oh why be perfect no it's not worth it don't be so obsessed c'mon give it a rest this is not some contest just do your best cuz nobody's perfect

This is the weekly round-up of the things that amused me over the week (okay, so technically I should have posted this sometime Friday, August 1^st):

.:. 61 year old Washington state governor denied entrance to bar for forgetting her id...uhh, maybe the bouncer needs to rethink that whole card every person idea...
.:. Aww, how adorable...a golden retriever has adopted some tiger cubs...now in a few months, that may need to be re-thought...
.:. In NYC, a 12 year old girl fell 14 stories down a chimney...but the soot and ash at the bottom is probably what saved her life...crazy kid...
.:. Pharmacies refusing to hand out birth control... (I was bored one day and looking at the Human Nature blog on Slate, that's why this entry from June 17^th is included in this list)

I don't know why I didn't do this on Friday...oh, well...enjoy it today...

This list amused me: 19 Things You Should Never Do.

(it's a list of things that men should never do)
Numbers 1, 2...and possibly one other number are the most important. I just can't say what the other number is specifically because the boy does it (and it does kinda annoy me, but it's not something worth mentioning so I never have). Number 6 isn't on what I consider the most important, but there are times when it is a possibility.

And now, for some amusement from Overheard in New York...

Today It's a Lolly. Tomorrow It's a BMW
(waiting in line)
Four-year-old kid: Mommy, I really want a lollipop!
Mom: Uhuh, move up here honey.
Kid: Mom! Just give in, I want a lollipop, okay?
(mother ignores him)
Kid: Just give in, it's okay, I want one. It's okay to give in, mom.
(pause)
Kid: Mom, this isn't going to work for me! I want a lollipop!
Random guy in line: Resist!
-- Associated Supermarkets, Bleecker & LaGuardia

Just Watch Where You're Sticking That Scepter, Missy
Distressed four-year-old: But why are you walking in front of me?
Father: Honey, I know you're the princess, but that doesn't mean I can't walk in front of you.
-- 101st & Amsterdam

Then You Probably Have No Interest in Playing Football
Little boy: Grandma, can I play football?
Grandma: I don't know about that, you have to talk to the coach.
Little boy: Grandma, can I play football if I get an F in school?
Grandma: No, you can't play if you get an F.
Little boy: But what if it's an F for "fabulous"?
-- Nostrand Ave

All I Require in Exchange Is Your First-Born
Tourist woman: I am waiting until the sign says "walk"!
10-year old: Lady, then you're going to be here for a while.
Tourist woman: I don't want to cross by myself.
10-year old: Uh. I'll cross with you.
-- Greene St

See How Easy It Is Finding Someone to Tell You What to Do?
Ditzy blonde: I know you'll think this is stupid, but I was thinking of going to a life coach. A life coach or a really good psychic.
Brunette friend: You know what? I do think it's stupid. Here, I'll be your life coach: F*** psychics, and go get a job. Oh, and don't get fired this time. You're fixed now.
-- Metro North-Harlem

Is Our Tourists Learning?
Blonde tourist (after swiping futilely a few times): How do I swipe this?
New Yorker (looks at card in tourist's hand): That's not a Metrocard, that's your room key.
-- E Train

Meet the Author of How to Make a Straight Guy Shut Up
Guy at bar: I'm sorry if I'm being an a**hole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don't worry - I deal with a**holes all the time.
-- Montien, 12th & 3rd

Good Point -- F*** Those Furry Little Bastards
Little guy to big guy wearing fur hat: You know, wearing fur is murder.
Big guy wearing fur hat: So is me pushing you off the train.
-- A Train

Except All You've Written for Your Book Report Is "Cheese Is God"
Tutor: So did you understand the story you read for homework?
Girl student: The first time I read it, I didn't understand it. But the second time, I was mad f***ing high, and I got it.
-- Oriental Boulevard, Brooklyn

"Nice Tool" Does Sound Gay by Comparison
(construction worker pulls out a new tool from the truck)
Worker #1: Where the f*** did you get that?
Worker #2: F***in' Home Depot!
Worker #3: That's f***in' fancy!
-- 33rd St & 8th Ave

For a Moment I Thought You Were One Of Our Webcam Subscribers
Frenchman: What's up, dude?
Girl: So I see your roommate is rubbing off on you!
Frenchman (horrified): What? No. No. No.
Girl (laughing): It's a figure of speech.
-- 5th Ave