well I was sitting, waiting, wishing you believed in superstitions then maybe you'd see the signs

I'm bored...and I'm sick of waiting for the boy to get here to go to lunch...I hate waiting...

Or Am I Just That High?
TA: You'll need a watch to keep track of how long your stories are.
Sorostitute: I have one!
TA: Is it analog or digital?
Sorosititute, after looking at watch for a few seconds: ... It has diamonds!
-- Broadcasting Journalism lab, University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida

Because We Need to Be Able to Fit This Stuff in the Trunk
Older sister, standing on shopping cart: Where is Mommy?
Little brother, pushing cart: [Shrugs.]
Older sister: You didn't kill her, did you?!
-- Target
Altoona, Pennsylvania

Well, Michigan Is a Persistent Vegitative State
Dude checking phone: Terri Schiavo keeps calling me!
-- The Café du Marquis
Royal Oak, Michigan

...courtesy of Overhead Everywhere.

... So I Maced Him.
College girl: Whenever I tell anyone that I was there when you dislocated your shoulder they ask if it's my fault 'cause we were having sex.
20-ish guy: Hahaha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, 'Did it happen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?'
College girl, excitedly: That's exactly what my dad said!
-- Riverside Park

I Don't Know How to Feel about That
Guy: Alright, bye, Corinne! Nice meeting you, Jess.
Jess: He was nice. How do you know him?
Corrine: ... My hand smells like penis. Does your hand smell like penis?
-- Outside Bleecker Street Bakery

...courtesy of Overheard in New York.