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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Saturday, March 24, 2007

don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own

Oh...em...gee...little brothers are annoying...they have a friend spending the night...and the three boys are loud, obnoxious and annoying...typical pre-adolescent boys...grr...oh, well, I can't do anything about it...other than complain... I have to start on my psych term paper's due in less than two weeks!! It won't be that hard to write, at least not once I start it anyway. Plus...this weekend, I need to study for my A&PII test on Monday...I know the it's more of needing to review than needing to study. I just don't want to do it.'s not all that easy to study and whatever when there are three 10 and 11 year old boys making excessive amounts of noise... ::sigh:: They're so very strange, too... My head kind of I think that I'm going to go lay down for a little bit...or at least get out of the living room where the tv volume is at about 60...and I think that's only out of 100. Ugh...I really don't like children... ::sigh:: I'm bored...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I won't be held down by who I used to be she's nothing to me

I'm so ridiculously stressed out lately...and I don't really know why... The only that I know for sure is that it's seriously starting to affect my life in a bad way... I'm always moody in drastic changes in mood for no apparent reason. ::sigh:: I'm assuming the stress and mood swings are related to all of the stress I feel at home and school... Plus, last night was just annoying per just bugs me a lot that my stepdad feels the need to lock the doors and make sure all the lights are turned off when I get home. I was only in class for two hours...I left about an hour before class to eat and socialize with one of my friends, and then I was home about 10 minutes after class about 10:10p... ::sigh:: And then for some reason today he's ignoring my existence...I have no idea what I did to piss him off. I'm just so confused. It's no wonder I feel so f***ing unwanted here. Oh, yeah, I went downstairs to get some dinner...and it's all gone already...basically he made dinner for him and my two brothers and made sure that there wouldn't be any food left over... And then after the 11 y/o brother's band concert, they stopped to pick up pizza...and of course, nobody bothered to tell me there was pizza or even to say, "hey, there's some pizza in the kitchen, you're welcome to have some if you want." Gee, thanks... ::sigh:: I just need to learn to let it go and not let it bother least that's what I keep getting told. ::sigh:: Too bad it all doesn't feel like it's worth it...not lately anyway...

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I'm teachin' myself to dream I'm holding' my breath to scream I'm teachin' myself to believe in the things I don't understand

So...I've come to a conclusion about something kinda important...and I really don't care for the kinda sucks. And I was supposed to go over and see the boy after class...but instead I came home. It's not like seeing him yesterday went all that well...I had a headache and was being moody as usual...and since it didn't sound like he wanted me to come over when I talked him, I just went home. Figured I might as well get my psychology homework finished.

Okay...nevermind...he just called to find out if I was going to come!!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

to let go of my pain to hell with my pride let it fall like rain from my eyes tonight I wanna cry

I feel like just crying and crying...and I don't really know why... Plus, I need to watch a movie for my Spanish class...but it's at the boy's house...

we share the sadness the split screen sadness we share the sadness split screen sadness

Who wants to wrap their arms around me and tell me that it's okay? Because I seriously feel terrible right now...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, March 19, 2007

and I wish I could free you of the hurt and the pain

Blah-di-blah-di-blah-blah...anyway...the boy is having a tonsillectomy and an adenoidectomy today...he's kind of worried about it...but there really isn't anything that he has to worry's almost (almost only because medical procedures canNOT be guaranteed) guaranteed to go well...okay...well that was it...ciao!!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

crazy..I'm crazy for feeling so lonely I'm crazy crazy for feeling so blue I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted

Blah...I so do not feel like doing my homework... But...hooray for not having to go to school tomorrow night!! We're watching Maria Full of if we rent the movie and watch it on our own, then we don't have to go to class and it won't be counted against us.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, March 8, 2007

can't you see this is the land of confusion

So...I was looking for some decent lyrics about intolerance to use as a title for the post about homophobia...and I got really confused by the relatively decent lyrics in two Dying Fetus songs that were results for a lyrics search on "intolerance." All I know about them is that they have a terrible name, they're a metal band and my fiancé likes that was enough for me to never ever listen to them willingly. Well...that was it...I'm going to go back to making cookies... Ciao!!!

terror, innocent life destroyed by cowards, committing crimes, injustice

.:. I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a "fag" everyday.
.:. I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
.:. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
.:. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
.:. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
.:. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
.:. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
.:. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
.:. We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
.:. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
.:. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an "unfit mother" because I now live with another woman.
.:. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
.:. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
.:. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
.:. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
.:. I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
.:. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
.:. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
.:. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
.:. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
.:. I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson."