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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Friday, December 26, 2008

conversations with you kept me up tonight I've been so waiting for this contradictions are all I have or is it you I've lost all confidence

::sigh:: Yesterday, wasn't a bad a Christmas, but it wasn't the best of Christmases either. It hit me pretty hard that I'm single again after three years in a relationship...even if it was a toxic one.

My family was having a conversation about comedians for some reason, I don't remember how we got on the topic, but anyway, somebody mentioned George Carlin. So I was going to go get my When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops book from my room, but then I realized that the ex still had it...I was doing all right with the whole ignoring his existence thing, so having to contact him to get my book back wasn't something I was looking forward to. Especially since during the three years I was with him, more than once (at least I think it was more than once, I might be wrong) he made it seem like he was proud of the fact that he'd borrowed stuff from people that he now immensely disliked and planned on never giving it back because he liked the object in question. And since both my book and I fall into those categories, you can see why I wasn't all that keen to ask him about it. And...right away he told me that he'd returned it to me...but seriously, now, if I'd had the book in my room, I would not have asked him about it. Trust me, he's the last person I want to talk to. Especially on Christmas.

(this is from the beginning of the book)

Anyway...other reasons this wasn't the best Christmas, were simply because everyone kind of seemed crabby. Possibly that had to with my 11 y/o brother was still in little kid mode and woke us all up pretty early due to his excitement for Christmas and presents. Oh,'s not going to last forever...I should let him enjoy it while he can. Right?

I'm thinking about getting this camera. The ex said that he was going to get it for my birthday this year...I'm so glad that he did not. Because if he had...I'm pretty sure in my anger, I would have done something really stupid like smash it into pieces. Seriously...why would he have bought me a $160 camera for my birthday anyway, knowing full well that he was going to end our relationship? I knew, well had a really strong feeling, that he was planning something like that or cheating on me, that was my reasoning for telling him that I didn't really want anything and he could get me whatever he thought was best (probably why he didn't get anything at first, haha). Umm, that I've b****ed, when I didn't mean to...

Oh, yeah...and I don't feel like doing a weekly round-up this week. My throat is sore...I have a headache...and my jaw is tense...I think I'm just sick. That's probably why this ended up a lot more negative than I had intended it to be. Sorry.

Hope everyone had a happy Christmas and enjoyed their holiday!!

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