My photo
As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

Baby PGS tickers

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

Baby S. #2

Lilypie Maternity tickers

Thursday, November 29, 2007

and with a broken wing she still sings she keeps an eye on the sky with a broken wing she carries her dreams man you oughta see her fly

::sigh:: I really wish that I knew what was so bad about me that causes me to be hated so much... I mean, obviously my (former) stepmother despised my very existence because she tried everything that she could to get rid of my brother and me. It took her a little over 14 years, but she succeeded in that goal. Of course, less than two years after her success...the divorce between her and my dad was final. And...the relationship between father and children seems to be doing just fine. No irreparable damage.

And then there is my stepfather... As far as I can tell, he has the same objectives now. He's already succeeded in getting my brother out of the house...and it feels like he's trying to get me out of the house now. I seriously get the feeling that one day, I'm going to come home from school or running an errand or something and there will be an eviction notice for me. legally kick me out an eviction notice is necessary, seeing how I'm over 18. ::sigh:: I wish that was just an irrational fear or paranoia...but I really don't think it is. I really think that the only reason that he was speaking in my general direction today was that my mom was home since she has Thursdays off. Otherwise, I think he would have continued on his merry way of ignoring my very existence. And I like how he cancelled my credit card without any warning or reason as to why. Yeah...that was cool...he made it kinda impossible for me to pay for my classes next semester in doing that. But I guess he figures that everything is fine since he gave me $2000 in cash to cover anything for school. Whatever. ::sigh::

I really do not understand why both of my parents remarried people who seem to resent the very existence of their children from a previous marriage... I just don't get it. What I understand even less is what did I do to deserve this? I mean, honestly...where did I screw up so badly that I can't even be liked? I know that I shouldn't think that this is all my fault...but the only common factor between the two stepparents is my brother and me... So...that makes it our fault...

I really don't know what to do anymore... I want to be able to move out...but I don't know where I'd go if I did. I mean...I'm sure that my grandma would let me live with least for the time being while I got things figured out. She's an awesome person...even though I know that she doesn't agree with everything that I do or don't do, she doesn't try to make me feel bad about it. She just does what she can to support me and my dreams. So I try to be as respectful and whatnot to her...y'know visiting, calling her every once in a while, etc.

Umm...well...this is excessively long I'm going to go finish getting ready for class...

No comments:

Post a Comment