peel me from the skin tear me from the rind does it make you happy now? tear meat from the bone tear me from myself are you feeling happy now?

This is the weekly round-up of the things that amused me for the week of August 18^th:

.:. Lol...this made me giggle a lot...police called on a too loud party...
.:. What a silly cow, chasing after a bear...
.:. Haha!! Poor kid did not bargain for that when he attempted burglary of that 85 y/o woman's house...
.:. Aww, poor baby...stillborn, but was found alive a few hours later in the coolers...no other explanation than a miracle...
.:. Haha, what a wasted trip to get a "fugitive"...
.:. This is pretty cool: the human immune system is ridiculously durable...in other words, 1918 flu antibodies are still present in survivors.
.:. How cool is that? He forgot his bifocals and won the lottery!
.:. Hooray for intolerance! Or not...ACLU successfully sued school district on behalf of a girl outed to her parents (among other things) by her high school principal.
.:. Updated pop culture references for the Class of 2012 (high school class of 2008)...and for the previous years' lists go here.
.:. Good for the justice system..."World's Greatest Dad" is sentenced to 3-20 years...
.:. Hahahaha!!! This picture (and the accompanying comments) is awful/hilarious! I feel bad though...because I really did think it was Tom Cruise in the picture when I first glanced at it.
.:. Yay yay yay yay!!! Gossip Girl returns on Monday, September 1^st!! Here's a first look (from E!) at the second season!! - yes, I am excited...can you tell?
.:. Yay for increased tolerance! Hallmark is now offering gay marriage cards.
.:. Tsk tsk...things aren't looking good Olympics host country China...the IOC is launching an investigation into the age of gold medal winning gymnast He...
.:. How cool is that? The new sheriff in a county near Chicago is going to jail to learn what it's like to be in there...he didn't do anything illegal.
.:. What a stupid girl...$172 to get her released from jail to avoid $30 in library fines...tsk tsk...

That's all for this week...

And here's some amusement from Overheard in New York (::shrugs:: where else?)...

But You Know What They Say -- "Beer Before Liquor; Fly There Quicker"
Pilot (after landing plane in New York): American Airlines welcomes you all to foggy Ottawa, and we hope you had a pleasant flight.
Everybody on plane: Huh? What!
Pilot: Whoopsies, I mean New York City, JFK. [under his breath but still audible] I should drink less.
-- JFK Tarmac

You Earn Extra Street Cred for Creeping Out a Hobo
Suit lugging huge rolling suitcase to hobo taking up two seats on train: Pardon me.
Hobo (sliding over, looking at huge suitcase): What do you have there, a dog or something?
Suit (with deadpan look on his face, stroking suitcase fondly): I used to. [sighs]
(hobo slowly inches away)
-- L Train

Phyllis Puts on Her War Face Before Taking The Subway Home
Blue-collar guy holding elevator door: Have a good night.
Older professional lady getting off elevator: Peace out.
-- Office Building, Park Avenue

It Also Says You Owe Me Five Dollars
Young child: Can I have some candy?
Older brother: No, I'm not supposed to share. See (points to writing on label) it says do not share.
-- Pathmark, Queens

New York's Finest Wednesday One-Liners
Little kid to bus driver, after a police car siren is heard: Whenever I hear a police car siren, I always think that they are getting donuts, 'cause, ya know, cops love donuts, right?
-- B41 Bus
there are four more one-liners...