we really fit together if you know what I'm talkin' about yeah we're two of a kind workin' on a full house

Apparently I'm a fighter when I get put under. I ripped out my IV and they had to restrain me. I don't remember exactly what the nurse said that I had done. If you know my mommy, you can ask her. Or if you know my boyfriend, you can ask him. Both of them were very much more aware of what was going on when I was done, than I was.

Earlier this afternoon, when the boy was here, and after my mom had left for work, I was crying and I just kept saying "I want my mommy" even though there wasn't anything that she could do for me that the boy, my stepdad and my brothers weren't already being nice and trying to do for me. But later on, after I took two Darvocet together, instead of one every 4 hours like my mom was going to have me do, I felt less pain. But...in about an 2hrs, at 10:00p, I'm going to go take two more. It will have been 4.5hrs since the last time...or I might wait until 10:30p.

update [11:21p] - They had to bring an extra nurse into the room to restrain me b/c I was kicking and punching. So...I had to be restrained and I pulled my IV out. They told my mommy and she was unfazed and just thought, "she's like her brothers."

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

eres mi protección mi sostén frente a todo mi mejor opción por siempre tú mi poder mi valor a través de lo peor mi luz mi cielo azul mi gran amor aún

Eeee...tomorrow is the day that all four of my wisdom teeth are going to get pulled out!!! My mommy is going to take me. But I can't eat for at least 8 hours before the anesthesia is administered...8 hours!!! So that means I can eat until 4:00am...so...the next 10 hours and 15 minutes. What am I going to do? I don't sleep for 8 hrs and I'm used to eating before bed and then the first thing that I do in the morning is grab something to eat. Oh well, it's one day, I'll live. But...my boyfriend told me that he would need some sedatives [for himself] to see me. I told my mom that and she said to just give me some more Darvocet and I would quit being whiny.

But...I have to prove to people that I can be not whiny tomorrow. So...I'm going to do a really, really, really good job of not complaining.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny and you can't move on even though you try ain't it strange when your feeling things you shouldn't

Exactly two weeks from today I will have my wisdom teeth removed...yays...no more constant headache. I've been very good about not complaining lately...honestly, I have.

Over the past few days I've been trying to understand something...and not succeeding...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

nobody's looking now (nobody's looking) I throw my toys around somebody's being very bad I wonder who it can be

Today I am dropping my calculus class...YAYS!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

yeah I'm a twisted angel flying wild and free yeah I'm a twisted angel flying to heaven on a broken wing

Who wants to go to calc for me tonight? The class is horrible...the teacher has a nails on a chalkboard kind of a voice...it's four hours long...I'll probably leave after two...so whomever is willing enough to go for me can do the same…

Blah...nevermind...I'll go for myself...but...blah...I will most likely not enjoy it...especially since it's raining and thunderstorming today...oh well...I'll just have to make the most of it...and try to make the misery as little as possible...

update [2:24pm] - After posting this this morning, my mom called me to tell me some stuff since she won't see me until 10 tonight, and she told me to just withdraw from the class and retake it this summer. Yay...a 9:00a class during the summer...but on the bright side it's only 8wks long...May 8th - June 28th...that's only half of the summer having to get up at 6:30a...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

while Mona Lisas & mad hatters sons of bankers sons of lawyers turn around and say "good morning" to the night for unless they see the sky

Yays...or not... I scheduled my wisdom teeth removal today. March 31, 2006...12:45pm...I can't eat anything for at least 8hrs before the surgery. That's craziness! I love food, what am I going to do? I have to find someone that is willing to give up like 2hrs of his/her precious life to drive me to/from the surgery...b/c apparently I will be legally drunk afterwards. That should probably entertain whoever takes me... Anyway, the doctor gave me a scrip for Darvocet...I think, I can't really read his writing, but that is the closest painkiller that I can figure out from his writing. I have to get that filled before the surgery...the antibiotic as well. I think I'm going to go visit my mommy at work and hand her my scrips and see if she'll buy me some red hair dye. I miss my red hair.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

so high the climb but I can't turn back now must keep climbing up to the clouds so high the climb but I can't turn back now must keep climbing up

So...I went to the dentist today...he told me to get my wisdom teeth extracted...which I was expecting...then he told me that I should probably think about getting my second molars pulled as well. Not because my teeth are unhealthy, all of my teeth are healthy...but because my jaw is so tiny. The hygienist told me that I have one of the tiniest jaws ever. Not looking forward to the day of wisdom teeth extraction.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

God don't make lonely girls sure didn't want 'em in his world God don't make lonely girls yeah yeah do dot do do

My stepdad (and this time my mom agreed w/ him) gave me some new rules and an earlier curfew, the new rules would be:
no company when my mom and stepdad aren't home
I have to be home by 1:30 Sun-Thur and by 2:30 on Fri-Sat
and
I HAVE to be home every night.

They do realize that I am 20 years old, nearly 20 and a half years old, right? Honestly, what would they, what could they do to me, if I chose to break the rules? They don't pay for school, so they can't threaten to quit paying for that. They don't really pay for anything for me. The only thing that they could possibly threaten me w/ is kicking me out of the house. Blah...and at the moment that really wouldn't bother me too much.


Oh and I need to get my car washed...b/c I'm pretty sure when a black car looks grey b/c of the amount of dried salt on it, that's a bad thing. Anyone willing to wash my car for me?

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

look how pretty she is when she falls down and theres no beauty in bleeding mascara her lips are quivering like a withering rose shes back again

So...this morning on my way to school...the stupid girl in front of me didn't start slowing down soon enough to safely make her right turn. Of course she slid and didn't make it...yeah, I had a feeling that was going to happen b/c I'd been driving behind for about a mile and a half and could tell she was special. But yeah...no stopping for me until I hit her car. Oh well, there wasn't any damage...I was seriously only going about 3 mph when I touched her car w/ mine. But still...I was late to class b/c of her incompetence.

A s***ty start to what I'm sure is going to be a s***ty day. Why will it be a s***ty day? B/c my retarded mother and my equally, if not more, retarded stepfather want to have a talk w/ me today when he gets home from work. Whatever...if they're not done talking at me when it's time for me to go to class, I don't care I'm leaving. To be honest, I don't care what they have to say to me b/c I've given up trying to be what they want from me anymore. It doesn't matter what I do, I piss them off.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

reports of lover's tryst were neither clear nor descript we kept it safe and slow the quiet things that no one ever knows

I got over my fear of needles tonight...there is now a tattoo on my back...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

but there's still tomorrow forget the sorrow when I can be on the last train home watch it pass the day as it fades away no more time to care

I am SO ready to move out of my house. I can't deal with someone avoiding me as though I have the plague for almost a week. I am seriously considering moving back into my dad's house or moving into my grandma's house. Either one of them is going to let me live my life as I want to and not treat me as though I am a child. If I had money, I would move out and into an apt. with a friend or friends. Too bad I don't have any money. And the only way I can think of getting enough money is to whore myself...and that is SO not a viable option. I need a full-time job. What I need is for my stepfather to realize I am not f***ing 6 years old anymore and I am an adult. Just let me be an adult. You can't expect me to behave like a responsible adult if you're going to give me childish limitations, such as a curfew. I can't deal with this anymore. One stepparent already succeeded in pushing me away, I don't need the other one to do it also. I can't deal with it anymore.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

and in the morning I'm out of my head I wish I was sleeping in your hospital bed give me some time to get on your mind

So...I was a major klutz this morning...I managed to twist my ankle on my way to school this morning b/c I was in a hurry. I felt the crunch, but couldn't hear it b/c of the garbage truck on my street. And I did the most intelligent thing afterwards...I went to school instead of turning around and going back inside and telling my mom I had just hurt myself and should probably see a doctor. I went to school and ran around on it for 4hrs and then even when I got home, I wouldn't go to the doctors'. I only went b/c my mommy made me and made my 17 y/o brother drive me to the hospital. So...yeah...I'm a klutz.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

you could have been all I wanted but you weren't honest now get in the ground you choked off the surest of favors

I'm home from Kalamazoo and Mini-Honors now...got picked on by K**** and C**** again...if anyone knows the myth of Lilith, I was called Lilith a few times this weekend...and I am so not Lilith...met the sweetest, most naive girl this weekend...no joke she asked if in Detroit there were streets that you would get shot at for driving on them and if they really shot over the freeway all the time...in her defense, she grew up in Iowa and now lives someplace in Michigan where her school (Montcalm in Sidney) is surrounded by a corn field...my thighs are killing me now (really shouldn't have been doing the limbo...I got pretty far...until I purposely fell)...I learned how to play Texas Hold 'Em (didn't do too bad...won a few times...but it wasn't for money)...didn't make it up to my hotel room before 4am (4am on Friday night 4:30 am on Saturday night) either night, so...I'm pretty exhausted right now...but I'm wired too...so there is a huge possibility that I will still be awake at midnight...if you want to know anything more about my weekend, just ask...I'll probably tell you...especially the part about playing doctor...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

and it was true that I was truly failing but you were gone and I was home calling around but nothing was found worthwhile

I have a job now...Limited Too in Somerset...I start sometime next weekend b/c I am going to be gone this weekend and can't make it to the training session. But I do get paid for the orientation thing I went to this afternoon.

My stepdad is so pissed at me right now...he is not acknowledging me currently. I'm 20 years old, what is the big deal if I don't come home until the next morning? It's not like I did anything stupid while being out all night. I was a good girl. I hate the double standard for sons and daughters that fathers have. It's bulls*** that they do that. Anyway...done with the ranting.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

once I ran to you now I'll run from you this tainted love you've given I give you all a boy could give you take my tears and that's not nearly all

Okay...probably going to make some people mad, but...I hate being a size 0. I'm probably the only girl thinking that, but whatever. I had to buy some new jeans b/c all of mine are too big. The belt can only do so much.

So...yeah, not a single girl anymore. Doubt that upsets anyone though.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

can't you help me as I'm starting to burn too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction

Yay! Tomorrow is Halloween...too bad I have to go to Chem lecture.

Had a somewhat good weekend...some things were fun...some things were depressing...and some things were okay...

Friday, I tutored C**** in Spanish. So to pay me for it, since I wasn't charging him, he took me out to eat. Then he didn't want to drive up to Owosso to see his girlfriend, so he asked me to hang out with him. (We had something to be at for school Saturday and he didn't want to have to rush home in the morning) We went to the movies and saw the movie "Saw 2," it was pretty good...too bad I haven't seen the first one yet. And then it was still early so we went bowling. Fairly certain I was the only white person in the building. Not that that is a problem, it was just abnormal to me. Had to go to a family Halloween party last night, it wasn't that bad. The evening ended with an alcoholic beverage taste test for me. Tequila straight is fine, mixed with lime margarita mix it's nasty. Bailey's is pretty good though. It's kind of a surreal situation to be in when your younger brothers' friend's father is the one giving you alcohol. Today I went to the cider mill with this guy that I like. I'm too girly apparently; I complained about touching the cider container b/c it was wet and sticky from the cider.

My head hurts...I blame it on the thoughts swirling around my brain.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra time and your kiss

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."

I don't know who said that...but I like it.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

she's looking in the mirror she's fixing her hair and I touch my head to feel what isn't there she's humming a melody we learned in grade school

I let my best friend go at my head with scissors! She didn't do too bad, but thank god one of our other friends was there to improve upon what she had done. But...my long beautiful hair is all gone! It's now just above my shoulders. I can still put it in a ponytail, so that's good. My mom hates it, my stepdad is stupefied and my best friend and the friend who improved it, and another friend too, like it. Oh, yeah, I like it too. So I guess that is all that matters.

Now...I have to go eat dinner...I'm thinking of skipping the dinner and going straight to the dark chocolate fudge birthday cake...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

let's get these teen hearts beating faster faster so testosterone boys and harlequin girls will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?

Tonight my family is taking me out to eat...it's my birthday dinner. The really sad thing is that I think the last time my family ate together was when we took my grandpa out to eat for his birthday. And that was almost a month ago. Oh, well. Families eating together isn't really a normal thing. But, yeah...Noodles & Co., I love their food.

I really like that song by Jamie O'Neal "Somebody's Hero." It's so cute. I also want to buy the Panic! At the Disco cd, b/c I want the song "Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off."

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

back home I always thought I wanted so much more now I'm not too sure 'cause sometimes I miss knowing someone's there for me

I'm home...I'm tired...I'm in some major pain...

This weekend I was asked about five times if at some point I was ever a blonde. I guess I kept doing some really dumb things...oh well. I had fun at Mock Chapter; I met some cool new people and assuming that I go to Mini-Honors in November, I should see a few of them again. Oh! Duh! We all said that we would try and get together this upcoming weekend or something like that. I know that K**** told me to call him if I need Chem help, b/c he's taking the same course. I hate being the smallest person...C**** picked me up and held me upside down! Which I am sure is going to make a really funny picture, but the rush of blood to my head was really not fun. And then K**** and C**** both thought that it was a brilliant idea to pick on me. I got called a spaz so many times...it doesn't help that I must have snapped my name tag back at myself about 10 times. That did hurt too. Plus, it's really easy to knock me down; so they kept hitting the back of my knees to unbalance me. They were nice enough to stand behind me to make sure I didn't fall to the ground. Thank you so much. Okay...I'm exhausted b/c I think that I only got a total of three hours of sleep. Thinking is not the easiest thing to do right now...so buenas noches!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]