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Friday, December 5, 2008

faded pictures on the wall it's like they're talkin' to me disconnectin' all the calls the phone don't even ring I gotta get out figure this s*** out

Here's the weekly round-up of what I found interesting this week:
.:. Umm...yeah, all I can say is, I feel bad for the couple because at one point in time, this so could have happened to me...
.:. Can you figure out what is being sold in this ad?
.:. There are much better ways to tell your significant other that you do not like the food she cooked for me.
.:. How sad is this? An elderly man strangled his wife and then tried to kill himself.
.:. I heard this on the radio the other day and was quite amused with one of the on-air personalities' badly worded question, "does it expire?"
.:. On Monday, a Detroit headline made the national pathetic is that?
.:. I like seeing stories like this one...happy beginnings, because that's really what this is, are always nice...
.:. It would be pretty cool if this could be done on a mass scale and dad could benefit from it.
.:. What's wrong with putting ads on tests? Especially ads that aren't distracting?
.:. Umm, yeah...there's a problem here: US officials flunk test on civil literacy...and the average citizen didn't do much better...
.:. Just a strange, strange picture (with an accompanying article)...
.:. Need a job? Live in the Albuquerque area? All you have to do is be a tattletale...
.:. Just how dumb do you have to be to think this was a real robbery?
.:. Yeah...totally not the way the open a stolen ATM...
.:. Assault by giant candy cane...yeah, I totally cannot say that with a straight face, and neither could the channel 955 morning show the other day...
.:. I just don't know what to say...I mean, how can a mother do that?
(it's really the weekly round-up for both this week and last week since I didn't do it last week)

And lastly, some amusement from Overheard in New York...

New Yorker Rule #293: Never Try to Reason with a Disgruntled Yankee Fan
Disgruntled Yankee fan #1: Tigers suck!
Disgruntled Yankee fan #2: They just beat us, a**hole.
-- Outside Yankee Stadium, after 6-2 Loss to Detroit

Wednesday One-Liners Are Pretty Sharp
Conductor: Stand clear of the doors. You are delaying service. (pause, then impatiently) Stand clear of the doors! You are delaying service! (pause) I will come back there and stab you if you do not get out of the doorway.
-- Uptown 1 Train
...and there are five more one liners...

This Way I Can Gaze at Your Beautiful Hair
Husband: (smiles)
Angry wife (crossing her arms as she crosses the street): Shut up. I want you to walk 12 steps behind me.
Husband (putting his arms up making it look like he's praising God): Hallelujah!
-- St. Benedicts Church, Bronx

And in the Face, Too
Girl #1 (about girl #2's ex): But would you shoot him?
Girl #2: Yeah. Wellll...maybe not in the face. I mean, I don't know if I would have the heart to, like, shoot him. At least not in the face. But I would stab him. Definitely I would stab him. No questions asked.
-- N Train

We Require an Application and 3 Letters of Reference
Charity rep with big water bottle of money: Give so that homeless won't go hungry, even a dollar helps!
Homeless guy in wheelchair: Give me some of that money, I'm homeless.
Charity rep: Sorry, doesn't work like that.
-- Times Square

Come Back When I've Grown This Out and I'll See What I Can Do
Customer holding $300 worth of lighting equipment: You know, if you want to give me a discount that would be totally fine with me.
Only non-Hasidic employee in sight: Sorry sir, its not my store...I don't even have the right haircut.
-- BH Photo

Dude, Don't Tease the Homeless
Homeless woman on train walking around with a tip cup after playing the guitar: Please spare some change. Somebody. Anybody!
30-something Guido, pulling out a $20: Do you have change?
-- 7 Train

Lindsay Lohan Was Always Quite the Handful
Kid to dad: Order a Margarita so I can have some.
Dad to kid: I don't drink alcohol and you are nine years old!
-- Bar, Montegue Street, Brooklyn

Except When I Went on That Drug Run
(after 20 minute discussion)
Kindergartener: What are we talking about?
Kindergarten teacher: Where have you been all day?
Kindergartener (shrugging): School.
-- Public School

Smart Money Says She's Not the First Child
Little girl (holding stomach and hunched over in pain): Owwww, my belly!
Dad, calmly: Now, Rebeca, don't be overdramatic. You are very fine.
-- Central Park Zoo

They Make Coffee-Flavored Condoms, Right?
Husband: I can't f***ing believe you fell asleep while I was making love to you.
Wife: Yeah, well maybe if your d*** was bigger, I would be more inclined to stay up!
Husband: Maybe we should get a divorce.
Wife: Why? So you can bore some hot 20-something into falling asleep on your d***?
-- In line, MOMA

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