Since the stupidest things make me cry and these would be things that have absolutely no tie whatsoever to the relationship, I've decided that I really don't want any of the reminders that I have of my failed relationship. The emotional reminders are bad enough...why would I want the physical ones? So...now I've got to figure out what to do with the following:
.:. a limited edition metallic rose Nintendo DS lite...it's the one with the paw print on it and came with Nintendogs Best Friends edition...
.:. a customized Build-a-Bear and super adorable (but, again, it's a constant reminder of something I really can't stand to be reminded of)...a couple of more stuffed animals...
.:. The Wizard of Oz, Disney's Sleeping Beauty Platinum Edition and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End 2-Disc Limited Edition on DVD...
.:. Carrie Underwood "Carnival Ride"...Alicia Keys "As I Am"...and a whole bunch of other cds (for obvious reasons I can't list them)...
.:. an adorable Disney's Cinderella clock...
.:. the softest, most comfortable fleece blanket...Disney's 101 Dalmatians are on it...
.:. It Had to Be You: the Gossip Girl Prequel by Cecily von Ziegesar...it's a hardcover book...
.:. and then a few other things...
.:. a customized Build-a-Bear and super adorable (but, again, it's a constant reminder of something I really can't stand to be reminded of)...a couple of more stuffed animals...
.:. The Wizard of Oz, Disney's Sleeping Beauty Platinum Edition and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End 2-Disc Limited Edition on DVD...
.:. Carrie Underwood "Carnival Ride"...Alicia Keys "As I Am"...and a whole bunch of other cds (for obvious reasons I can't list them)...
.:. an adorable Disney's Cinderella clock...
.:. the softest, most comfortable fleece blanket...Disney's 101 Dalmatians are on it...
.:. It Had to Be You: the Gossip Girl Prequel by Cecily von Ziegesar...it's a hardcover book...
.:. and then a few other things...
Umm, yeah...I think it's a bit obvious that I like Disney...::sigh::...and also a bit obvious that he was really sweet and spoiled me... But I don't know what to do with any of it...I don't want it, but I don't want to throw it away either...
I mean, c'mon...I feel stupid because last week on my way to bio, Paula DeAnda's "Walk Away" came on the radio and the song made me almost start crying! (By the way I was going to just embed the video, but that's been disabled by request...so that's why it's just a link to the video ::shrugs::) Ya can't blame me for wanting to be rid of any and all tangible reminders when random songs on the radio cause me to tear up.
And then Friday morning, when I was trying to get ready for class, he randomly sent me an IM to ask me how my dad was doing. Instantly, I regretted that I hadn't blocked his screenname like I'd been thinking about (my reasoning for doing so wasn't to stop him from contacting me, it was because I obsessively check his stuff, it's so not healthy or helping me move on... and by "obsessively," I meant like once, maybe twice, a day). Of all the people he could possibly ask (my 20 y/o brother, my dad himself, etc.) to see how my dad is doing, why did he have to ask me after not talking to me [conversationally] in more than a week? It's not that I want him to leave me alone...but...I can't handle the confusion when he randomly talks to me when he's supposedly avoiding me... Obviously, I nearly started crying again when he wouldn't leave me alone and kept asking me questions about my dad. ::sigh:: I guess, in a roundabout way, this would be the explanation to Friday's post.
I'd originally asked him to take physics II with me next semester because I can only take it in the evening and I so don't want to walk to class by myself in the dark. But just to avoid any chance of running into, I arranged my classes so that I'm off campus by 1:00p...the only exception is my orgo I lab (but there's a huge possibility I may not actually have to take it), which starts at 3:00p and is an hour long and then the actual lab portion of it is ~3h long and also starts 3:00p (and I'm not liking that for the majority of the semester, I'll be getting out of lab in the dark ::sigh::). But...even with my lab getting out at 6:00p, I'll still probably never see him since he said he was going to take physics II and that starts at about the same time, but is a few blocks down the street. So I'm good...right?
Because someone wanted to be my friend on Facebook, I logged in (late Friday night). I wish that I hadn't. The first thing that I saw on the Updates, or whatever it's called, list was that he was no longer listed as "single" and the two comments left pretty much made jumping to the conclusion that he's dating someone else a logical one. It's not that I expected him to stay single for a long time...but I didn't expect him to start dating someone new less than a month later. More than seeing that he's possibly dating someone new, I wish that the thought of it didn't make me cry. But the reason the thought of it makes me cry is that now I question the last few weeks we were together...because he was so quick to accuse me of cheating on him (those exact words never came out of his mouth, but his behavior and words pretty much said it), yet he was the one who was supposedly at work for up to 12 hours a day on Saturdays and Sundays and therefore unable to see me on the weekends. So, now...I wonder if I was being an idiot and he was already dating someone else before he broke up with me?
I just wish that I'd never dated him in the first place. Then I never would have gotten hurt. I'm not saying that I'd necessarily be any happier...but I wouldn't be hurt, I wouldn't have been hurt in the worst way possible. The way that scares me most...by someone I trust.
I mean, c'mon...I feel stupid because last week on my way to bio, Paula DeAnda's "Walk Away" came on the radio and the song made me almost start crying! (By the way I was going to just embed the video, but that's been disabled by request...so that's why it's just a link to the video ::shrugs::) Ya can't blame me for wanting to be rid of any and all tangible reminders when random songs on the radio cause me to tear up.
And then Friday morning, when I was trying to get ready for class, he randomly sent me an IM to ask me how my dad was doing. Instantly, I regretted that I hadn't blocked his screenname like I'd been thinking about (my reasoning for doing so wasn't to stop him from contacting me, it was because I obsessively check his stuff, it's so not healthy or helping me move on... and by "obsessively," I meant like once, maybe twice, a day). Of all the people he could possibly ask (my 20 y/o brother, my dad himself, etc.) to see how my dad is doing, why did he have to ask me after not talking to me [conversationally] in more than a week? It's not that I want him to leave me alone...but...I can't handle the confusion when he randomly talks to me when he's supposedly avoiding me... Obviously, I nearly started crying again when he wouldn't leave me alone and kept asking me questions about my dad. ::sigh:: I guess, in a roundabout way, this would be the explanation to Friday's post.
I'd originally asked him to take physics II with me next semester because I can only take it in the evening and I so don't want to walk to class by myself in the dark. But just to avoid any chance of running into, I arranged my classes so that I'm off campus by 1:00p...the only exception is my orgo I lab (but there's a huge possibility I may not actually have to take it), which starts at 3:00p and is an hour long and then the actual lab portion of it is ~3h long and also starts 3:00p (and I'm not liking that for the majority of the semester, I'll be getting out of lab in the dark ::sigh::). But...even with my lab getting out at 6:00p, I'll still probably never see him since he said he was going to take physics II and that starts at about the same time, but is a few blocks down the street. So I'm good...right?
Because someone wanted to be my friend on Facebook, I logged in (late Friday night). I wish that I hadn't. The first thing that I saw on the Updates, or whatever it's called, list was that he was no longer listed as "single" and the two comments left pretty much made jumping to the conclusion that he's dating someone else a logical one. It's not that I expected him to stay single for a long time...but I didn't expect him to start dating someone new less than a month later. More than seeing that he's possibly dating someone new, I wish that the thought of it didn't make me cry. But the reason the thought of it makes me cry is that now I question the last few weeks we were together...because he was so quick to accuse me of cheating on him (those exact words never came out of his mouth, but his behavior and words pretty much said it), yet he was the one who was supposedly at work for up to 12 hours a day on Saturdays and Sundays and therefore unable to see me on the weekends. So, now...I wonder if I was being an idiot and he was already dating someone else before he broke up with me?
I just wish that I'd never dated him in the first place. Then I never would have gotten hurt. I'm not saying that I'd necessarily be any happier...but I wouldn't be hurt, I wouldn't have been hurt in the worst way possible. The way that scares me most...by someone I trust.
Don't throw all your goods away! :) Keep it in a box! :)
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