hurt that's not supposed to show and tears that fall when no one knows when you're trying hard to be your best could you be a little less

Since the stupidest things make me cry and these would be things that have absolutely no tie whatsoever to the relationship, I've decided that I really don't want any of the reminders that I have of my failed relationship. The emotional reminders are bad enough...why would I want the physical ones? So...now I've got to figure out what to do with the following:

.:. a limited edition metallic rose Nintendo DS lite...it's the one with the paw print on it and came with Nintendogs Best Friends edition...
.:. a customized Build-a-Bear and super adorable (but, again, it's a constant reminder of something I really can't stand to be reminded of)...a couple of more stuffed animals...
.:. The Wizard of Oz, Disney's Sleeping Beauty Platinum Edition and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End 2-Disc Limited Edition on DVD...
.:. Carrie Underwood "Carnival Ride"...Alicia Keys "As I Am"...and a whole bunch of other cds (for obvious reasons I can't list them)...
.:. an adorable Disney's Cinderella clock...
.:. the softest, most comfortable fleece blanket...Disney's 101 Dalmatians are on it...
.:. It Had to Be You: the Gossip Girl Prequel by Cecily von Ziegesar...it's a hardcover book...
.:. and then a few other things...

Umm, yeah...I think it's a bit obvious that I like Disney...::sigh::...and also a bit obvious that he was really sweet and spoiled me... But I don't know what to do with any of it...I don't want it, but I don't want to throw it away either...

I mean, c'mon...I feel stupid because last week on my way to bio, Paula DeAnda's "Walk Away" came on the radio and the song made me almost start crying! (By the way I was going to just embed the video, but that's been disabled by request...so that's why it's just a link to the video ::shrugs::) Ya can't blame me for wanting to be rid of any and all tangible reminders when random songs on the radio cause me to tear up.

And then Friday morning, when I was trying to get ready for class, he randomly sent me an IM to ask me how my dad was doing. Instantly, I regretted that I hadn't blocked his screenname like I'd been thinking about (my reasoning for doing so wasn't to stop him from contacting me, it was because I obsessively check his stuff, it's so not healthy or helping me move on... and by "obsessively," I meant like once, maybe twice, a day). Of all the people he could possibly ask (my 20 y/o brother, my dad himself, etc.) to see how my dad is doing, why did he have to ask me after not talking to me [conversationally] in more than a week? It's not that I want him to leave me alone...but...I can't handle the confusion when he randomly talks to me when he's supposedly avoiding me... Obviously, I nearly started crying again when he wouldn't leave me alone and kept asking me questions about my dad. ::sigh:: I guess, in a roundabout way, this would be the explanation to Friday's post.

I'd originally asked him to take physics II with me next semester because I can only take it in the evening and I so don't want to walk to class by myself in the dark. But just to avoid any chance of running into, I arranged my classes so that I'm off campus by 1:00p...the only exception is my orgo I lab (but there's a huge possibility I may not actually have to take it), which starts at 3:00p and is an hour long and then the actual lab portion of it is ~3h long and also starts 3:00p (and I'm not liking that for the majority of the semester, I'll be getting out of lab in the dark ::sigh::). But...even with my lab getting out at 6:00p, I'll still probably never see him since he said he was going to take physics II and that starts at about the same time, but is a few blocks down the street. So I'm good...right?

Because someone wanted to be my friend on Facebook, I logged in (late Friday night). I wish that I hadn't. The first thing that I saw on the Updates, or whatever it's called, list was that he was no longer listed as "single" and the two comments left pretty much made jumping to the conclusion that he's dating someone else a logical one. It's not that I expected him to stay single for a long time...but I didn't expect him to start dating someone new less than a month later. More than seeing that he's possibly dating someone new, I wish that the thought of it didn't make me cry. But the reason the thought of it makes me cry is that now I question the last few weeks we were together...because he was so quick to accuse me of cheating on him (those exact words never came out of his mouth, but his behavior and words pretty much said it), yet he was the one who was supposedly at work for up to 12 hours a day on Saturdays and Sundays and therefore unable to see me on the weekends. So, now...I wonder if I was being an idiot and he was already dating someone else before he broke up with me?

I just wish that I'd never dated him in the first place. Then I never would have gotten hurt. I'm not saying that I'd necessarily be any happier...but I wouldn't be hurt, I wouldn't have been hurt in the worst way possible. The way that scares me most...by someone I trust.

don’t you know I've tried and I've tried to get you off my mind but it don’t get no better as each day goes by

Seriously, what the hell was I thinking?

I wanted a guy's perspective on why I'm only getting platonic attention from guys lately, so I asked the one guy that I'm "friends" with, but I know does not want anything more than friendship ever from me. Yeah...I think he hates me, because it was a disaster (okay, maybe I'm overreacting...nah, there's a real chance that I'm overreacting). I know that he doesn't like me, so I figured maybe he could help me figure out what's wrong with me. Instead he took it as an opportunity to tell me everything that went wrong with our relationship. I didn't ask him to meet me so that we could get into a fight. Honestly. That wasn't my intention...if it had been, then I would have been meaner. I wouldn't have been accidentally mean as a defense mechanism. I didn't even want to discuss anything that had to with us. I know it's over, I can't do anything about that, so asking questions and talking about it isn't going to help...it's just going to make it worse (for me, at least).

I stupidly asked him before leaving when he stopped loving me, if he ever did at all (meaning if he ever loved me). And the answer he gave to the question pretty much contradicted what he had told me less than 30 minutes before...and made my belief about him being a liar even stronger.

Hence, me thinking I made [one of] the biggest mistake of my life by asking him to help me figure out what's "wrong" with me.

Oh, well...live and learn?

I've been waiting a long time now now here's the answer you're all mine now yeah I've been waiting for my Sunday girl

Today's horoscope from Cosmo says...

Libra - Deceptive Neptune may skew your normally sharp perspective today. Ask direct questions to learn someone's true feelings.

So...what is that supposed to mean? I realize that I'm probably doing something really stupid by planning a tentative get-together with the ex for tomorrow evening. But it's just astrology...it is what you make of it. If you read too much into it, then you'll probably go crazy, right?

Anyway...it's snowing outside today!! And it stuck!! Boooo!!! I know, it's the middle of November and I live in Michigan...so snow is a perfectly logical form of precipitation at this time of year. But, y'know what, that doesn't mean that I have to like it. I hate snow and winter with a passion. And until I find a cute, sexy (and I can't leave out good) man to cuddle up with, I'm thinking that I'm going to continue to hate this time of year.

my heart still has a beat but love is now a feat as common as a cold day in LA sometimes when I'm alone I wonder is there a spell that I am under

So...my Cosmo horoscope for today says...

Libra - If you're considering redoing your pad, the versatile Moon suggests that you use your imagination — like creating your own artwork or buying a bright slipcover for your couch.

I kinda sorta caused my horoscope to come true today. I didn't do any redecorating per se...but I did restructure some things in my life. If only because I felt forced to. An explanation will come next week. Sorry.

My bio teacher annoys me because she so cannot use a computer. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm sure the woman is a perfectly nice person...but I can totally understand a previous student felt that she "makes Hitler look sweet." Yes, that's a direct quote from one of her former students. She told us that a former student wrote that on the course evaluation. Okay, now I can understand feeling that way about her, but I don't understand the urge to write it on the course eval. Umm...I guess, I should say why she annoys me, shouldn't I? She always has trouble posting stuff on Blackboard...but none of my other teachers seem to have any trouble. Not even my seemingly computer illiterate orgo I lecture teacher!!

Anyway...since I don't think I ever mentioned it yet, last week I got a stupid jury duty notice. Thankfully, the dumb thing isn't on a test day. There's a really good chance that I should get out of it though...and not just because I listed all the ways it totally interferes with my finals. Seriously, if only I could just not show up for it...but then I would be in contempt of court. Ugh...

I know you want what's on my mind I know you like what's on my mind I know it eats you up inside I know you know you know you know

Here's the weekly round-up of what I found interesting the week of November 17^th:

.:. Ugh...this is just disgusting, his own children, too. I really hope that their mother was unaware, otherwise she's worse than their dad.
.:. I don't know what to say other than to use the actual headline: Suspects Wanted in 'Cowardly' Assault...tsk tsk, I hope they found whoever did it...
.:. That's a lot of pot...
.:. Umm...aren't Christians supposed to be kind to one another? Like, especially the monks? Not fighting one another at Jesus' tomb.
.:. Aww, how sad...it makes you wonder what else was going on that an 8y/o felt compelled to murder his father...
.:. Yay! Now the lowly, little stick is part of the Toy Hall of Fame...umm, actually that really isn't exciting.
.:. Umm, ew. Check out #8.
.:. The new natural wonders...
.:. This part amuses me the most:

"Deep-water octopuses worldwide, he pointed out, lack the ink sack that allows their shallow-water cousins to shoot out a camouflage screen.
After all, if they live where it is dark, ink is unnecessary, said O'Dor, a Canadian member of the research team."

Like, duh!
.:. Hooray! Even after being blinded mid-flight, still landed safely!!
.:. ::shudder:: Just creepiness....three dead bodies?!?
.:. Just craziness...running with a rabid animal attached to arm...
.:. This is why people should not let massive amount of money go to their heads...
.:. Haha, the dog managed to drive the car...actually that's not really funny because it could have been really bad...
.:. Strange...just glad that I don't live near this "musical" road...
.:. Seriously, now...requesting sleepovers? And people are actually allowing it?!?

Sorry, all the serious newsy stuff went first, then the happier stuff...y'know, sadden you, then make you happy? Makes sense, right?

And now for some amusement from Overheard in New York...

She Actually Gave Him Cash--She Just Gets a Cheap Thrill Out of Alliteration
Hobo: Spare some change?
Girl: Yeah...so you can go buy booze? Keep dreaming, bucko.
-- Times Square

Nah. Do What You Want--and Take the Consequences
Well-dressed balding father: I could honestly care less.
Shaggy haired teen: You're my father! You're supposed to care if I'm failing out of school and doing drugs!
Well-dressed balding father: Nope, not interested.
Shaggy haired teen: You have to care! I can't believe this s***!
-- Bleeker & Broadway

Kindly Old People Really Give Us Hope
Grandpa: Do we really have to take them to the f***ing zoo?
Grandma (holding a pamphlet about the zoo): Look, this is the stupid s*** that they're into, so this is where we gotta go.
Grandpa (pointing to a picture in the pamphlet): What the f*** is that? A chipmunk?
Grandma: It's a f***ing rabbit!
-- St. Mark's Place, Staten Island

Tonight on Ninja Mom
Mother wagging finger, scolding son: I'm very disappointed in you!
Six-year-old son: Mommy, don't get mad at me, we were only trying to break each other's bones.
-- W11th St & 7th Ave

...Ferragamo?
Four-year-old girl: Look at my new purse.
Six-year-old boy: Yeah, so?
Four-year-old girl: It's Prada.
Six-year-old boy: I don't think that's a Prada purse.
Four-year-old girl: But it's pink...
Six-year-old boy: Yeah, but I don't think that makes it Prada.
Four-year-old girl (very sadly): Oh.
-- Henry St & Pierrepont St, Brooklyn Heights

Ask a Stupid Question...
Professor: So what do you think of when you think of "paternalism"? Anyone?
Student: "Maury"?
-- City College

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Just Poor, They're Po'
Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.
-- 79th & Broadway
...and there are five more one liners...

Little People--Big Wednesday One-Liners
Drunk guy with group of friends: I'm sorry I hit you, I thought I was Irish and you were four feet tall.
-- 41st & 2nd Ave
...and there are five more one liners...

anytime you want to pick up the telephone you know it ain't nothin' to drop a couple stacks on you want it you could get it my dear

My Cosmo horoscope for the day of November 12^th says...

Libra - Single? Don't shy away from a slightly younger guy. He might light your sexual fire under bold Venus. Attached? Score points with a sexy striptease tonight.

Umm...yeah...I don't really want a younger guy. I'd rather go for a guy the same age or just a few years older (no more than five)... And then...the Cosmo horoscope for today says...

Libra - One of your coolest traits is watching out for your friends. Today, appreciative Venus says to be kind to yourself and indulge your favorite guilty pleasure.

I'm liking the one for today a lot more than yesterday's because helping out my friends is always a good thing...but apparently, I didn't really read it because it says to be a spoiled brat. Nevermind, I don't like it so much anymore...

And y'know what is awesome? When you have a song playing in your head (and no, I am not crazy)...and then you get into your car and that very same song is on the radio.

Seriously, what's wrong with the kids at Lamphere? Two bomb threats in two days?

Okay...well, I have to go print out my orgo stuff for lab...and still have to eat some lunch...oh, yeah, and I have to make my hair not look like a rat's nest cuz that's pretty much what it's looking like right now. Ciao!!

so save your scissors for someone else's skin my surface is so tough I don't think the blade will dig in save your strength save your wasted time

Yesterday morning in my orgo class, one of my classmates grabbed my arm because he saw a cut on my arm and wanted to know how I did it (how they got there isn't important). Usually I'm pretty good about keeping my arm covered up so that people don't ask questions...but yesterday I was really fidgety because I was so tired and having a hard time focusing, so my sleeve ended up raised a little. Now, mind you, the cuts in question are tiny (the larger one is at most 2cm and the smaller is nearly gone because it's almost completely healed). There's only two of them really close to one another, but I think maybe it looked worse than they really are because Monday evening I had a Band-aid^® on and my skin is sensitive to the adhesive on bandages, so all around the cuts was really red and rash like. And since the bandages make my skin red I don't like to use them if not necessary, but if I don't have a bandage on, people say something to me...::sigh:: It's a no win situation for me.

At least, I don't feel like this anymore. Well...not for the same reasons anymore. There's an entirely new set of reasons...but that's a whole 'nother rant that I really don't want to get into.

But what I do want to get into is, is that I have something that I really can't keep bottled up anymore...but I don't know how I can talk to anyone about it because I promised someone that I wouldn't tell anyone about it. I don't think/feel that this specific person kept any of the promises that s/he made to me, but if I break my promise to him/her then I would feel wrong in doing so...so I don't know what to do. What would you do if you were me? Thanks in advance...

if you are what you say you are a superstar then have no fear the camera's here and the microphones and they wanna know

My youngest brother went off to 6^th grade camp this morning. Woohoo!! He's gone for three days!! Seriously though, I hope the kid has fun (and that he behaves because he's gonna regret it big time if he gets in trouble at camp!).

My third bio test was this afternoon...and walking out of there I wasn't too sure how I did. But when I checked the answer key when I got home, I was happy to see that I got a B+. Hopefully, there's at least one question that 70+% of the class got wrong so that she adds a point to everyone's score...then I might end up with an A on my test. I can't really complain about my score though because I only "studied" for all of 40 minutes or so...so if I'd actually studied, I probably would have gotten every question right as opposed to making a few stupid mistakes. Oh, well...

why does it always seem that every time I turn around somebody falls in love with me this has never been my sole intention

My Cosmo horoscope for today says...

Libra - Single? Your affectionate nature could capture an extroverted cutie's attention. Attached? Showing interest in his favorite recreation inspires affection under loving Venus.

And who would that said cutie be? Cuz I don't really think that there are any guys taking more than a platonic interest in me lately... I mean, unless you count the random men on the streets of Midtown Detroit...and I'm not!

First, there is a special political weekly round-up (for those of you living under a rock, since that's gotta be the only way you've made it to Friday and don't know that Barack Obama was elected the 44^th president of the U.S.A.):

.:. Ann Nixon Cooper, the woman mentioned in Sen. Barack Obama's acceptance speech of the presidency...even Sen. John McCain's concession speech was pretty good.
.:. "Yes we can" "Yes we did" It would have been pretty awesome to have been in Grant Park on Tuesday night...don't you agree?
.:. Yay for being young and voting (in record numbers, too)!!
.:. Aww, the little Obama girls are so adorable!! Sleepovers, puppies and family dinners with the new First Family...
.:. SNL's Best Presidential Moments (from E! online)
.:. A backwards step for gay rights in California (and gigantic discrimination in Arizona, Arkansas and Florida)...

Here is the weekly round-up of what I found interesting this week:

.:. Yay! There's a possible benefit to all the stupid migraines that I suffer from!!
.:. Eeep! That's a lot of money...$50,000 for an original sketch of Winnie the Pooh.
.:. Umm...yeah, being drunk and thinking you're driving your car, not gonna get you off for stealing a car...
.:. Aww...poor kid, poor family...what an awful Halloween...

And here's some Twilight related stuff:

.:. Rate-a-Trailer
.:. another movie clip and the video for Paramore's "Decode"
.:. Vanity Fair has a bunch of pics and an essay

all Twilight links are from E! online

Some amusement from Overheard in New York...

Hey, I Saw the Crude Sketches in the Boys' Restroom Way Before That
(class is watching a science video)
Scientist in the video: The problem with the big bang is that we know nothing about it. We don't when it banged, why it banged, how it banged, what exactly was being banged...
(entire class laughs)
Smart-a** student: See, when a man loves a woman...
Smarter-a** student: Please, as if you didn't just learn that last year in bio!
-- Stuyvesant High School

As Is Required by US Law
Mother: I'm so glad you want to learn about voting!
Five-year-old girl, to employee: Where are your books about Joe Biden?
(ten minutes later)
Five-year-old girl, screaming at the magazine rack: I want the magazine with the lady from TV on it!
Mother: Use your indoor voice. You know what her name is.
Five-year-old girl: But...I love Oprah.
-- Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lexington

don't call me even if I should cross your mind hard enough I don't need to hear your voice on my messages let's just call it quits

Why? I mean, seriously...why can't he just pick one? Either completely ignore me or be my friend. But don't talk to me out of the blue to tell me that you had a dream about me. Especially a dream about the following:

putting pictures on my MySpace of me and another boy kissing and having my MySpace say that I was in a relationship

After he said that to me, I tried to ask him why he even told me about that. But it just appeared as though he was ignoring me...more realistically though, he was probably doing something work-related. The only other thing he said was something about going back to avoiding me (about 10-15 minutes later) and then an explanation of that statement because I asked when he was doing that.

I wish that he could understand that by saying what he did this morning, he really confused me and at the time upset me. When he said that to me and then wouldn't tell me why he even said that to me, all I was thinking was, "why can't he just leave me alone?" So...now I've been confused all day long... It sucks.

But...I have to go do my bio homework on Blackboard...

if someone said three years from now you'd be long gone I'd stand up & punch them out cuz they're all wrong I know better cuz you said forever & ever

[update 1:44p - I meant to post the blue text also, but ran out of time before class this morning. So technically, this is a repost of the post from this morning (which is no longer there).]

So...if he and I had still been together, it would have been three years today. Can you believe that? That's a really long time.

If I'd known what the ensuing three years would have been like, I really don't think I would have told him that I'd changed my mind. The last three years weren't worth it. And that's not my broken heart talking (okay, maybe it is, but that doesn't change anything about how I feel). Yeah, I loved him, and I still do...but, there was just too much hurt. And letting someone get close to me just to hurt me over and over again wasn't worth it. I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life...and when he talks to me or looks at me, he makes it kind of obvious, he thinks so, too. At least, that's the impression that I got when I saw him on Sunday.

I even half-wish that the last three years hadn't even happened. I don't mean everything that happened to me in the past three years, because not all of it was bad. But I wish the events on few specific days had never happened. For example, I wish that October 06, 2006 had never happened... Maybe if 10/06/06 had never happened, then we never would have made it to this past August when he told me to "give [him] the rings back and get the f*** out of his car." Maybe we never would have made it past the end of 2006...? Who knows what would have happened? What's done is done and I can't change the past...much as I would like to at this point in time. Pondering 'what-ifs' isn't a great idea...but at least I'm not sad about it. Surprisingly.

My only (okay, well, the biggest) lingering thought now is: has he sold those rings yet? Y'know, the ones in the following picture:
::sigh:: I'm sure that I'll never know the answer to my question because he no longer seems to be talking to me except for when he needs something from me. It's no wonder that I feel used by him. Well...that's not really true, because he is still talking to me...just...it seems to go better as long as it's online and he doesn't actually have to deal with me. It's just that...when he talked to me on both Saturday and Sunday (trying to arrange when he could drop off the money to me)...I don't know... I don't want to say it because I've already said enough negative things that I look childish and petty...as well as insecure and other unflattering characteristics.

And then there's this (quite possibly irrational) feeling that I have that he ended things just to have more time to spend on himself, as well as to spend more money on himself. Considering in the last two weeks, he's spent a little over $500 on himself on "toys." Oh, but when he asked me how much WSU's tuition/books for a semester is and I told him how much this semester is costing me...he said that he probably wasn't going to be able to afford it. And he wondered why I think that he's irresponsible...? Whatever...not my problem...never was. Apparently, he's just doing the same thing he's done in the past...get rid of the b****y girlfriend, buy himself whatever "toy(s)" he wants...

Just to avoid any reminders of him...I put everything he ever gave me into a box. I don't have a clue what I plan to do with it. Right now, it's just been sitting at the foot of my bed for the last few days. I had thought of just giving it all back to him...but, seriously, what would he want with it? Some of that stuff is such girly stuff that he bought for me just because. But I had to remove any reminder I had of him...otherwise, it's going to be ever harder for me. Like I need that.

cuz you're hot then you're cold you're yes then you're no you're in and you're out you're up and you're down you're wrong when it's right

My Cosmo horoscope for today says...

Libra - You like to analyze everything, but sensitive Mars suggests that you might be better off if you let your heart rule your head regarding a personal decision today.

I don't think I like this prediction...overanalyzing sounds good to me. Besides, letting my heart rule sounds like a bad idea right now. It's currently broken, remember?

Today, my new sweater and shoes came...so that was a happy thing. But my other new sweaters won't be here for a while...that's saddening.

And I wish my mom would hurry up and figure out the insurance sitch for my stepdad's insurance because it's been almost a month of no coverage for me (my mom's insurance quit covering me at midnight on my 23^rd birthday, meaning that it stopped at 12:00:00 am on October 05, 2008). And I'd really like to have insurance...I can't guarantee my safety forever. I am a big klutz, remember? I managed to trip off the front porch and sprain my ankle three years ago...I've been to the ER for my lumbar and cervical (that's the neck for anyone perverted) regions in the last couple of years, too. So...y'know...a lack of coverage for me really isn't the best of ideas...

All right...it's really late, I have to get up early...plus, I still have to do some more of my homework before I can go to bed...so... Ciao!!

she got me speedin' in the fast lane pedal to the floor mayne tryna get back to her love best believe she got that good thang she my little hood thang

::sigh:: I know it's probably a bad idea because I've wanted to major in biology forever (like since 9^th, no joke)...but I'm really thinking that I want to change my major. And all just to avoid one, possibly two, math classes. Seriously, I suck at math. Changing my major is not going to affect the amount of chem that I have to take, so obviously that's not a factor in wanting to change my major (the chem req is premed). I like biology, and I didn't choose to major in bio because I thought it would help me get into med school. Actually, if anything, being a bio major is going to be a hindrance because med schools see so many bio and chem majors that the people who majored in something else are refreshing to see. But anyway, I digress, I wanted to major in bio because I like science and I like the biological sciences the most. So, duh, it made sense.

But now, I want to give up on bio because there is no way I can take stats over again (it's looking like I may be taking that over again)...and I really don't think that I can pass with calc II with a decent grade. Hopefully, I can talk to the bio advisor and university advisor during dual advising either this week or next week and get that figured out...because I will probably cry if I have to take stats over again. Especially now that I don't have anyone to help me with the class. And I know that I'll cry when I finally take calc II...since the only person I know who was willing to help me, I have no way of contacting because the ex doesn't talk to me unless he needs something from me.

But...since psych is my second choice in terms of interest, I'm thinking if I seriously want to change my major, then I'm changing it to psych. I mean, c'mon...I've already taken enough psych classes that it wouldn't take me very long to fulfill the requirements of the degree. And then I would just re-apply to WSU after graduating with my bachelors in psych to get my premed prereqs post-bac (and this is only if I don't complete the prereqs before graduating). See...I've got it all figured out... Of course, I just came up with that plan in the last 15 minutes, so obviously it's not all that well thought out. And I only came up with the plan of changing my major because I wanted to see if I could minor in psych, but apparently it's not an option.

And totally unrelated to my education rant...the other day, I was listening to the radio (probably driving over to my dad's house), and Big Boy, the evening dj on 955, said that Plies sounds like the guy in the Hooked on Phonics^® commercials before Hooked on Phonics^®. It was amusing and made me giggle...but it's nearly midnight, and I have to get up at 7:00/7:30a. So...night all!!

look at the shape I'm in talking to the walls again look at the state I'm in

Since I didn't do it last week, here is the weekly round-up of what caught my interest for the week:

.:. Blah blah blah...
.:. How is (up to) 60 days in jail worth it as opposed to just paying the $7⁴⁵ for the restaurant bill?
.:. And there is the crazy old lady arrested for stealing the kids' football...
.:. Are you kidding me? A hospital bill for a 19 hour visit where a physician was never seen?
.:. Oh, man...that's not supposed to happen...no real shooting at the re-enactments of Civil War battles!!
.:. Awww, the puppy dog rescued the kittens from fire!!
.:. Well...that's an interesting order...
.:. As long as you're feeling warm (physically), then you're going to be more generous...
.:. Seriously, it's just a game...crazy lady, but at least she didn't kill the real him.
.:. Umm, just how stupid does he think the court is? A picture next to a foreign newspaper?

I want to go see Zack & Miri Make a Porno (check out the review from Variety). Too bad I don't have anyone to go with. Oh!, and I also want to see Rachel Getting Married. The second movie is why I wanted to go to the movies last weekend...and Zack & Miri is why I want(ed) to go to the movies this weekend... Oh, well...

I want to go to these concerts:

.:. All-American Rejects at St. Andrews Hall ticket info [doesn't exist]
.:. Avenged Sevenfold, Buckcherry, Shinedown and Saving Abel at Eastern Michigan University ticket info
.:. Mudvayne at the Fillmore Detroit ticket info
.:. Hinder, Trapt and Rev Theory at Clutch Cargo's ticket info

Somebody should take me (or y'know, go with me). 'Kay, thanks, that would be awesome.

And now for some amusement from Overheard in New York...

Tonight's Movie: 101 Dildotians
Gay guy, trying on long black fur coat: How do I look?
Girl: Like a gay, Russian Cruella de Vil.
Random customer: I'm gay and Russian. And I wouldn't wear that.
-- Century 21

And My Wife's Ovulation Schedule
Bartender: Stay for another round?
NYU kid: What time do you close today?
Bartender: 4 am, same as every day. I have the schedule right here. I also have the AA schedule!
-- Blarney Bar

Nobody Respects a Wimpy Whiner, Y'know
Teen: I'll get us a cab.
Grandma: Let's just walk, it's only a few blocks from here.
Teen: Are you sure? What about your hip?
Grandma: Well, it hurts, dear, but I'm not going to be a p**** about it.
-- 57th St

Even at Bed, Bath and Beyoobies?
Two-year-old boy, pointing at dinnerware: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: No.
Two-year-old boy, pointing at pots: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: No.
Two-year-old boy, pointing at woman: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: Yes, but that's rude.
-- Bed Bath & Beyond

Explains Why She Always Got Me Blacklight Posters for Christmas
Girl #1: Oh... I love that smell...smells like my grandma's garden.
Girl #2: Huh? I smell marijuana.
Girl #1: Oh... (long silence)
-- Union Square

Who Gets Medical Testing on Vacation?
Four-year-old boy: What's taking so long?
Mom: Well, you know how today you have a vacation from school? Well, a lot of other people have a vacation from work.
(very long pause)
Four-year-old boy: That's crap.
-- Waiting Room, LabCorp in Bayside

Not "I'll F*** You" Good, But Good Nonetheless
Construction worker #1 to hot girl: D*** baby, did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes)
Construction worker #2: Your name must be Candy 'cause you look so sweet!
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes again, laughing a little)
Construction worker #3: Nice shoes, wanna f***?
Hot girl (laughs hysterically): That's gotta be the best I've ever heard!
-- 65th & Broadway

Wiisday One-Liners
Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."
-- SoHo

Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy...you're downgrading my PSP.
-- The Village

Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!
-- Chinese School

40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?
-- GameStop, Park Ave

Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.
-- 43rd & Madison

I'm getting buried in this place I got no room you're in my face don't say anything just go away

Okay, so there was no class this morning (or this afternoon). Which means that I worked my a** off trying to study for my orgo test for nothing. But because of the dumb bomb threat called in to WSU this morning:

Emergency message from Wayne State University:

A bomb threat was received by Wayne State University this morning. Police officers were immediately dispatched to two building sites on campus identified as State Hall and General Lectures. The buildings were evacuated and Wayne State police officers performed a full sweep of the facilities. A second sweep of all sites was performed with bomb sniffing dogs. As a precautionary measure, the buildings will remain closed today (10/31/08).

Wayne State University officials and the Police Department are continuing to monitor the situation.

My professor moved the test to Wednesday...and this most likely means that he's going to add material to the test, too. So having extra study time over the weekend isn't really all that helpful. I'm still doomed to fail!! If only he would give us partial credit on the problems...but instead, if you get something fractionally wrong, you lose all four points the problem is worth. It absolutely sucks.

Oh, and today, the BCBS HQ building in Downtown Detroit had a bomb threat, also, and had to be evacuated. What the hell people? What's with all the bomb threats today?

Anyway...later today, I'll post the weekly round-up.

Happy Halloween!!

life ain't always beautiful sometimes it's just plain hard life can knock you down it can break your heart

::sigh:: The following just highlights how pathetic I am.

Yesterday afternoon I was updating my MySpace status because in the morning I usually have it say something about being in school all day, and then I noticed that pretty much every girl (the girls in relationships, I mean) on my friend list had something about how amazing her boyfriend is. So I had my status/mood as "ashley nicole ♥ ♥ ♥ is around.../indescribable " but after I read all the happy things that my friends had on their MySpaces I got jealous and changed mine to read "ashley nicole ♥ ♥ ♥ is jealous of everyone with a boyfriend.../jealous "
Okay...the being jealous part isn't what highlights my patheticness...my dad happened to be on the computer less than half an hour later and saw my MySpace status and called me to say that I could come over and eat dinner if I was feeling lonely and wanted some company, even though it was just him and my grandma and they probably weren't much company.

How pathetic is that? Even my dad felt bad for me. Granted one of my good friends also sent me a message saying that we should find me a new boyfriend, too. So it's not like only my dad was feeling sorry for me and had to cheer me up...I have friends, too...but...y'know...?

On top of that...my self-esteem seems to have taken a major tumble lately. ::sigh:: I just feel unattractive and unwanted. I know it's really, really stupid to keep thinking (well pretty much obsessing) about things that I don't have control over... But when the guy who supposedly love(d/s?) me rejected me every time I saw him in the last month that we were together and also in that same time frame (and a little before) nobody else seems to be aware of me either...how am I supposed to feel? Seriously, in the last month or so, the only two people to say anything to me about being an attractive person were some guy in the passenger side of landscaping truck (he was the most obnoxious person ever because he first yelled something to me when the landscaping crew was working, then again when they drove by) and a (possibly?) homeless guy (he only told me "good morning" and that I have "beautiful eyes", so I was polite and said, "thank you"). And being an attractive person, I didn't just mean physically...

Plus, I'm just sick of the random crying. I wish that I would just hurry up and get over him already. Instead...I feel like I was used and taken advantage of...and wasted the last three years of life on a lying jerk. And then other times, I don't think that I wasted the last three years of my life on him because there is (was?) a lot more good about him than bad. It's just that there are so many thoughts and emotions swirling around in my head that keep conflicting with each other... I just wish that I wasn't confused...and that I knew what to do...

Okay...well...I guess, I'm done whining. Sorry about that. I just needed to get that off my chest. Feel free to ignore it if you want to.

before the story begins is it such a sin for me to take what's mine until the end of time we were more than friends before the story ends

::sigh:: I hate studying. And I have no study skills. Combine the two and here I am. So I took a break and did this. But...as soon as I'm done with it, I need to get back to studying.

Today something is supposed to happen...but I don't really think that it's going to. I think that the person is going to flake out on me. Oh, well...it's not my problem. Well, it is, but it isn't.

***Spoiler Alert***

1. Holly in San Jose, Calif.: It feels like it's been so long since I've seen Samantha Who? What's the scoop?
Sam is branching out from her parent's nest this year and returning to her old place. What's the first thing you do when you're on your own? Dance naked, come on! And of course, in true Sam fashion, she won't be alone. Sam will soon discover that she can really dance, or at least she used to be able to. Look for Regina Newly's (Jean Smart) infamous nemesis to pop up, played by the infamous Cybill Shepherd.

2. Denise in Corona, Calif.: What's going on with the final season of ER? So sad it's ending!
You're not the only one! My old college pal Linda Cardellini admits she and costar Parminder Nagra spontaneously burst into tears whenever they think about it. But dry your eyes, my dear, because she also thinks this is the greatest season she has been a part of. "There are a lot of people coming back behind the camera," Linda said, "Some of the directors from yesteryear. And some of the old faces from the show are coming back in front of the camera. We have some surprise little cameos in there." Paging Doctor Ross and Nurse Hathaway!

3. Michelle in Albany, N.Y.: So happy Samantha Who? got some recognition last night at the Emmys when Jean Smart won! Spill the scoop please!
An Emmy-winning Jean Smart told me at the HBO Emmy Suite that her character, Regina Newly, will be getting a new job this season. She said it requires her to wear a blazer, so I'm guessing real estate. Or sex change. Or NBC page. Tough call.

4. Mandy in Detroit: How about some Gossip Girl?
I'm hearing that there is huge stuff in the works for Jenny Humphrey. She's going to do something to shock the hell out of Daddy Dearest in the hopes that it will make her young, rich and famous, but it doesn't work out exactly as she'd planned. And yes, it involves Eleanor and fashion, por supuesto.

5. Teresa in Rhode Island: What is the deal with the photo of little Jenny kissing Nate on Gossip Girl?! Is she stealing everything from Blair? Are they actually a couple?
Oh, you mean that eye-popping photo to the left?! Jenny actually has the most outrageous storyline of everyone coming up...Keep reading to the spoiler section. Our wittle girl is all growed up!

6. How about a little Gossip Girl?
Oh, twist my arm! I love that show, and I'm hearing that episodes six through 10 are amazing. The sixth ep is where Serena and Blair go to Yale and get in a physical catfight. (Is it sad that I'm looking forward to this more than any other TV event right now?) Also, Serena really starts falling for Aaron Rose, the artist I told you about whom she knew when she was younger. Looks like S is most def into creative types.

7. Francesca: What's the deal with Jenny and Nate?
It's on! Duh. That photo is no joke. And I can tell you that Jenny is growing up in more ways than one this year. Sources tell me she might be dropping out of school to start a big, fancy career! What will Rufus say?

8. Francesca in Miami: Any word on Top Model? I'm rooting for anyone but Clark.
The more I hear, the more I'm convinced it has to be Elina. I've also heard that Lauren Brie goes far but is a bit...boring. And interesting note on Clark (who doesn't bother me at all!): Her appearance changes a tiny bit and gradually as the season goes on because of something she did before coming on the show. I can't be more specific on this one, sorry, but post your guesses below!

9. Fawn: What we can expect for Sam this season on Supernatural?
After seeing Thursday's episode, "In the Beginning," I think it's fair to say that this season Sam has a problem, and it will be the major arc of the year, much in the way Dean's damnation arc played out through most of last season. It's a bit of a heartbreaker, not to mention practically a love letter from Kripke to all you Winchester-mythology-lovin' fans.

10. Lolo in Paris: Have you any scoop about Chuck and Blair on Gossip Girl?
You mean besides the fact they totally frakking rock? Well, according to Leighton Meester herself: "I think Chuck is for Blair just like Blair is for Chuck. They are perfect together. But I think that the whole thing with them is that they fight. If you saw them kissing and making up all the time or being best friends walking around town, it would be kind of boring. But maybe it will work out. I know that there is definitely a lot of back and forth material between them. There's a lot coming." Yay! P.S. There's more Gossip Girl goodness in the spoiler section if you want it, and I know you do.

11. Michelle in Greencastle, Ind.: Need. Gossip. Girl. News. Please.
You know how Serena hooks up with that artist kid, Aaron Rose? Well, Serena's better half, Dan, ends up dating Aaron's ex, Lexi. (Ah, what a tangled social web those Upper East Siders weave.) Also, and this is complicated, so pay attention: Chuck and Blair meet their clones, Chuck 2.0 and Blair 2.0, and end up giving their respective doppelgängers advice on how to hook up with the 2.0 version of themselves. Hopefully in the midst of all that, the original flavors of Chuck and Blair will realize that they are madly in love and will get back together already!

12. Jessica in Manchester, N.H.: Supernatural is ridiculously good this season. Dish?
I agree! Supernatural became downright epic overnight, and I love it. In a midseason episode, we'll meet Anna, whose brain is a veritable wiretap of the angelic realms, and through her we'll learn that the angelic hosts remain deeply fascinated by Sam and Dean.

13. Teddy in New York: Anything new on Gossip Girl? I'm loving Blair and Chuck!
And there's plenty more Blucky goodness where that came from. They'll be circling around each other all season long and giving you at least one good squeal per episode. Meanwhile, keep your eyes on Little J! Matthew Settle (Rufus) told me that Little Jenny Humphrey will do something "jaw-dropping" that makes you question Rufus' abilities as a parent.

14. Mena in Los Angeles: Got any hints on what to expect in season two of Samantha Who?
I ran into Barry Watson at Statement magazine's Fall Guys Event at the W Hotel, and he dished that we'll be seeing a lot more of bad Sam (Christina Applegate): "It's usually always stuff with her and Jennifer Esposito. She's got some Bad Sam stuff that really takes over a whole episode." On whether or not Todd and Sam will live happily ever after, it's not looking too bright in the coming future: "She's been dating a bit and meeting new people, and in the next couple of episodes we're shooting, Todd's going to have a couple of girls that he'll be dating." Also, Todd's finally going to have a friend this season named Seth.

15. Jen in Milwaukee: Got any Supernatural goodies for me?
Look for an upcoming two-episode arc where we'll meet Anna (Julie McNiven). I'm told that Anna is "a haunted girl who, for mysterious reasons, is able to hear the secret conversations of angels in her head. Demons want to capture her at all costs for the enemy intel she can provide," and the boys have to protect her.

16. Sally in Albuquerque, N.M.: OMG! Is it true someone is dying on Gossip Girl?! Tell me everything!
My infallible Magic 8 Ball says: Yes! It's happening in November, and I can tell you that the character who dies is male and that he is a third wheel whose death just might clear the way for a long-awaited couple to get together. I know you can figure this one out if you put your smart little noggins together in the comments section, so have at it, will ya? (Also, um, keep reading.)

17. Hannah in Dayton, Ohio: Hi Kristin! I'm dying here! I need some Gossip Girl scoop to ease my worries! Will Dan and Serena ever get back together?
Not anytime soon, but their parents might...Rufus (Matthew Settle) and Lily (Kelly Rutherford) will get closer, from what I hear.

18. Margo in Atlanta: I'm hating Jenny on Gossip Girl. Will she ever go back to being tame?
Not by a long shot. Dropping out of school was only the beginning, and I'm hearing the words "hostile takeover" are in her future. It happens round about episode nine and will make you feel like you did nothing at all when you were 15.

spoilers are from E! online's Watch with Kristin (1; 2-4; 5-9; 10-12; 13-15; 16-18)

Okay...back to studying now... Ciao!!

there's nothing I won't do there's nothing like the pain I feel for you nothing left to hide nothing left to fear I am always here...

Earlier this afternoon I started to do a post, but then I deleted it before I could post it. I decided that it was a bad idea. And now I'm struggling with what to write... In almost an hour, I've only gotten this far...how sad is that?

Anyway...I'm still sick, just not nauseous sick anymore. I have the common cold. Oh, joy. So I didn't feel like doing my normal Friday post of a weekly round-up this week. And next Friday, I don't know if I'll do it either because I have the second lecture test in orgo.

This afternoon, I went and got two study aids for that class: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Organic Chemistry and Organic Chemistry the Easy Way. And...since my mom had given me two gift cards to use since she's had them forever and hasn't used them, I didn't spend any of my money, so I'm thinking that I might get the Organic Chemistry I for Dummies and Organic Chemistry I Workbook for Dummies books, too. Okay, I'm not an idiot or a dummy...but since school pretty much sent me an email (it was an academic advising email after I failed the first lecture test in orgo) that called me one, I might as well get the books that put the stupid class into the simplest terms possible, right? I mean, how else am I going to understand and pass the stupid course?

I need to figure out what my schedule is going to be next semester. Especially since I got an email this afternoon from the girls' mom asking me about it because she wanted to know when the current semester ended and when I was available next semester. Because she was going to need to rely on me heavily after their dad moves to Ann Arbor at the end of the next month since that's when the girls would be at her house full time during the week (currently it's 50/50 at each house during the week). I responded to her honestly about what I knew for the semester ending about what I was possibly planning...but I was honestly thinking that I didn't know what to tell her. So...I guess that means that their mom didn't know that their dad was(still is?) actively looking to replace me...?

Anyway...I'm too afraid to say anything about to do with my reasoning for posting, well starting to, this afternoon. Ugh...I started this at 11:00p and now it's 12:30a...I give up trying to do this... G'night!!

in my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky in my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life I'll keep a part of you with me

Today was an awful day. Mostly due to how I physically felt. I felt like I was going to vomit all day long. Thankfully, I did not. But let me tell you...less than 15 minutes after getting up and feeling like I'm going to vomit, that just sucks.

And then, I looked at my score for my orgo lab test...yeah, I knew that I didn't do well, but I didn't think that I totally bombed it either. When I got my test back, I saw that I made a few stupid mistakes as well as the ones that I knew that I was going to get wrong because I just didn't know the answers to them. Like the very first question on the test, didn't answer it (stupid mistake). But in my defense, the way it was worded, I honestly didn't think it was a question. It looked as though it was part of the directions for the fill-in-the-blank section following it. If I'd known it was actually a problem to be answered, I probably would have gotten it right. Or at least partially right. ::sigh::

Then...in lab, my stupid organic layer didn't solidify over the week as it was supposed to. And I even had the TA helping me with my lab last week! But at least, I wasn't the only person to not have his/her organic layer not solidify. I only saw one person with a solid organic layer...so I was a little less worried about that problem. But, because I felt like s*** and we had to use hot plates today (and it's always too warm in the chem lab), I felt like I was going to pass out in lab. But I really, really did not want to come back to lab on Saturday morning. I just did not want to go to another 9:00a Saturday class. That sucked worse than feeling like crap in an overheated classroom.

Plus, on top of today's problems...my hands are all dried out and scaly. Stupid sensitivity (or allergy, I don't know) to practically every fragrance and soap ever. My hands hurt. Booo...

And I'm also sad because I've only seen maybe the first three of America's Next Top Model this season, the first and third episodes of Gossip Girl and none of Samantha Who? for this season...since they're all on the ex's DVR (or at least they were) because I would watch them with him. Okay...I kinda forced him to watch ANTM, but the other two, he enjoyed (or secretly enjoys). So...now I have to watch them online...and I don't know if the entire seasons are on the CW website for GG and ANTM. I know that there are full episodes, but I just don't know if there is the full current season (up-to-date, I mean).

Oh, yeah...but today wasn't all bad. I met the lady who emailed (well, technically MySpace messaged me) me about my dad when he first got in his accident this evening. She came over to my dad's house while I was over. She's pretty cool. I was going to just use her MySpace display name...but since I have a link to my MySpace and you can get to my daddy's from there and she's in his Top Friends, so I didn't want a bunch of strangers bugging her...but since I just realized that my profile is 'private,' as is hers. That whole point is moot. But...whatever... I don't feel like deleting it, I already typed it. Ignore it if you want to.

But...I'm sleepy, it's a quarter after midnight already...and I have school in the morning.

you're so vain you probably think this song is about you you're so vain I'll bet you think this song is about you don't you? don't you?

::sigh:: I'm not having a good day... It started out with the ex telling me that he had some weird sensation last night (basically it sounded like stereotypical Voodoo doll s*** to me, not the real Vodou or Vodun), and that he wanted to call me when he had it because he was worried I was hurting myself. ::sigh:: I'm not a danger to myself. Really...I'm not.

But because I was getting defensive when he wouldn't stop asking me about my stupid away message on AIM

(Lisa [aiming a pen at her neck]: Take one f***in' step and I'll jam this in my aorta.
Valerie: Lisa, your aorta is in your chest.
Lisa: Good to know.

my hand is kinda tingly...but at least, I'm not bleeding...)

...I told him that obviously there are ways to safely hurt yourself because I still talk to him. But as soon as I said that I regretted being mean to him and apologized to him...but then he just seemed to being ignoring me. He said it's because he doesn't know what to do...he knows that I want him to leave me alone, but he's afraid to because of a fear of my mental and physical stability.

But that was all that was really said before I had to leave for class...but between the two classes...it was a little better. Only because I'd sent him an email to do with the GoalSetter account...he suggests just going with out original plan of meeting the goal in December 2008 because this way we earn more interest. Plus, he'd like to be able to maintain a friendship with me. Although...I don't know if I can do that. But, for now, I want to try. Because...we really didn't end things in a bad way. Just...what seems unfair to me, and me only.