she wants to go home but nobody's home that's where she lies broken inside has no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes broken inside

I think it's pretty s***ty that I had to find out about a family (and I use the term "family" pretty loosely since I don't seem to count anymore) thing on facebook. Yet, when my 21y/o brother didn't live in the house, my mom would always call him to make sure that he knew about stuff and was going to make it. But nobody bothered to tell me about a family dinner for my grandpa's birthday...I had to find out about it by reading about it hours after the fact on facebook by seeing my mom's status update. Awesome, huh?

And then earlier tonight, I had to go over my mom's house for something...and the only person remotely happy to see me was Chance, not even a person. The f***ing puppy was the only one who even cared to see me. My mom only wanted to see me so that she got her f***ing money (there goes my tuition money, hope she's happy about that)...and my 12y/o brother didn't even say two words to me. I think he talked in my direction, but it was more to the dog than it was to me.

I really just want to know when, if ever, I'm going to get over this need for love and acceptance from my family... Because this seeming unwant and unlove from them is killing me. I can't handle it. The toxic relationships I have with my family members... I just don't know what to do anymore...

because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me

I just don't get it. I honestly don't. Why does he wait until my mom is out doing something to tell me something stressful? Every time, too. Is it because my mom doesn't know that he's planning on telling me whatever it is? Or is it because she's too much of a coward to be present when he tells me?

I'm starting to think that I might just honestly and truly hate my mom. She just stands by and says nothing while her husband is an a**hole towards me [and her other three kids, too]. It's one thing if she doesn't know in advance that he's planning on saying something, but to just stare at me like I'm a f***ing idiot and making s*** up when I tell her about it...? I just can't stand her anymore. It's as though she doesn't care about her children, anything so long as she doesn't upset her husband. I hate it.

As long as I'm going to school, I don't have to pay rent...or at least, that had always been the deal my mom and stepdad had for me. Yesterday afternoon, my a**hole stepfather asked me if I had a job and then asked if I was going to school. Umm...summer classes already started everywhere and I only get financial aid for two semesters per school year: fall and winter semesters. So he told me to get a job...and pretty much made it sound like it doesn't matter if I'm going to school or not, I'm going to have to pay rent. I am trying to find a job...but it's really not going well. And he waited until after my mom had left to go grocery shopping to bring this up.

I just don't understand what is so godd*** unlikable about me. I mean, I was only four years old when I met either of my stepparents...yet, the entire time either one was/has been a part of my life, all s/he's wanted to do is get me out of his/her life. I'm a good person...right? I mean, yeah, I know I have my flaws just like any other person does...but that doesn't make me a bad person. Does it?

whenever you remember times gone by remember how we held our heads so high when all this world was there for us

I decided that I would reflect on this since it's now been up for two years exactly. Yeah, yeah...I know, if one looks over at the archives list on the right in the sidebar, it shows that it goes back as far as 2005 which would make my math of 2y off. Except that all of the posts that are dated before 02.08.07 are originally from my MySpace blog...so the very first time that I posted anything on here was on 02.08.07.

Anyway...for each year, there are more posts than the last (omitting this year because it's only the second week of the second month). Last year, there are nearly 250 posts! I doubt that I'm going to top that this year, though. I've kinda been lax on posting anything. I just haven't felt like it. I don't know why.

I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream you got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem

My horoscope from Cosmo for today says...

Libra - Single? Going through the men's department in a pricey store (pretend you're shopping for your dad) might turn up a cuddle-worthy guy. Attached? Whether it's you or him on top, full-body contact sparks a passionate hookup under the sensual Moon.

Well...technically, I do have to shop for my daddy, since his birthday is tomorrow. But...I highly doubt anything would come of this horoscope.

And yay for sleep!! I didn't get up until 12:50p today...well, actually I woke up a little startled and confused at about 8:15a thinking that I had school today, but then I realized that it was Saturday and quickly turned my alarm off when it went off about a minute after I got up and went back to sleep. I haven't been sleeping well lately.

you spin my head right 'round right 'round when you go down when you go down down...you spin my head right 'round right 'round when you go down down..

I don't remember what I was going to write about. It probably wasn't important. Oh, well...maybe the longer I leave the 'create' window open, I might remember what it was...

All right...well...I left it open for over an open and couldn't remember what my original intent was. So...I'm just gonna head to bed, since it's just after midnight and I have to get up at 6:15a.

G'night!!

[2:01p 01.28.09 - edited to add:] I think I remember what I wanted to write about. My bio prof wasn't as boring this morning. She actually had some emotion in her voice on occasion. It was a miracle!! Class was still boring as hell though. Oh, well...I'm still hoping that it's going to pick up and get more interesting when we get to something that hasn't already been covered in more detail in one of my other bio courses.

Happy birthday, T*** B****!

Can he really get mad at me for that?

love me hate me say what you want about me but all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy

So...I'm either paranoid or just pessimistic. Not sure which one. But either way, I'm under the impression that I don't really have friends anymore. It kinda sucks. But I guess it's a good thing that I'm making new friends in class. (Which by the way, is going pretty crappily - the classes I mean.) But anyway, I'm currently under the impression that either my friends have either done a mass abandonment of me or I've done something to alienate all of them. And I'm more likely to believe it's the latter of the two than the former, because why would the first be likely? That just makes me insanely paranoid.

Anyway...I like my organic chem I 1240 prof. She's really upbeat and seems like she genuinely cares about us getting the material. Such a change from last semester. I have a feeling that I may get a B in the class this semester. I'm not going to sound overconfident and say something like an A and then be disappointed when I don't get that. In 1250, the prof. is sick and hasn't been in lecture yet, but she's supposed to be back in class next week...but I already know that I mostly like her. I just don't care for her on test days. I do not like my lab TA, he's so annoying. I wish I had the same TA as last semester. He was pretty cool. Oh, well... I haven't met my TA for quiz class yet, so I don't know anything about him.

My bio prof. is boring and dry. She gives off the impression that she hates teaching and is only doing it because she has to. She kinda gave off the vibe that we should not email her, call her or go to her office hours ever. It was like, ohhhh-kaaaay...and you're teaching, why? Yeah, I got the impression she knows her stuff, but seriously, if you don't want to teach, then please don't.

I don't feel like I'm going to do well in my calc II class...but so far I like my prof. He seems like a really cool guy. He tried to make his office hours as accomodating as possible to as many of the students in the class as he could. He seems to be enthusiastic about the subject as well. And that's a feat in itself at 8:30 in the morning. I don't know how to do any of my calc II homework...and there's a quiz in the morning. Yeah, we get to drop a few quizzes, but what good is that going to do me if I don't know how to do the calc I stuff? Doesn't calc II build on calc I? ::sigh:: I don't remember the calc I, so I think that I may be dropping down to the calc I class...

vindicated I am selfish I am wrong I am right I swear I'm right swear I knew it all along and I am flawed but I am cleaning up so well

Here's the weekly round-up for the week...

.:. So sad...poor baby...

Okay...there was going to be more, but I just didn't feel like going through the stuff I looked at this week. Sorry. It was the first week back to school. I was busy.

And last but not least, here's some amusement from Overheard in New York...

Now I Have Twenty Cats, but Nothing's Changed
Lonely cat lady: Remember a few years back when I had ten cats? I knitted ten of these adorable little stockings for them, and I filled each one with catnip. Well, I never did that again!
Passenger: Why? Did they all freak out over the catnip?
Lonely cat lady: No, they didn't even appreciate all the work that went into it. They just ignored them.
-- Midtown NJ Tranist

Do You Want Pre-op or Post-op?
Older worn-out assistant: Do you know how hard it is to find an on-call tranny hooker?
Suit: On-call?
-- 51st St & Park Ave

I Thought This Was a Bus
Conductor #1: We are sorry for the delay, there is a stalled e train at 7th Avenue. We will be going uptown on the...uhm...which line are we going on?
Conductor #2 (exasperated): I have no f***ing clue.
(train laughs)
-- E Train

That's Not What Papi Says
Young African American child pulling mother's hand: Ándale! Ándale!
African American mother: Cut that out! You're not Mexican!
-- 103 & Amsterdam

It's Like a Blessing from God
Woman to guy, about guys making moves on drunk girls they are friends with: So, why do you guys do something like that? It never works.
Guy: Sure, 9 times out of 10 it doesn't work, but that one time you score.
Woman: But aren't those other 9 times really awkward and damaging to your friendship?
Man: Yeah, but there's that one time where you get sex you really weren't expecting!
-- Fiddlesticks Bar

I Swear I'm Wearing This Trash Bag Ironically
Drunk man: I'm sitting between a homeless man and a hipster!
Supposed homeless man: I'm the hipster, right?
-- L Train

Closed the Deal, Though
Model-looking chick: Hey, sorry I'm late. I had to work extra hours at work today.
Not-so-model-looking chick: No problem, that sounds like it sucked, what did you have to stay after for?
Model-looking chick: Oh, I f***ed my client.
-- 13th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

You're Still Coming Over for Thanksgiving, Right?
Hobo (screaming): Steve! Steve!
Teen guy to girl: Hold on one second. (walks back to homeless man) Hey, man! How are you?
Hobo: I'm good. How's your dad doing?
Teen guy: He's good, I'll say hi to him for you.
-- 90th & Madison

But She Did This, Instead
Female hipster #1: Oh my god, I love your haircut!
Female hipster #2: Thanks...I asked for a mix of Suri Cruise, Anna Wintour and Nicole Richie circa 2005.
-- 27th St & 7th St

You Tell Me Your Dreams and I'll Tell You Mine
Math professor to sleeping student: Hey, are you okay?
Student: Nuh?
Math professor to class: Well, I've rarely killed someone during a lecture, but I must be breaking new ground today.
-- Hunter College

Is That Why You and Mommy Have Handcuffs?
Father to child standing in shopping cart: Suzie, sit down in the cart, standing isn't safe and it breaks the rules.
Suzie: No!
Father, heading towards checkout and spotting police officer fiddling with handcuffs: You see that policeman? If you don't sit down he's going to take you to jail. Oh look, he's taking out his handcuffs and he's going to arrest you now. (Suzie sits immediately)
-- Kmart, Astor Place

In a Big Red Suit?
Upset three-year-old: I wanna see the balloons go up in the sky!
Father: We'll see it all on tv in the morning and guess who will be at the end of the parade. He's a very very special guest.
Upset three-year-old (now sobbing): Barack Obama.
-- 81st & Columbus (Macy's Balloon Inflation Site)

Just a Vestige, Like Your Tail
Mother to daughter wearing a Pink Princess backpack: Hold up, honey, mommy needs to get something out of your bag.
(mother removes pack of cigarettes and lighter from bag)
Husband to wife: You have no shame.
-- Central Park

The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Buses
Disgusted mother to little girl who picked up a Swedish fish she dropped on the bus floor: Don't eat that.
Little girl, dusting it off: It's okay, I'll kiss it up to god.
Mother: Don't you dare put that in your mouth. You have no idea what was on the floor.
Little girl, putting it in her mouth and chewing it: It's okay! I kissed it up to god! (swallows it) What are you going to do about it?
Mother, angrily: I'm not going to do anything. You're just going to die.
-- Q18 Bus

Awww, Wednesday One-liners
Boy with ice cream: Does the five-second rule apply to sidewalks?
-- 92nd & Madison
...and there are two more one liners...

Wednesdays You Don't Need, at One-Liners You Can't Afford
Girl: I was so depressed. I actually almost bought that leather jacket from Express. Whose bright idea was it to have the MCAT testing center in a shopping district?
-- 1 Train
...and there are five more one liners...

Boomsday One-Liners
20-something girl to friend, after large explosion is heard: Well, I'm from Detroit, so when I hear things like that it doesn't even bother me.
-- Union Square Holiday Market
...and there are five more one liners...

Jurassic Wednesday One-Liners
College guy: These are the best dinosaurs I've eaten all day!
-- Fordham University, Lincoln Center Campus

Ecstatic five-year-old girl: The dinosaurs! I can't wait to see the dinosaurs!
-- Metropolitan Museum of Art

Hippie girl: Yeah, I don't know about the eyeballs, but the dinosaurs are great!
-- 39th St & 8th Ave

Girl on stoop: Yo, man, I wish our dinosaurs could talk.
-- St. Mark's & 3rd

Girl on cell: Because--you know what? Because I don't etch on my DVDs with pterodactyls!
-- Court Street, Brooklyn Heights

Guy rooting through trash: If you were a dinosaur I'd be a dinosaur right beside you.
-- W 80th & Amsterdam

come on get on get on take it 'til life runs out no one can find us now living with our heads underground

Ugh...school starts up again tomorrow. I'm dreading it. But at least, next Monday is a holiday and there's no school. Hooray for celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s life!!

Anyway...lately I've had some stuff on my mind. And I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm currently just ignoring it...mostly because I think that I'm making something out of nothing.

I think it was on Tuesday that my camera finally got here. I still have to go out and buy at least one SD card for it though, since any pictures that I take are currently saved to the internal memory. That'll fill up soon.

I'm so not looking forward to getting up at 6:00-6:30a tomorrow morning, and every weekday morning after that for the next 15 weeks. Oh, well...

see all those guys wanna come treat you right cuz ya sweeter than apple pie everything that you want you got girl you know that you need to stop

Here's the weekly round-up for the first full week of 2009...

.:. ::sigh:: Is this all over yet? Because just the other day, this made the top of the MSN homepage...
.:. Not a good thing to be saying: "it's like bumper cars out there"
.:. A six-year-old drove himself to school - well, almost anyway - because he didn't want to miss school. He's lucky he didn't get hurt more seriously.
.:. Umm, okay...so this thing on crash-detecting sensors in BMWs was interesting, but also way too hard for me to get through. So...if anyone gets through it and can sum it up in 1-2 sentences for me, that'd be great, thanks!!
.:. I don't think I'd (at least, I hope I don't) ever get to the point of needing to visit the home dentist.
.:. Eep!! This kid has way more courage than I ever would in that situation (think 9y/o versus attacking pit bull).
.:. ::shudder:: Just gross...and disturbing. So glad that my job is not to swipe blow-up dolls for forensic evidence...
.:. This is pretty cool...a doctor from Novi, MI may become the U.S. Surgeon General.
.:. Interesting...an $80 million movie complex in metro Detroit...at least it would stimulate the economy...
.:. Just weird...thousands of shoes make the morning commute worse.
.:. Well...I guess that would be cool to find in the estate of a loved one...even if you're not a car person (which I'm not).
.:. Some sketches accidentally found...pretty cool, check it out.
.:. Aww, a flirting class for the nerds!! How cute!!
.:. A museum of failed romances...do you think it's going to be as popular as PostSecret?
.:. I would be frantic if I lost my diamond in a museum!!
.:. What a strange little creature...caught on film, too.
.:. Somebody didn't think this one all the way through. ::shakes head::
.:. What a good mule!!
.:. Please tell me, just what made these parents think that the moniker they bestowed upon their child wouldn't cause problems [for the kid]?
.:. Tragic...what possessed him to go to that extreme? Poor kid...
.:. Poor baby...poor kids...why? Just why? I'm sure there were other options...

And last but not least, some amusement from Overheard in New York...

Wednesday One-Liners Win the Door Prize
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please stand clear of the closing doors. If I catch you holding the doors open, I will push you off the train and if you don't die, then you'll have to catch the next one.
-- NJ Transit
...and there are four more one liners...

Wait-- Didn't You Give Your Mom Hoop Earrings for Christmas?
Girl, telling joke: A seven-year-old daughter said to her mother: "Today in school I learned where babies come from."
Mother: "Oh, really?"
Daughter: "Yeah, a mommy and daddy take off all their clothes, the mommy makes the dad happy and his thingy stands up a little. Then the mommy puts the thingy in her mouth and the thingy stands up all the way and explodes, and that's where babies come from."
Mother: "No, honey, that's where jewelry comes from."
(laughs)
Guy listening, with horrified face: Wait a second, my mom has a s***load of jewelry. Oh, godd*** it, eewwwwwwwwwwwww!
Girl: I'm never going to look at your mom the same way ever again.
-- Arthur Avenue

Or We Can See Some Nudity
Poetry slam emcee: Hi, everyone! Wow, what a great turnout...I think you're all Emma's friends. She's first, but we have a great line-up, so please don't leave. Stay!
Emma's friend, sotto voce: Dude, it's a poetry reading, even Emma is leaving unless you give everyone another drink ticket.
-- Grand Street & Driggs, Brooklyn

Which Is Full Of Men I'd F***
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the NFL.
Skinny Asian guy: I don't think he's the best, but he's pretty good.
Attractive, tall guy: He's no Joe Montana.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: That's bulls***, he's the best ever, and you can't really argue that point. Just look at how many touchdowns he has.
Skinny Asian guy: Man, you are in love with him, it's a little scary.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston (completely serious): I am, I would totally let him f*** me if he would let me hang out with him...I would be the man.
Skinny Asian guy: I thought you were straight?
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: F*** you! I am straight but that doesn't mean I can't bang Tom Brady. I wouldn't give him oral though, I don't think.
Overweight Hispanic guy drinking appletini: Football sucks compared to soccer.
-- 45th & Madison

Sure Hope Carlos Likes Kool-Aid
Black guy: D***! You got a pretty face!
(pretty Latina turns around and ignores him)
Black guy (taking seat halfway down train): Dang! How you going to turn around on me like that?
(pretty Latina ignores him)
Black guy (very loudly): How are you going to turn around like that?
(pretty Latina now looks embarrassed)
Black guy (pulling out guitar from case): This song goes out to the girl with the pretty face! She's over there! With the long hair and the boots!
(people turn and look, pretty Latina looks very embarrassed now)
Black guy (singing to tune of "My Girl"): Come on everyone! Even the white people--join in! (sings) I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of may.
(people start to join in, pretty Latina's friends are cheering and singing)
Black guy (singing): My girl! She's got black boots! The one with the long hair! C'mon girl! If you let me take you home...I'll...I'll...make you some Kool-Aid!
(pretty Latina gets off train)
Black guy: Ah, hell no! (pause). Alright, this one's for the guy with the ball! (pointing to guy with soccer ball under arm) His name's Carlos! He's from Puerto Rico!
-- 2 Train

Wouldn't That Be Statuary Rape?
Guy, looking at Greek marble sculptures: Hey, did you ever notice that a lot of these guys are missing their penises?
Girl: I think that has to do with early Christian sanctions on pagan idols.
Guy: Oh. (pauses) I thought someone out there just had a really big dildo collection.
-- The Met

And Then I Was Like, "Now What?"
Construction worker with Long Island accent: Man, I finally found Waldo the other day.
Construction worker #2: Yeah?
Construction worker with Long Island accent: Tall, striped shirt, weird shoes. And I was like, "there's Waldo!"
-- 2 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Will Swallow for Diamonds
Girl on cell: No, you remember, I'm going to be a gold-digger! It's like a hooker, but smarter.
-- NYU Classroom
...and there are four more one liners...

fell in love with a boy I fell in love once and almost completely he's in love with the world and sometimes these feelings can be so misleading

So...I was bored and taking some quizzes online that had to do with dating...and this is what I "learned":

Are You Sabotaging Your Love Life? - Dream Date
Your social calendar should be booked solid. When it comes to dating, you know how important it is to go out, be seen and give off a positive attitude, all of which helps draw guys to you. Not to mention your confidence and take-action attitude, which not only attract men, but make you feel good too. And when you're on a date, you're careful to offer just enough information about yourself to keep him interested without spilling your life story (that can come later). Plus, you show plenty of interest in his life without acting like a love-struck groupie. But it's clear from your confident approach to dating that your life does not revolve around men. You know how important it is to spend time with friends and to pursue your own interests and hobbies. If attending a lecture by your favorite writer or taking your favorite exercise class just happens to result in your meeting a new man, all the better. No doubt, you do all this for your own happiness -- but it also makes you a better catch! How convenient.

Soo...if I'm such a "dream date," then why don't I have any dates? Apparently, I just knew the "right" answers...I don't know, I just answered whatever was the best option for me. But I kinda thought the silly quiz was a bit off in the result it gave me. ::shrugs::

And I "learned" this, too:

Who's Your Mr. Right?
.:. You scored 30%* - The Fun-Loving Fellow
Party on! Whether at a gathering with friends or in line at a movie, you pick out the most personable guy of the group, and it's easy to see why: You enjoy a good time and a good laugh and need someone who can appreciate these as much as you do. A man like this is great to have in your life because he can hold his own in any situation, and with anybody. The one downside is that he is not necessarily discerning. He may as easily chat up your three-year-old niece as his beautiful next-door neighbor. But don't let his flirting be his fatal flaw; instead, remember it's what drew you to him in the first place. But do keep in mind that his "playfulness" may make it tough for him to settle down.
.:. You scored 30%* - The Confident Chap
You definitely know what you want -- a guy who's sure of himself. It's this self-assuredness that has gotten him where he wants to be. Perhaps he's at the top of the corporate ladder, the president of his condo board or the most sought-after when his friends need advice. What you gain in a relationship with this guy is a companion who knows most of the answers and will make you feel safe and cared for. As great as this type of support can be, the reality is that your ideas and his won't always mesh. And once you tell him your take on a situation, he may argue with you and try to get you to see things his way. Don't let this get you down or make you stop thinking for yourself. As long as you don't let his strong personality overpower you or take away your independence, you and Mr. Confident can make quite a pair. After all, a difference in opinions makes any relationship more interesting.
.:. You scored 20%* - The Sensitive Guy
Isn't he sweet? You definitely go for the guy who has a serious case of feelings -- whether he wears them on his sleeve or not. Manners seem important to him, and to you. And it's a good bet your soul mate would as easily tune in to ballads on the radio as he would stage a protest against cruelty to animals. Tapping into his soft side, however, may not always be so easy. A guy who's clued in to his feelings may also be protective of them. So if you find yourself face-to-face with one of these sweeties, don't wait for him to make the first move. Let him know you want to get to know him better. Sensitive types think with their heart as well as their brain -- he'll get the hint.
.:. You scored 20%* - The Sporty Stud
In your arena, this guy is number one. You favor a man who likes football over one who brings flowers. Why? For starters, you're attracted to a competitive spirit and the drive to win. Not to mention, a guy who loves the game is probably pretty playful. Translated into a relationship, these qualities can be top-notch, although the same qualities that initially attract you may also drive you crazy. A competitive guy, for instance, may make a terrific athlete, but that same quality may also make him feel like he's in competition for your feelings -- with your friends, your family, your job and so on. Likewise, you may sometimes feel like you're in competition with his friends, athletic hobbies, etc. But remember, this type of man considers himself a team player, which means that in a relationship, you'll be able to count on him to be supportive, interested in your opinions and willing to work together to make the two of you a winning pair.
*may not add up to 100%

Umm...yeah...don't know if I'd take any of that seriously. But, whatev...

And then the other night, I was talking to my friend J and he told me that I need to find a "nice guy" because...well, honestly, I don't remember why. I kinda think it's because he wants to realize that he's there, and a nice guy, should I ever decide that I'd like to be more than friends. And even though I've tried being honest about it (that was my first approach) and tried saying that I'm just going to become a lesbian...he'll still occasionally hint at the possibility.

Seriously, though...nice guys are boring. I'm not attracted to the stereotypical nice guy and I never have been. But a nice guy who isn't boring, yeah, I could use one of those...but he's gotta be exciting, meaning have some of that "bad boy" something. That may explain why I keep dating the wrong people...I'm attracted the stereotypical bad boy. Oh, well...

And then last night, my friend C called me. I haven't talked to him in like two years, it was completely out of the blue!! (Honestly, this is the last time that I can remember hanging out with him) I missed him after he just kinda dropped off the planet, so to speak. We talked for a little bit...and I think that I might've accidentally agreed to go on a date - like an actual date, not a friend date - with him. But...yeah, I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't be all that opposed to it...but it wasn't something that I ever planned on doing either. He's just C. But he's back in MI, so I'm happy...he's done with his bachelor's (Alabama State University) and working on his master's (Eastern Michigan University).

But anyway...as far as I'm concerned, guys suck and I hate 'em all. Y'know, with the exception of the few that I'm friends with. Kinda why I'm in the frame of mind that I'm just going to give up on guys and date girls. But at the same time, I don't think my reasoning for doing that is very sound...so I would just end up hurting some girl. Just like if I date some guy, I'm just going to end up hurting him, or myself, since all I'd be doing with a guy is using him and then discarding him when I got bored. ::sigh:: I just need to figure me out (and I don't mean my sexuality, I already have that figured out)...stop being so bitter. But...actually, I think that I'm starting to get there...and it feels good - no, make that great - to be myself again. I didn't realize just how much of myself had been lost and buried...

dead leaves and the dirty ground when I know you're not around shiny tops and soda pops when I hear lips make a sound

Here's the weekly round-up...

.:. This is just very sad. The Oak Park police officer was being a good guy, and the kid has pretty much ruined his 16y/o life... I wonder how many people attended his funeral who didn't even know him...? I would feel weird doing that.
.:. That was a really awesome thing of Dwayne Wade to do for a family.
.:. Aww...how cute, even though they're twins, they'll each get their own special day!!
.:. Wow...don't know what I'd do if I found $10 grand in my box of cheesy crackers...
.:. Hooray for mp3 player lighting the way to safety!!
.:. I can agree with what this study found...although, being young, I'm usually not optimistic when something fails.
.:. Umm...a 5¢ tax bill and a 4¢ refund? Ridiculous... ::shakes head::
.:. My mommy works for this company...and she's sent me to this specific store to pick up stuff for inter(intra-[?])store transfers.
.:. This is a good thing to know...at least since there was the not-so-great statistic that I mentioned a few weeks ago (see: .:. Well, that's comforting.).
.:. Wow...just insane. Talk about needing some anger management. Shooting someone over talking in a movie theatre?
.:. Lol...plane hits cow on landing.
.:. Umm, yeah...not the brightest thief in the world, now is he?
.:. Okay, now...if I had a bullet in my head, there is no way that I'd go back to work!!
.:. Just plain weird...why live in an airport terminal?
.:. That's pretty cool...won the lottery from a ticket thrown in the trash.
.:. I'm sure winning the $10 million was bittersweet.
.:. Lol, this just amused me (it's not recent, but it's from a blog that was suggested for me on my Google Reader)...
.:. Again, just something that amused me, but not recent.

Since it's the new year...wanna know what your horoscope is predicting for the new year? Mine was kind of a joke...at least, that's what I thought. But it's still amusing to look.

And now for some amusement from Overheard in New York...

You Go, Roscoe!
Lady: Excuse me, do you know where the bathrooms are?
Father with toddler: Nope, sorry.
Lady: I thought people with kids always knew where the bathrooms were.
Father with toddler: Nah, I just let him pee in the grass.
-- Central Park

Should We Stop for Some Cocktails and Wait It Out?
Mom: S***, it's raining!
Four-year-old: F***!
-- Times Square

...You'll Be Proud to Throw Them Over Your Shoulder Like a Continental Soldier
Little girl to mother: Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow?
Mother (under breath): You're laughing now, but one day...
-- 86th & York

How You Know Your Little Boy is Straight
Employee: I like your pink shirt.
Coworker's 9-year-old nephew: It's not pink; it's white with pink and green stripes.
Employee: So you like to wear pink?
Coworker's 9-year-old nephew: My shirt *isn't* pink! (now shouting) It's white with pink and green stripes and it takes a real man to wear pink!
-- Atlanta, Georgia

They'd Rule the World -- Oh, Wait
Teen boy #1: It's like a totally different part of the body.
Teen boy #2: Can you imagine if vaginas had brains?
-- Bedford Avenue, Brooklyn

Your Perspicaciousness Is Prodigious, You Desiccated Harridan
Teenage girl: Mom! You're being obsequious.
Hip mom: Oh. "Obsequious." Big word. Either you've started studying for the SATs or you're just pandering to your intellectual higher-ups. My guess is the latter.
-- 78th St & Broadway

In That Case, We Need to Talk About Pants
Embarrassed teenage son: Mom, cross your legs.
Obese mother: They are crossed.
Embarrassed teenage son: No, they're not. Cross them more.
Obese mother: If I cross my legs any more I'll get a blood clot.
-- G Train

Yeah, Accommodating Your Capricious Food Cravings Was Really Fun
Middle aged woman: And I smoked weed, like, ever day last summer.
Daughter: I'm shocked, mom.
Middle aged woman: Oh, so you thought I was fun naturally?
-- Central Park

This Just In: 4 Out Of 5 Dentists Recommend New Yorkers! (Click Here For More)
(Woman #1 is trying to exit Starbucks while pushing a stroller. Woman #2 comes to her rescue and keeps the door open)
Woman #1: You aren't from New York, are you?
Woman #2: No.
Woman #1: Because you're too sweet.
-- Starbucks, 114th St & Broadway

You Know the Deal. You Finish Last.
Woman blocking sidewalk for filming: Please wait two minutes. Just two minutes.
Woman barging through crowd: I didn't know this was a congregation area! (curses at woman blocking crowd)
Polite girl: Since the a**hole got through, can the nice people go through?
-- Bleecker St

From Complaining About the Discharge?
Patient: I think my boyfriend and I have contracted either gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Patient: Well, he's having kind of a pussy discharge from his penis and a burning sensation when he urinates.
Doctor: And what symptoms have you been having?
Patient: Well, I've had a sore throat...
-- NYU Medical Center

The Day Monique Got Run Over
Elegantly dressed French lady, speaking to New York Bus Service representative: Excuse me, when does the bus arrive?
Overweight representative, screaming: The port authoritah bus come 'erry ha'f hour!
Elegantly dressed French lady (pausing and turning to French friend): Wow. And I thought my English sucked.
-- Terminal One, JFK

And Be Eaten by Hippies from Minnesota
Fire truck loudspeaker to tourists blocking entrance: Please clear the area unless you want to end up as roadkill.
-- WTC Site, Liberty Street

they don't know 'bout me & you so I got something new to see and you just gon' keep hatin' me and we just gon' be enemies

About three or four months ago, the ex left me a rather mean IM to say that he was just glad that I've never put his name anywhere on this blog. And then last night, he decided to leave me a pretty harsh comment that had both his first and last name on it (and also made it possible for anyone to contact him should they wish to). All I can say is, thank god for comment moderation. I originally enabled it to prevent spam comments, not because I expected to receive anything so negative I couldn't bear to have it on my blog. Before I'd started this, I had thought about posting the comment on here, but editing out his name...but I honestly don't want the negativity. It's not that I refuse to have both sides to the story viewed.

So, in an effort to be fair, I am going to give him the benefit of doubt, and say that what he put in his comment was true (at least, portions of his comment anyway). He claimed that he was alone on Monday night, his girlfriend was at home (supposedly, she's not that type of person...and I guess, that's good to know, at least he's dating a good person ::shrugs::), his friend was out with other friends and his friend's girlfriend was in Chicago. Okay, it's entirely possible that I jumped to conclusions when I saw him walking thisclose to two random girls...but what did he expect when he was walking so close to some strangers? Or when he's been so mean to me over the past few months, even when I leave him alone like he wants? But the rest of text in his comment is either just more mean-spirited words meant to berate me or half-truths/out-right lies.

He asked that I stop talking about him in my blog. So I decided to use the search option just to see how often I've mentioned him since our relationship ended...yeah, umm, the dumb search thing gave me 27 entries. Of those 27 entries, only 16 (there are two .5's since one is about a dream, and one is a repost of a 2005 post...and I don't think that actually counts, do you?) actually contained something about him. That's 16 entries out of 56 (or 28.57%) since the relationship ended. That makes him come across as a tad full of himself. I realize he was looking at this with an RSS feeder, so that means he probably only saw the most recent entries and yes, those were about how upset I got when I saw him. But that's two entries out of a total of 392 posted entries. Pretty miniscule if you ask me.

And, also, he asked that I "stop slandering [him] in [my] blog." Well...seeing how slander is technically the spoken word and everything on here is the written word (libel)...I've never slandered him. But, also, both require malicious intent...and I don't have that. In my [private, unpublished] thoughts, definitely, but in what I put on here, absolutely not. I don't want to make myself look like an idiot by stooping to a childish level. Also, since the first couple lines of the comment pretty much blamed me for his failure to remove my blog from his RSS feed, I'm no longer supposed to put anything on here about how I feel because my feelings are proof of how "crazy and paranoid" I am. Umm...okay...you're the one who keeps contacting me out of the blue to do something that you know is going to upset me...so why am I the bad guy?

::sigh:: Okay...now that I've wasted far too much time on something and someone who I should not have...I'm moving on to something much more positive...

This morning, my daddy woke me up with a phone call to see if I could pick him up from his therapy (he still has those from his accident back in September, but he's improving a lot!! I'm so proud of him!!). After picking him up, we met a few of my dad's friends for lunch. Let me just say, I heart my daddy's friends. The two single ones were asking me about if I had a man in my life (I doubt that the one who even brought it up to begin with had any ulterior motives, he's just that kind of caring guy, kinda like an older brother) and they said that since I'd been accused of cheating, I should've just gone ahead and done it. I just laughed that off. And tomorrow, I may be driving my daddy over to the married one's house for a party...which I was invited to. I've been invited to those parties before...well, kinda sorta anyway. They're just excuses to drink and watch some sporting event...but that's what the married couple says anyway, they never try to disguise it as anything more fancy/dignified than that!!

you had me you lost me you're wasted you cost me I don't want you here messing with my mind I've realized in time that my eyes are not blind

I did not need to wake up to the following yesterday morning:

f**91** (12:22:31 AM): I was expecting you to be harsh today ... but good lord not that harsh wtf?! Why so rude? I don't freaking understand, I drove out of my way to bring you your book. [sic]

I never responded to him...I couldn't say anything that I thought of without making myself look really bad. Everything that came to mind was going to make me look like a gigantic b****. So I just didn't respond to him. I mean, what was I supposed to do?

Obviously, he thinks he did me favor...but why does he think flaunting his new girlfriend in front of me would be something that I could handle? Especially when he ended our [three year] relationship over the telephone... I realize to him, none of it meant anything...but that doesn't mean that I've been able to turn off my emotions and feelings so quickly as well. ::sigh:: I just wish that I was able to understand what changed him so drastically...and why... But then again, it's probably for the best that I don't understand him.

Related, but not related...I've finally figured out what to do with all the things that are left over from that relationship as reminders. The Nintendo ds lite, for sure, I'm either going to trade-in at GameStop or sell on eBay since it was a suggestion on the channel 7 news Don't Waste Your Money segment...and then probably the same thing for all of the movies and two of the cds. I figure the majority of cds, I can just either let someone who wants them have them or I can do something really cathartic, like break them. But, I'll probably just give a majority of the items to the Salvation Army...or a women/children's shelter if I can find one around here and they'll take it. Since I think the Salvation Army store is ridiculously overpriced for what it's supposed to be. I think the SA does good, but I don't understand how 'down on their luck' people are supposed to be able to afford the stuff in the SA store. Anyway...done ranting.

But, oh, yeah...I brought this up because Monday night, when I was over my friend's house talking to her, she said that we were going to get rid of the reminders to help me move on. So...I've made a decision. I figured, I might as well make some profit. Originally, I thought that the ex should have been the one to sell the stuff, if at all, but now I don't care since he bought it for me and it's mine to do what I want with it. It's not like he gave me back what I bought for him...true he offered, and I refused it by telling him, I would "just throw it out anyway." Okay...I'm done...ciao!!

Happy New Year!! Be safe tonight!!

was it really worth it was she everything that you were looking for feel like a man I hope you know that you can't come back cuz all we had is broken

My horoscope from Cosmo for today says...

Libra - If you happen to get thrown an emotional curveball, caring Venus says that a guy pal's advice might help you to understand what happened so that you can fight back.

Umm, seriously...when I first saw that this morning, I didn't really think anything of it. I just kinda figured, meh...it's just a horoscope. But, oh my god...I didn't expect what happened when I went to go get my book from my a**hole of an exboyfriend. Sorry, but I've given up trying to be neutral when referring to him. Obviously, he doesn't care if he makes me look bad, making himself look bad in the process, so why should I continue to try and be a good person? (Please don't answer that, I know the answer to my question) Okay...so I just didn't go to a guy friend for help...

It's just that...I half expected him to bring someone with him when he gave me my book back this evening...but...I didn't expect to see the girl he cheated on me with. And, no, I don't have any actual proof that he cheated on me...but the way he acted, the things he said to me, how quickly he jumped into a relationship with her, how quick he was to accuse me of cheating, it all says that he was cheating on me. ::sigh:: But...thankfully, this chapter of my life is over. I never have to speak to him again. I can delete him from my phone, from my email contacts...from everything. The hard part is going to be removing him from my consciousness...

After seeing him (and his girlfriend, and the two other friends he brought with him; it looked as though he was on a double date with his a**hole best friend and his girlfriend, but I'm not 100% sure because when I saw that he had two girls with him to bring me my book, I felt like I was going to cry and just wanted out of there) this evening, I was [understandably] upset...but I really didn't feel like I could talk to my mom. And this really wasn't something that I wanted to talk to my daddy about (even my daddy before his accident). So, I called my good friend...thankfully, she put up with me...hopefully, I didn't keep her up too late. But I appreciate her helping me feel better...even if I didn't really say anything much about what happened.

I don't know...it just sucks that the ex and all of his friends live on the East Side, yet he felt the need to flaunt his new girlfriend in front of me? Why? Just to get a reaction out of me? Obviously, he got what he wanted since I pretty much left without a word (I at least said 'thanks' or 'thank you' when he handed my book to me) and walked as quickly as I could to my car.

past the point of no return no backward glances our games of make-believe are at an end

Today I hung out with my daddy for the afternoon. It was nice since I haven't really spent any time with him in a little while. We went out to Red Robin for lunch and then later, my dad, my 20 y/o brother and I went to see Seven Pounds at the movie theatre. It was a really good movie. It's pretty sad...but it's really good. I suggest going and seeing it. But not if you're in the mood to see a 'feel good' movie.

Also...last night, I finally got this. Well...more like, I finally got what is mentioned there. So what if that makes some call me a 'loser' or whatever. I don't care. ::shrugs:: I like Britney Spears. She's a not-so guilty pleasure when it comes to music. Now am I going to pay whatever ridiculous price is asked for her concert tix? Probably not...I'm a broke college student. Plus, I don't really want to pay to watch a lip synch performance. The free one during lunch in high school was enough for me for those four years, since that was always highly amusing. Gotta love Spirit Week.

And...just out of curiosity, if you borrow something from someone, would you expect him/her to come to you to get it back? Or would you take it back to him/her? This is under the assumption, that s/he has no reason to be coming to your house, or to be near your house.

conversations with you kept me up tonight I've been so waiting for this contradictions are all I have or is it you I've lost all confidence

::sigh:: Yesterday, wasn't a bad a Christmas, but it wasn't the best of Christmases either. It hit me pretty hard that I'm single again after three years in a relationship...even if it was a toxic one.

My family was having a conversation about comedians for some reason, I don't remember how we got on the topic, but anyway, somebody mentioned George Carlin. So I was going to go get my When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops book from my room, but then I realized that the ex still had it...I was doing all right with the whole ignoring his existence thing, so having to contact him to get my book back wasn't something I was looking forward to. Especially since during the three years I was with him, more than once (at least I think it was more than once, I might be wrong) he made it seem like he was proud of the fact that he'd borrowed stuff from people that he now immensely disliked and planned on never giving it back because he liked the object in question. And since both my book and I fall into those categories, you can see why I wasn't all that keen to ask him about it. And...right away he told me that he'd returned it to me...but seriously, now, if I'd had the book in my room, I would not have asked him about it. Trust me, he's the last person I want to talk to. Especially on Christmas.


(this is from the beginning of the book)
Anyway...other reasons this wasn't the best Christmas, were simply because everyone kind of seemed crabby. Possibly that had to with my 11 y/o brother was still in little kid mode and woke us all up pretty early due to his excitement for Christmas and presents. Oh, well...it's not going to last forever...I should let him enjoy it while he can. Right?

I'm thinking about getting this camera. The ex said that he was going to get it for my birthday this year...I'm so glad that he did not. Because if he had...I'm pretty sure in my anger, I would have done something really stupid like smash it into pieces. Seriously...why would he have bought me a $160 camera for my birthday anyway, knowing full well that he was going to end our relationship? I knew, well had a really strong feeling, that he was planning something like that or cheating on me, that was my reasoning for telling him that I didn't really want anything and he could get me whatever he thought was best (probably why he didn't get anything at first, haha). Umm, okay...now that I've b****ed, when I didn't mean to...

Oh, yeah...and I don't feel like doing a weekly round-up this week...next week. My throat is sore...I have a headache...and my jaw is tense...I think I'm just sick. That's probably why this ended up a lot more negative than I had intended it to be. Sorry.

Hope everyone had a happy Christmas and enjoyed their holiday!!

it came upon a midnight clear that glorious song of old from angels bending near the earth to touch their harps of gold

Merry Christmas, My Friend
by LCpl James M Schmidt, USMC, 1986

‘Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone in a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone. I had come down the chimney, with presents to give and to see just who in this home did live. As I looked all about, a strange sight I did see: no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree. No stocking by the fire, just boots filled with sand. On the wall hung pictures of a far distant land. With medals and badges, awards of all kind, a sobering thought soon came to my mind. For this house was different, unlike any I'd seen. This was the home of a U.S. Marine. I'd heard stories about them, I had to see more, so I walked down the hall and pushed open the door. And there he lay sleeping; silent, alone, curled up on the floor in his one bedroom home. He seemed so gentle, his face so serene, not how I pictured a U.S. Marine. Was this the hero, of whom I’d just read? Curled up in his poncho, a floor for his bed?

His head was clean-shaven, his weathered face tan. I soon understood, this was more than a man. For I realized the families that I saw that night, owed their lives to these men, who were willing to fight. Soon around the nation, the children would play and grown-ups would celebrate on a bright Christmas day. They all enjoyed freedom each month and all year because of Marines like this one lying here. I couldn’t help wonder how many lay alone on a cold Christmas Eve, in a land far from home. Just the very thought brought a tear to my eye. I dropped to my knees and I started to cry.

He must have awoken, for I heard a rough voice, "Santa, don't cry, this life is my choice I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more. My life is my God, my country, my Corps."

With that he rolled over, drifted off into sleep. I couldn't control it, I continued to weep. I watched him for hours, so silent and still. I noticed he shivered from the cold night's chill. So I took off my jacket, the one made of red and covered this Marine from his toes to his head. Then I put on his T-shirt of scarlet and gold with an eagle, globe and anchor emblazoned so bold. And although it barely fit me, I began to swell with pride, and for one shining moment, I was Marine Corps deep inside.

I didn't want to leave him so quiet in the night, this guardian of honor so willing to fight. But half asleep he rolled over, and in a voice clean and pure, said "Carry on, Santa, it's Christmas Day, all secure."

One look at my watch and I knew he was right, Merry Christmas my friend, Semper Fi and goodnight.

I guess you kept me around to have and eat your cake and I know you’re somewhere laughing in your head 'bout how you kept me hidden from the truth

So...yesterday was the ex's father's birthday...and I'd thought about sending his dad an email to say "happy birthday." But I was worried that if I did, then he'd say something to his son...and then I'd get a phone call or something telling me to stay out of his life. Especially since the last time that I talked to the ex, he told me that everyone in his life thinks that I'm a b**** and always has. If that's true, then, yeah, telling his dad "happy birthday" would've been a bad idea. But I always got the impression from his father that he didn't pretend to like someone...so, I wasn't worried that he'd be mad at me for being nice to him. It was just...I was worried about a possible reaction from his son. ::sigh:: Oh, well...

Anyway...tomorrow is Christmas Eve...but I never finished my shopping. Oh,well...just means that I didn't get presents for three of my siblings, only for the younger two. But honestly, I have no clue what to get my 15 y/o brother...the kid is weird. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love him and all...but he's one weird person. And my sister, she just buys whatever she wants...so it's hard to buy for her, too. So, yeah... Plus, my grandma doesn't like it when we buy her gifts...she'd rather we spent our money on ourselves or saved it. That's why I didn't get anything for her. But I always make sure that I help her out with whatever I can when I'm there on Christmas Eve.

Which reminds me...does anyone have any special holiday traditions? In my family, it's totally the celebrating on Christmas Eve...and the lasagna (my paternal grandma's family is Italian). But, I cannot eat lasagna. ::shudder:: It has nothing to do with the way it tastes...it all about the way that it looks. If I could get over the appearance of lasagna, then I would probably eat it...since I think it tastes fine.

Anyway...hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday!! Merry Christmas, everyone!!

on the telephone line I am anyone I am anything I want to be I could be a super model or Norman Mailer & you wouldn't know the difference or would you

[edited 12:03a 12/23/08] edits are in blue

Yay me!! I have a 2.16 g.p.a. this semester...a full point lower than my previous lowest g.p.a ever (I got that my freshman year of high school, and my parents didn't seem to care that I failed a class either). ::sigh:: But at least, my financial aid is safe. For now anyway... Apparently, I forgot about my g.p.a. last semester...my previous lowest g.p.a. It wasn't a full point higher, but it's pretty close to what I got this semester...thanks to the two Cs I received.

And, yay me (again)!! I have pretty much all of my Christmas shopping done, or at least, I have it as done as I'm gonna get it. It's a 'yay me' because I only started Saturday night. Remember, Christmas is on Thursday?

And also, last night, I made some gingerbread. Mmm mmm!!! I heart gingerbread. Especially when it's warm and has whipped cream on it. Yummy!!

Today, I watched the girls for four hours...it was the most boring four hours of my life. I was supposed to take them to their mom's house so they could pack up their stuff and take them to the library. Yeah, didn't take 'em to the library because they wouldn't get their butts moving and get ready to go anywhere. So, I only took them to their mom's house...and it didn't really seem like they did what they were supposed to. To be fair, the 8 y/o's stuff was pretty much packed already by her mom for her. But seriously, if I'd known that they weren't going to be ready when I got there, I would not have left my stuff in the car and been bored to tears (okay, obviously, not actual tears) for nearly three hours (it's like 10 degrees outside, I wasn't going back outside just to get my book).

it's a bad day it's a train ride it's a bad day you're my medicine it's a snow day it's a full moon it's a snow day

Ugh...it's a snow day. Do you know how I learned that? From an automated phone call from the district...that's what I get for being on my brothers' emergency contact lists. Oh, and the phone call was at 6:25a. Yeah, that was so not cool. I was asleep...and then startled awake by my phone and since it wasn't a name on the caller id, just a number, I answered it. So...I've been awake on and off since then. It sucks. But anyway...

Here's the weekly round-up... (and on-time, too!!)

.:. Wow...are you kidding me? Only 3.6" and it was called a snow day? C'mon now people...we had to get 7.9" today to get our first snow day of the season.
.:. What a reassuring thing to hear from the pilot of your flight: "I'm not qualified to land the plane."
.:. How insensitive...Santa got a parking ticket (he was handing out toys)!!
.:. What would you give up over giving up internet access? Hint: it's a lot more carnal than some would think.
.:. Yay!! At least one of the last things that Bush does as president of the U.S. is a good thing for the country's economy.
.:. Hooray for Secret Santas!!
.:. A gallery of Christmas trees...I prefer a fake tree though, doesn't trigger my allergies then.
.:. Holiday light displays (the last one is the best!)...I prefer the light display just off of 12 Mile at about Washington in Royal Oak.
.:. Umm...why is there such an obsession with virtual bands? ::shakes head:: I don't get it...
.:. Supposedly, these are the 8 best tech things to buy this holiday season...I liked the Blackberry on the list (the ex has [had?] it), but didn't see what the big deal was about the rest of the list...
.:. And then there are the top 11 tech stocking stuffers... I must admit, the chargepod thingy is pretty cool (slide #7 of 13)...but I want the Target gift card featured should anyone be willing to buy me one (slide #10 of 13)...
.:. Lol, now this is just amusing...a hot pink keyboard for blondes.

And here are few things to amuse from Overheard in New York...

Come On--We New Yorkers Have Rules
Crazy 20-something woman, screaming into cell: But where have you been? (sobs) I've been waiting for you. Where are you? (screaming louder) It's been hours, where are you? Where are you? How could you do this to me? Where are you?
(everyone on sidewalk turns around as she passes)
Man: It is way too early for that.
Woman: Yeah, that's the kind of call you make at 3 am, when you're drunk.
-- Taxi Line, Penn Station

Yet a Little Bit Reptar, at the Same Time.
Girl #1: You remember on that cartoon Rugrats there was that monster named Reptar?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: I had a dream last night where I was trying to replace the word "cool" with "Reptar".
Girl #2: That's strange.
Girl #1: Yes, yes it is.
-- LIRR