::sigh:: If only...if only...
I just wish that things could go back to how things used to be... I'm not exactly sure when that is I want to go back to...but I just know that I want to go back to when both of us were happy to be with the other one. Not this vicious cycle that we seem to be in now...where neither one seems to be willing to say, "I quit. I can't do this anymore. I've had enough. I'm tired of getting hurt, I'm tired of hurting you."
Honestly...I don't want to be the one that says any of that...and I don't want him to be the one that says it either. I just want it fixed. But somehow...I think...and I'm scared...that it's not going to get fixed...
::sigh:: I've tried the communication thing with him...that doesn't seem to work... Maybe it's just time to admit defeat...? But I really don't want to...I think that my heart just might drop into my...well, nothing of mine, but the core of the Earth. That's how much it would suck. I mean, yeah...eventually I would get over it...but until then, it would completely suck. I really don't care how ineloquent that was either.
Maybe my current attempt is going to work...but it could also backfire in a really bad way... And that worries me...since the current attempt is letting him see me in a more vulnerable way than he's seen me before. Not that I haven't opened up to him before...just that...yeah... I just hope instead of doing irrevocable damage...it helps...
I just wish that things could go back to how things used to be... I'm not exactly sure when that is I want to go back to...but I just know that I want to go back to when both of us were happy to be with the other one. Not this vicious cycle that we seem to be in now...where neither one seems to be willing to say, "I quit. I can't do this anymore. I've had enough. I'm tired of getting hurt, I'm tired of hurting you."
Honestly...I don't want to be the one that says any of that...and I don't want him to be the one that says it either. I just want it fixed. But somehow...I think...and I'm scared...that it's not going to get fixed...
::sigh:: I've tried the communication thing with him...that doesn't seem to work... Maybe it's just time to admit defeat...? But I really don't want to...I think that my heart just might drop into my...well, nothing of mine, but the core of the Earth. That's how much it would suck. I mean, yeah...eventually I would get over it...but until then, it would completely suck. I really don't care how ineloquent that was either.
Maybe my current attempt is going to work...but it could also backfire in a really bad way... And that worries me...since the current attempt is letting him see me in a more vulnerable way than he's seen me before. Not that I haven't opened up to him before...just that...yeah... I just hope instead of doing irrevocable damage...it helps...
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