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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

you don't know me, don't ignore me if you had your way, you'd just shut me up make me go away... (I'm so unwanted)

So...I was curious as to maybe this blog was a reason as to why crabby-pants was ignoring me...and I tried multiple ways of Googling for myself yesterday afternoon. Yeah...good luck finding me (I don't mean that I'm impossible to find, I just mean unless you're really looking it appears to be kinda hard). I mean, if he knew my AOL screenname, then he could find this blog very easily because it's the first thing that comes up on the Google search. But as for my first and last name together...I think you need to go to like page three or four before you find something relevant. Everything else is either my father, my brother (the 19 year old) or some random person with either the same first name (very common) or the same last name (surprisingly more common than I'd thought). But...unless you put a hyphen between the two words in my email address (and I mean the only one that he knows of) this blog doesn't turn up for many pages. And when you put a hyphen...these are the two posts that turn up in the search: Saturday, March 15, 2008 and Tuesday, November 27, 2007. Seemingly totally random to me. So my conclusion is, he has no idea how much I use this as a release for his bulls*** (and in essence, let the world know how much of a jerk he can be). I'm sure he's seen me on the computer typing up entries...but he hasn't seen/read the finished product. I don't think my mom has either... So, I guess it's "safe"...whatever that means. life seems like it's going to get even more complicated due to the fact that crabby-pants has started his new shift at work as of yesterday... I was wondering why he wasn't going to work yesterday...turns out he now works from like 10:00p to 6:00a or something like that. Whatever the eight hour shift is that starts after 7:00p. Since when I asked one of my brothers if his dad had to go to work, he said that he had to work at 9:00p. I don't know if that meant he left at 9:00p or if it meant that he had to be at work at 9:00p. So...oh, joy...tomorrow and Friday...well, actually, everyday until next Friday or next-next Monday (03/31) should be a lot of fun considering the girls are going on family trip to AZ on Friday and today is the last day I watch them until either the 28th or 31st, depending on what's going on with their parents. God, I hate this house. ::sigh:: I'm so sick of feeling like an outcast in this house.

And I'm sick of my boyfriend thinking that if I go see a therapist that it's going to solve my problems. Yes, talking to a professional may help...but unfortunately, until I can cut the negative influences way down or out completely, my problems are not going to go away. ::sigh:: And I really don't think that I can do that any time soon...which totally depresses me. But not to the point where I exhibit the symptoms of depression and would benefit from anti-depressants. And, some point in time, everyone can exhibit some signs of depression, the key to being diagnosed is that you have to have so many symptoms for so long and blah, blah, blah. I'm not depressed. Not really anyway. Just excessively stressed out.

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