it's been a while since I could hold my head up high and it's been a while since I first saw you and it's been a while since I could stand on my own

Ugh...for the second night this week, the boy didn't answer when I called him. The first time that he didn't answer when I called him and no answer, he never called back. So I don't know if I should expect a call back or not... ::sigh:: I realize he's got school and work...but... ::sigh:: Whatever...when I say something, I'm just being irrational, right? At least, that's what he tells me anyway. Irrational and that I want all of his time or more than he has.

I don't even know if calling him is a good idea...not since when I super briefly saw him this past weekend, he told me that he would probably have to work this weekend. I just pretended that it didn't bother me...but then when I said that to him (that I'm only pretending when I say it doesn't bother me), I almost started crying. Not because he'll be busy for the third weekend in a row...but because I'm so stressed and everyone that I normally go to is either too busy for me, or just unavailable. It just feels like everyone has forgotten about me, but still is expecting me to be there for them. I can't do that...it'll break me. Maybe not physically, but definitely psychologically.

I'm going to bed now...g'night...