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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Sunday, October 19, 2008

all the world is a stage and everyone has their part but how was I to know which way the story'd go how was I to know you'd break you'd break my heart

::sigh:: I really should be studying right now instead of doing this. But...whatever...I honestly don't think I'm going to pass my orgo test on Tuesday morning anyway.

As far as I can tell, the boy ended things with me for cheating on him. The thing is, I didn't do that...he's just mad that some guy that I became friends with in my orgo class (which I have five days a week) apparently has feelings for me (the boy came to this conclusion on his own from things I've said).'s probably true that this guy wants more than a platonic friendship from me, but why doesn't the boy trust me? I've never done anything of this nature that would give him a reason not to trust me in this situation. I'm not naïve enough to think that he only wants a platonic relationship, not the way he's been acting...but I've mentioned that I have a boyfriend when talking to him. So, how is this my fault?

Honestly...I get the feeling that the boy just wanted a reason for me to look like the "bad guy" so that he wasn't the a**hole when he ended the relationship. And when he told me over the phone that he was done with the relationship, I got upset with him for doing it that way. He then told me that I just didn't hear him say it last night. ::sigh:: If he'd really said it last night, I would have told him to get out of my house as soon as he had said it. I wouldn't have asked him to let me know when he got home, I wouldn't have left the porch light on until he was in his car...I pretty much would have shoved him out of my house. The thing was, he was so tired last night, that he was falling asleep on my bed. That's why I was insisting to him that he didn't really say it. I believe that he wanted to say it, even thought that he said it aloud. ::sigh:: I was listening for that because I was terrified that was what he was going to say to me because he practically forced me to tell him about the guy from my orgo class and then I was afraid that if he knew what was going on at school he'd overreact and tell me he couldn't be with me. just feel like he was using me these past couple of months. Like he just wanted to see what he could get away with. How far he could take manipulating my feelings knowing that I have blinders on where he's concerned.

And now he tells me that even though I tell him positive things when he does well in school, it's not good enough. Because I didn't tell him how proud I was of him or something like that, I pissed him off when he told me about getting his WSU acceptance letter in the mail yesterday. And apparently someone important in his life also seems to think that I get upset or not excited enough for him when he does well academically, but because he doesn't think it's important who said it he won't tell me who said it. Even though I think it's important and I want to know who said that about me. But as usual, when I think something is important, if he says it isn't, then it's not. Sometimes he's the epitome of a spoiled only child.

I really do feel like he only changed what he was going to school for so that he could f*** with me. He decided he didn't want to be with me anymore, but chose to go into the same thing as me and go to the same f***ing school as me. He could have chosen OU for his pre-reqs, it's probably just as equidistant from his house...

To his face I try to be as positive and non-bitter as possible, but inside I feel like s***. I feel so hurt and like he did this on purpose. Like he wanted to drive me away so that it would be easier for him to walk away...then it wouldn't hurt him at all. Sometimes, I don't think he ever cared at all anyway...

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