're Sticking That Scepter, Missy
Distressed four-year-old: But why are you walking in front of me?
Father: Honey, I know you're the princess, but that doesn't mean I can't walk in front of you.
-- 101st & Amsterdam

Then You Probably Have No Interest in Playing Football
Little boy: Grandma, can I play football?
Grandma: I don't know about that, you have to talk to the coach.
Little boy: Grandma, can I play football if I get an F in school?
Grandma: No, you can't play if you get an F.
Little boy: But what if it's an F for "fabulous"?
-- Nostrand Ave

All I Require in Exchange Is Your First-Born
Tourist woman: I am waiting until the sign says "walk"!
10-year old: Lady, then you're going to be here for a while.
Tourist woman: I don't want to cross by myself.
10-year old: Uh. I'll cross with you.
-- Greene St

See How Easy It Is Finding Someone to Tell You What to Do?
Ditzy blonde: I know you'll think this is stupid, but I was thinking of going to a life coach. A life coach or a really good psychic.
Brunette friend: You know what? I do think it's stupid. Here, I'll be your life coach: F*** psychics, and go get a job. Oh, and don't get fired this time. You're fixed now.
-- Metro North-Harlem

Is Our Tourists Learning?
Blonde tourist (after swiping futilely a few times): How do I swipe this?
New Yorker (looks at card in tourist's hand): That's not a Metrocard, that's your room key.
-- E Train

Meet the Author of How to Make a Straight Guy Shut Up
Guy at bar: I'm sorry if I'm being an a**hole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don't worry - I deal with a**holes all the time.
-- Montien, 12th & 3rd

Good Point -- F*** Those Furry Little Bastards
Little guy to big guy wearing fur hat: You know, wearing fur is murder.
Big guy wearing fur hat: So is me pushing you off the train.
-- A Train

Except All You've Written for Your Book Report Is "Cheese Is God"
Tutor: So did you understand the story you read for homework?
Girl student: The first time I read it, I didn't understand it. But the second time, I was mad f***ing high, and I got it.
-- Oriental Boulevard, Brooklyn

"Nice Tool" Does Sound Gay by Comparison
(construction worker pulls out a new tool from the truck)
Worker #1: Where the f*** did you get that?
Worker #2: F***in' Home Depot!
Worker #3: That's f***in' fancy!
-- 33rd St & 8th Ave

For a Moment I Thought You Were One Of Our Webcam Subscribers
Frenchman: What's up, dude?
Girl: So I see your roommate is rubbing off on you!
Frenchman (horrified): What? No. No. No.
Girl (laughing): It's a figure of speech.
-- 5th Ave

Sunday, August 3, 2008

with friends like you who needs enemies you ain't right you ain't never gonna be you're out of the call I'm afraid you've been declined

Yesterday afternoon, I posted the following bulletin on MySpace:

I'm not sure what to do...I don't really want any reminder of a cold-hearted person...but that would mean getting rid of a few things (or having to buy new ones to replace them)...what would you do if you were me? Any help you can give would greatly appreciated...thanks!!

And then I got the following response (copied exactly as it was in my MySpace Inbox) from one of the boy's best friends:

I'd say #1 don't post things like this on the's childish.

#2: If you would have followed my advice about respecting the people around you(including your boyfriend), not being so obviously self centered, and fixing/changing your bad attitude, you would not be in your situation. You have a foul presence Ashley. You need to grow up and learn to get along with people.

Good luck...

~[Name Withheld]

I don't understand why people can't follow the whole 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' thing... ::sigh:: The worst part about him thinking that he can say something like that me, is that if the boy and I still get married, most likely he'll stand up in the wedding. I don't think as the best man, but as a groomsman at least. I don't even like the guy; he makes me uncomfortable because ever since I met him he's been inappropriate around me...but whatever. Hopefully now he'll leave me alone and never talk to me again. I thought that I'd already deleted him from my friend list a while ago, but I very quickly deleted him after that message.

I know that I shouldn't have let that upset me...but when I read that last night, it really upset me. Not so much because of who said it, but because at the time the boy and I were trying to talk to one another and work things out...and I was afraid that if his friend was stupid bold enough to say something like that to me (after sending the boy a text saying that he'd sent me a strongly worded MySpace message), then what would he say to him to his face and what did the boy think? Did he agree? And I'm not self-centered enough to think that I'm often a topic of discussion for the boy and his friends (I'm of the thinking that I'm almost never a topic of discussion).

take me away to better days take me away a hiding place I got a pocket got a pocket full of sunshine I got a love and I know that it's all mine

Today, my Cosmo horoscope says...
Libra - Mars cautions you to look out for your well-being -- drink plenty of fluids, use sunscreen, and seek shade to avoid getting overheated today.
That might be a fitting horoscope...but I don't know yet...

And I think that today might be a good day... I just don't want to jinx it by saying anything...and I don't care if that's being superstitious.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

my feelings for you are forever one last kiss before I go dry your tears it is time to let you go it is time to let you go one last kiss before I go

I really don't know what I was going to say... I mean, there isn't really anything that I felt like I had to put out there for all to I'm not even sure why I started this post now. I'm just sad...that's all... I mean...I get it...problems exist...but why is it so easy for him to just walk away like I mean meant nothing to him? I just don't understand... ::sigh::

But at least I have one of the sweetest little brothers in the world. He tried to make me feel better last night... That kid can be such a brat at times, but he really can be super caring and compassionate at others.

It's probably best, right? Considering...I've never thought/felt like his parents thought I was good enough for him or that they even really liked least now he's not going to have to worry about that, right? Not that he even knew that I thought that because I didn't want to say anything that he might think was bad against his parents. I still don't even want to say it here now because he might see it...already I've typed it (or started to) a few times and then deleted it. But I'm just going to leave it this's not like I have anything to lose anymore, right?

He'll make some girl very happy some day...I just wish that the girl he's going to make happy was going to be me. But when neither of the people involved in the relationship seem to be able to solve the problems [working together]...then obviously, that's not going to happen. ::sigh::

I'm going to go curl up in bed and read a book now...