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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Friday, September 21, 2007

we’ll still be waiting for something stimulating because in the end all you sold us was boredom


More Fun Quizzes at QuizPox.com

haha...I feel like an idiot now...I had to go Google the WTO...yeah...I knew what that was already...


More Fun Quizzes at QuizPox.com

could be worse...I mean, at least they're both attractive people...


More Fun Quizzes at QuizPox.com

as far as I can tell, that's a pretty dress...but this is really the dress that I want...and yes, I want it in midnight lavender...but I'll settle for diamond white, if I have to...


More Fun Quizzes at QuizPox.com

I already have an engagement ring...and mine so does not look like that...mine is a million times prettier...plus it's much simpler and elegant...it's beautiful!! Totally the traditional engagement ring...only drawback is that it didn't come in a little blue box wrapped in blue paper... Oh, well...somehow I do believe that I'll live... Y'know...seeing how the meaning behind the ring is way more important than any store ever could be... (no sarcasm there...hopefully, you didn't need that pointed out...)

Thursday, September 20, 2007

we got the bubbleheaded bleach-blonde comes on at 5 she can tell you about the plane crash with a gleam in her eye

These are just a few links to some news stories...
Okay...I'm all done sending you to a bunch of random news articles...

there's not much going on today I'm really bored it's getting late

I watched those two girls on Monday and Tuesday...it was super easy...they're so well-behaved. Plus, the younger is just so cute! I'd be willing to watch those girls again if their parents asked.

Yesterday, was the first test in my MI history class...seriously, I think it took me all of 10 minutes to complete...and that was the only thing that we were doing in class yesterday. I wasn't at school for very long. But...I think that I did pretty well...as in an A on the test. Hopefully, anyway. Tuesday was the first prueba (quiz) in my Spanish class...I think, at most, I got a 95...that's not so great...I wanted a 100. Oh, well... Yesterday afternoon, we had another of those in-class writings in my anthropology class...I despise those...hopefully, I got at least 4/5 on it...I really don't want the same crappy grade I got on the last one. Or worse.

Was she stabbed? Seriously...what's going on with her middle?

Oh...em...gee...my grandparents are here...my grandma drives me crazy!! I'm going to go eat now. Ciao!!

Monday, September 17, 2007

there's something wrong with the world today I don't know what it is something's wrong with our eyes

There just aren't any words... I mean, what possesses someone to do that? I don't expect the world to be perfect, but c'mon...

Anyway...I'm watching two little girls today and tomorrow...it's not so bad. They seem like well-behaved kids. So...yeah... I'm really sleepy today for some reason. I'm not sure why. It kinda sucks, actually. And I had a really weird dream about spiders last night...it was super creepy!! I hate spiders so very much!! I'm going to go do something slightly more productive now...like, hit the "check mail" button for my email...ciao!!!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

I'm in the business of misery let's take it from the top she's got a body like an hourglass that's tickin' like a clock

Well...it's been a week since school started...and I've been to all of my classes now... I already had my Spanish teacher before, so I knew what to expect and I like him. He's a pretty good teacher. Not so sure about my psych teacher yet...she's really kinda out there. I mean, c'mon, the first thing she had us do in class was make masks...it's a psychology class, not an art class. But...I'll give her a few more weeks before I decide if I like her or not. My anthropology teacher seems pretty cool...so far I like her. My history teacher seems pretty cool so far, too.

I figured it was time to update my "About me" section...but the old one is still pretty true and I didn't know if I should get rid of it or not...so I just copied it here:

Hmmm...what to say...I am me. Whether that's unique or not...I really don't know. I am definitely much too narcissistic for my own good, but...oh, well. Deal with it. I'm really friendly, but I tend to come across as stuck-up. It's just that I can be shy around people until I am comfortable with them. After I become comfortable around a person, I don't shut up.

My goal in life is to become an ER physician...I decided that at age nine. I'm determined to achieve my goals, sometimes that gets misconstrued as stubborn. I'm that also, and independent and intelligent. I'm also naive and jaded, cynical and optimistic...just a walking contradiction. I am a science nerd...I'm comfortable being that.

And I have one of the shortest attention spans...ADD much?

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, September 10, 2007

don't get it twisted don't get clever this is the most craziest sh** ever

The following amuse me...

Like Tell It about My Wife and Kids
Boyfriend, looking at body pillow: Aw, man! I should totally get this!
Girlfriend: Why would you get that? We're moving in together in like a year. We'll be sharing a bed with each other.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but I can do things to this pillow that I can't do to you!
-- Target, Queens Center Mall

Wanna See?
Blood center rep: Ma'am, would you like to donate blood today and save a life?
Woman: No, I'm donating into my maxi-pad as we speak.
Blood center rep: Ewww.
-- 96th St & CPW

both are from...Overheard in New York...

Yeah...I'm busy procrastinating...I really don't feel like doing my homework...it's so much reading!! I'll probably get it done later...like after I finish eating and folding that laundry over there in the corner... I don't know...I know that I have to get it done soon. Grr... I need to come up with a personal growth project for my psych class...but I have no clue what I want to work on. I don't like my teacher too much...she's quite weird...too soft-spoken and flighty. Whatever...I'm done eating now...it's time to leave the computer... Arrivederci!

Thursday, September 6, 2007

I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top

Grr...I had maybe five hours of sleep last night...possibly four... Do you know what time I went to bed? 1:00a...do you know how long it takes me to fall asleep on average? Approximately an hour...do you know what time I was startled awake? About 4:30a...do you know what time I fell back to sleep? Around 7:00-ish...only to be woken up again by the sounds of my mom and youngest brother getting ready for work and school, respectively, around 8:00a. I finally went back to sleep around 9:00a only to be woken up by my internal alarm clock (read: I couldn't breathe anymore cuz my allergy medicine had worn off) around a quarter to 11:00a. I'm too tired to do the math on the amount sleep I got...all I know is that it was very broken and I'm still tired.

::sigh:: I wanted to shoot my stepfather this morning. It was his stupid alarm going off that startled me awake. I woke up to my room filled with music...it was so loud that I thought it was my mom's alarm, that's why it startled me. I was worried that they (meaning my mom and my younger brother in his room) were sleeping through it and my 11 y/o brother was going to miss his bus. Yeah...it was just the alarm clock in the basement...and it was 4:29a... What pissed me off the most was that my stepdad didn't even bother to go back downstairs and turn it off before he left the house for work...I was trying to ignore the damn music filling up my room and go back to sleep, and then I heard him start up his car and leave! So I turned on my bedroom light before his car was gone...it was with the hopes that he saw my bedroom light on and thought, 'did my loud alarm wake her up?'...and then went downstairs to shut off the stupid, noisy thing. I couldn't figure out how to reset the alarm for the next day...so I just turned off his alarm completely. Ha...hopefully, I don't forget to tell him about that...otherwise he'll be late for work tomorrow. Big, fat poopyhead.

Ugh...and I have a bunch of homework to get done today, too... I still don't know what I want to present on in my psych class...I hate having to do a presentation in front of the class. Grr... I'm excessively crabby today... Oh, man...and I have a PTK meeting this evening... ::sigh:: I just want to go back to bed until Saturday...oh, wait...I have something Saturday morning at 10:30a...

Saturday, September 1, 2007

who knows what could happen do what you do just keep on laughing

Grr...so...Sprint sent new phones, and so far we've had the new phones since Thursday and they're as of yet unusable... Makes a lot of sense doesn't it...??? I called the 800 number yesterday...that was a waste of time...and as far as I can tell, the call today from my mother was just as wasteful... I don't understand why they would send new phones, but make it so very hard to make them usable. It's quite frustrating. Especially since I didn't even get to pick out my new phone. I hate the color red and now I have a red phone. Oh well...it's a pretty small phone...and it does all the things a phone is required to do, such as send/receive phone calls...I shouldn't complain. Right? If only the phone was usable!! Plus...I'm not understanding how my phone line was in the process of being activated yesterday...my phone line is already activated, my number just needs to be transferred from the old phone to the new phone. The customer service guy I talked to didn't answer that for me...he avoided answering by saying, "if you have any more problems, call again tomorrow." Umm...okay...thanks for being so very helpful... ::sigh:: I'm just frustrated. Nothing feels like it's been going my way lately and I've just been highly stressed out. It's a great feeling. It really is. Try it out sometime...I'm sure the resulting myocardial infarction is worth it. Really...it is... All right...well...I have a headache...so I'm going to go lie down for a while...ciao!!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I've been to the year 3000 not much has changed but they lived underwater and your great-great-great grandaughter is doing fine (doing fine)

I don't wanna go back to school...it's boring!! I'd rather do something fun...like what, I don't know. I just know that I'd rather be doing something fun than be going to school. Sometime before 5:00p...I should probably go to Blockbuster and get Call of Duty for the Wii for the boy since I told him that I would do that for him. He wants to play that instead of doing some other productive thing while I'm in class. Oh well...can't say that I blame him... I'd rather play than be in class, too. Well...not that game, not even really video games, but still...just play in the broader sense of the word. Okay...I'm done rambling. I'm gonna go be a little bit more productive...like, get dressed and all that fun stuff. Because, y'know...getting ready for the day before 2:30 in the afternoon is soo overrated...and then I'm off to get the video game for my fiancé!! Au revoir, le chéri!!

Monday, August 27, 2007

it's time to be a big girl now and big girls don't cry

::sigh:: I stress way too easily anymore... But on the bright side...I should be getting my history textbook for 99¢ plus $4.80 S&H...that's better than the $29.95 plus tax I had to pay through the school bookstore... And I'm getting my psych book for a savings of $23.21 off the bookstore price...hoorays... Now...I'll just have to make a trip back to the stupid bookstore to return my books...can't wait for that... ::sigh:: I seriously hate our DSL thingy...the internet connection is continuously lost at inconsistent time intervals...it's the most annoying thing ever!! It makes doing things on the internet frustrating. Stress and frustration are a terrible combination. ::sigh:: I hate uncertainty. I hate it more than anything. Now...if only my job search was going a little better...as in a whole lot better!! ::sigh:: Oh well... My psych book should be here within 2-3 days...at least that's according to the USPS website...and my history book could be here in a week. Hopefully I don't need to do anything with the book that I don't have yet because I won't be able to return the history book if I remove the plastic wrap.

My younger brothers are both playing video games...they're so freakin' annoying when they play video games! The 11 y/o hops around like he's on speed and the 10 y/o rants like some crazy hobo... I hate listening to them. You'd think after years of being around them I'd be better at tuning them out...but it's hard to do when the 11 y/o causes the floor to shake with his spastic bouncing.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Saturday, August 18, 2007

oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do and I've hurt myself by hurting you

::sigh:: I made a huge mistake today... Instead of thinking it through, I just hastily blurted out thoughts...in the process effectively issuing a big 'f*** you' to the person the thoughts were directed at. I really didn't mean to be so hurtful...I just wanted to be heard for once. I was heard all right...but at what expense? ::sigh:: I pretty much spent the entire day in bed, crying. I did a wonderful job of hurting myself today. Plus, I stressed myself out to the point that I can't really eat. The only reason that I ate dinner is because if I hadn't eaten, it would've caused my mom to ask me questions and then she might have forced me to eat. So I had to eat...but I gave most of the fries to my 11 y/o brother. I figure, I ate one meal today, that's good enough. Right?

I’m not fine I’m in pain it’s harder everyday maybe we’re better off this way? it’s better that we break...

Hooray for giving up!!! Yep yep yep...even though you told me that I should quit pretending and stop living my life for other people...I'm going to continue to do what's worked oh-so-well in the past for me. Trying to do the right thing isn't going to work out. It really isn't...I just don't care enough for it to. So...sorry...except that I'm not really. I mean, I am because I know you'll be upset, but I'm not sorry because it's so much easier. Giving up is the easier thing to do. Trying to control it isn't working for me anymore, I can't do it. It's too hard and too much work. It's causing me too much stress. Pretending is easier and it always will be...happier isn't necessary. Sorry, it just isn't.

P.S. sorry to anyone that wasted time trying understand this...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I still don’t have the reason and you don’t have the time and it really makes me wonder if I ever gave a f*** about you

today is a bored day...
1.


You Would Pick Your Boyfriend Again!



While the initial new couple spark has faded for you two, you've built upon your attraction - and formed a deep love. And although things are never perfect, they're usually pretty great. So don't let your eye wander. You've got the best catch for you, at home.


2.


Both of You Wear the Pants



You and your guy seem to have stuck the perfect power balance. It's not that you don't disagree - it's just that you've learned how to compromise well. You're both mature enough to know that you can't always get your way... And usually, you're both adult enough to reach an agreement - even if that sometimes means giving in a little.


3.


Break Up? Are You Kidding?



You're relationship is top notch, period! Why are you even taking this quiz? :-) Maybe you know you've got a good thing going. Or maybe you're a little shaky from a fight. Either way, stick with this guy!


4.


Your Relationship Will Last...A Long Time!



Your guy is ideal, as close to Mr. Perfect as he could be. If you took this quiz, you may be doubting that...don't! No guy is perfect but yours comes really close. You guys will last for many years, as long as you appreciate him!


5.


Your Relationship is Strong



You've built the foundation of a great relationship, and it would take a lot to shake it. Through good communication and respect, you have a true love that can last a lifetime.


6.

Your Love Song Is



Your Body Is a Wonderland by John Mayer

"One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue"

Why go out... when so much fun can be had indoors?


7.

You Are 87% Ready for Marriage



This doesn't mean you should rush out and get married... But if you did tie the knot, it would probably work out great!


8.

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:



Scharlett Johansson


9.

You Are a Sleek Black Bra!



Subtle, sophisticated, and classy. You're not the first woman a man notices in the room... But you're the one he remembers a week later. You need a guy who will make a lasting impression on you too!


Hooray for boredom!!

Saturday, July 21, 2007

when you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you when you're gone the face I came to know is missing too

::sigh:: I have no idea what to do right now...I know what I want to do...but I don't know what to do... ::sigh:: I'm seriously considering making some drastic changes...just because I'm sick of trying anymore... Nothing works...but to be perfectly honest, I don't think that I've really been trying all that well to fix things anyway... I wish that I still cared...but I just don't anymore... I'm sorry...I really am.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

in a car underwater with time to kill, thinking back I forgot to tell you this

Yesterday, I registered for my fall classes...yays... I'm taking:
Nothing too exciting, just a bunch of filler classes basically... Since all I really need now is to take electives to fill up the requirements to get my associates degree. Which seems to be taking forever. I feel as though I am never going to get where I want to be in my life. I know that isn't true, but it just feels like that. Grrr... Okay...I'm done ranting on about school. I don't have to go back until 8:00p on Thursday, August 30. Oh, joy...

Thursday, July 12, 2007

you knew exactly what you would do and don't say you simply lost your way she may believe you but I never will never again

Blah...blah...blah...it's only 1:00p...but I feel like it's 10:00p... I went with my mom to pick up my brother from Gladwin this morning. I have no idea why I needed to be woken up at 3:30 in the effen morning...it's not like I needed to impress anyone in Hicksville...seriously, I could have been woken up about 10 minutes before we had to leave. That would have given me enough time to get dressed and put my hair in a ponytail. My only two requirements before leaving. Instead I was up for the whole freakin' 40-45 minutes it took my mom to get ready to go get him. For some reason, she believes that she needs to look alive when driving at that asinine hour. Me? I'm perfectly fine with looking like a zombie who just rolled out of bed. So...yeah...I haven't really been able to take a nap either. I tried...it didn't work out so well... All right...I guess I'm done rambling...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, June 25, 2007

wake up call caught you in the morning with another one in my bed don't you care about me anymore? don’t you care about me? I don't think so

Blah-di-blah-di-blah-blah... I'm in a happy mood, and I'm not a hundred percent sure why...not that I'm complaining or anthing... Plus...I'm all hyper and spastic...but that's not really a good thing...it just kinda makes me a brat... I just become a big annoyance and drive people insane...

Okay...all done...I guess anyway...I got bored...


[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, June 21, 2007

one night yeah and one more time thanks for the memories thanks for the memories "See, he tastes like you only sweeter."

I hate AT&T. Just thought that I'd share that little tidbit with the world. Or at least the world that has the ability to access my myspace blogs. Our stupid Internet connection is "lost" about every 45 to 60 minutes or so. It's the most annoying thing in the world. And according to the guy on the phone my mom talked to yesterday afternoon, it's EMI...so the modem thingy needs to be kept in a room all by its lonesome. At least, that's my frustrated solution. Oh, yeah...part of the phone plan my parents pay for stipulates no payments for having techs come out to your home to fix things, and the guy on the phone said that if she wanted to pay for it, my mom could have a tech come out and look at it for us.

Oh, and yesterday...I was about ready to murder an infant. She would NOT quit crying. But...hooray for being able to hand her off to her parents. ::sigh::

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

everyday with every worthless word we get more far away the distance between us makes it so hard to stay but nothing lasts forever but be honest babe

My head hurts...and it's hurt pretty much every day since Wednesday...so that means nearly a week straight of continuous headaches... Someone shoot me now. Actually, y'know what? That's a bad idea, I don't want someone to shoot me. I just want my misery to go away. I have a stuffy nose, too. My head hurts, I can't breathe, my lower abdomen hurts and my lower back hurts. Hooray for me! I'm one big complaint. Okay, I'm done being whiny. At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself because otherwise I'm going to annoy the hell out of myself (as well as everyone around me) with my incessant whining.

And...eww...it smells like rotten ears of corn in my fridge...but we don't have any...nor do we have any fresh vegetables...so nobody knows what is causing the gross smell... Okay...well, that little rant was because my two youngest brothers were just looking in the fridge for something to take to their baseball game for hydration.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

it's time to be a big girl now and big girls don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry

::sigh:: thoroughly confused...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

and I don't want to fall to pieces I just want to sit and stare at you I don't want to talk about it

::sigh:: Why is everything not how I want it? And why do I complicate things all the time? Okay, well, not so much complicate them as much as over-analyze and stress myself out. I'm just getting easily annoyed by everything again. That's totally not healthy.

::sigh:: And tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment...I hate going to the doctor's more than anything. Pretty much just because I'm convinced that I have brain cancer. Nevermind the fact that I have absolutely no evidence to support my ridiculous claim. But...on the bright side, I get to see the doctor that likes to hand out scrips like candy...

::sigh:: I just need to get my reactions under control...if not for me, then at least for the people around me that have to deal with my incessant moodiness and whatever else choice words they're using to describe me...

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

fly away from here anywhere yeah I don't care we'll just fly away from here our hopes and dreams are out there somewhere won't let time pass us by

I'm not really sure about what to do about something... ::sigh:: I want to do the something...but I don't know what to do... I'm always so worried about making the "right" decisions in my life, that I'm afraid that I'm screwing myself by always trying to make the "right" decision. Ugh...I wish that I knew what to do...and was willing to do the thing that will make me happy without having to worry about it being the "right" decision or not... ::sigh::

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

cuz I wanna have a bit of true love don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up stay up 'til 4 in the morning and the tears are pouring

Today, an envelope from my school came for me...it was a 'Dean's List' letter. Not to be conceited, but...duh. If I managed to work my butt off to receive straight As, it just makes sense that I would make the Dean's List. Okay, my conceited moment is over.

Anyway...I'm sleepy...like majorly...I've been up since about 6:15a. I just love how I instinctively wake up at least 15 minutes before my alarm...it's such a wonderful thing. Or not.

I think I'm going to go get something to eat now...no idea what...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, May 24, 2007

close my eyes just for tonight the sun still sleeps and when she wakes close my eyes just for tonight the sun still sleeps and when she wakes

You know what sucks? Getting up at 6:30a. Do you know what sucks even more? Waking up about 40 minutes before the alarm even goes off and not really being able to fall back to sleep because of fear that the alarm will be slept through, resulting in tardiness for event. So...what does all of that babbling mean? It means that I've been awake (more or less) since about 5:50a. It's seriously bedtime now. Sadly, it isn't even 8:00p yet.

Also, next Wednesday is going to be a long day. I'll have to get up at 6:30a then, too...and then watch a 10 month old baby girl for about eight hours. It's a good thing that she's adorable and pretty well-behaved.

Assuming all goes as planned...I get to go see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End Saturday night. Pirates are fun...as long as they look like Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom. I don't really care if that is a ridiculously girly sentiment. And then next weekend there is a birthday party to attend, according to the boy. Then the following weekend...there is a party Friday night and a party Sunday afternoon.

All right...I'm done rambling on now...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

a little something just to take off the edge a little more and I'll fall off the planet entirely

So...hooray for me! Why? Because I got a 4.0 this semester!! Woo! woo! all A's for me!

Plus, I managed to get at least a part-time job...which is way better than nothing at all. So...for the time being, I take care of a 10 month old 2-3 mornings a week...at least, she's a cute baby.

And I'm feeling pretty d*** whiny today because I have a completely stuffed up nasal cavity, a sore throat from my nasal cavity draining down the back of my throat and my jaw is in some major pain. Well...it was earlier, it's feeling like some dull, barely there pain now. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm in some fun, girly pain also. And for a boring day at home...I look pretty-ful since I have fun unbraided hair today... Okay...I'm done rambling at people... Ciao, darlin'!!

Thursday, May 3, 2007

I'm gonna make you bend and break, say a prayer, but let the good times roll, in case god doesn't show

this is what happens when I am bored...

What type of partier are you?
Your Result: The Socialite
 

You like only the best liquors, the latest trendy martini's, or the finest single-malt scotch. You are not one for the 'dive bar', you prefer classy lounges filled with model-quality people. When intoxicated, you flirt, but are coy and unattainable, you make your suitors WORK for it.

Bar Social Butterfly
 
The Lurker
 
Bar Slut
 
The rock-star party animal
 
The designated driver
 
Hardcore drunk
 
What type of partier are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz


What Be Your Nerd Type?
Your Result: Science/Math Nerd
 

(Absolute Insane Laughter as you pour toxic chemicals into a foaming tub of death!)

Well, maybe you aren't this extreme, but you're in league with the crazy scientists/mathmeticians of today. Very few people have the talent of math and science is something takes a lot of brains as well. Thank whosever God you worship, or don't worship, so thank no deity whatsoever in your case, for you people! Most of us would have died off without your help.

Literature Nerd
 
Social Nerd
 
Drama Nerd
 
Gamer/Computer Nerd
 
Artistic Nerd
 
Musician
 
Anime Nerd
 
What Be Your Nerd Type?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz


What's Your Best Quality?
Your Result: Intelligence
 

Your best quality is intelligence! People like you because you are smart and always make the right decision. Your intelligence also helps you handle tough situations.

Loving
 
Out-Going
 
Personality
 
Ambitious
 
Sense of Humor
 
What's Your Best Quality?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Saturday, April 28, 2007

believe me when I say it gets better every day once you get used to the pain

It sucks that aside from a few good days that are getting increasingly farther apart, I want to give him back those stupid rings every day...ha, I should probably just press the 'backspace' key...but I don't feel like it...I want him to see that I'm still thinking that...and that yesterday was probably the only day this week that I didn't think that.

so don’t bother I won’t die of deception I promise you won’t ever see me cry don’t feel sorry and don't bother I’ll be fine

Ugh...why does someone say that they want to do something and then later call and say, 'oh, sorry, I forgot what I said to you earlier, and by the way I'm going to expect you drop everything and see me later when I call you again, okay?' Okay...so those aren't the exact words...but they're the words that can be inferred from what was actually said. It's not the cancelling of informal plans that annoys me...it's the way they act all hurt and whatever when I get mad for the call later in the night. ::sigh:: Oh well, whatever...I'm done ranting...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

you know I sure wouldn't want to ruin all your chances on your one night stand romances doing tequila shots I always loved you but it was never enough

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18310636/?GT1=9246

I can't get the stupid link thingy to work...but copy that and check it out...it's craziness...

School is almost over...woohoo!! And...I'm awesome...cuz I got a 100% on my test this morning... Normally, I don't do well on my stupid lab exams...so it's a good thing.

Ew...it's not even 10:30p...and already I want to go to bed...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I don't mind you telling me what's been on your mind lately I don't mind you speaking up

Today in lab, we used reproductive models... Which just means that my lab partner and I were totally immature...and referred to anatomical parts in the same way that a fourth grader does... But I also had a test this morning...and I so totally feel like I aced it...woohoo!! I had two hours to take the test...but was done in about 20, 25 minutes...so by the time I turned the test (and materials in), I was out of the room by 9:30...and had 1.5 hours until lab would start... And not one of us waiting for lab to begin did anything productive...we talked and gossiped...

My little brother is awesome...he made me lunch!! I have a bunch of homework to do for psych...but as usual I so do not feel like doing it... Oh, well...I'll get it done on time...I always do... So...umm...I'm slightly obsessed with Hilary Duff's recent single "With Love"...I like that song...it's catchy...someone should totally get it for me... Ugh...it's snowing again...and I need to go out to do something... Stupid global warming. Okay...I'm done complaining and rambling now...

Saturday, March 24, 2007

don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own

Oh...em...gee...little brothers are annoying...they have a friend spending the night...and the three boys are loud, obnoxious and annoying...typical pre-adolescent boys...grr...oh, well, I can't do anything about it...other than complain... I have to start on my psych term paper soon...it's due in less than two weeks!! It won't be that hard to write, at least not once I start it anyway. Plus...this weekend, I need to study for my A&PII test on Monday...I know the material...so it's more of needing to review than needing to study. I just don't want to do it. Plus...it's not all that easy to study and whatever when there are three 10 and 11 year old boys making excessive amounts of noise... ::sigh:: They're so very strange, too... My head kind of hurts...so I think that I'm going to go lay down for a little bit...or at least get out of the living room where the tv volume is at about 60...and I think that's only out of 100. Ugh...I really don't like children... ::sigh:: I'm bored...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I won't be held down by who I used to be she's nothing to me

I'm so ridiculously stressed out lately...and I don't really know why... The only that I know for sure is that it's seriously starting to affect my life in a bad way... I'm always moody lately....as in drastic changes in mood for no apparent reason. ::sigh:: I'm assuming the stress and mood swings are related to all of the stress I feel at home and school... Plus, last night was just annoying per usual...it just bugs me a lot that my stepdad feels the need to lock the doors and make sure all the lights are turned off when I get home. I was only in class for two hours...I left about an hour before class to eat and socialize with one of my friends, and then I was home about 10 minutes after class ended...so about 10:10p... ::sigh:: And then for some reason today he's ignoring my existence...I have no idea what I did to piss him off. I'm just so confused. It's no wonder I feel so f***ing unwanted here. Oh, yeah, I went downstairs to get some dinner...and it's all gone already...basically he made dinner for him and my two brothers and made sure that there wouldn't be any food left over... And then after the 11 y/o brother's band concert, they stopped to pick up pizza...and of course, nobody bothered to tell me there was pizza or even to say, "hey, there's some pizza in the kitchen, you're welcome to have some if you want." Gee, thanks... ::sigh:: I just need to learn to let it go and not let it bother me...at least that's what I keep getting told. ::sigh:: Too bad it all doesn't feel like it's worth it...not lately anyway...

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I'm teachin' myself to dream I'm holding' my breath to scream I'm teachin' myself to believe in the things I don't understand

So...I've come to a conclusion about something kinda important...and I really don't care for the conclusion...it kinda sucks. And I was supposed to go over and see the boy after class...but instead I came home. It's not like seeing him yesterday went all that well...I had a headache and was being moody as usual...and since it didn't sound like he wanted me to come over when I talked him, I just went home. Figured I might as well get my psychology homework finished.

Okay...nevermind...he just called to find out if I was going to come over...so...ciao!!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

to let go of my pain to hell with my pride let it fall like rain from my eyes tonight I wanna cry

I feel like just crying and crying...and I don't really know why... Plus, I need to watch a movie for my Spanish class...but it's at the boy's house...

we share the sadness the split screen sadness we share the sadness split screen sadness

Who wants to wrap their arms around me and tell me that it's okay? Because I seriously feel terrible right now...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, March 19, 2007

and I wish I could free you of the hurt and the pain

Blah-di-blah-di-blah-blah...anyway...the boy is having a tonsillectomy and an adenoidectomy today...he's kind of worried about it...but there really isn't anything that he has to worry about...it's almost (almost only because medical procedures canNOT be guaranteed) guaranteed to go well...okay...well that was it...ciao!!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

crazy..I'm crazy for feeling so lonely I'm crazy crazy for feeling so blue I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted

Blah...I so do not feel like doing my homework... But...hooray for not having to go to school tomorrow night!! We're watching Maria Full of Grace...so if we rent the movie and watch it on our own, then we don't have to go to class and it won't be counted against us.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, March 8, 2007

can't you see this is the land of confusion

So...I was looking for some decent lyrics about intolerance to use as a title for the post about homophobia...and I got really confused by the relatively decent lyrics in two Dying Fetus songs that were results for a lyrics search on "intolerance." All I know about them is that they have a terrible name, they're a metal band and my fiancé likes them...so that was enough for me to never ever listen to them willingly. Well...that was it...I'm going to go back to making cookies... Ciao!!!

terror, innocent life destroyed by cowards, committing crimes, injustice

.:. I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a "fag" everyday.
.:. I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
.:. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
.:. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
.:. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
.:. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
.:. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
.:. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
.:. We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
.:. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
.:. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an "unfit mother" because I now live with another woman.
.:. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
.:. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
.:. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
.:. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
.:. I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
.:. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
.:. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
.:. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
.:. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
.:. I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson."

---IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG ... REPOST THIS
---IF YOU ARE IGNORANT... IGNORE THIS

Friday, February 23, 2007

I hate everything about you why do I love you I hate everything about you why do I love you

Well...today was the final day of my self-defense class...and I got my butt kicked. But I managed to kick the guy-in-a-padded-suit's butt, too. Hooray for next week being break. Although, I have no idea what I'm going to do next week since my schedule is w i d e open.

Something really bugs me about people...especially the people that I have to deal with on a daily basis... But the thing that's bugging me the most lately isn't something external...it's just me and the stupid, messed up stuff in my head. I don't just take things at face value...I read too much into everything lately. And it's really screwing with me. Mostly just cuz I feel really unwanted and like a burden. That's not the best way to feel.

Ugh...Camp Lazlo sounds a lot like Rocko's Modern Life...and I don't like either cartoon at all. My youngest brother has the tv on and that's what on Cartoon Network right now.

I'm hungry...but there's nothing to eat in my house...and I have no disposable money for food. I mean, there is food in the house, but it's the same things that I already ate for breakfast and lunch today. And I don't want to eat the same meal, three times in one day. Plus...I'm annoyed because I fell asleep earlier (when I didn't want to) and now that I want to just go to bed and wake up...I don't know, Monday...I can't because I'm pretty awake thanks to my unwanted nap.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, February 10, 2007

the world's on fire it's more than I can handle

I so do not want to my homework...I have so much of it to get done this weekend. I have to read two chapters (at least) of my anatomy and physiology book...I have to read a chapter from my sociology book...I have to write a dialogue for my Spanish class...I have to read about four chapters of my abnormal psychology book and answer some questions for one of the chapters...I need to do research for my oral presentation for abnormal psych, too... Ugh...why do I procrastinate so much???

Thursday, February 8, 2007

you must not know 'bout me I could have another you by tomorrow so don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' you're irreplaceable

[update - 12/17/08] I combined all the quiz posts from 2/8/07 into one post and used the #1 song on that day for the title

.:. How violent are you?
How violent are you..
Your Result: Ice Cold Killer
 

You don't give a #$@% about ANYTHING. You'd walk over a dying man any day. If someones givin' you trouble the fights over before it started. Your enemies better look over their shoulder all day..

Antisocial
 
Edgy
 
Risque
 
Chilled out
 
How violent are you..
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

.:. Do you have wisdom?
There is a 82% chance you are wise.
 

You have passed by many of your contemporaries. You are at critical juncture of your personal evolution. You are at the point where many become self-satisfied and stop growing. In doing that, they begin regressing. You can avoid that trap by comtemplating life a little each day, by reading a great diversity of material to expand your mind and grow new brain cells, and by striving to be a person of high moral character. There is room to grow and growth is still needed. On you, lies the burden of leadership by example, through humility, and for the good of all.

Do You Have Wisdom?
Make a Quiz


.:. What's your true personality?
Whats your true personality?
Your Result: peaceful
 

*strengths* low-key personality, easygoing && relaxed, calm && collected, patient && well balanced, consistent life, quiet but witty, sympathetic && kind, keeps emotions hidden, competent && steady, peaceful && agreeable, has administrative ability, mediates problems, avoids conflicts, good under pressure, finds easy way, easy to get along with, pleasant && enjoyable, inoffensive, good listener, dry sense of humor, enjoys watching ppl, has many friends, has compassion && concern *weaknesses* unenthusiastic, fearful && worried, indecisive, avoids responsibility, quiet will of iron, selfish, too shy, too compromising, self-righteous, not goal orientated, lacks self-motivation, resents being pushed, lazy && careless, discourages others, would rather watch, dampens enthusiasm, isnt exciting, judges others, sarcastic && teasing, resists change

perfect
 
powerful
 
popular
 
Whats your true personality?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

.:. What type of writer should you be?



You Should Be a Film Writer



You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind.
You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life.
Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling.
And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!


.:. What temperament are you?



You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament



Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.
It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.
At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.


.:. The Sesame Street personality quiz



You Are Bert



Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!
You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you
You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil
How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others


.:. What type of person do you attract?
What type of person do you attract?
Your Result: You attract artsy people!
 

Those free spirited artists with great imaginations find you interesting. They are usually interesting themselves, so its not a bad thing, but they CAN be a bit wifty and choose odd goals. If you like life to always be a bit 'different' from the norm, but not too extreme in any one direction, these are the people for you. If you seek logical decision making skills and good money management, you may want to change something in the way you appear. Artsy people are fun for adventure and exploring, so, have fun! (smoking weed helps too)

You attract Yuppies!
 
You attract geeks!
 
You attract unstable people!
 
You attract models!
 
You attract rednecks!
 
What type of person do you attract?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Sunday, January 14, 2007

this is the life hold on tight and this is the dream it's all I need you never know where you'll find it and I'm gonna take my time

Okay...so...the first week of school wasn't as bad as I'd expected... But I still don't like it. Oh well... My sociology teacher is a crazy, little old man from Poland...he was a cute, little old man...hard to understand at times though. My Spanish teacher is a pretty cool guy so far...he was born in South Africa, moved to England when he was four and then moved to the U.S. when he was five...and he became a U.S. citizen recently. My psychology teacher is easily distracted and told us that he printed a syllabus just to make his boss happy because he probably won't follow it. My self-defense teacher is going to be teaching us self-defense and he's currently on crutches...but there's another faculty member that's doing a study on females and self-defense and the girls that participate will receive some money. I have the same teacher for A&P II that I had for A&P I...so I'm not worried about my teacher.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, January 5, 2007

you must help me if you can Doctor my eyes tell me what is wrong was I unwise to leave them open for so long

I HATE GOING TO THE DOCTOR'S!!!!!

My appointment was for 3:00pm...I didn't see the doctor until after 4:00pm... Her excuse was that she went into the wrong room... Yeah...I just bit my lip... And I tried getting her to prescribe something that has a generic for me...all she did was suggest trying something that just came out and has no generic!! I just said 'nevermind.' I didn't feel like saying anything else to her because I was pretty sure that I was going to lose my temper and I didn't want to make her mad because I didn't want the stupid exam to be any more uncomfortable than it already is. So...that just means that I'm not going to go back and see her again...screw that...time for a new doctor.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

and I've hurt myself by hurting you some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss

Blah...my head hurts...still...and really badly... And the stupid, bright sun is not helping me feel any better!!!! My head has been hurting since about 2:30p yesterday afternoon...isn't that cool?

Plus...my jaw has been hurting since Saturday...Sunday was the worst...so I guess it's getting better. Whatever. Eating is just so fun with a sore jaw.

But anyway...I have a doctor's appointment on Friday...and I so do not want to go.

Hopefully everyone had a good New Year's...and is having a good year so far... But then again, I don't know how bad of a year it could be since it's only 10.5 hours into the second day of the year.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Sunday, December 31, 2006

the little weirdo down the street says he's making a rocket ship with household items so we can't find him

Wanna hear something completely insane?

Last night when I came home from going out...the tv and living room light were on...as soon as the boy pulled into the driveway, the light and tv were turned off and then...whoever was staying up watching the tv started looking out the window of the front door... As if that isn't weird enough...the person was there for a long time...like about 10 minutes...just peering out the window...but crouching down...kinda as though s/he thought that if s/he crouched down, neither of us would notice the weirdo in the window... It was so freaking retarded!! And I'm about 99% sure that the wacko peering out the window was my stepdad...

I swear...it doesn't matter if I come home on time for his ridiculous curfew...because if I come home "on time," he treats me like a child...if I come home later, he treats me like a child... What's the point? ::sigh:: Whatever...eventually...I won't have to deal with him anymore...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, December 29, 2006

Thursday, December 28, 2006

it's gonna take a long time to love it's gonna take a lot to hold on it's gonna be a long way to happy yeah left in the pieces that you broke me into

Blah...I don't know what to do... I want one thing...but I want something else just as much... I don't really know if I want anyone else's opinion though... I think that I might have jumped into something way too quickly...I'm not sure that I made the best decision... Actually...I've been thinking that I made a mistake...and that bugs me... Lately...I've been feeling more and more like... Yeah...I don't feel like finishing that thought... Seriously though...stay with the guy that makes me happy...or give up on the relationship that has way too many problems...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

the record won't stop skipping and the lies just won't stop slipping and besides my reputations on the line we can fake it for the airwaves

Well...Christmas is over...yays!!! But on the bright side, no major confrontations between family members again this holiday. I just have to write some 'Thank You' notes to some people...I know, I know, that seems a little, like, old-fashioned or something, but I guess it's just habit. I barely got any clothing this Christmas...that's pretty darn cool. But of the clothing that I did get, it was picked out well and I like it. So...thank you!! I got an adorable [Build-a-Bear] teddy bear, too. All dressed up cute in a tux.

Ugh...y'know what bugs the crap out of me? When my grandmother calls my cell phone in the morning as though it's the freakin' house phone. And then she wonders why I'm slightly crabby on the phone... And then when she does finally come over, she just sits in the driveway and repeatedly honks the horn instead of coming to the door like a normal person. And when she does finally get out of the car and come to the door, she just keeps her stupid finger on the doorbell. No wonder I try and avoid the crazy woman. I think that she needs some better SSRI's...seriously...

And...last Thursday...out of the blue my stepfather told me that I have a new, earlier than last time curfew. I'm supposed to be home by 12:30a Sun-Thur and by 3:00a Fri/Sat. Does he not realize that I'm 21 years old? I don't have a problem with having to follow some basic rules/guidelines...the thing that I have a problem with is that he thinks it's okay to ignore for days/weeks at a time and then spring some arbitrary rules on me and then go about talking to me, behaving as though he hasn't been ignoring me for some specifc reason that is unknown to me. I hate it more than anything.

Oh...and then on Friday was my daddy's Christmas party [for work]...so I got some free food for lunch. Yays!! And then...after the boy got of work, he and I went to get him some dinner and then wish his dad "Happy Birthday"...and then we met up with my dad, D**** (one of my dad's friends and co-workers) and K**** (my dad and D's supervisor at work) at The Berkely Front. After going there, we then left for the last stop of the evening... I had to have the boy make a detour and stop at my dad's house cuz I needed to pee. But anyway...we ended at Jon Jon's... The first time that I go to a strip club...it's with my fiance, my father, his friend and my father's supervisor. That's pretty interesting. I was only weirded out once...and that was when the stripper started talking to me...I didn't really know what to do.

But now...I have to come up with some plans for New Year's Eve... Any ideas?

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Waltz of the Flowers

Guess what...

I saw "The Nutcracker" ballet this past Sunday afternoon...it was fun. Except for the little girl, her mother (or grandmother) and her sister (or orphan child brought along) behind us...they didn't shut up for nearly the enitre ballet. It was annoying. And guess what...the boy even kind of liked it. It wasn't as bad as he was expecting. So that was good. Means that maybe someday he'll take me to see some other ballet...like "Swan Lake" or something. But I'm not counting on anything...not yet anyway.

Also...my brother's soccer game was at 8:00a!! I don't even get up that early for school!! Let alone on a Saturday morning...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy

Guess what... I only have one final left... A&P I on Monday...then nothing until January 8, 2007.

Also...on Sunday...I'm going to see "The Nutcracker Ballet"...and you know that you're jealous...

Blah...Saturday morning I have to take my 9 y/o brother to his soccer game...hopefully it isn't too early...I like my sleep...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, December 8, 2006

I'm tired of pretending that I don't care for you I'm tired of pretending that I found someone new

I feel like I'm always pretending anymore... Like even more than I have ever felt like I was... And I feel like nobody even knows me anymore...and that I'm just a big lie... I wish that I didn't feel as crappy and terrible as I feel lately. I do not feel as though I am ever good enough...for anything that I want. I feel like I make problems worse for others. Especially those that are the most important to me...

Way too often lately, it feels like I barely register on the radar...it feels like multiple times a week I'm being ignored... I try and bring it to his attention...that doesn't do a d*** thing... He doesn't change...well, he does...but only for about a week and then the old behavior returns... I still just feel like I'm being taken for granted... As though he thinks that since he has me already...he doesn't need to do anything anymore...

And...lately...the worse thing that I keep feeling like and thinking about doing...is giving back the sparkly things... I feel like I'm trapped...I'm not happy anymore...but I couldn't stand to make him not happy either... I want to be happy...I'm trying...he's trying...but it's barely working...

And then...to make matters worse...I keep getting unwanted attention from someone... At first, the attention feels nice...but then it just feels creepy. I don't purposely do anything to make this guy feel as though the attention is wanted. I wish that I was just reading things wrong...but...it really does not feel like that... And on top of the unwanted attention...he gets jealous of this other guy...and it makes me feel as though he doesn't trust me...

I don't want to not be with him anymore...because honestly, when he does make me happy (which is a little more than not anymore)...I don't want anyone else. Ever. And even when I'm not happy...I just want him and I to be able to fix our communication problem... I just wish that I knew what to do...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, November 25, 2006

nothing's true and nothing's right so let me be alone tonight 'cause you can't change the way I am are you strong enough to be my man?

Guess what... It really bugs me when someone goes through my purse... It bugs me even more when the person isn't smart enough to try and at least return my purse to how it was before he went through it... But...on the bright side...he didn't take anything from it... I would have thrown the biggest fit ever had he taken anything from it... Okay...done with the ranting...

Oh...and I have "Smack That" Akon/Eminem..."Irreplaceable" Beyoncé...and "My Love" Justin Timberlake stuck in my head...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

by the way by the way what made you think you'd have it your way and by the way by the way don't say I didn't warn you that I'll always stay the same

I got a 96% on one of the five tests I had last week...and an 80% on two of the five tests...and a 73% on another (sadly, that was the highest grade in the class)...and a 77% on the fifth test of the five... Yeah...I know...I rock... Actually...I think all except the 96 kind of suck...

This morning was the most amusing class has ever been...my psych teacher was reading [excerpts from] two children's books to the class:
.:. Where Did I Come From?---> a book that tells children all about how babies are made...an orgasm is supposedly like sneezing...
.:. What's Happening to Me? ---> a book all about puberty...
Considering everyone in my class is an adult...there was probably more giggling during the reading of the books than I'm sure there is during the whole puberty lesson in elementary school... Which, by the way, reminds me that my youngest brother is all excited that he gets to view the puberty video this year. I think that he is the only 9 year old boy to ever say that. Also...on a much more disturbing note...the discussion in class involved some brief incest talk... Mostly it was about homosexuality/heterosexuality and child sexuality. And not child sexuality as in kiddie porn, just the way that kids view things such as a little boy thinking egocentrically that babies come out of the mommy's body through the anus.



So...there's some not-so-good-but-not-so-bad stuff on my mind...and it's kind of been there for a while...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, October 27, 2006

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do and I've hurt myself...by hurting you

Blah...so I had my follow-up appointment today...and they took X-rays...apparently the spaces between my vertebrae are not as big as they should be...so...the doctor wants someone else to look at it because it looks like arthritis and...duh, I'm only 21...it's a little, like a lot, too early for that...plus my neck muscles are definitely spasming because my neck is straight as opposed to curved...so now I have to do neck exercises/stretches (which I've already been kind of doing)...and then go back in 7-10 days if I'm still not feeling any better......and the girl taking my X-rays had no clue what she was doing...apparently I got the student X-ray tech as well as the med student (my doctor brought in a med student when she came to examine my neck)...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I...I came here by day but I left here in darkness and found you found you on the way now...it is silver and silent it is silver and cold

Blah...I dislike the cold...and sadly it isn't even really cold yet...

Sadly...it's only the third week of classes...and already I'm ready for the semester to be over...I'm so sick of doing homework...seriously...it's all I do...well...that and go to class...

I can't decide if I want to do something next weekend or not...it would probably be somewhat fun...it would definitely be no cost to me...and I won't have too much homework to do that will require me to have time to get it done over the weekend...

And...yays for me...I passed the first calc test with an 83/100!!! Last semester...I think I got a 40something/100 on the first test...hurrah for a good teacher...

Oh, and for the first time this semester...I did not get lost coming home from the AH campus...yays for me...

I noticed that there are 14 days until my next birthday...my 18 y/o brother already asked me what I plan on doing...he didn't seem to like my answer of "getting up at 7:30a and going to microbiology"...he doesn't seem to think that is a good way to celebrate turning 21...eh, whatever...it's kinda just another day...but I don't know really...

I'm still really stressed out lately...and things are just compounding...and the stress level is raising higher and higher...I don't know how I can fix that...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, September 11, 2006

but I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain to hell with my pride let it fall like rain from my eyes tonight I wanna cry

I seriously feel like crying right now...actually...I've already done that about five or six times already tonight...

I'm completely stressed out about school and homework...I feel like all I've been doing since about 12:30p Saturday is homework...and to be honest that's pretty much all I've done...homework, eat, homework, eat, homework, sleep, eat, shower, homework, eat, homework, sleep, go to school, come home and eat, go to school, come home and do laundry, go to a meeting at school, come home and do homework...and after I'm done here on this stressed out rant...sleep...the only reason that I'm on the computer right now is because I was doing microbiology homework and just finished it...

I'm stressed out about the fact that I need to make myself a doctor's appointment...and do that very soon...I cannot deal with the pain that is pretty much a constant anymore...

::sigh::

I'm stressed out because I feel like I'm only making the people around me feel like s***...I'm starting to wonder why anyone puts up with me...I'm majorly stressed out...I'm taking it out on the people around me...and lately the only time I see anyone not related to me is in my classes...because the boy doesn't count since all we do together is I do my homework and he plays video games...

I'm tired...my head hurts badly enough that I keep tearing up...I cannot do anymore homework without getting frustrated and messing up on it...I'm going to go and try to get some sleep before I have to get up in seven hours...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, September 9, 2006

terrible lie you made me throw it all away my morals left to decay how many you betray you've taken everything terrible lie

Sometimes...I think that I just might be a horrible person...and...sometimes...I wonder just how many other people think that very same thing...






...and in an unrelated note...I'm kind of lame because I plan on using my weekend to...do homework...yeah...loads of fun...I have about 175 questions...about 50 of them to get done by 9:30a on Monday...about 25 to get done by 9:30a on Tuesday...and about 150 to get done by 6:00p on Tuesday...and I don't really have time to get them done other than during this weekend...so yays for a boring weekend...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, August 24, 2006

(all I want is you) come over here baby (all I want is you) you know you make me go crazy (all I want is you) now baby don't be shy

Blah...I'm bored...and home alone...so here's a pretty pointless blog posting...

...there are 45 days until my birthday...at least I'm assuming that is the count...I just got the renewal notice in the mail today from Secretary of State telling me to get my license renewed...

...school starts in seven days...I don't want to go back to school...and I still haven't bought my books yet...or figured out where exactly my school is...awesome...you know it is...

...last night I had the weirdest conversation ever...especially since it felt like the tables were turned...and I was being made to promise not to do something...it was kinda surreal...

...ciao darlings!!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, July 22, 2006

no life ain't always beautiful tears will fall sometimes life ain't always beautiful but it's a beautiful ride

Why...

...can things never go the way that I want them to...

...does it feel as though is everything crashing down around me...

...does it feel like I am trapped in something and I cannot get out...

...am I not happy anymore...




...why...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, July 8, 2006

I am lovely I'm weak I am foul when I speak I am strange when I'm kind I am frying my mind am I am I getting through am I am I getting through

Blah...just updating a bit...

...my kitchen is currently non-existent...my grandpa (a master carpenter) and my stepdad are remodeling the kitchen...hopefully by the end of August we have a functioning kitchen again...but who knows...

...my now 18 y/o brother was evicted (he turned 18, so to legally have him out of the house he had to be given an eviction notice)...hopefully he's taking care of himself and not being a moron...no more legal troubles for him...I hope...

...I don't have a car anymore...woo...or not...having a vehicle stolen is no fun...but thankfully I am part of a family that seems to acquire multiple vehicles...so until I get my own vehicle again I am borrowing my dad's truck...it's huge and noisy...and I hate driving it...I can barely park it better than a drunk probably could...but I'm still appreciative of the fact that my father is being kind enough to let me borrow it...besides...it has a cd player...so that's cool...

...on a happier note...I don't have to do all the laundry anymore...my very odd 9 year old brother has a new fascination with folding the laundry...so why stop the kid, if he wants to be helpful...and probably on Monday my crazy, but in a very awesome way, aunt will be coming over to visit...I love her...she's technically my great aunt, but whatever...

...done with the updating now...kinda long...but that's what happens when I don't do anything in about three weeks...

Ciao darlings!!!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

a different kind of pain is someone there to hold you? is someone there to take you away from me?

So...today was my doctor's appointment to follow-up on hurting my back...and it's all better...but...duh...I already knew that. My doctor barely paid attn to the fact that I had hurt my back b/c I said that it's not bothering me at all. So he said that was a good thing and focused on my headaches...and I'm either getting tension headaches...or atypical migraines. I have the pain of a tension headache, but the duration of a migraine. So it's currently being treated as though I have tension headaches...but if the medication does nothing to relieve my headaches, then I get migraine medicine. Yay...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, June 8, 2006

I know you can hear me but I'm not sure you're listening I hear what you're saying but still there's something missing

Hmm...I just glanced to the side of the screen and noticed that the total number of views for my blog is 1985...that only amused me b/c that's the year that I was born.

But anyway...last night was my 11 y/o brother's violin concert...the little kiddies weren't as bad as I thought it would be. I was so worried that it was going to be like cats scratching on a chalkboard. They actually weren't bad at all. It was cute b/c my brother always feels the need to bow at the end of his little school concerts and last night it was even cuter that he does that b/c he was holding a violin and a bow while he made his little bow. The consummate little orchestra master. It was adorable.

Today...I get to bake two cakes...and some brownies or something for my mommy. She said that she would bake two cakes and something for the bake sale at my brother's school tomorrow...but...she hasn't any time to do it. So...being the good daughter that I can be...I told her that I would do it for her.

Okay...I'm done rambling on about nonsense...ciao!!!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

you can't buy it at the store try it on for size bring it back if it don't feel right no love...love ain't like that

My stepfather is crazy...he was like at 11 and 75 there are engagement rings and at Stephenson there are one bedroom apartments...and he told the boy that.

And my 17 y/o brother is seriously annoying me...he felt the need to tell me, "no need to be a b**** because you're on the rag." Yeah...I just kicked him in the thigh...he's lucky my legs aren't longer and I couldn't reach any higher without getting up from the chair. I know that was a really mean thing to do to him...but I don't really care b/c he annoys the hell out of me. Don't get me wrong...I love my brother...but I really really don't like him. Actually I can't really stand him at all.

Saturday is my mommy's party...the house looks like shit. And nobody is doing anything to help. Well...I take that back, my mom is helping when she isn't at work. So my stepdad said that he was going to talk to her after she gets home from work tonight and get a list of chores for each of my brothers and him to do before Saturday. Hahaha...my 10 and 11 y/o brothers might get theirs done b/c my stepdad gets on their case about it...but the 17 y/o isn't going to do a thing. He's going to continue to do what he's been doing: sleep...then get up...move from his bed to the couch...then watch tv...and among all that tiring activity he's going to eat...and probably take two or three showers...and then start the whole thing over again.

Blah...I'm done ranting...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

every day gets worse locked in a vice my thoughts perverse you must wonder why I look at you that way

Yay!!! Or not...I have negative funds available in my checking account. Isn't that awesome? Thanks to my stepdad using my credit card and then never giving me any money to cover what he bought. And then I had to drive my 17 y/o brother to Gladwin today...and I will have to take him there again on May 18th...and again on June something. Doesn't that rock? C'mon, you know it does. Oh...yeah...I'm supposed to use my money to pay for the gas to drive him the 150 miles (300 miles roundtrip). And...guess what... Saturday I get to drive my sister to Schoolcraft for one soccer game and then I have to drive her to the game near home on the same day. Oh...and then on the 21st of May...I have to drive her to Concordia for a soccer game. But I get to use my daddy's car for that and use his gas and his money to fill up the tank. Have I ever mentioned just how much I hate driving? Oh well...that's what I get for being the oldest child and apparently the most responsible as well. Blah...I so need a reliable source of income. My mom told me I don't need a job, that I only need to go to school and get good grades. Well...that would be awesome if she was willing to pay for all of the stuff that she doesn't buy for me. So...yeah...a reliable source of income would really be awesome. Then I could get a new car...I despise mine. It's special. Like really, really, really special. Okay...I guess that I'm done ranting...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, May 4, 2006

and you can tell everybody this is your song it may be quite simple but now that it's done I hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind

Yay yay yay yay!!!! My migraine is finally gone!! Only took forever to go away...okay so it only took from Monday night to about 4:00am this morning to go away. But still...that was freaking forever for my head to be hurting me. And anyone that made it worse for me...I hate them right now...well...not exactly true, but I have a strong dislike for those people currently. Too bad none of them know that they did anything to make it worse. And I want it to be Tuesday already...I want my belonging back...I want it to be ready. And...I kinda want it to be Monday already because it's my mommy's birthday and I want cheesecake. So...blah...I have to make a cheesecake on Monday and then on the 27th of May, I'm supposed to make a spice cake that can feed about 50 people. That's when my mommy is having her bday party, duh! Playing party planner for her is not the most fun of things that I could be doing...but...oh well! And it's been six months...so yays, of course. But some crazy man (at least that is how I am going to refer to him) referred to me as "the daughter-in-law"...umm...hello?? that's scary talk, Mr. Crazy Man. Okay...I'm done rambling...kinda. I have to assemble 11 more cardboard boxes for my younger brothers' elementary school...does anyone have nothing better to do with his/her time and is willing to assemble the boxes for me? Your only compensation will be that of doing something from the kindness of your own heart. No monetary compensation, lo siento. The boxes are for the pennies that the kiddies bring in to school to donate to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society...so it's for a great cause, duh. Okay, now I'm done for real...ciao dahlings!!!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]