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As of February 23, 2012, I have a very sweet, very cute little boy. Baby PGS is my world now.

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Monday, June 25, 2007

wake up call caught you in the morning with another one in my bed don't you care about me anymore? don’t you care about me? I don't think so

Blah-di-blah-di-blah-blah... I'm in a happy mood, and I'm not a hundred percent sure why...not that I'm complaining or anthing... Plus...I'm all hyper and spastic...but that's not really a good thing...it just kinda makes me a brat... I just become a big annoyance and drive people insane...

Okay...all done...I guess anyway...I got bored...


[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, June 21, 2007

one night yeah and one more time thanks for the memories thanks for the memories "See, he tastes like you only sweeter."

I hate AT&T. Just thought that I'd share that little tidbit with the world. Or at least the world that has the ability to access my myspace blogs. Our stupid Internet connection is "lost" about every 45 to 60 minutes or so. It's the most annoying thing in the world. And according to the guy on the phone my mom talked to yesterday afternoon, it's EMI...so the modem thingy needs to be kept in a room all by its lonesome. At least, that's my frustrated solution. Oh, yeah...part of the phone plan my parents pay for stipulates no payments for having techs come out to your home to fix things, and the guy on the phone said that if she wanted to pay for it, my mom could have a tech come out and look at it for us.

Oh, and yesterday...I was about ready to murder an infant. She would NOT quit crying. But...hooray for being able to hand her off to her parents. ::sigh::

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

everyday with every worthless word we get more far away the distance between us makes it so hard to stay but nothing lasts forever but be honest babe

My head hurts...and it's hurt pretty much every day since Wednesday...so that means nearly a week straight of continuous headaches... Someone shoot me now. Actually, y'know what? That's a bad idea, I don't want someone to shoot me. I just want my misery to go away. I have a stuffy nose, too. My head hurts, I can't breathe, my lower abdomen hurts and my lower back hurts. Hooray for me! I'm one big complaint. Okay, I'm done being whiny. At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself because otherwise I'm going to annoy the hell out of myself (as well as everyone around me) with my incessant whining.

And...eww...it smells like rotten ears of corn in my fridge...but we don't have any...nor do we have any fresh vegetables...so nobody knows what is causing the gross smell... Okay...well, that little rant was because my two youngest brothers were just looking in the fridge for something to take to their baseball game for hydration.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

it's time to be a big girl now and big girls don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry

::sigh:: thoroughly confused...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

and I don't want to fall to pieces I just want to sit and stare at you I don't want to talk about it

::sigh:: Why is everything not how I want it? And why do I complicate things all the time? Okay, well, not so much complicate them as much as over-analyze and stress myself out. I'm just getting easily annoyed by everything again. That's totally not healthy.

::sigh:: And tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment...I hate going to the doctor's more than anything. Pretty much just because I'm convinced that I have brain cancer. Nevermind the fact that I have absolutely no evidence to support my ridiculous claim. But...on the bright side, I get to see the doctor that likes to hand out scrips like candy...

::sigh:: I just need to get my reactions under control...if not for me, then at least for the people around me that have to deal with my incessant moodiness and whatever else choice words they're using to describe me...

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

fly away from here anywhere yeah I don't care we'll just fly away from here our hopes and dreams are out there somewhere won't let time pass us by

I'm not really sure about what to do about something... ::sigh:: I want to do the something...but I don't know what to do... I'm always so worried about making the "right" decisions in my life, that I'm afraid that I'm screwing myself by always trying to make the "right" decision. Ugh...I wish that I knew what to do...and was willing to do the thing that will make me happy without having to worry about it being the "right" decision or not... ::sigh::

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

cuz I wanna have a bit of true love don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up stay up 'til 4 in the morning and the tears are pouring

Today, an envelope from my school came for me...it was a 'Dean's List' letter. Not to be conceited, but...duh. If I managed to work my butt off to receive straight As, it just makes sense that I would make the Dean's List. Okay, my conceited moment is over.

Anyway...I'm sleepy...like majorly...I've been up since about 6:15a. I just love how I instinctively wake up at least 15 minutes before my alarm...it's such a wonderful thing. Or not.

I think I'm going to go get something to eat now...no idea what...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, May 24, 2007

close my eyes just for tonight the sun still sleeps and when she wakes close my eyes just for tonight the sun still sleeps and when she wakes

You know what sucks? Getting up at 6:30a. Do you know what sucks even more? Waking up about 40 minutes before the alarm even goes off and not really being able to fall back to sleep because of fear that the alarm will be slept through, resulting in tardiness for event. So...what does all of that babbling mean? It means that I've been awake (more or less) since about 5:50a. It's seriously bedtime now. Sadly, it isn't even 8:00p yet.

Also, next Wednesday is going to be a long day. I'll have to get up at 6:30a then, too...and then watch a 10 month old baby girl for about eight hours. It's a good thing that she's adorable and pretty well-behaved.

Assuming all goes as planned...I get to go see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End Saturday night. Pirates are fun...as long as they look like Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom. I don't really care if that is a ridiculously girly sentiment. And then next weekend there is a birthday party to attend, according to the boy. Then the following weekend...there is a party Friday night and a party Sunday afternoon.

All right...I'm done rambling on now...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

a little something just to take off the edge a little more and I'll fall off the planet entirely

So...hooray for me! Why? Because I got a 4.0 this semester!! Woo! woo! all A's for me!

Plus, I managed to get at least a part-time job...which is way better than nothing at all. So...for the time being, I take care of a 10 month old 2-3 mornings a week...at least, she's a cute baby.

And I'm feeling pretty d*** whiny today because I have a completely stuffed up nasal cavity, a sore throat from my nasal cavity draining down the back of my throat and my jaw is in some major pain. Well...it was earlier, it's feeling like some dull, barely there pain now. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm in some fun, girly pain also. And for a boring day at home...I look pretty-ful since I have fun unbraided hair today... Okay...I'm done rambling at people... Ciao, darlin'!!

Thursday, May 3, 2007

I'm gonna make you bend and break, say a prayer, but let the good times roll, in case god doesn't show

this is what happens when I am bored...

What type of partier are you?
Your Result: The Socialite
 

You like only the best liquors, the latest trendy martini's, or the finest single-malt scotch. You are not one for the 'dive bar', you prefer classy lounges filled with model-quality people. When intoxicated, you flirt, but are coy and unattainable, you make your suitors WORK for it.

Bar Social Butterfly
 
The Lurker
 
Bar Slut
 
The rock-star party animal
 
The designated driver
 
Hardcore drunk
 
What type of partier are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz


What Be Your Nerd Type?
Your Result: Science/Math Nerd
 

(Absolute Insane Laughter as you pour toxic chemicals into a foaming tub of death!)

Well, maybe you aren't this extreme, but you're in league with the crazy scientists/mathmeticians of today. Very few people have the talent of math and science is something takes a lot of brains as well. Thank whosever God you worship, or don't worship, so thank no deity whatsoever in your case, for you people! Most of us would have died off without your help.

Literature Nerd
 
Social Nerd
 
Drama Nerd
 
Gamer/Computer Nerd
 
Artistic Nerd
 
Musician
 
Anime Nerd
 
What Be Your Nerd Type?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz


What's Your Best Quality?
Your Result: Intelligence
 

Your best quality is intelligence! People like you because you are smart and always make the right decision. Your intelligence also helps you handle tough situations.

Loving
 
Out-Going
 
Personality
 
Ambitious
 
Sense of Humor
 
What's Your Best Quality?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Saturday, April 28, 2007

believe me when I say it gets better every day once you get used to the pain

It sucks that aside from a few good days that are getting increasingly farther apart, I want to give him back those stupid rings every day...ha, I should probably just press the 'backspace' key...but I don't feel like it...I want him to see that I'm still thinking that...and that yesterday was probably the only day this week that I didn't think that.

so don’t bother I won’t die of deception I promise you won’t ever see me cry don’t feel sorry and don't bother I’ll be fine

Ugh...why does someone say that they want to do something and then later call and say, 'oh, sorry, I forgot what I said to you earlier, and by the way I'm going to expect you drop everything and see me later when I call you again, okay?' Okay...so those aren't the exact words...but they're the words that can be inferred from what was actually said. It's not the cancelling of informal plans that annoys me...it's the way they act all hurt and whatever when I get mad for the call later in the night. ::sigh:: Oh well, whatever...I'm done ranting...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

you know I sure wouldn't want to ruin all your chances on your one night stand romances doing tequila shots I always loved you but it was never enough

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18310636/?GT1=9246

I can't get the stupid link thingy to work...but copy that and check it out...it's craziness...

School is almost over...woohoo!! And...I'm awesome...cuz I got a 100% on my test this morning... Normally, I don't do well on my stupid lab exams...so it's a good thing.

Ew...it's not even 10:30p...and already I want to go to bed...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I don't mind you telling me what's been on your mind lately I don't mind you speaking up

Today in lab, we used reproductive models... Which just means that my lab partner and I were totally immature...and referred to anatomical parts in the same way that a fourth grader does... But I also had a test this morning...and I so totally feel like I aced it...woohoo!! I had two hours to take the test...but was done in about 20, 25 minutes...so by the time I turned the test (and materials in), I was out of the room by 9:30...and had 1.5 hours until lab would start... And not one of us waiting for lab to begin did anything productive...we talked and gossiped...

My little brother is awesome...he made me lunch!! I have a bunch of homework to do for psych...but as usual I so do not feel like doing it... Oh, well...I'll get it done on time...I always do... So...umm...I'm slightly obsessed with Hilary Duff's recent single "With Love"...I like that song...it's catchy...someone should totally get it for me... Ugh...it's snowing again...and I need to go out to do something... Stupid global warming. Okay...I'm done complaining and rambling now...

Saturday, March 24, 2007

don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own

Oh...em...gee...little brothers are annoying...they have a friend spending the night...and the three boys are loud, obnoxious and annoying...typical pre-adolescent boys...grr...oh, well, I can't do anything about it...other than complain... I have to start on my psych term paper soon...it's due in less than two weeks!! It won't be that hard to write, at least not once I start it anyway. Plus...this weekend, I need to study for my A&PII test on Monday...I know the material...so it's more of needing to review than needing to study. I just don't want to do it. Plus...it's not all that easy to study and whatever when there are three 10 and 11 year old boys making excessive amounts of noise... ::sigh:: They're so very strange, too... My head kind of hurts...so I think that I'm going to go lay down for a little bit...or at least get out of the living room where the tv volume is at about 60...and I think that's only out of 100. Ugh...I really don't like children... ::sigh:: I'm bored...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I won't be held down by who I used to be she's nothing to me

I'm so ridiculously stressed out lately...and I don't really know why... The only that I know for sure is that it's seriously starting to affect my life in a bad way... I'm always moody lately....as in drastic changes in mood for no apparent reason. ::sigh:: I'm assuming the stress and mood swings are related to all of the stress I feel at home and school... Plus, last night was just annoying per usual...it just bugs me a lot that my stepdad feels the need to lock the doors and make sure all the lights are turned off when I get home. I was only in class for two hours...I left about an hour before class to eat and socialize with one of my friends, and then I was home about 10 minutes after class ended...so about 10:10p... ::sigh:: And then for some reason today he's ignoring my existence...I have no idea what I did to piss him off. I'm just so confused. It's no wonder I feel so f***ing unwanted here. Oh, yeah, I went downstairs to get some dinner...and it's all gone already...basically he made dinner for him and my two brothers and made sure that there wouldn't be any food left over... And then after the 11 y/o brother's band concert, they stopped to pick up pizza...and of course, nobody bothered to tell me there was pizza or even to say, "hey, there's some pizza in the kitchen, you're welcome to have some if you want." Gee, thanks... ::sigh:: I just need to learn to let it go and not let it bother me...at least that's what I keep getting told. ::sigh:: Too bad it all doesn't feel like it's worth it...not lately anyway...

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I'm teachin' myself to dream I'm holding' my breath to scream I'm teachin' myself to believe in the things I don't understand

So...I've come to a conclusion about something kinda important...and I really don't care for the conclusion...it kinda sucks. And I was supposed to go over and see the boy after class...but instead I came home. It's not like seeing him yesterday went all that well...I had a headache and was being moody as usual...and since it didn't sound like he wanted me to come over when I talked him, I just went home. Figured I might as well get my psychology homework finished.

Okay...nevermind...he just called to find out if I was going to come over...so...ciao!!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

to let go of my pain to hell with my pride let it fall like rain from my eyes tonight I wanna cry

I feel like just crying and crying...and I don't really know why... Plus, I need to watch a movie for my Spanish class...but it's at the boy's house...

we share the sadness the split screen sadness we share the sadness split screen sadness

Who wants to wrap their arms around me and tell me that it's okay? Because I seriously feel terrible right now...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, March 19, 2007

and I wish I could free you of the hurt and the pain

Blah-di-blah-di-blah-blah...anyway...the boy is having a tonsillectomy and an adenoidectomy today...he's kind of worried about it...but there really isn't anything that he has to worry about...it's almost (almost only because medical procedures canNOT be guaranteed) guaranteed to go well...okay...well that was it...ciao!!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

crazy..I'm crazy for feeling so lonely I'm crazy crazy for feeling so blue I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted

Blah...I so do not feel like doing my homework... But...hooray for not having to go to school tomorrow night!! We're watching Maria Full of Grace...so if we rent the movie and watch it on our own, then we don't have to go to class and it won't be counted against us.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, March 8, 2007

can't you see this is the land of confusion

So...I was looking for some decent lyrics about intolerance to use as a title for the post about homophobia...and I got really confused by the relatively decent lyrics in two Dying Fetus songs that were results for a lyrics search on "intolerance." All I know about them is that they have a terrible name, they're a metal band and my fiancé likes them...so that was enough for me to never ever listen to them willingly. Well...that was it...I'm going to go back to making cookies... Ciao!!!

terror, innocent life destroyed by cowards, committing crimes, injustice

.:. I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a "fag" everyday.
.:. I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
.:. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
.:. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
.:. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
.:. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
.:. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
.:. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
.:. We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
.:. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
.:. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an "unfit mother" because I now live with another woman.
.:. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
.:. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
.:. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
.:. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
.:. I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
.:. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
.:. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
.:. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
.:. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
.:. I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson."

---IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG ... REPOST THIS
---IF YOU ARE IGNORANT... IGNORE THIS

Friday, February 23, 2007

I hate everything about you why do I love you I hate everything about you why do I love you

Well...today was the final day of my self-defense class...and I got my butt kicked. But I managed to kick the guy-in-a-padded-suit's butt, too. Hooray for next week being break. Although, I have no idea what I'm going to do next week since my schedule is w i d e open.

Something really bugs me about people...especially the people that I have to deal with on a daily basis... But the thing that's bugging me the most lately isn't something external...it's just me and the stupid, messed up stuff in my head. I don't just take things at face value...I read too much into everything lately. And it's really screwing with me. Mostly just cuz I feel really unwanted and like a burden. That's not the best way to feel.

Ugh...Camp Lazlo sounds a lot like Rocko's Modern Life...and I don't like either cartoon at all. My youngest brother has the tv on and that's what on Cartoon Network right now.

I'm hungry...but there's nothing to eat in my house...and I have no disposable money for food. I mean, there is food in the house, but it's the same things that I already ate for breakfast and lunch today. And I don't want to eat the same meal, three times in one day. Plus...I'm annoyed because I fell asleep earlier (when I didn't want to) and now that I want to just go to bed and wake up...I don't know, Monday...I can't because I'm pretty awake thanks to my unwanted nap.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, February 10, 2007

the world's on fire it's more than I can handle

I so do not want to my homework...I have so much of it to get done this weekend. I have to read two chapters (at least) of my anatomy and physiology book...I have to read a chapter from my sociology book...I have to write a dialogue for my Spanish class...I have to read about four chapters of my abnormal psychology book and answer some questions for one of the chapters...I need to do research for my oral presentation for abnormal psych, too... Ugh...why do I procrastinate so much???

Thursday, February 8, 2007

you must not know 'bout me I could have another you by tomorrow so don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' you're irreplaceable

[update - 12/17/08] I combined all the quiz posts from 2/8/07 into one post and used the #1 song on that day for the title

.:. How violent are you?
How violent are you..
Your Result: Ice Cold Killer
 

You don't give a #$@% about ANYTHING. You'd walk over a dying man any day. If someones givin' you trouble the fights over before it started. Your enemies better look over their shoulder all day..

Antisocial
 
Edgy
 
Risque
 
Chilled out
 
How violent are you..
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

.:. Do you have wisdom?
There is a 82% chance you are wise.
 

You have passed by many of your contemporaries. You are at critical juncture of your personal evolution. You are at the point where many become self-satisfied and stop growing. In doing that, they begin regressing. You can avoid that trap by comtemplating life a little each day, by reading a great diversity of material to expand your mind and grow new brain cells, and by striving to be a person of high moral character. There is room to grow and growth is still needed. On you, lies the burden of leadership by example, through humility, and for the good of all.

Do You Have Wisdom?
Make a Quiz


.:. What's your true personality?
Whats your true personality?
Your Result: peaceful
 

*strengths* low-key personality, easygoing && relaxed, calm && collected, patient && well balanced, consistent life, quiet but witty, sympathetic && kind, keeps emotions hidden, competent && steady, peaceful && agreeable, has administrative ability, mediates problems, avoids conflicts, good under pressure, finds easy way, easy to get along with, pleasant && enjoyable, inoffensive, good listener, dry sense of humor, enjoys watching ppl, has many friends, has compassion && concern *weaknesses* unenthusiastic, fearful && worried, indecisive, avoids responsibility, quiet will of iron, selfish, too shy, too compromising, self-righteous, not goal orientated, lacks self-motivation, resents being pushed, lazy && careless, discourages others, would rather watch, dampens enthusiasm, isnt exciting, judges others, sarcastic && teasing, resists change

perfect
 
powerful
 
popular
 
Whats your true personality?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

.:. What type of writer should you be?



You Should Be a Film Writer



You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind.
You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life.
Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling.
And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!


.:. What temperament are you?



You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament



Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.
It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.
At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.


.:. The Sesame Street personality quiz



You Are Bert



Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!
You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you
You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil
How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others


.:. What type of person do you attract?
What type of person do you attract?
Your Result: You attract artsy people!
 

Those free spirited artists with great imaginations find you interesting. They are usually interesting themselves, so its not a bad thing, but they CAN be a bit wifty and choose odd goals. If you like life to always be a bit 'different' from the norm, but not too extreme in any one direction, these are the people for you. If you seek logical decision making skills and good money management, you may want to change something in the way you appear. Artsy people are fun for adventure and exploring, so, have fun! (smoking weed helps too)

You attract Yuppies!
 
You attract geeks!
 
You attract unstable people!
 
You attract models!
 
You attract rednecks!
 
What type of person do you attract?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Sunday, January 14, 2007

this is the life hold on tight and this is the dream it's all I need you never know where you'll find it and I'm gonna take my time

Okay...so...the first week of school wasn't as bad as I'd expected... But I still don't like it. Oh well... My sociology teacher is a crazy, little old man from Poland...he was a cute, little old man...hard to understand at times though. My Spanish teacher is a pretty cool guy so far...he was born in South Africa, moved to England when he was four and then moved to the U.S. when he was five...and he became a U.S. citizen recently. My psychology teacher is easily distracted and told us that he printed a syllabus just to make his boss happy because he probably won't follow it. My self-defense teacher is going to be teaching us self-defense and he's currently on crutches...but there's another faculty member that's doing a study on females and self-defense and the girls that participate will receive some money. I have the same teacher for A&P II that I had for A&P I...so I'm not worried about my teacher.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, January 5, 2007

you must help me if you can Doctor my eyes tell me what is wrong was I unwise to leave them open for so long

I HATE GOING TO THE DOCTOR'S!!!!!

My appointment was for 3:00pm...I didn't see the doctor until after 4:00pm... Her excuse was that she went into the wrong room... Yeah...I just bit my lip... And I tried getting her to prescribe something that has a generic for me...all she did was suggest trying something that just came out and has no generic!! I just said 'nevermind.' I didn't feel like saying anything else to her because I was pretty sure that I was going to lose my temper and I didn't want to make her mad because I didn't want the stupid exam to be any more uncomfortable than it already is. So...that just means that I'm not going to go back and see her again...screw that...time for a new doctor.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

and I've hurt myself by hurting you some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss

Blah...my head hurts...still...and really badly... And the stupid, bright sun is not helping me feel any better!!!! My head has been hurting since about 2:30p yesterday afternoon...isn't that cool?

Plus...my jaw has been hurting since Saturday...Sunday was the worst...so I guess it's getting better. Whatever. Eating is just so fun with a sore jaw.

But anyway...I have a doctor's appointment on Friday...and I so do not want to go.

Hopefully everyone had a good New Year's...and is having a good year so far... But then again, I don't know how bad of a year it could be since it's only 10.5 hours into the second day of the year.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Sunday, December 31, 2006

the little weirdo down the street says he's making a rocket ship with household items so we can't find him

Wanna hear something completely insane?

Last night when I came home from going out...the tv and living room light were on...as soon as the boy pulled into the driveway, the light and tv were turned off and then...whoever was staying up watching the tv started looking out the window of the front door... As if that isn't weird enough...the person was there for a long time...like about 10 minutes...just peering out the window...but crouching down...kinda as though s/he thought that if s/he crouched down, neither of us would notice the weirdo in the window... It was so freaking retarded!! And I'm about 99% sure that the wacko peering out the window was my stepdad...

I swear...it doesn't matter if I come home on time for his ridiculous curfew...because if I come home "on time," he treats me like a child...if I come home later, he treats me like a child... What's the point? ::sigh:: Whatever...eventually...I won't have to deal with him anymore...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, December 29, 2006

Thursday, December 28, 2006

it's gonna take a long time to love it's gonna take a lot to hold on it's gonna be a long way to happy yeah left in the pieces that you broke me into

Blah...I don't know what to do... I want one thing...but I want something else just as much... I don't really know if I want anyone else's opinion though... I think that I might have jumped into something way too quickly...I'm not sure that I made the best decision... Actually...I've been thinking that I made a mistake...and that bugs me... Lately...I've been feeling more and more like... Yeah...I don't feel like finishing that thought... Seriously though...stay with the guy that makes me happy...or give up on the relationship that has way too many problems...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

the record won't stop skipping and the lies just won't stop slipping and besides my reputations on the line we can fake it for the airwaves

Well...Christmas is over...yays!!! But on the bright side, no major confrontations between family members again this holiday. I just have to write some 'Thank You' notes to some people...I know, I know, that seems a little, like, old-fashioned or something, but I guess it's just habit. I barely got any clothing this Christmas...that's pretty darn cool. But of the clothing that I did get, it was picked out well and I like it. So...thank you!! I got an adorable [Build-a-Bear] teddy bear, too. All dressed up cute in a tux.

Ugh...y'know what bugs the crap out of me? When my grandmother calls my cell phone in the morning as though it's the freakin' house phone. And then she wonders why I'm slightly crabby on the phone... And then when she does finally come over, she just sits in the driveway and repeatedly honks the horn instead of coming to the door like a normal person. And when she does finally get out of the car and come to the door, she just keeps her stupid finger on the doorbell. No wonder I try and avoid the crazy woman. I think that she needs some better SSRI's...seriously...

And...last Thursday...out of the blue my stepfather told me that I have a new, earlier than last time curfew. I'm supposed to be home by 12:30a Sun-Thur and by 3:00a Fri/Sat. Does he not realize that I'm 21 years old? I don't have a problem with having to follow some basic rules/guidelines...the thing that I have a problem with is that he thinks it's okay to ignore for days/weeks at a time and then spring some arbitrary rules on me and then go about talking to me, behaving as though he hasn't been ignoring me for some specifc reason that is unknown to me. I hate it more than anything.

Oh...and then on Friday was my daddy's Christmas party [for work]...so I got some free food for lunch. Yays!! And then...after the boy got of work, he and I went to get him some dinner and then wish his dad "Happy Birthday"...and then we met up with my dad, D**** (one of my dad's friends and co-workers) and K**** (my dad and D's supervisor at work) at The Berkely Front. After going there, we then left for the last stop of the evening... I had to have the boy make a detour and stop at my dad's house cuz I needed to pee. But anyway...we ended at Jon Jon's... The first time that I go to a strip club...it's with my fiance, my father, his friend and my father's supervisor. That's pretty interesting. I was only weirded out once...and that was when the stripper started talking to me...I didn't really know what to do.

But now...I have to come up with some plans for New Year's Eve... Any ideas?

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Waltz of the Flowers

Guess what...

I saw "The Nutcracker" ballet this past Sunday afternoon...it was fun. Except for the little girl, her mother (or grandmother) and her sister (or orphan child brought along) behind us...they didn't shut up for nearly the enitre ballet. It was annoying. And guess what...the boy even kind of liked it. It wasn't as bad as he was expecting. So that was good. Means that maybe someday he'll take me to see some other ballet...like "Swan Lake" or something. But I'm not counting on anything...not yet anyway.

Also...my brother's soccer game was at 8:00a!! I don't even get up that early for school!! Let alone on a Saturday morning...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy

Guess what... I only have one final left... A&P I on Monday...then nothing until January 8, 2007.

Also...on Sunday...I'm going to see "The Nutcracker Ballet"...and you know that you're jealous...

Blah...Saturday morning I have to take my 9 y/o brother to his soccer game...hopefully it isn't too early...I like my sleep...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, December 8, 2006

I'm tired of pretending that I don't care for you I'm tired of pretending that I found someone new

I feel like I'm always pretending anymore... Like even more than I have ever felt like I was... And I feel like nobody even knows me anymore...and that I'm just a big lie... I wish that I didn't feel as crappy and terrible as I feel lately. I do not feel as though I am ever good enough...for anything that I want. I feel like I make problems worse for others. Especially those that are the most important to me...

Way too often lately, it feels like I barely register on the radar...it feels like multiple times a week I'm being ignored... I try and bring it to his attention...that doesn't do a d*** thing... He doesn't change...well, he does...but only for about a week and then the old behavior returns... I still just feel like I'm being taken for granted... As though he thinks that since he has me already...he doesn't need to do anything anymore...

And...lately...the worse thing that I keep feeling like and thinking about doing...is giving back the sparkly things... I feel like I'm trapped...I'm not happy anymore...but I couldn't stand to make him not happy either... I want to be happy...I'm trying...he's trying...but it's barely working...

And then...to make matters worse...I keep getting unwanted attention from someone... At first, the attention feels nice...but then it just feels creepy. I don't purposely do anything to make this guy feel as though the attention is wanted. I wish that I was just reading things wrong...but...it really does not feel like that... And on top of the unwanted attention...he gets jealous of this other guy...and it makes me feel as though he doesn't trust me...

I don't want to not be with him anymore...because honestly, when he does make me happy (which is a little more than not anymore)...I don't want anyone else. Ever. And even when I'm not happy...I just want him and I to be able to fix our communication problem... I just wish that I knew what to do...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, November 25, 2006

nothing's true and nothing's right so let me be alone tonight 'cause you can't change the way I am are you strong enough to be my man?

Guess what... It really bugs me when someone goes through my purse... It bugs me even more when the person isn't smart enough to try and at least return my purse to how it was before he went through it... But...on the bright side...he didn't take anything from it... I would have thrown the biggest fit ever had he taken anything from it... Okay...done with the ranting...

Oh...and I have "Smack That" Akon/Eminem..."Irreplaceable" Beyoncé...and "My Love" Justin Timberlake stuck in my head...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

by the way by the way what made you think you'd have it your way and by the way by the way don't say I didn't warn you that I'll always stay the same

I got a 96% on one of the five tests I had last week...and an 80% on two of the five tests...and a 73% on another (sadly, that was the highest grade in the class)...and a 77% on the fifth test of the five... Yeah...I know...I rock... Actually...I think all except the 96 kind of suck...

This morning was the most amusing class has ever been...my psych teacher was reading [excerpts from] two children's books to the class:
.:. Where Did I Come From?---> a book that tells children all about how babies are made...an orgasm is supposedly like sneezing...
.:. What's Happening to Me? ---> a book all about puberty...
Considering everyone in my class is an adult...there was probably more giggling during the reading of the books than I'm sure there is during the whole puberty lesson in elementary school... Which, by the way, reminds me that my youngest brother is all excited that he gets to view the puberty video this year. I think that he is the only 9 year old boy to ever say that. Also...on a much more disturbing note...the discussion in class involved some brief incest talk... Mostly it was about homosexuality/heterosexuality and child sexuality. And not child sexuality as in kiddie porn, just the way that kids view things such as a little boy thinking egocentrically that babies come out of the mommy's body through the anus.



So...there's some not-so-good-but-not-so-bad stuff on my mind...and it's kind of been there for a while...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, October 27, 2006

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do and I've hurt myself...by hurting you

Blah...so I had my follow-up appointment today...and they took X-rays...apparently the spaces between my vertebrae are not as big as they should be...so...the doctor wants someone else to look at it because it looks like arthritis and...duh, I'm only 21...it's a little, like a lot, too early for that...plus my neck muscles are definitely spasming because my neck is straight as opposed to curved...so now I have to do neck exercises/stretches (which I've already been kind of doing)...and then go back in 7-10 days if I'm still not feeling any better......and the girl taking my X-rays had no clue what she was doing...apparently I got the student X-ray tech as well as the med student (my doctor brought in a med student when she came to examine my neck)...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I...I came here by day but I left here in darkness and found you found you on the way now...it is silver and silent it is silver and cold

Blah...I dislike the cold...and sadly it isn't even really cold yet...

Sadly...it's only the third week of classes...and already I'm ready for the semester to be over...I'm so sick of doing homework...seriously...it's all I do...well...that and go to class...

I can't decide if I want to do something next weekend or not...it would probably be somewhat fun...it would definitely be no cost to me...and I won't have too much homework to do that will require me to have time to get it done over the weekend...

And...yays for me...I passed the first calc test with an 83/100!!! Last semester...I think I got a 40something/100 on the first test...hurrah for a good teacher...

Oh, and for the first time this semester...I did not get lost coming home from the AH campus...yays for me...

I noticed that there are 14 days until my next birthday...my 18 y/o brother already asked me what I plan on doing...he didn't seem to like my answer of "getting up at 7:30a and going to microbiology"...he doesn't seem to think that is a good way to celebrate turning 21...eh, whatever...it's kinda just another day...but I don't know really...

I'm still really stressed out lately...and things are just compounding...and the stress level is raising higher and higher...I don't know how I can fix that...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, September 11, 2006

but I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain to hell with my pride let it fall like rain from my eyes tonight I wanna cry

I seriously feel like crying right now...actually...I've already done that about five or six times already tonight...

I'm completely stressed out about school and homework...I feel like all I've been doing since about 12:30p Saturday is homework...and to be honest that's pretty much all I've done...homework, eat, homework, eat, homework, sleep, eat, shower, homework, eat, homework, sleep, go to school, come home and eat, go to school, come home and do laundry, go to a meeting at school, come home and do homework...and after I'm done here on this stressed out rant...sleep...the only reason that I'm on the computer right now is because I was doing microbiology homework and just finished it...

I'm stressed out about the fact that I need to make myself a doctor's appointment...and do that very soon...I cannot deal with the pain that is pretty much a constant anymore...

::sigh::

I'm stressed out because I feel like I'm only making the people around me feel like s***...I'm starting to wonder why anyone puts up with me...I'm majorly stressed out...I'm taking it out on the people around me...and lately the only time I see anyone not related to me is in my classes...because the boy doesn't count since all we do together is I do my homework and he plays video games...

I'm tired...my head hurts badly enough that I keep tearing up...I cannot do anymore homework without getting frustrated and messing up on it...I'm going to go and try to get some sleep before I have to get up in seven hours...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, September 9, 2006

terrible lie you made me throw it all away my morals left to decay how many you betray you've taken everything terrible lie

Sometimes...I think that I just might be a horrible person...and...sometimes...I wonder just how many other people think that very same thing...






...and in an unrelated note...I'm kind of lame because I plan on using my weekend to...do homework...yeah...loads of fun...I have about 175 questions...about 50 of them to get done by 9:30a on Monday...about 25 to get done by 9:30a on Tuesday...and about 150 to get done by 6:00p on Tuesday...and I don't really have time to get them done other than during this weekend...so yays for a boring weekend...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, August 24, 2006

(all I want is you) come over here baby (all I want is you) you know you make me go crazy (all I want is you) now baby don't be shy

Blah...I'm bored...and home alone...so here's a pretty pointless blog posting...

...there are 45 days until my birthday...at least I'm assuming that is the count...I just got the renewal notice in the mail today from Secretary of State telling me to get my license renewed...

...school starts in seven days...I don't want to go back to school...and I still haven't bought my books yet...or figured out where exactly my school is...awesome...you know it is...

...last night I had the weirdest conversation ever...especially since it felt like the tables were turned...and I was being made to promise not to do something...it was kinda surreal...

...ciao darlings!!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, July 22, 2006

no life ain't always beautiful tears will fall sometimes life ain't always beautiful but it's a beautiful ride

Why...

...can things never go the way that I want them to...

...does it feel as though is everything crashing down around me...

...does it feel like I am trapped in something and I cannot get out...

...am I not happy anymore...




...why...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, July 8, 2006

I am lovely I'm weak I am foul when I speak I am strange when I'm kind I am frying my mind am I am I getting through am I am I getting through

Blah...just updating a bit...

...my kitchen is currently non-existent...my grandpa (a master carpenter) and my stepdad are remodeling the kitchen...hopefully by the end of August we have a functioning kitchen again...but who knows...

...my now 18 y/o brother was evicted (he turned 18, so to legally have him out of the house he had to be given an eviction notice)...hopefully he's taking care of himself and not being a moron...no more legal troubles for him...I hope...

...I don't have a car anymore...woo...or not...having a vehicle stolen is no fun...but thankfully I am part of a family that seems to acquire multiple vehicles...so until I get my own vehicle again I am borrowing my dad's truck...it's huge and noisy...and I hate driving it...I can barely park it better than a drunk probably could...but I'm still appreciative of the fact that my father is being kind enough to let me borrow it...besides...it has a cd player...so that's cool...

...on a happier note...I don't have to do all the laundry anymore...my very odd 9 year old brother has a new fascination with folding the laundry...so why stop the kid, if he wants to be helpful...and probably on Monday my crazy, but in a very awesome way, aunt will be coming over to visit...I love her...she's technically my great aunt, but whatever...

...done with the updating now...kinda long...but that's what happens when I don't do anything in about three weeks...

Ciao darlings!!!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

a different kind of pain is someone there to hold you? is someone there to take you away from me?

So...today was my doctor's appointment to follow-up on hurting my back...and it's all better...but...duh...I already knew that. My doctor barely paid attn to the fact that I had hurt my back b/c I said that it's not bothering me at all. So he said that was a good thing and focused on my headaches...and I'm either getting tension headaches...or atypical migraines. I have the pain of a tension headache, but the duration of a migraine. So it's currently being treated as though I have tension headaches...but if the medication does nothing to relieve my headaches, then I get migraine medicine. Yay...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, June 8, 2006

I know you can hear me but I'm not sure you're listening I hear what you're saying but still there's something missing

Hmm...I just glanced to the side of the screen and noticed that the total number of views for my blog is 1985...that only amused me b/c that's the year that I was born.

But anyway...last night was my 11 y/o brother's violin concert...the little kiddies weren't as bad as I thought it would be. I was so worried that it was going to be like cats scratching on a chalkboard. They actually weren't bad at all. It was cute b/c my brother always feels the need to bow at the end of his little school concerts and last night it was even cuter that he does that b/c he was holding a violin and a bow while he made his little bow. The consummate little orchestra master. It was adorable.

Today...I get to bake two cakes...and some brownies or something for my mommy. She said that she would bake two cakes and something for the bake sale at my brother's school tomorrow...but...she hasn't any time to do it. So...being the good daughter that I can be...I told her that I would do it for her.

Okay...I'm done rambling on about nonsense...ciao!!!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

you can't buy it at the store try it on for size bring it back if it don't feel right no love...love ain't like that

My stepfather is crazy...he was like at 11 and 75 there are engagement rings and at Stephenson there are one bedroom apartments...and he told the boy that.

And my 17 y/o brother is seriously annoying me...he felt the need to tell me, "no need to be a b**** because you're on the rag." Yeah...I just kicked him in the thigh...he's lucky my legs aren't longer and I couldn't reach any higher without getting up from the chair. I know that was a really mean thing to do to him...but I don't really care b/c he annoys the hell out of me. Don't get me wrong...I love my brother...but I really really don't like him. Actually I can't really stand him at all.

Saturday is my mommy's party...the house looks like shit. And nobody is doing anything to help. Well...I take that back, my mom is helping when she isn't at work. So my stepdad said that he was going to talk to her after she gets home from work tonight and get a list of chores for each of my brothers and him to do before Saturday. Hahaha...my 10 and 11 y/o brothers might get theirs done b/c my stepdad gets on their case about it...but the 17 y/o isn't going to do a thing. He's going to continue to do what he's been doing: sleep...then get up...move from his bed to the couch...then watch tv...and among all that tiring activity he's going to eat...and probably take two or three showers...and then start the whole thing over again.

Blah...I'm done ranting...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

every day gets worse locked in a vice my thoughts perverse you must wonder why I look at you that way

Yay!!! Or not...I have negative funds available in my checking account. Isn't that awesome? Thanks to my stepdad using my credit card and then never giving me any money to cover what he bought. And then I had to drive my 17 y/o brother to Gladwin today...and I will have to take him there again on May 18th...and again on June something. Doesn't that rock? C'mon, you know it does. Oh...yeah...I'm supposed to use my money to pay for the gas to drive him the 150 miles (300 miles roundtrip). And...guess what... Saturday I get to drive my sister to Schoolcraft for one soccer game and then I have to drive her to the game near home on the same day. Oh...and then on the 21st of May...I have to drive her to Concordia for a soccer game. But I get to use my daddy's car for that and use his gas and his money to fill up the tank. Have I ever mentioned just how much I hate driving? Oh well...that's what I get for being the oldest child and apparently the most responsible as well. Blah...I so need a reliable source of income. My mom told me I don't need a job, that I only need to go to school and get good grades. Well...that would be awesome if she was willing to pay for all of the stuff that she doesn't buy for me. So...yeah...a reliable source of income would really be awesome. Then I could get a new car...I despise mine. It's special. Like really, really, really special. Okay...I guess that I'm done ranting...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, May 4, 2006

and you can tell everybody this is your song it may be quite simple but now that it's done I hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind

Yay yay yay yay!!!! My migraine is finally gone!! Only took forever to go away...okay so it only took from Monday night to about 4:00am this morning to go away. But still...that was freaking forever for my head to be hurting me. And anyone that made it worse for me...I hate them right now...well...not exactly true, but I have a strong dislike for those people currently. Too bad none of them know that they did anything to make it worse. And I want it to be Tuesday already...I want my belonging back...I want it to be ready. And...I kinda want it to be Monday already because it's my mommy's birthday and I want cheesecake. So...blah...I have to make a cheesecake on Monday and then on the 27th of May, I'm supposed to make a spice cake that can feed about 50 people. That's when my mommy is having her bday party, duh! Playing party planner for her is not the most fun of things that I could be doing...but...oh well! And it's been six months...so yays, of course. But some crazy man (at least that is how I am going to refer to him) referred to me as "the daughter-in-law"...umm...hello?? that's scary talk, Mr. Crazy Man. Okay...I'm done rambling...kinda. I have to assemble 11 more cardboard boxes for my younger brothers' elementary school...does anyone have nothing better to do with his/her time and is willing to assemble the boxes for me? Your only compensation will be that of doing something from the kindness of your own heart. No monetary compensation, lo siento. The boxes are for the pennies that the kiddies bring in to school to donate to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society...so it's for a great cause, duh. Okay, now I'm done for real...ciao dahlings!!!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, April 24, 2006

with the lights out it's less dangerous here we are now entertain us I feel stupid and contagious here we are now entertain us

The best part of being in Seattle was...


...within 6 hours of being in the city...


...I was yelled at by a police officer.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

don't like the scene anyhow I dropped acid on a Saturday night just to see what the fuss was about well there goes the neighborhood

I'm going to Seattle tomorrow afternoon...won't be back until sometime Sunday night...like as late as 10:00pm...or even later... Hopefully I don't come home too very tired since I have class Monday morning...

And then this morning I forgot my powerpoint presentation at home and had to leave class in the middle to come home, get it and return back to class.

Yesterday I had to take my 17 y/o brother up to Mt. Pleasant...that was no fun... I managed to get lost multiple times on the drive home...somehow I couldn't figure out how to get back to I-75...so it was US 127 South until I found Lansing and I-96... So what should have been a 2 hr 15 min drive home home...was a 4 and a half hour drive home...

And then I had to go back out right where I was and pick my daddy up from the dealership...and today I have to drive him back out there so that he can pick his vehicle up... But on the bright side...he paid to fill up my gas tank...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, April 14, 2006

oh Maria Maria she reminds me of a west side story growing up in Spanish Harlem she’s living the life just like a movie star

Yesterday I spent almost 7 hours in a car...I went with my mom to Gladwin to pick up my brother...when I got home I was sooo tired and crabby...but I couldn't really fall asleep b/c after sitting in a vehicle for so long laying down in my bed was the last thing that I wanted to do...

And...now...on Monday I have to drive him up to Mt. Pleasant for something...oh well...my mom gave me $25 for gas...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, March 31, 2006

we really fit together if you know what I'm talkin' about yeah we're two of a kind workin' on a full house

Apparently I'm a fighter when I get put under. I ripped out my IV and they had to restrain me. I don't remember exactly what the nurse said that I had done. If you know my mommy, you can ask her. Or if you know my boyfriend, you can ask him. Both of them were very much more aware of what was going on when I was done, than I was.

Earlier this afternoon, when the boy was here, and after my mom had left for work, I was crying and I just kept saying "I want my mommy" even though there wasn't anything that she could do for me that the boy, my stepdad and my brothers weren't already being nice and trying to do for me. But later on, after I took two Darvocet together, instead of one every 4 hours like my mom was going to have me do, I felt less pain. But...in about an 2hrs, at 10:00p, I'm going to go take two more. It will have been 4.5hrs since the last time...or I might wait until 10:30p.

update [11:21p] - They had to bring an extra nurse into the room to restrain me b/c I was kicking and punching. So...I had to be restrained and I pulled my IV out. They told my mommy and she was unfazed and just thought, "she's like her brothers."

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, March 30, 2006

eres mi protección mi sostén frente a todo mi mejor opción por siempre tú mi poder mi valor a través de lo peor mi luz mi cielo azul mi gran amor aún

Eeee...tomorrow is the day that all four of my wisdom teeth are going to get pulled out!!! My mommy is going to take me. But I can't eat for at least 8 hours before the anesthesia is administered...8 hours!!! So that means I can eat until 4:00am...so...the next 10 hours and 15 minutes. What am I going to do? I don't sleep for 8 hrs and I'm used to eating before bed and then the first thing that I do in the morning is grab something to eat. Oh well, it's one day, I'll live. But...my boyfriend told me that he would need some sedatives [for himself] to see me. I told my mom that and she said to just give me some more Darvocet and I would quit being whiny.

But...I have to prove to people that I can be not whiny tomorrow. So...I'm going to do a really, really, really good job of not complaining.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Friday, March 17, 2006

ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny and you can't move on even though you try ain't it strange when your feeling things you shouldn't

Exactly two weeks from today I will have my wisdom teeth removed...yays...no more constant headache. I've been very good about not complaining lately...honestly, I have.

Over the past few days I've been trying to understand something...and not succeeding...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, March 13, 2006

yeah I'm a twisted angel flying wild and free yeah I'm a twisted angel flying to heaven on a broken wing

Who wants to go to calc for me tonight? The class is horrible...the teacher has a nails on a chalkboard kind of a voice...it's four hours long...I'll probably leave after two...so whomever is willing enough to go for me can do the same…

Blah...nevermind...I'll go for myself...but...blah...I will most likely not enjoy it...especially since it's raining and thunderstorming today...oh well...I'll just have to make the most of it...and try to make the misery as little as possible...

update [2:24pm] - After posting this this morning, my mom called me to tell me some stuff since she won't see me until 10 tonight, and she told me to just withdraw from the class and retake it this summer. Yay...a 9:00a class during the summer...but on the bright side it's only 8wks long...May 8th - June 28th...that's only half of the summer having to get up at 6:30a...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

while Mona Lisas & mad hatters sons of bankers sons of lawyers turn around and say "good morning" to the night for unless they see the sky

Yays...or not... I scheduled my wisdom teeth removal today. March 31, 2006...12:45pm...I can't eat anything for at least 8hrs before the surgery. That's craziness! I love food, what am I going to do? I have to find someone that is willing to give up like 2hrs of his/her precious life to drive me to/from the surgery...b/c apparently I will be legally drunk afterwards. That should probably entertain whoever takes me... Anyway, the doctor gave me a scrip for Darvocet...I think, I can't really read his writing, but that is the closest painkiller that I can figure out from his writing. I have to get that filled before the surgery...the antibiotic as well. I think I'm going to go visit my mommy at work and hand her my scrips and see if she'll buy me some red hair dye. I miss my red hair.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

so high the climb but I can't turn back now must keep climbing up to the clouds so high the climb but I can't turn back now must keep climbing up

So...I went to the dentist today...he told me to get my wisdom teeth extracted...which I was expecting...then he told me that I should probably think about getting my second molars pulled as well. Not because my teeth are unhealthy, all of my teeth are healthy...but because my jaw is so tiny. The hygienist told me that I have one of the tiniest jaws ever. Not looking forward to the day of wisdom teeth extraction.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

God don't make lonely girls sure didn't want 'em in his world God don't make lonely girls yeah yeah do dot do do

My stepdad (and this time my mom agreed w/ him) gave me some new rules and an earlier curfew, the new rules would be:
no company when my mom and stepdad aren't home
I have to be home by 1:30 Sun-Thur and by 2:30 on Fri-Sat
and
I HAVE to be home every night.

They do realize that I am 20 years old, nearly 20 and a half years old, right? Honestly, what would they, what could they do to me, if I chose to break the rules? They don't pay for school, so they can't threaten to quit paying for that. They don't really pay for anything for me. The only thing that they could possibly threaten me w/ is kicking me out of the house. Blah...and at the moment that really wouldn't bother me too much.


Oh and I need to get my car washed...b/c I'm pretty sure when a black car looks grey b/c of the amount of dried salt on it, that's a bad thing. Anyone willing to wash my car for me?

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, February 13, 2006

look how pretty she is when she falls down and theres no beauty in bleeding mascara her lips are quivering like a withering rose shes back again

So...this morning on my way to school...the stupid girl in front of me didn't start slowing down soon enough to safely make her right turn. Of course she slid and didn't make it...yeah, I had a feeling that was going to happen b/c I'd been driving behind for about a mile and a half and could tell she was special. But yeah...no stopping for me until I hit her car. Oh well, there wasn't any damage...I was seriously only going about 3 mph when I touched her car w/ mine. But still...I was late to class b/c of her incompetence.

A s***ty start to what I'm sure is going to be a s***ty day. Why will it be a s***ty day? B/c my retarded mother and my equally, if not more, retarded stepfather want to have a talk w/ me today when he gets home from work. Whatever...if they're not done talking at me when it's time for me to go to class, I don't care I'm leaving. To be honest, I don't care what they have to say to me b/c I've given up trying to be what they want from me anymore. It doesn't matter what I do, I piss them off.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, December 12, 2005

but there's still tomorrow forget the sorrow when I can be on the last train home watch it pass the day as it fades away no more time to care

I am SO ready to move out of my house. I can't deal with someone avoiding me as though I have the plague for almost a week. I am seriously considering moving back into my dad's house or moving into my grandma's house. Either one of them is going to let me live my life as I want to and not treat me as though I am a child. If I had money, I would move out and into an apt. with a friend or friends. Too bad I don't have any money. And the only way I can think of getting enough money is to whore myself...and that is SO not a viable option. I need a full-time job. What I need is for my stepfather to realize I am not f***ing 6 years old anymore and I am an adult. Just let me be an adult. You can't expect me to behave like a responsible adult if you're going to give me childish limitations, such as a curfew. I can't deal with this anymore. One stepparent already succeeded in pushing me away, I don't need the other one to do it also. I can't deal with it anymore.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, December 1, 2005

and in the morning I'm out of my head I wish I was sleeping in your hospital bed give me some time to get on your mind

So...I was a major klutz this morning...I managed to twist my ankle on my way to school this morning b/c I was in a hurry. I felt the crunch, but couldn't hear it b/c of the garbage truck on my street. And I did the most intelligent thing afterwards...I went to school instead of turning around and going back inside and telling my mom I had just hurt myself and should probably see a doctor. I went to school and ran around on it for 4hrs and then even when I got home, I wouldn't go to the doctors'. I only went b/c my mommy made me and made my 17 y/o brother drive me to the hospital. So...yeah...I'm a klutz.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Sunday, November 13, 2005

you could have been all I wanted but you weren't honest now get in the ground you choked off the surest of favors

I'm home from Kalamazoo and Mini-Honors now...got picked on by K**** and C**** again...if anyone knows the myth of Lilith, I was called Lilith a few times this weekend...and I am so not Lilith...met the sweetest, most naive girl this weekend...no joke she asked if in Detroit there were streets that you would get shot at for driving on them and if they really shot over the freeway all the time...in her defense, she grew up in Iowa and now lives someplace in Michigan where her school (Montcalm in Sidney) is surrounded by a corn field...my thighs are killing me now (really shouldn't have been doing the limbo...I got pretty far...until I purposely fell)...I learned how to play Texas Hold 'Em (didn't do too bad...won a few times...but it wasn't for money)...didn't make it up to my hotel room before 4am (4am on Friday night 4:30 am on Saturday night) either night, so...I'm pretty exhausted right now...but I'm wired too...so there is a huge possibility that I will still be awake at midnight...if you want to know anything more about my weekend, just ask...I'll probably tell you...especially the part about playing doctor...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

and it was true that I was truly failing but you were gone and I was home calling around but nothing was found worthwhile

I have a job now...Limited Too in Somerset...I start sometime next weekend b/c I am going to be gone this weekend and can't make it to the training session. But I do get paid for the orientation thing I went to this afternoon.

My stepdad is so pissed at me right now...he is not acknowledging me currently. I'm 20 years old, what is the big deal if I don't come home until the next morning? It's not like I did anything stupid while being out all night. I was a good girl. I hate the double standard for sons and daughters that fathers have. It's bulls*** that they do that. Anyway...done with the ranting.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, November 5, 2005

once I ran to you now I'll run from you this tainted love you've given I give you all a boy could give you take my tears and that's not nearly all

Okay...probably going to make some people mad, but...I hate being a size 0. I'm probably the only girl thinking that, but whatever. I had to buy some new jeans b/c all of mine are too big. The belt can only do so much.

So...yeah, not a single girl anymore. Doubt that upsets anyone though.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Sunday, October 30, 2005

can't you help me as I'm starting to burn too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction

Yay! Tomorrow is Halloween...too bad I have to go to Chem lecture.

Had a somewhat good weekend...some things were fun...some things were depressing...and some things were okay...

Friday, I tutored C**** in Spanish. So to pay me for it, since I wasn't charging him, he took me out to eat. Then he didn't want to drive up to Owosso to see his girlfriend, so he asked me to hang out with him. (We had something to be at for school Saturday and he didn't want to have to rush home in the morning) We went to the movies and saw the movie "Saw 2," it was pretty good...too bad I haven't seen the first one yet. And then it was still early so we went bowling. Fairly certain I was the only white person in the building. Not that that is a problem, it was just abnormal to me. Had to go to a family Halloween party last night, it wasn't that bad. The evening ended with an alcoholic beverage taste test for me. Tequila straight is fine, mixed with lime margarita mix it's nasty. Bailey's is pretty good though. It's kind of a surreal situation to be in when your younger brothers' friend's father is the one giving you alcohol. Today I went to the cider mill with this guy that I like. I'm too girly apparently; I complained about touching the cider container b/c it was wet and sticky from the cider.

My head hurts...I blame it on the thoughts swirling around my brain.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, October 27, 2005

ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra time and your kiss

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."

I don't know who said that...but I like it.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, October 5, 2005

she's looking in the mirror she's fixing her hair and I touch my head to feel what isn't there she's humming a melody we learned in grade school

I let my best friend go at my head with scissors! She didn't do too bad, but thank god one of our other friends was there to improve upon what she had done. But...my long beautiful hair is all gone! It's now just above my shoulders. I can still put it in a ponytail, so that's good. My mom hates it, my stepdad is stupefied and my best friend and the friend who improved it, and another friend too, like it. Oh, yeah, I like it too. So I guess that is all that matters.

Now...I have to go eat dinner...I'm thinking of skipping the dinner and going straight to the dark chocolate fudge birthday cake...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Sunday, October 2, 2005

let's get these teen hearts beating faster faster so testosterone boys and harlequin girls will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?

Tonight my family is taking me out to eat...it's my birthday dinner. The really sad thing is that I think the last time my family ate together was when we took my grandpa out to eat for his birthday. And that was almost a month ago. Oh, well. Families eating together isn't really a normal thing. But, yeah...Noodles & Co., I love their food.

I really like that song by Jamie O'Neal "Somebody's Hero." It's so cute. I also want to buy the Panic! At the Disco cd, b/c I want the song "Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off."

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Sunday, September 18, 2005

back home I always thought I wanted so much more now I'm not too sure 'cause sometimes I miss knowing someone's there for me

I'm home...I'm tired...I'm in some major pain...

This weekend I was asked about five times if at some point I was ever a blonde. I guess I kept doing some really dumb things...oh well. I had fun at Mock Chapter; I met some cool new people and assuming that I go to Mini-Honors in November, I should see a few of them again. Oh! Duh! We all said that we would try and get together this upcoming weekend or something like that. I know that K**** told me to call him if I need Chem help, b/c he's taking the same course. I hate being the smallest person...C**** picked me up and held me upside down! Which I am sure is going to make a really funny picture, but the rush of blood to my head was really not fun. And then K**** and C**** both thought that it was a brilliant idea to pick on me. I got called a spaz so many times...it doesn't help that I must have snapped my name tag back at myself about 10 times. That did hurt too. Plus, it's really easy to knock me down; so they kept hitting the back of my knees to unbalance me. They were nice enough to stand behind me to make sure I didn't fall to the ground. Thank you so much. Okay...I'm exhausted b/c I think that I only got a total of three hours of sleep. Thinking is not the easiest thing to do right now...so buenas noches!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, September 15, 2005

and I know what must change f*** my face f*** my name they are brief and false advertisements for a soul I don't have something true I have lacked

I am leaving for Traverse City at noon tomorrow...won't be home until sometime Sunday afternoon. I don't even really get to come home and relax after the weekend; I have to go over my daddy's house and help him close up his pool. I am so exhausted right now and I have no idea why. Actually I have an idea, but I'm hoping it's wrong. I should probably go ahead and pack up my stuff tonight b/c there's no way that I am going to get up and do it in the morning. I'm barely going to get up early enough to shower. I have my alarm set for 9:00 am and it goes off at the same time seven days a week; you'd think that I could get myself out of bed before noon. Not the last couple of days. Yeah...I guess that I am going to pack my stuff...wait...I can't pack yet. I still need a bunch of my stuff in the morning. I guess I really do have to get up at 9:00. D***. I'm starting to ramble now, so...yeah...

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

what's so amazing that keeps us star gazing & what do we think we might see someday we'll find it the rainbow connection the lovers the dreamers & me

Close your eyes...
And go back...
Before the Internet or the MAC...
Before semi automatics and crack...
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...
Way back...
I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk...
Red light, Green light...
Playing kickball & dodgeball until your porch light came on...
Mother May I?...
Red Rover...
Hula Hoops...
Running through the sprinkler...
Happy Meals...

Wait...
Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons...
Or what about Legends of the Hidden Temple, Global Guts, Double Dare...
And who could forget Snick, and Are You Afraid Of The Dark?...
Fat Albert, Road Runner, Smurfs, Picture Pages, G-Force & He-Man Wonder Woman...
Scooby Doo Underoos...
Playing Dukes of Hazard...
Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar...
Christmas morning...
Your first day of school...
Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses...
Climbing trees...
Getting an ice cream off the ice cream truck...
A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers...
Jumpin' on the bed...
Pillow fights...
Runnin ' till you were out of breath...
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt...
Being tired from playin'...
Your first crush...
Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7UP" in the classroom...

Remember?

I'm not finished yet...

Kool-Aid was the drink of the summer...
Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars...
Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school...
Class Field Trips...
When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there...
When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance, and another quarter a Miracle...
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it...
When your parents took you to McDonald's and you were so cool...
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home...
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc....
Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!
And some of us are still afraid of 'em!
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that!"

I want to go back to the time when...
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"...
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"...
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest...
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly"...
Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening (still is!)...
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends...
Being old, referred to anyone over 20...
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties...
Nobody was prettier than Mom...
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better...
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park...
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true...
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"...
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles...
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team...
Water balloons were the ultimate, ultimate weapon...
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors...
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life...

I double dog dare you!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Monday, September 5, 2005

I will not follow you into a perfect grave I will not stand here while you throw it all away but I'll keep hoping that you won't fall in all the way

My brother is an immature moron. And I say that with love. When you can't get along with your parents and they are just as f***ing stubborn as you are; don't think that you're going to win the war, let alone the god d*** battle. Thanks to the retardation of my brother, I don't know what I am going to do for food today. He decided that he can go out whenever he wants, drive where ever he wants, do whatever he wants and to hell with what his parents say. So...he successfully pissed our mother off and now we're not going to my grandparents' house for a BBQ. And if I go into the kitchen to make some food, that means I have to come into contact with my mother. So not something that I want to do right now. I really don't want to endure the wrath of my psychotic mother, because even if you're not the one she's mad at, you still get a healthy dose of her anger when interacting with her. I cannot even understand anything that he does either because I am nothing like him. I would rather avoid confrontation than create it. If gas wasn't so damn expensive, I would just go out and drive around to avoid my family for the day. Maybe I'll take my youngest two brothers and we'll go over my grandparents' house without my mom and stepdad. Although...leaving my mom alone with my brother is probably a bad idea. She has a bad temper and so does he...and neither is very good at controlling it. They just act as catalysts for each other. My mother and brother could end up on the 6 o'clock news if left alone in their current states. And I'm not joking...that's the scary part.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Saturday, September 3, 2005

I hurt myself today to see if I still feel I focus on the pain the only thing that's real

I hurt my hand yesterday and now I keep re-hurting it! (my bedroom door jam jumped out and hit my hand, hard!) Tonight I went over my grandma's and my brother, my daddy and I installed her new garage door opener/motor. That was interesting to say the least. My grandma fed me and my brother dinner though. That was very kind of her. I think it has to do more with her Italian genes than anything else though! She is always feeding us! It's a good thing that she can cook...even though I swear that I can feel my arteries clogging as I eat her cooking! My brother (the 17 y/o), the awesome child that he is (hahahahah!), just made me a grilled cheese sandwich and he actually did a good job! He's not a bad cook; he just doesn't care, I think. Whatever...not important...ciao dahling!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

forgive my adversaries they don't understand what we go through to become a man we sheddin' tattoed tears

Any artists?

I was told that I should have an evil looking fairy instead of a girly, pretty one for a tattoo...but I need someone to draw me one.

Any takers?


Oh...and I was told that I should get Tinkerbell the crackwhore tattooed across my chest...not so sure about that.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Thursday, August 25, 2005

I go walking to the sun it shouldn't be too long before my head explodes I'll be traveling again I'll live to see the end of this

Daydreaming is dangerous!
I'm screwed...daydreaming all the time...rarely exercise...

...at least I'm going to remember my youth...too bad I won't remember turning on the stove!

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]

Tuesday, August 2, 2005

there's something I can see there's something different in the way you smile behind those eyes you lie and there's nothing I can say

3 Doors Down, Staind, Breaking Benjamin and No Address was awesome! I had a lot of fun! But on my way there I managed to hit the car in front of me...so...now I have no car. The radiator is cracked and you can so tell that the vehicle that I hit has a tire mounted to the back of it. My hood is smooshed, my left headlight is pushed in and it's just all around bad. I was so paranoid driving home that my car was going to overheat that I was seriously about to cry. I got my hair cut, I had 3-4" taken off. And now my shoulders are so burnt that they have blistered! I have never been this burnt in my life! It hurts so much! I am sitting in my bedroom in a strapless bra (that I hate to wear!) so that I can put A&D on my shoulders. I also have some pajama pants on, but those may come off soon.

[originally posted on my MySpace blog]