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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

it's gonna hurt when it heals too it'll all get better in time even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cuz I deserve to

Ugh...I feel like a brat. But I need someone to tell me that I wasn't. My mom asked me what kind of cake I want, so I said, "chocolate." But then a little while later I told her that I didn't want anything because I don't like store-bought cakes because I don't really like the cake part and almost never like the frosting. And since she claims to be too busy (like she has been since I was about 10) to make a cake, I just don't want one. Plus, it's just going to be some cake that she picks up at the store without me even there to pick out...she even said so herself. So why even bother?

But main reason to post this tonight was because I really, really miss my daddy. It's been three weeks to the day since his accident. He's still not even at what I would call 50% of his former self...I miss my dad a lot. Don't get me wrong, he's doing really well and recovering from his accident amazingly. But so much of his recovery is just the physical recovery. His mental recovery is still such a long way off, if it ever happens. He's doing really well and every day you can see the subtle improvements though. It's just that I've never gone more than a few days without talking to my daddy...and it's been three weeks, maybe more, now. And I don't know when he's going to be better or even when he's going to be out of the hospital.

I hate it when I'm there and he asks who's going to take him home and I have to tell him that he can't go home yet. I hate seeing my daddy so broken... He gets so frustrated, too, because he's having trouble connecting his thoughts. As well as having trouble verbalizing what his thoughts are in the way that makes sense to those he's trying to communicate with.

::sigh:: And on top of my sadness about that...I'm confused about the boy. Sunday I asked him something...I was afraid to ask him (because of what he might say), but eventually I asked. And then after I asked...I was even more confused and worried than I was before I asked. His response to my question did not clear up anything for me...but I was way too afraid of his response to the follow-up question to ask it.

::sigh:: And then yesterday while I was at the hospital visiting my dad, my uncle asked me, "where's your ring?" Referring to the engagement ring. I don't remember how I answered that, or if I even answered that...but I'm going to assume that either way, it wasn't satisfactory for my uncle because he asked about it again today. So I just told him that I haven't had it on for two months...which he kind of looked annoyed/I-don't-know-what about. So...I should probably warn the boy about that...just in case my uncle now treats him differently. But, hello? Shouldn't my uncle have gotten the clue a month ago on Labor Day when he asked the two of us (meaning the boy and I) when we were getting married and I answered him, "never"? I wasn't being sarcastic or facetious.

Ugh...anyway...I have to finish my orgo lab's due by the end of lab tomorrow. Unless I want to go to Saturday lab at 9:00a...y'know after going to a wedding and being out late Friday night. Ha!, yeah right. ::sigh:: At this might be 1:00a before I get to bed...and I have to get up at 7:00a. God this sucks.

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