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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Friday, November 21, 2008

back in school they never taught us what we needed to know like how to deal with despair or someone breakin' your heart

I love my younger sister. While I was at my daddy's house last night, she said that we should go tp the ex's house or his car, and that she'd go with me. I told her that we couldn't go do that. I wasn't going to do anything that made me look bad, or destroyed property. Especially not anything as bad what her friend did (she broke her ex's car window, like blew it out! crazy 16 y/o girl!!)! I mean, yeah, don't get me wrong, it would probably release a lot of pent-up anger and feel really good, possibly cathartic, to do something stupid and immature like that (the harmless, but messy tp'ing), but why? I would just look like an idiot.

A couple hours later, maybe earlier than that, when I was getting ready for bed, I had an away message up saying something about what my sister had said and he sent me an IM to say not to f*** with his house or his car. Umm, hello? Does he not know me? I told him pretty much the same thing that I said in the first paragraph, with most of the details left out. I just made it known that I wouldn't do something like that. Besides, he lives way out of my way...but more important and to the point: it's just not worth it to do something vindictive.

I got annoyed with him for saying that I'm not the same person I was when he met me. Like, duh!, we were in high school when we met, I was 16 years old. I should hope not. I really hope that I've matured and grown as a person since then. Honestly, though, I had a feeling that he most likely meant that I wasn't the same person that I was three years ago. But y'know what? Neither is he. And that's not to say that we haven't changed in positive ways, because before this past month or two, I would have said that he's still the same, but better. Which means, he's not the same, because if something improves, it's no longer the same. Anyway, I digress...

Yesterday, he was both decent to me (in the morning) and an a**hole to me (in the midday/afternoon). And even felt the need/want(?) to ask me if I thought he had a personality disorder. Are you kidding me? Even if I had an opinion of my own to give him, I am not a licensed psychologist nor am I licensed psychiatrist. Therefore, it would be unethical for me to answer his question (I didn't, by the way, I told him the second half of the previous sentence). When I got home from orgo lab and saw that he'd asked me that, I just thought that it was another ploy. Plus, he called me during my lab...for what seemed like just to upset me. I was in a good mood when I started lab, after having him call me for what turned out to be a phone call essentially about what a b**** I am, I didn't feel as great anymore. He has a new girlfriend now, why can't he leave me alone?

::sigh:: I just wish that I'd known then, what I know now. I would have saved every IM convo we had, because then maybe, just maybe, someone else would see that I'm not crazy and everything isn't in my head. ::sigh:: The in person convos would've been a little hard to record and keep record of though. But, still...just to show that I'm not as bad as I looked and probably still look to so many people. Out, around other people, I almost always looked like the bad guy...and when I said anything, I was told [by him] that it was all in my head. But then again, he told me that him trying to push me away was all in my head, as well as him not caring about me anymore or loving me anymore. And just this week, he told me that he'd been lying to my face about those things when I would ask point blank. So...maybe I'm not crazy after all...?

I only really started thinking about this stuff over again because on Wednesday when the new Advice Goddess column (C'mon, my obsession with advice columns is nothing new) was posted, I instantly knew what it felt like to be in the letter writer's position. I just hoped that she's smart enough to listen to the columnist's advice...but I know how hard it is to do the smart thing when your heart says to do something else.

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