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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Thursday, October 9, 2008

I awoke only to find my lungs empty and through the night so it seems I'm not breathing and now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be's a bit late, but I updated this. There's a few posts that should have been posted days ago...but, oh, well... Anyway... uncle drives me effing crazy. It took him two freakin' months to even notice that I didn't have the stupid, f***ing engagement ring on anymore and so now he treats the boy differently (which, by the way, I totally and completely disagree with and find to be in the wrong). And then tonight, he again tried to imply that I should be popping out babies and getting married sometime very soon. F*** that. One, I don't want to; and two, who am I going to do that with? Yes, I have a boyfriend, but he obviously doesn't want those things with me. Besides, my reasoning for not wanting that is that I am not emotionally, nor am I financially ready to care for a child. Why would I want to bring a child into this world knowing that I couldn't properly care for him/her? That's just wrong. To have a child right now, I would have to put my life and essentially my dreams on hold indefinitely. Because there is no way that I could say, "here, raise my kid for me for...oh, I don't know, the next seven years or so while I finish my schooling and start my career." Because that's pretty much what I would have to do if I had a kid right now and wanted to still finish school, too. Wtf is his problem? Why can't he just butt out of my life?

But daddy is finally coming home tomorrow!!!'s only been a month since his accident. I might have to apply for conservatorship of my daddy. My grandma doesn't really have to want to do it because of all the paperwork and organization required, not because she doesn't care about my dad and want to help him. So I asked her if she'd rather one of his kids applied for it then, so when she said something about me or my 20 y/o brother doing dad quickly shot down my brother doing it and said that I should do it then. I planned on helping my grandma out as much as she needed it and as much as I could anyway. I also planned on helping out my dad as much as I could, too.

::rolls eyes:: I'm under the impression that the boy is ignoring me. Since he's not talked to me in two days now. He never calls me or talks to me on Wednesdays since he's watching Sons of Anarchy...and I'm guessing that he's busy at work since he hasn't emailed me or anything during the day. But since he also hasn't bothered to call me tonight, I'm going with the assumption that he's ignoring me. Okay, yes, I could have called him, too...but why? I feel like over the past week, any time that's there has been any contact between the two of was only because I initiated it. So...tonight, I was just going to leave it up to him. I figured if it was important to him, he would call. Well...I got my answer, didn't I? I lied, no updates on the other posts that I had started in here but still haven't got too late for me to finish them and post them. I got too busy with this post. Sorry. mom is freakin' crazy. She like just flipped out at my 11 y/o brother about his, hello? He was probably asleep when she first said anything to him about turning it down. Instead she just kept yelling at him about it until she finally got up and, what sounded like anyway, unplugged it by force and slammed his door shut. She's a flippin' nut job.

Anyway...good night, it's now twenty after midnight...bed time for me!!

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